In today's video, we're going to be talking about disorganized attachment.

在今天的視頻中，我們將討論無序的依戀。

If you haven't checked out my other videos on attachment, including avoidant attachment and ambivalent attachment and what is attachment in general, please make sure you go to the Dr. Sia channel and check him out.

如果你還沒有看過我其他關於依戀的視頻，包括迴避型依戀和矛盾型依戀，以及什麼是一般的依戀，請一定去西亞博士頻道看看他。

Let's get started.

讓我們開始吧。

All right, so let's talk about disorganized attachment.

好了，讓我們來談談無序依戀吧。

Now, firstly, to learn about what attachment is, we have to understand what environment the child who does now, the adult who has disorganized attachment, what environment they were in as a child that made them develop a disorganized attachment.

現在，首先，要了解什麼是依戀，我們就必須瞭解現在的孩子、有無序依戀的成年人，他們小時候是在什麼樣的環境中形成了無序依戀。

Now, with the other attachments, secure, avoidant, and ambivalent, the child learns that there's a particular way that they can be to keep themselves safe, cared for, and alive.

現在，有了安全型、迴避型和矛盾型等其他依戀方式，孩子就會知道，他們可以用一種特殊的方式來保證自己的安全、照顧和生存。

So, with disorganized attachment though, there is no particular way that they could be to keep them safe.

是以，對於無序的依戀，雖然沒有特別的方法可以保證它們的安全。

So, their parents weren't consistently avoidant or consistently over-aroused or consistently safe, so the child couldn't really learn a singular method, if you will, of ensuring their own survival.

是以，他們的父母並沒有持續地迴避，也沒有持續地過度亢奮或持續地安全，所以孩子無法真正學會一種單一的方法（如果你願意的話）來確保自己的生存。

Their parents were so unpredictable, so abusive, so critical, and so loving, but then yet so punishing, so punishing yet so caretaking, that the child learned to constantly fear abandonment, to constantly crave love, and to constantly look out for danger.

他們的父母如此難以捉摸、如此虐待、如此挑剔、如此關愛，但又如此懲罰，如此懲罰卻又如此照顧，以至於孩子學會了不斷害怕被拋棄，不斷渴望愛，不斷提防危險。

When a person has disorganized attachment, anything good feels like they are over the moon, and anything bad feels like they're about to die.

當一個人的依戀關係混亂時，任何好事都會讓他覺得如獲至寶，而任何壞事都會讓他覺得自己快要死了。

So, with the disorganized attachment, the child learned to manage every single interaction that's happening, but also starting to manage interactions that are not even happening.

是以，在無序依戀的情況下，孩子學會了管理正在發生的每一次互動，同時也開始管理甚至沒有發生的互動。

So the child learns to start mind-reading, predicting danger around the corner, seeing things that aren't really even there, just in case those things might turn out to be dangerous.

於是，孩子開始學會讀心術，預測轉角處的危險，看到一些根本不存在的東西，以防這些東西會變成危險品。

In this way, the person who has a disorganized attachment as an adult can turn out to be highly paranoid on the one hand, or extremely forgiving, overly forgiving on the other.

這樣，一個成年後依戀關係混亂的人，一方面會變得高度偏執，另一方面也會變得極度寬容、過度寬容。

The person might be highly suspicious of another person's look, just because someone looked at them this way.

這個人可能會因為別人這樣看自己，就對別人的眼神產生高度懷疑。

They might think that they're aggressive, or on the other hand, if someone just smiles at them on the street, they just walk around, the person goes, hey, they might think that that's their first love, and that's their final love, and that was love at first sight.

他們可能會認為自己咄咄逼人，或者另一方面，如果有人在街上對他們微笑，他們只是走來走去，這個人就會去，嘿，他們可能會認為那是他們的初戀，那是他們的終戀，那是一見鍾情。

So again, they're constantly looking out for extremes.

所以，他們又在不斷尋找極端。

People are either angels, or they're demons.

人們要麼是天使，要麼是魔鬼。

They are either all good, or they are all bad.

它們要麼都是好的，要麼都是壞的。

Now, a lot of people consider that disorganized attachment is equivalent to having borderline personality disorder, but that's not necessarily the case.

現在，很多人認為無組織依戀等同於邊緣型人格障礙，但事實未必如此。

There are a lot of other fragile structures that also invite disorganized attachment.

還有很多其他脆弱的結構也會招致無序的依戀。

So people with disorganized attachment are particularly susceptible to having something we call soft-coded schizophrenia, which basically means that it looks like the classic schizophrenia that you might have heard of, but it's actually only symptoms that happen when they get really anxious.

是以，依戀關係混亂的人特別容易患上我們所說的軟編碼精神分裂症，這基本上意味著它看起來像你可能聽說過的典型精神分裂症，但實際上只是在他們非常焦慮時才會出現的症狀。

They may be particularly susceptible to post-traumatic stress disorder.

他們可能特別容易患上創傷後應激障礙。

They may be particularly susceptible to abuse, to drug abuse, to self-harm, to suicide, to narcissistic personality disorder, to paranoid personality disorder, and so on and so on.

他們可能特別容易受到虐待、濫用藥物、自殘、自殺、自戀型人格障礙、偏執型人格障礙等等，不一而足。

So people who have a disorganized attachment are so afraid of their environment, so afraid of abandonment, so afraid, but yet yearn so much to be loved that they cannot see that any real effort at love, any real chance they have of being loved is destroyed by their disorganized attachment, is interfered to by their disorganized attachment.

是以，依戀混亂的人非常害怕他們所處的環境，非常害怕被拋棄，非常害怕，但又非常渴望被愛，以至於他們看不到任何真正的愛的努力，任何真正被愛的機會都會被他們混亂的依戀所破壞，被他們混亂的依戀所幹擾。

This attachment, the disorganized attachment, is no longer there for the adult to protect them.

這種無序的依戀不再有成人來保護他們。

Its purpose is no longer to protect them.

其目的不再是保護他們。

Its purpose as an adult is to provide them with signs and symptoms that there is danger around, that they may be a danger to themselves, that other people will be a danger to them too, and how it really, really ruins the life of a person with the disorganized attachment is that it doesn't really give you a good radar.

作為成年人，它的目的是向他們提供周圍存在危險的跡象和症狀，他們可能會對自己造成危險，其他人也會對他們造成危險，而它真正真正毀掉一個依戀關係混亂的人的生活的方式就是，它不會真正給你一個好的雷達。

It's not a radar that can pick up wolves around the corner or snakes in suits.

它不是雷達，不能發現拐角處的狼或穿西裝的蛇。

It's not a radar that picks up really bad people and distances them from you.

這不是一個雷達，它能發現真正的壞人，並將他們與你拉開距離。

It's an attachment that just says danger is everywhere.

它是一種附件，說明危險無處不在。

So even when good people come around and just want to care for that person and just want to be nice, you know, just a normal person, maybe like yourself, just want to go and do something nice for them, their danger signals come up and they push you away.

是以，即使是好人來到你身邊，只是想關心那個人，只是想對他好，你知道，只是一個普通人，也許就像你自己一樣，只是想去為他做些好事，他們的危險信號就會出現，他們就會把你推開。

So who then gets through this radar?

那麼，誰能通過這個雷達呢？

What kind of person gets through the radar of a person with a disorganized attachment?

什麼樣的人能夠通過依戀關係混亂者的雷達？

More often than not, it's a person who themselves are really good at managing other people, manipulating other people, who knows exactly how to treat another person to get in even though everything says danger.

更多的時候，是一個人自己非常善於管理他人、操縱他人，他知道如何對待另一個人，以便在一切都顯示危險的情況下仍能進入。

If you haven't thought about it already, we're talking about people who are snakes in suits.

如果你還沒想過，我們說的是那些穿著西裝的蛇蠍美人。

We're talking about people who have psychopathic tendencies, people who have criminal tendencies, people who have tendencies for manipulation, people who have tendencies for abandonment, people who have tendencies for using other people.

我們說的是有精神變態傾向的人、有犯罪傾向的人、有操縱傾向的人、有遺棄傾向的人、有利用他人傾向的人。

These people in particular tend to be really good at working past that radar and getting in with a person who has a disorganized attachment.

特別是這些人，他們往往很擅長繞過雷達，與一個依戀關係混亂的人打成一片。

So then what happens?

然後呢？

Through their relationships, those ideas that the world is a dangerous place get reconfirmed.

通過他們之間的關係，"世界是個危險的地方 "這一想法再次得到了證實。

They get more hurt, they get more abused, they get more used, they get more mistreated.

他們會受到更多的傷害、更多的凌辱、更多的利用、更多的虐待。

That confirms their ideas that the world is a dangerous place and people are dangerous to them because all the people around them are either abusing them or about to abandon them.

這證實了他們的想法，即世界是一個危險的地方，人們對他們來說是危險的，因為他們周圍的人不是在虐待他們，就是即將拋棄他們。

And in this way, the attachment just stays true within the person saying, See, I'm protecting you.

這樣，依戀就會在人的內心保持真實，說："看，我在保護你。

I'm doing all these good things for you.

我為你做了這麼多好事。

I'm telling you people are dangerous.

我告訴你，人們是危險的。

I told you to keep them out to begin with.

我告訴過你，一開始就別讓他們進來。

I told you.

我告訴過你

And the person just keeps going on and on and on, believing that the attachment is keeping them safe.

這個人就會一直這樣下去，相信依戀會保護他們的安全。

Now this does so, this disorganized attachment does this from the dark.

現在這樣做了，這種雜亂無章的附著物從黑暗中這樣做了。

It does this from the shadows.

它從暗處做到了這一點。

It operates in the person's unconscious.

它在人的無意識中運作。

They don't make these choices.

他們沒有做出這些選擇。

They don't sit down and go, Yeah, today I'm going to choose to be a little bit unstable.

他們不會坐下來說："是啊，今天我要選擇有點不穩定。

That's what I'm going to do today.

這就是我今天要做的。

And I'm going to hurt myself today.

我今天要傷害自己。

It's not a choice.

這不是一種選擇。

It happens automatically.

它會自動發生。

It happens instantaneously.

它是瞬間發生的。

And it happens like all of their attachments when they are feeling the most hurt and their need, their self-control, their self-compassion, their self-ability to regulate the most.

當他們受到最大傷害時，他們的需求、自我控制、自我同情、自我調節能力都會受到最大影響。

That's when these disorganized attachments operate the most.

這正是這些雜亂無章的附件運作最頻繁的時候。

So you can see how hurtful that would be to a person.

由此可見，這對一個人的傷害有多大。

Now, there's so much more I could say about disorganized attachment.

關於無序的依戀，我還有很多話要說。

This is just a video where I'm introducing the topic.

這只是我介紹主題的一段視頻。

I'm really keen to hear what you want to know about it.

我真的很想聽聽你們想知道些什麼。

So I'm not just making videos guessing what you all want to hear.

所以，我不是在拍視頻，猜你們都想聽什麼。

I would love to see you in the comments say, Can you say this about disorganized attachment?

我很想看到你在評論中說：你能這樣說無序的依戀嗎？

Or what is this like for the person with disorganized attachment?

或者說，對於依戀關係混亂的人來說，這是一種什麼樣的情況？

And my promise is I will make a video about it sooner or later.

我保證，我遲早會把它拍成視頻。

Particularly in these days with COVID-19, I don't have much else to do.

特別是在 COVID-19 的這些日子裡，我沒有太多其他事情可做。

I'm sitting at home basically thinking, How come people are not asking me to make more videos?

我坐在家裡基本上在想：為什麼人們不要求我製作更多視頻？

Even though they probably have nothing else to do either.

儘管他們可能也無事可做。

And I know there's things like Netflix and Disney Channel and whatever else.

我知道還有 Netflix 和迪斯尼頻道之類的東西。

And you all don't want to sit at home and just watch my face and learn about Disney.

你們都不想坐在家裡，看著我的臉瞭解迪士尼吧。

Sorry, learn about Disney.

對不起，請了解迪斯尼。

Learning about disorganized attachment all together all the time.

經常一起學習無序依戀。

But now and again, you might pop your head back into these videos and you might learn something useful.

但時不時地，你可能會回到這些視頻中，你可能會學到一些有用的東西。

And how awesome would it be if that video is tailored to something that you asked and something you specifically wanted to know about.

如果該視頻是針對您提出的問題和您特別想了解的內容量身定製的，那該有多棒。

So that's the offer I have.

這就是我的提議。

And so what am I going to do now?

那我現在該怎麼辦？

Now I am going to...

現在我要...

What should we all do?

我們都應該做些什麼？

Wow, it's really this whole COVID-19 thing, man.

哇，這真的是整個COVID-19的事情，夥計。

Like the weather is beautiful.

比如天氣很好。

There's so many things we could be doing.

我們可以做的事情太多了。

But we just got to sort of sit at home and be careful and cautious and make sure we take care of each other by staying away from each other.

但我們只能坐在家裡，小心謹慎，確保我們彼此遠離，互相照顧。

How odd is that?

這多奇怪啊？

How odd is that?

這多奇怪啊？

We're taking care of each other by staying away from each other.

我們彼此遠離，互相照顧。

Well, at least it means physically, not socially.

至少是身體上的，而不是社會上的。

So I'm going to call a friend and have a chat.

所以我要給朋友打個電話，聊聊天。

And see if I can unboard myself.

看看我能不能自己下船。

Is anyone else bored?

還有人覺得無聊嗎？

I get bored these days.

這些天我很無聊。

Anyway, enough of me.

總之，我說得夠多了。

I'll see you next time.

下次見

Please subscribe.

請訂閱。

Please comment.

請發表評論。

Please press that bell button so my face pops up into your screen.

請按下鈴聲按鈕，讓我的臉出現在你的螢幕上。

As you're sitting there, you're doing an Insta probably.

當你坐在那裡時，你可能正在做 Insta。

Maybe you're on my Insta channel.

也許你在看我的 Insta 頻道。

Maybe you're on the Dr. SEA channel on Insta.

也許你正在 Insta 上的 SEA 博士頻道。

Maybe.

也許吧

And you're there.

你在那兒

And then suddenly, my face pops up in your phone.

突然，我的臉出現在你的手機裡。

I'm like, I made a new video.

我想，我做了一個新視頻。

Check me out.

看看我。

And you're like, oh my goodness.

你會想，天哪。

I'm learning so much.

我學到了很多東西。

And I don't know why your voice sounds like, oh my goodness.

我不知道為什麼你的聲音聽起來像，哦，我的天哪。

I'm learning so much.

我學到了很多東西。

But that's what your voice sounds like in that moment anyway.

但無論如何，那一刻你的聲音就是這樣的。

And so there it is.

就是這樣。

That's why you subscribed and pressed that bell button.

這就是你訂閱並按下鈴聲按鈕的原因。

And you're so awesome that you went and told all your friends about it.

你真了不起，竟然把這件事告訴了你所有的朋友。

You're like, hey, everybody.

你就像，嘿，大家好。

You got to learn about this Dr. SEA guy.

你得了解一下這位SEA博士。

He's pouring his heart out on YouTube just trying to share the information he has about being a psychologist and having worked as a psychotherapist for the past 10 years.

他在 YouTube 上傾吐心聲，只是想分享他作為一名心理學家的資訊，在過去 10 年裡，他一直從事心理治療工作。

You got to check him out.

你得去看看他。

And that's what you sound like when you're doing that.

這就是你的聲音。

I'm sorry, but that's what my brain tells me.

對不起，我的大腦就是這麼告訴我的。

And maybe I need to go and think about that for me.

也許我需要為自己考慮一下。

Anyway, so I'll see you next time.

總之，我們下次再見吧。

Take care and bye.

保重，再見。

Bye.

再見。