Name: 關於現代愛情的問題 (The Problem With Modern Love)
Uploaded: 2024-12-15T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 14 min 8 s

基礎被動語態

Get the highest quality sleep masks using the link in the description and use code WONDER for 10% off.

使用說明中的鏈接購買最高品質的睡眠面罩，使用代碼 WONDER 可獲得 10% 折扣。

It is the misguided results of romanticism which revered passion and feeling over reason.

它是浪漫主義的錯誤結果，浪漫主義崇尚激情和感覺，而非理性。

Assume the mythos of love at first sight and happily ever after.

假想一見鍾情、從此幸福的神話。

Love has been commandeered by market opportunities for profit.

愛情已被市場的盈利機會徵用。

Hallmark and Disney movies, greeting card and jewelry companies, and so on.

霍爾馬克和迪斯尼電影、賀卡和珠寶公司等等。

They all fan the flames of love with dollars.

他們都在用美元煽起愛的火焰。

In the end, love hurts all those who believe in it.

最終，愛會傷害所有相信它的人。

真正的愛情故事都不會有完美的結局。

These are perhaps a few of the things a realist or pessimist might say, or at least think in the privacy of their mind, about love.

這些也許是現實主義者或悲觀主義者可能會說的一些關於愛情的話，或者至少是他們在私下裡的一些想法。

Perhaps this kind of person is and has always been a realist about everything, and so, they are also a realist about love.

也許這種人對任何事情都是現實主義者，所以對愛情也是現實主義者。

Or, perhaps they have witnessed a relationship crumble in and destroy those housed by it.

又或者，他們目睹了一段關係的崩潰，並摧毀了被這段關係安置的人。

Or, perhaps they have experienced it themselves.

Terrible pains caused by their own experiences of a love's failure.

愛情失敗的親身經歷造成了可怕的痛苦。

Whatever the case may be, let's grant that, on some level, it is all true.

無論如何，讓我們承認，在某種程度上，這一切都是真的。

It is true that romantic love as an ideal is illusory.

浪漫愛情作為一種理想的確是虛幻的。

It is true that romantic love has been contorted by hands needing for money.

誠然，浪漫的愛情已經被需要金錢的雙手扭曲了。

And it is true that love will never bring everlasting happiness, and no instance of it will ultimately end well.

誠然，愛情永遠不會帶來永恆的幸福，任何愛情都不會有好的結局。

難道這就是一個人對愛情希望的終結？

In truth, why would love be any different?

What in life isn't immensely painful and confusing and uncertain and hard?

生活中又有什麼不是無比痛苦、困惑、不確定和艱難的呢？

What in life isn't idealized or romanticized?

生活中有什麼不是理想化或浪漫化的？

What hasn't been commandeered and exploited for profit?

什麼沒有被徵用和利用來牟利？

The problem, at least for those of us who have found ourselves considering love through a sort of realist, pessimistic lens, isn't love, but our definitions and expectations of it.

問題不在於愛，而在於我們對愛的定義和期望。

Love is often viewed as a proxy for happiness.

愛情常常被視為幸福的代名詞。

At the very least, many people view romantic love as a means to happiness.

至少，許多人認為浪漫愛情是通往幸福的途徑。

This is, arguably, where the disaster starts.

可以說，災難就是從這裡開始的。

We build our romantic hopes on the haphazard and foolishly optimistic foundation that love will solve things it cannot.

我們把浪漫的希望建立在草率和愚蠢的樂觀基礎上，認為愛情能解決它解決不了的問題。

For most of us, the sort of everlasting, potent happiness endorsed in the oversaturated final scenes of a romance story is not a particularly likely goal no matter what happens in our lives.

對我們大多數人來說，無論生活中發生了什麼，浪漫故事中過度飽和的最後場景所認可的那種永恆、強烈的幸福都不是一個特別可能實現的目標。

We will all likely struggle with terrible bouts of misery and anxiety and regret, regardless of whether we are single or in a relationship, regardless of essentially anything.

無論我們是單身還是戀愛，無論本質上是什麼，我們都可能在痛苦、焦慮和後悔的可怕折磨中掙扎。

At best, life is fundamentally difficult.

充其量，生活從根本上就是困難的。

在最壞的情況下，它從根本上是一種痛苦。

And so, take the sort of ultimate happily ever after happiness off the table and assume a pessimistic attitude toward love.

是以，把那種終極的幸福快樂拋在腦後，對愛情持一種悲觀的態度。

Or at least work toward understanding and practicing a more realistic, functional version of it.

或者至少努力理解並實踐一個更現實、更實用的版本。

Of course, there are things in life that do increase our well-being.

當然，生活中有些事情確實能增加我們的幸福感。

And there are things that add meaning to our lives.

有些事情會給我們的生活增添意義。

Family, friendships, relationships, mutual support and care, novel experiences, notable achievements, and so on, can and do play a role in one's quality of life and sense of meaning.

家庭、友誼、人際關係、相互支持和關懷、新奇的經歷、顯著的成就等等，可以而且確實對一個人的生活品質和意義感產生影響。

And the sort of shared, mutual intertwinement of experience through love can both provide and augment the potency of these aspects of life.

而通過愛分享、相互交織的經驗，既能提供也能增強這些方面的生命力。

Harry Rees, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology says, Many, many studies have shown that people who are in relationships, on average, are happier than people who are not in relationships.

心理學教授哈里-里斯（Harry Rees）博士說：很多很多研究表明，平均而言，有戀愛關係的人比沒有戀愛關係的人更幸福。

This simply means that, on average, people who are not in relationships over the course of their lifespan are unhappier in many different respects than people who are in relationships.

這就意味著，平均而言，在一生中沒有戀愛關係的人在許多不同方面都比有戀愛關係的人不幸福。

In reference to the impact of marital status on happiness over time, psychologist Richard Slatcher says, Couples still end up staying happier than they started with, but essentially, that declines a little bit over time.

心理學家理查德-斯萊徹（Richard Slatcher）在談到婚姻狀況對幸福感的長期影響時說："夫妻最終仍會保持比開始時更幸福的狀態，但從本質上講，這種幸福感會隨著時間的推移而略有下降。

A study done at Michigan State University by psychologist Richard Lucas has also shown that married couples adapt to their relationship circumstances in return to their relative baseline of well-being.

心理學家理查德-盧卡斯（Richard Lucas）在密歇根州立大學進行的一項研究也表明，已婚夫婦會適應他們的關係環境，以恢復他們的相對幸福基線。

It appears that having a healthy, functional romantic relationship tends to have a positive effect on one's well-being.

看來，擁有健康、正常的戀愛關係往往會對一個人的幸福產生積極影響。

But once one has a reasonably healthy and cooperative relationship, there is a limit and relative timeline to which a relationship can increase one's happiness.

但是，一旦一個人有了合理健康的合作關係，那麼這種關係能夠增加一個人的幸福感是有限度和相對時限的。

It is not as if there is some other, better person or relationship that will make a significant improvement beyond one's general optimal baseline of happiness.

並不是說有了其他更好的人或關係，就能在一個人的總體最佳幸福基線之外帶來顯著的改善。

With this, on average, one should strive for a supportive romantic but not expect or depend on it to be some sort of bottomless well of contentment.

有了這一點，平均而言，人們應該努力追求一種相互支持的浪漫，但並不指望或依賴它成為某種無底的滿足之井。

Another belief that can cause destruction and disappointment is the notion of the one.

另一個可能導致毀滅和失望的信念是 "唯一 "的概念。

One person who is perfect for us, who will always understand our every need and impulse, who will cater to our every quirk and neuroses, and yet have none themselves.

有一個人對我們來說是完美的，他總是能理解我們的每一個需求和衝動，迎合我們的每一個怪癖和神經質，但他自己卻沒有。

For most of us, we will not just simply click automatically and enduringly with anyone.

對於我們中的大多數人來說，我們不會自動地、持久地與任何人一拍即合。

We will, of course, click more, or notice a greater potential to click more, with some people over others.

當然，我們會對某些人點擊更多，或注意到對其他人點擊更多的可能性更大。

But equally relevant as recognizing that properly clicking and staying clicked is not going to be simple or easy, or even really possible in any absolute sense.

但同樣重要的是，要認識到正確點擊和保持點擊並不簡單或容易，甚至在任何絕對意義上都不可能做到。

The gears will grind as often as their teeth will sit perfectly into the base circle.

只要齒輪的齒能與基圓完全吻合，齒輪就會經常磨動。

A more reasonable prospect of love starts not with the ideal that one can find someone who does not have qualities that will be difficult to deal with, but rather that one can find someone with difficult qualities worth dealing with.

一個更合理的愛情前景不是從一個人可以找到一個不具有難以對付的品質的人這一理想出發，而是從一個人可以找到一個具有值得對付的難以對付的品質的人這一理想出發。

In the words of the philosopher Slavoj Zizek, all too often, when we love somebody, we don't accept him or her as what the person effectively is.

用哲學家斯拉沃伊-齊澤克（Slavoj Zizek）的話說，當我們愛一個人時，我們往往不接受他或她的真實面目。

We accept him or her insofar as this person fits the coordinates of our fantasy.

只要這個人符合我們幻想的座標，我們就會接受他或她。

We misidentify, wrongly identify him or her, which is why, when we discover that we were wrong, love can quickly turn into violence.

我們錯誤地認定了他（她），所以當我們發現自己錯了時，愛很快就會變成暴力。

There is nothing more dangerous, more lethal for the loved person than to be loved, as it were, for not what he or she is, but for fitting the ideal.

對於被愛的人來說，最危險、最致命的事情莫過於被愛的不是他或她的本來面目，而是因為他或她符合理想。

The prospect of reasonable and meaningful love is, like all things in life, found in the direction of effort, care, and thoughtfulness.

合理而有意義的愛情前景，就像生活中的所有事物一樣，都是在努力、關心和體貼中找到的方向。

The uniquely dangerous problem with romantic love is that it can literally alter the chemistry of the brain and reduce one's ability to reason and think critically.

浪漫愛情的獨特危險之處在於，它能真正改變大腦的化學反應，降低一個人的理性和批判性思維能力。

The American of dopamine in the brain produce extremely focused attention, as well as unwavering motivation and goal-directed behaviors.

大腦中的美國多巴胺會產生極其集中的注意力，以及堅定不移的動力和目標行為。

These are central characteristics of romantic love.

這些都是浪漫愛情的核心特徵。

Lovers intensely focus on the beloved, often to the exclusion of all around them.

戀人們專注於心愛的人，往往忽略了周圍的一切。

Indeed, they concentrate so relentlessly on the positive qualities of the adored one that they easily overlook his or her negative traits.

事實上，他們如此不遺餘力地專注於被崇拜者的正面品質，以至於很容易忽視其負面特徵。

As a result, knowing the difference between being foolishly compelled toward a relationship and being foolishly dismissive of a relationship is anything but easy or clear.

是以，要釐清愚蠢地蠱惑一段關係與愚蠢地輕視一段關係之間的區別，並不容易，也不明確。

All we can do here is try our best to use the speed bumps of time and patience to help ensure our car doesn't fly recklessly down the street in either direction.

在這裡，我們所能做的就是盡力利用時間和耐心的減速帶，確保我們的汽車不會在街道上肆無忌憚地向任何方向飛馳。

We all must be willing to take our leaps of faith in life.

我們都必須願意在生活中實現信仰的飛躍。

True, wise leaps of faith, arguably, are not in anything without evidence or prospect, but rather, in things that are uncertain but are possible, capable of profound meaning and value if we land the dismount.

可以說，真正明智的信仰飛躍並不是對任何沒有證據或前景的事物的信仰，而是對那些不確定但有可能發生的事情的信仰，只要我們下馬，就能產生深遠的意義和價值。

And love, for at least some of us, can be that.

而愛，至少對我們中的一些人來說，可以是這樣的。

The right person, the one, is who you settle on and fight for and with.

合適的人，就是你的唯一，是你為之奮鬥的對象。

There is no one other than the one you choose and make.

除了你選擇和創造的那個人，沒有其他人。

Love of this form is not cute or flowery.

這種形式的愛並不可愛，也不花哨。

It does not go on social media or fit neatly on the final page of a novel.

它不會出現在社交媒體上，也不會整齊地寫在小說的最後一頁。

It is, rather, found in an open bathroom door, in helping with an unsavory ailment, in accepting and patiently sitting alongside an unexplainable meltdown that continues all night.

相反，它存在於一扇敞開的浴室門中，存在於幫助治療一種令人討厭的疾病中，存在於接受並耐心地坐在持續整晚的無法解釋的崩潰中。

It is found in stopping a weird eating habit or working through a bad financial habit.

在戒掉怪異的飲食習慣或改掉不良的理財習慣時，就能發現這一點。

It is found in being told you did something wrong that you cannot for the life of you understand.

當別人告訴你，你做錯了什麼事，而你卻無法理解時，你就會發現自己做錯了。

And it is found in least on occasion, that you, in fact, probably did something wrong.

至少偶爾會發現，你其實可能做錯了什麼。

It is found in working through this understanding and it is found in understanding that some understandings will never quite be reached and some problems will never quite be solved.

它是在通過這種理解的過程中發現的，它是在理解有些理解永遠不會完全達成，有些問題永遠不會完全解決的過程中發現的。

The author, Bell Hooks, wrote, True love is unconditional, but to truly flourish, it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change.

作者貝爾-胡克斯（Bell Hooks）寫道："真正的愛是無條件的，但要真正發揚光大，就需要不斷致力於建設性的鬥爭和變革。

The heartbeat of true love is the willingness to reflect on one's actions and to process and communicate this reflection with the loved one.

真愛的核心是願意反思自己的行為，並與所愛的人一起處理和交流這種反思。

Of course, in the end, love will inevitably not end well.

當然，愛情最終難免不會有好結果。

Of course, love will be painful and filled with uncertainties and confusions.

當然，愛情會是痛苦的，充滿了不確定性和困惑。

Of course, we won't find someone that takes the pain of life away.

當然，我們找不到能消除生命痛苦的人。

Of course, if you're going to live in and through this pit of existence with all its pains and uncertainties and challenges, do you want to fight for and work toward something meaningful or not?

當然，如果你要在這個充滿痛苦、不確定性和挑戰的生存深淵中生活和度過，你到底想不想為一些有意義的事情而奮鬥和努力？

If yes, is having someone to help with and share in the sufferings together, to laugh at the absurdities together, and to occasionally triumph over the hardships together meaningful?

如果是的話，那麼，有一個人可以幫助自己，一起分擔苦難，一起嘲笑荒唐，偶爾一起戰勝困難，這樣的生活是否有意義？