So today we're going to talk about how to help an addict without enabling.

所以，今天我們要討論的是如何在不助紂為虐的情況下幫助癮君子。

So addictions are probably one of the most challenging things that people will face in this life.

是以，成癮可能是人們今生要面對的最具挑戰性的事情之一。

So if you've ever been addicted to anything, whether that's a substance or it could even be an emotion, it could be work, it could be shopping, gambling, any of those things.

所以，如果你曾經沉迷於任何事物，無論是物質還是情感，可能是工作，可能是購物，可能是賭博，任何這些事情。

To break addictions are really difficult and the reason is, well there's a couple of reasons.

戒毒真的很難，原因有幾個。

One, addictions really play with our brain because every time we partake or do our addiction, again whatever that addiction is, it causes our brain to release chemicals that cause us to feel good and the chemicals that the brain releases are stronger than the choices in our life.

其一，上癮真的會影響我們的大腦，因為每當我們沉迷其中或上癮時，無論上癮是什麼，它都會使我們的大腦釋放化學物質，讓我們感覺良好，而大腦釋放的化學物質比我們生活中的選擇更強大。

So it creates kind of an artificial spike and it seems and sends a message to our brain and to our body that this is a good thing.

是以，它會產生一種人工峰值，似乎並向我們的大腦和身體發出這樣的資訊：這是一件好事。

So that's what happens with addictions.

這就是上癮的後果。

We are in typically a negative state or might even be an okay state but we do something.

我們通常處於消極的狀態，甚至可能是一種還不錯的狀態，但我們還是要做點什麼。

So maybe it's gambling and maybe we're playing the slot machines and we pull the handle and we win the jackpot and the money's tinkling down and we're hearing the noise and all of that money is coming and that sends a message to our brain that releases chemicals of, wow, this is a good thing.

所以，也許是賭博，也許我們在玩老虎機，我們拉動手柄，我們贏得了大獎，錢叮叮噹噹地往下掉，我們聽到了噪音，所有的錢都來了，這向我們的大腦發出了資訊，釋放出化學物質，哇，這是件好事。

And where we were at before, so maybe that flat state or maybe we were in a negative state, maybe we're lonely, maybe we're unhappy or depressed and somebody offers us a drug and we take the drug and wow, we feel so much better.

而我們之前所處的狀態，也許是平淡無奇的狀態，也許是消極的狀態，也許是孤獨的狀態，也許是不開心的狀態，也許是抑鬱的狀態，有人給我們提供了一種藥物，我們吃了藥，哇，感覺好多了。

So what happens is the subconscious part of our brain is designed to keep us alive and to keep us safe.

是以，我們大腦的潛意識部分就是為了讓我們活下去，保證我們的安全。

Our subconscious does not question whether or not what we're doing is right or wrong.

我們的潛意識不會質疑我們所做的事情是對還是錯。

It just pays attention to does it seem to be working or not.

它只關注它看起來是否有效。

So when we have that feeling that comes from partaking of that substance, the subconscious says, oh, this is good.

是以，當我們攝入這種物質而產生這種感覺時，潛意識就會說，哦，這很好。

Next time we're in that state where we feel threatened or we feel sad or we feel lonely, our subconscious is going, this is not good.

下一次，當我們處於那種感到威脅、悲傷或孤獨的狀態時，我們的潛意識就會說，這樣不好。

This is threatening to our safety and well-being.

這對我們的安全和福祉構成威脅。

We want to feel good again.

我們想再次感覺良好。

We did this in the past and we felt better so we do it again.

我們過去這樣做了，感覺好多了，所以我們又這樣做了。

And each time we do that and we get that result of feeling better, what it does is it strengthens those patterns in our part of our brain that happens in the subconscious where we're triggered by an event or an emotion or a situation.

每當我們這樣做並獲得感覺更好的結果時，它所做的就是強化我們大腦潛意識中的那些模式，在潛意識中，我們會被某個事件、某種情緒或某種情況所觸發。

We have a behavior that we do in response to this and this gets rid of that negative state.

我們的行為會對此做出反應，從而擺脫這種負面狀態。

So this seems to work whenever we're in this place.

所以，只要我們在這個地方，這招似乎就管用了。

After we do it over and over and over, we don't even have to think about it.

當我們一次又一次地這樣做之後，我們甚至不用去想它。

As soon as we feel this, our brain starts seeking for the solution to this unhappiness that is possibly threatening our well-being or even our life.

一旦有了這種感覺，我們的大腦就會開始尋找解決這種不快樂的辦法，因為這種不快樂可能會威脅到我們的幸福甚至生命。

Habits then and addictions become habits and are almost always part of the subconscious part of our brain.

那麼，習慣和成癮就會成為習慣，而且幾乎總是我們大腦潛意識的一部分。

We continue to do them even when we know that they're not working for us or that we know that it's only working in the a son, a daughter, a spouse, a friend, a family member that has an addiction and you're seeing what the addiction is doing to their life and the consequences that are coming from those addictions.

即使我們知道這些方法對我們不起作用，或者我們知道這些方法只對有毒癮的兒子、女兒、配偶、朋友、家人起作用，而且你看到毒癮對他們的生活造成了什麼影響，以及這些毒癮帶來的後果，我們還是會繼續這樣做。

The natural tendency when we love and care about someone is we don't want them to have to go through that suffering.

當我們愛一個人、關心一個人的時候，我們自然不希望他經歷這種痛苦。

If they're really strong into their addiction, we may look at that and say, man, they're in enough pain already.

如果他們的毒癮真的很重，我們可能會說，夥計，他們已經夠痛苦了。

They've already lost so much because of their addiction.

因為毒癮，他們已經失去了太多。

Now, with the consequences of this, it's gonna just push them further and further into the addiction.

現在，這樣做的後果只會讓他們越陷越深。

So oftentimes with an addict, what we see is because of the addiction, they begin to lose things in their life.

所以很多時候，我們看到的是癮君子因為上癮而開始失去生活中的一些東西。

So they lose relationships.

是以，他們失去了人際關係。

People start not wanting to have anything to do with them.

人們開始不想與他們有任何關係。

That's hard if we're really close to them and love them because we see what's happening and we don't want to be like everybody else.

如果我們真的很親近他們、愛他們，那就很難，因為我們看到了正在發生的事情，我們不想和其他人一樣。

We don't want to abandon them and not be there for them and support them.

我們不想拋棄他們，不在他們身邊支持他們。

So we stay involved with them in their life.

是以，我們一直與他們生活在一起。

Then we see other things beginning to happen.

然後，我們看到其他事情開始發生。

Maybe there's some health problems or financial problems.

也許是健康問題，也許是經濟問題。

So they start not having enough money for rent or for their car payment or for food.

於是，他們開始沒有足夠的錢付房租、車費或食物。

And so we're not gonna pay for their drug or their substance.

是以，我們不會為他們的毒品或藥物買單。

But we certainly don't want them to lose their house.

但我們當然不希望他們失去房子。

So we're gonna go ahead and help them with their house payment.

所以我們要繼續幫他們付房款。

All the while encouraging them and asking them to stop using and to get help.

同時鼓勵他們，要求他們停止吸毒，尋求幫助。

Or they don't have food and they've got children.

或者他們沒有食物，卻有孩子。

We can't let the in in order to help them.

為了幫助他們，我們不能讓他們進來。

But all we're doing is prolonging the inevitable.

但我們所做的只是在延長不可避免的結果。

So we have a belief that if we just allowed the addict to experience the consequences of their choices, they wouldn't turn it around.

是以，我們相信，只要讓癮君子體驗到他們的選擇所帶來的後果，他們就不會回頭。

That things would get worse and worse and worse.

事情會越來越糟，越來越糟。

And they may end up losing their life.

他們最終可能會失去生命。

They may end up losing their home, their vehicle.

他們最終可能會失去房屋和車輛。

And if they lose those things, they're going to get more depressed and even go more into their depression.

如果他們失去了這些東西，他們就會變得更加抑鬱，甚至更加陷入抑鬱之中。

So it makes it really, really hard for us to back off and allow them to experience the consequences of their choices.

是以，我們真的很難退讓，讓他們體驗自己選擇的後果。

But by enabling them...

但是，如果讓他們...

And again, if you want to know the definition or understand exactly what is enabling, we have another video on what it means to enable.

再說一遍，如果你想了解 "啟用 "的定義或確切含義，我們還有另一段視頻介紹 "啟用 "的含義。

And I invite you to go to that.

我邀請你們去看一看。

But the best thing that we can do for an addict in our life is one, to recognize that they got themselves to where they're at.

但是，我們能為生活中的癮君子做的最好的事情就是：第一，承認是他們自己造成了現在的局面。

Now, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them, that they're weak or that they're bad or anything like that.

現在，這並不意味著他們有什麼問題，不意味著他們軟弱，不意味著他們是壞人，也不意味著類似的事情。

It just means that they had some experiences in their life.

這隻意味著他們在生活中有過一些經歷。

And in an attempt to be happier, to feel better, they went to a behavior or a substance that gave them a short-term result.

為了讓自己更快樂，讓自己感覺更好，他們選擇了一種能讓他們獲得短期效果的行為或物質。

What you can know about most addicts is that they're very strong and they're very capable.

關於大多數癮君子，你可以知道的是，他們非常堅強，非常能幹。

Because when addicts are into their addiction, they are so creative and so intelligent about continuing their addiction and feeding their addiction.

因為當癮君子沉迷於毒癮時，他們在繼續毒癮和餵養毒癮方面是如此富有創造力和智慧。

If they took that thinking, so those brain cells, that creativity and they put it to work in cleaning up their lives and sobering themselves up, they could accomplish anything.

如果他們把這些思考力、腦細胞和創造力用於淨化生活、讓自己清醒，他們就能成就任何事情。

So, what we need to do is see them as capable individuals who are choosing to stay in their addiction.

是以，我們需要做的是，把他們看作是選擇繼續染上毒癮的有能力的人。

And I'm not saying that that's really what they want.

我並不是說這就是他們真正想要的。

But the truth is they are making that choice to stay in into that addiction.

但事實是，他們選擇了繼續沉迷。

And so, the best thing that we can do is empower them and believe in them and let them know that look, I love you, I support you but I am no longer going to take away the consequences of your actions that allows you not to learn from your actions and the choices that you're making.

是以，我們能做的最好的事情就是增強他們的能力，相信他們，讓他們知道，聽著，我愛你，我支持你，但我不會再剝奪你的行為後果，讓你無法從自己的行為和選擇中吸取教訓。

So, I'm here for you, I love you, I will be here for you but I will no longer enable you.

所以，我支持你，我愛你，我會支持你，但我不會再幫助你。

And it may take some time.

這可能需要一些時間。

They may have to hit rock bottom and maybe you believe they're already at rock bottom and maybe it has to go lower than that.

他們可能要跌到谷底，也許你認為他們已經跌到谷底了，也許還要跌得更低。

But until they get to a place where things are bad enough that they're willing to go through whatever they're going to need to go through in order to give up that addiction, they're not going to do it.

但是，除非他們的情況已經糟糕到足以讓他們願意付出一切代價來戒掉毒癮，否則他們是不會這麼做的。

So, enabling actually doesn't help.

是以，啟用實際上並沒有什麼幫助。

It keeps them in the addiction, it reinforces the addiction.

這讓他們繼續上癮，強化了他們的癮頭。

The best way to help somebody in your life who is an addict is allow them to experience consequences of their choices and actions but continue to love and support them.

幫助生活中的癮君子的最好方法就是讓他們體驗自己的選擇和行為所帶來的後果，但同時繼續愛他們、支持他們。

Set firm boundaries with them and if they don't want to follow those boundaries, it may even come to a time where you need to distance yourself or pull back from them until they decide that you're important enough to them that they want you in their life.

與他們劃定明確的界限，如果他們不想遵守這些界限，你甚至可能需要與他們保持距離或後退，直到他們認為你對他們足夠重要，他們希望你出現在他們的生活中。

Hopefully, this has been helpful to you and that even if you're not able to help the addict because ultimately it's up to you.

希望這對你有所幫助，即使你無法幫助癮君子，因為最終還是要靠你自己。

If you have a family member that is in addiction, there's Al-Anon and there are other books and programs and resources that are available to support family members of addicts and I'd encourage you to to check those out.

如果你的家人染上了毒癮，有 Al-Anon，還有其他書籍、計劃和資源，可以為吸毒者的家人提供支持，我鼓勵你去看看。

If you found this video today helpful to you or if you've got a son or a daughter experiencing or struggling with addiction, visit our website below.

如果您覺得今天的視頻對您有幫助，或者您的兒子或女兒正在與毒癮作鬥爭，請訪問我們的網站。

We've got resources that can help you out and subscribe to our channel and come back and visit us again tomorrow.

我們有可以幫助你的資源，請訂閱我們的頻道，明天再來訪問我們。

So after we started filming this video, there's some construction going on outside and there's a jackhammer going on so hopefully that's not too disruptive to you in watching this video.

在我們開始拍攝這段視頻後，外面正在進行施工，有一臺手錘子在不停地敲擊，希望這不會影響你們觀看這段視頻。