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The Internet.

互聯網。

The power of infinite knowledge.

無限知識的力量

Only a click away.

只需點擊一下

A tool to transform the world and unite every being.

改變世界、團結每一個人的工具。

And this is what they do with it.

他們就是這樣做的。

26 pictures of llamas that pretty much sum up the human condition.

26 幅駱駝圖片幾乎概括了人類的生活狀態。

But look at that one having a bad hair day.

不過，你看那個人今天的頭髮很糟糕。

Sarah, it's just a llama-based ploy to ram as much advertising into your face as possible.

莎拉，這只是一個以駱駝為基礎的伎倆，目的是儘可能多地向你推銷廣告。

But it's good advertising.

但這是很好的廣告。

Look, doctors hate him.

聽著，醫生們都恨他。

Learn his five-step trick for rock-hard abs.

學習他的五步訣竅，練就堅如磐石的腹肌。

Sarah, that's a picture of a rock.

莎拉，那是一塊石頭的照片。

The more we look at these things, the more our brains deteriorate.

我們看這些東西越多，我們的大腦就退化得越厲害。

So you're saying you don't want to know what type of sitcom character you are?

你是說你不想知道自己是哪種情景喜劇角色？

No.

不

But it says it will blow your mind.

但它說會讓你大開眼界。

I wasn't convinced, but now that you've added that tagline,

我本來不相信，但現在你加上了這句標語、

I'm kind of intrigued.

我有點好奇。

Pick an object.

選擇一個對象。

What? How is that supposed to help analyze what kind of person I am?

這對分析我是什麼樣的人有什麼幫助？

Pick a word.

選一個詞

Noodle-oo, faring-goy, class-a-flerp, or Maurice?

是 "麵條"（Noodle-oo）、"遠方的男孩"（Faring-goy）、"階級"（class-a-flerp）還是 "莫里斯"（Maurice）？

These aren't even words.

這些甚至都不是話。

Yes, they are.

是的，就是這樣。

Use them in a sentence.

在句子中使用它們。

I'm just going to the class-a-flerp to pick up my new faring-goy with Maurice.

我和莫里斯一起去教室拿我的新玩具。

Noodle-oo.

Noodle-oo.

Which of these is your favorite?

你最喜歡哪一個？

A sock, the wind, Uganda, or a pickle?

襪子、風、烏干達還是泡菜？

I'm pretty sure these tests are created by pouring seeds on a keyboard and having pigeons peck at it.

我敢肯定，這些測試是把種子倒在鍵盤上讓鴿子啄出來的。

What the what? I'm the loser?

什麼什麼？我是失敗者？

Of course.

當然。

You're the character the audience likes to laugh at.

你是觀眾喜歡笑的角色。

A loser.

一個失敗者

Usually likes to criticize everyone, but stays completely oblivious to their own failings.

通常喜歡責備所有人，卻完全無視自己的缺點。

That sounds like I'm some sort of pathetic punk.

聽起來好像我是個可憐蟲似的。

What did you guys get?

你們得到了什麼？

I got anime-obsessed fangirl who stalks the loser.

我有一個痴迷於卡通片的迷妹，她會跟蹤失敗者。

Which is completely accurate.

這完全正確。

I got lovable sidekick.

我有可愛的小跟班

Usually the loser's best friend.

通常是失敗者最好的朋友。

Another important part to play in the grand sitcom that is life.

在人生這部宏大的情景喜劇中，還有一個重要角色要扮演。

This is ridiculous.

這太荒謬了。

My life is not a sitcom, and that test is completely random.

我的生活不是情景喜劇，而那個測試完全是隨機的。

Look, I'll prove it.

聽著，我會證明的

Loser again?

又輸了？

Being the loser is cool, dude.

做失敗者很酷，老兄。

You're kind of like the answer hero.

你有點像答題英雄。

No, it's not cool.

不，這一點也不酷。

It's not at all who I want to be.

這根本不是我想成為的人。

So who did you want to be?

那麼，你想成為誰？

Well, I'm not sure.

我也不確定。

Describe him to me.

給我描述一下他。

Athletic, the strong silent type, but who's also really funny and has great hair.

運動健將，沉默寡言的強勢類型，但也非常風趣幽默，有一頭漂亮的頭髮。

Are you sure that's who you want to be?

你確定你想成為這樣的人嗎？

He kind of looks like a muscly man with a horse mane.

他看起來有點像一個長著馬鬃的肌肉發達的男人。

No, no, dude.

不，不，夥計。

It's just, I just want to be popular.

我只是想受歡迎。

What are you going to do then?

那你打算怎麼辦？

The exact reverse of everything I'd normally do.

這和我平時做的事情完全相反。

All right, you're taking this too literally.

好吧，你想得太簡單了。

I've got to put an end to it before you go to the bathroom.

在你上廁所之前，我得結束這一切。

You're right.

你說得對。

I've got a better idea on how to become the popular one.

我對如何成為受歡迎的人有了更好的想法。

It's not going to be anything weird or unhealthy, is it?

不會是什麼奇怪或不健康的東西吧？

No, no, no.

不，不，不

I'm just going to bottle up all my natural urges.

我只是要把我所有的自然衝動都裝進瓶子裡。

What are you doing?

你在幹什麼？

Bottling up my urge to breathe.

壓抑著呼吸的衝動

I can see this is going to pan out great.

我看得出，這將會是一個很好的結果。

How about you just stick to being nice and stay away from the usual gumballism?

你就別再像往常一樣唧唧歪歪了，還是乖乖聽話吧？

What's a gumballism?

什麼是口香糖主義？

When you say unnecessarily mean things, like your face looks like a cat trying to claw its way out of a melon.

當你說一些不必要的刻薄話時，比如你的臉看起來就像一隻試圖用爪子從甜瓜裡抓出來的貓。

Okay.

好的

Hey, dudes.

嘿，夥計們

Notice anything different?

注意到有什麼不同嗎？

Yeah, you look like a...

是啊，你看起來像個...

You look like a cannelloni filled with idiocy.

你看起來就像一個裝滿了白痴的意大利麵。

You look like the sausage on top of your head hasn't finished loading.

你看起來就像頭頂上的香腸還沒裝好。

You look like a snort.

你看起來像個鼻涕蟲。

You look like a new man.

你看起來煥然一新。

Ha-ha, thanks.

哈哈，謝謝。

Your hair looks like a mess.

你的頭髮看起來亂糟糟的。

What was that?

那是什麼？

The venom I'm keeping inside.

我憋在心裡的毒液

I must say, you're way nicer to talk to today.

我得說，今天和你哈拉感覺好多了。

Yeah, usually you're a total pickknitter.

是啊，通常你都是個不折不扣的編織者。

Did you just say pickknitter?

你剛才說的是 "編織者 "嗎？

Uh-huh.

嗯哼

But now you've turned over a new leap and started a nude.

但現在，你翻身一躍，開始了裸體生活。

Thank you for noticing.

感謝您的關注。

Thank you for noticing.

感謝您的關注。

Okay, class, settle down, please.

好了，同學們，請安靜

Are you sure you can maintain this?

你確定你能堅持下去嗎？

It's a lot of venom to digest, but I think my body's getting used to it.

雖然要消化很多毒液，但我想我的身體已經習慣了。

Well, be careful you don't get an ulcer.

小心別得潰瘍。

Yeah, I'm way past that point.

是啊，我已經過了那個階段了。

Most people get indigestion, but I guess you get outdigestion.

大多數人會消化不良，但我猜你會消化不良。

Where'd that come from?

這是從哪裡來的？

I don't know. What's going on?

我不知道。怎麼了？

Hey, Masami, I've been thinking.

正美，我一直在想

We should go out.

我們應該出去

We're already outside?

我們已經在外面了？

Hmm, continuity mistake with the haircut.

嗯，髮型上的連續性錯誤。

No, I mean we should go out on a date.

不，我是說我們應該出去約會。

Sure. Meet you at Aquatipass never.

好的，我們Aquatipass見。

Oh, no.

哦，不

What?

什麼？

The canned laughter, the bad jokes, nature hates a vacuum, and I think Tobias has replaced Gumball as the loser in the grand sitcom of our lives.

罐頭笑聲，低俗笑話，大自然討厭真空，我認為托比亞斯已經取代了口香糖球，成為我們生活中大型情景喜劇中的失敗者。

Hey, Claire, I've been thinking.

克萊爾 我一直在想

We should go out, and I don't mean outside.

我們應該出去走走，我指的不是外面。

Normally I wouldn't date such a loser, but I'm impressed by your confidence.

通常我不會和這樣的失敗者約會，但你的自信讓我印象深刻。

See you tonight.

今晚見

Yeah, I'm more concerned about Gumball.

是啊，我更擔心口香糖。

He's more popular now, but I'm worried his liver's gonna fell from all the bile he's keeping inside.

他現在更受歡迎了，但我擔心他的肝臟會被膽汁憋壞。

Sorry I was so rude earlier.

對不起，我剛才太粗魯了。

It was very courageous of you to ask me out.

你很有勇氣約我出去。

So, see you tonight.

今晚見

A two-timer date story?

雙人約會故事？

That's the laziest sitcom setup of all time.

這是史上最懶惰的情景喜劇設置。

That multicolored butt clown steals the part for two minutes, and we're already swimming in lazy sitcom cliches.

那個五顏六色的屁股小丑搶戲才兩分鐘，我們就已經在懶惰的情景喜劇陳詞濫調中暢遊了。

Hey, Alan, do you remember that time when I was trying to date Carmen?

嘿，艾倫，你還記得那次我想和卡門約會嗎？

No, I wasn't there.

不，我不在那兒。

Also, for the record, Carmen is my girlfriend.

另外，鄭重聲明，卡門是我的女朋友。

Or that time when I was trying to date Masami?

還是我想和雅美約會的那次？

Good times.

美好時光

Or that time I was trying to date Carrie?

還是那次我想和卡莉約會？

Can you please stop doing this?

你能不能不要這樣？

I don't share these memories.

我不分享這些記憶。

I'm just looking at you looking up.

我只是看著你抬頭。

He's already turned our lives into some lazy clip show.

他已經把我們的生活變成了懶惰的剪輯秀。

My dry spell is over.

我的枯竭期結束了。

Tonight I'm dating not one, but two girls.

今晚我約會的不是一個，而是兩個女孩。

Yeah, putting aside the fact that it's morally disgusting, how are you gonna be in two places at the same time?

是啊，撇開這在道德上令人作嘔的事實不談，你怎麼能同時出現在兩個地方呢？

Easy. I'll just ask my genius sister for help.

別緊張我就向我的天才姐姐求助。

Anais!

安奈絲

What's going on? Why have I got a lift?

怎麼了？為什麼我要搭車？

What?

什麼？

Not only is he doing a terrible job as a loser, he's taking over Gumball's whole life and ruining that, too!

他不僅把失敗者的工作做得一團糟，還接管了口香糖的整個生活，毀了口香糖的生活！

What do we do?

我們該怎麼辦？

We take him out.

我們帶他出去。

How about we convince Gumball to go back to normal?

我們說服口香糖球恢復正常怎麼樣？

Yeah, of course. We'll try that first.

當然可以我們先試試這個

And then...

然後

Come on.

來吧

Hurry up, Anais, or we'll be late for the Battle of the Bands!

快點，安奈絲，不然我們要遲到了！

No! He's changing the story halfway through!

不，他在中途改變了故事！

Chill out!

冷靜下來

No! He's ruining the continuity!

他破壞了連續性！

My continuity!

我的連續性

Hey, dude, you need to be the loser again.

嘿，老兄，你得再當一回失敗者。

What the...

什麼...

Gumball, you need to get back to your old loser self!

口香糖，你得回到以前那個失敗者的樣子！

No way, man. I'm popular now.

沒門我現在很受歡迎

Dude, what are you chewing?

老兄，你在嚼什麼？

I don't know if it's a piece of meat that was stuck in my teeth or a bit of my tongue.

我不知道是一塊肉卡在我的牙齒裡，還是我的一點舌頭。

You're poisoning yourself!

你在毒害自己

It doesn't matter.

沒關係。

I'm like that Roman Emperor guy who kept drinking a bit of poison every day to build up a resistance.

我就像那個羅馬皇帝，每天都要喝一點毒藥來增強抵抗力。

Oh, and how did that end?

哦，結局如何？

Uh, his palace was invaded and he tried to off himself drinking poison, but it didn't work and he got hacked to pieces by his own soldiers.

他的宮殿被入侵了，他試圖喝毒藥自殺，但沒有成功，他被自己的阿兵哥砍成了碎片。

Okay, that's...

好吧，這是...

It would have been better if he had poisoned himself.

如果他能毒死自己就更好了。

But either way, you can see it didn't end well, right?

但無論如何，你都能看出結局並不美好，對嗎？

Nothing will change my mind.

沒有什麼能改變我的想法。

What was that?

那是什麼？

An ironic music cue.

具有諷刺意味的音樂提示。

Nah, it'd be more like...

不，這更像是......

Meh, scary one works too.

嚇人的也行。

Wait, why is it suddenly night time? School's not even over.

等等，怎麼突然就到晚上了？還沒放學呢

Trust me, that's not the most illogical thing going on right now.

相信我，這還不是現在最不合邏輯的事情。

Wait, what's going on?

等等，怎麼回事？

That.

這。

Mom, have you been buying food at the gross-urry store again?

媽媽，你又去毛毛漿店買食物了嗎？

Cause this mashed potato should be called trash potato.

因為這種土豆泥應該叫垃圾洋芋。

The worse the joke, the louder the laughter.

笑話越難聽，笑聲越響亮。

What's he doing here?

他在這裡做什麼？

He's doing a Christmas special now, apparently.

顯然，他正在製作聖誕特輯。

You know what, sis? I guess we learned a big lesson today.

你知道嗎，姐姐？我想我們今天上了重要的一課

Christmas is not about presents. It's about family.

聖誕節與禮物無關。它是關於家庭的。

So let's welcome a new member to our family.

讓我們歡迎一位新成員加入我們的大家庭。

Say hello to Quarp.

向誇普問好

What is that thing?

那是什麼東西？

The lovable alien that's only there to boost ratings.

可愛的外星人只是為了提高收視率。

It makes no sense. We're not even in the living room anymore.

沒道理啊我們甚至都不在客廳裡了

We're not even on the ground.

我們甚至都沒在地面上。

What the...

什麼...

Okay, Sarah, what the what's going on here?

好吧，莎拉，這是怎麼回事？

You need to be the loser again.

你需要再次成為失敗者。

No, people love the new me.

不，人們喜歡全新的我。

Not everyone.

不是每個人

So, Penny, I was thinking we should have a dinner date at that new diner. Dinner.

佩妮 我在想 我們應該去那家新餐館吃晚飯晚餐 Dinner.

That's easy for you to say.

你說得倒容易。

No, not Penny. Tobias, you...

不 不是佩妮託拜厄斯，你...

That's it. Spit your venom at him.

就是這樣向他吐口水

If he goes on much longer, the sitcom of our lives will be so awful it'll get canceled.

如果他再這樣下去，我們生活中的情景喜劇就會糟糕到被取消。

Or worse, it'll turn out that it was all a dream.

或者更糟的是，這一切都只是一場夢。

Oh, gosh darn it!

哦，天哪！

Wait. What... What happened?

等等。怎麼...怎麼了？

You had a boating accident while trying to jump a shark on water skis.

你在滑水時試圖跳過鯊魚，結果發生了划船事故。

You've been unconscious for a few days.

你已經昏迷好幾天了。

Oh, you guys. Thanks for being there for me.

你們啊謝謝你們陪著我

I guess friendship is the one boat that will never sink.

我想，友誼是一條永不沉沒的船。

Do it.

動手吧

I would say in your face, if you had one.

如果你有臉的話，我會當著你的面說。

I would say in your face, if you had one.

如果你有臉的話，我會當著你的面說。

I would say in your face, if you had one.

如果你有臉的話，我會當著你的面說。