What people do is they don't address things, they let it go.

人們所做的就是不解決問題，任其發展。

It's small, then it happens again.

它很小，然後又發生了。

It's small, then again.

但它又很小。

And then we become resentful.

然後我們就會變得怨恨。

We become pissed.

我們變得很生氣。

What about when someone compromises your boundaries or disrespects you?

當有人損害你的底線或不尊重你時怎麼辦？

How do you react to that?

你對此有何反應？

I see sometimes that some leaders struggle with confrontation.

有時，我看到一些領導者在對抗中掙扎。

You've let someone cross a line, and if in the moment you don't address that, they're gonna cross it again in the future.

你讓別人越過了底線，如果此刻你不解決這個問題，他們將來還會越過底線。

How do you deal with that?

你是如何應對的？

So the first I'm gonna do is I'm gonna flip it back.

所以我首先要做的就是把它翻過來。

What have you done to let people think that they can do that to you?

你做了什麼讓別人認為他們可以這樣對你？

That's the first thing I'm gonna say.

這是我要說的第一件事。

What standards have you created or what things have you set up to let people think, I don't have to deliver on time, I can't be disrespectful, I can't show up late for work?

你制定了什麼標準，或者設定了什麼東西，讓人們認為 "我不一定要按時交貨，我不能不尊重別人，我不能上班遲到"？

That's the first thing I'm gonna say.

這是我要說的第一件事。

Is there something I have done to create an environment where a person thinks that it is okay to do these things?

我是否做了什麼，讓一個人認為可以做這些事情？

That's first.

這是第一個。

I just interviewed a former chief of station, John Franchi, he's former CIA.

我剛剛採訪了前情報站站長約翰-弗蘭奇，他是前中情局特工。

He managed a lot of people, a lot of strong personalities, because you've got officers and all these different people.

他管理著很多人，很多個性鮮明的人，因為你有軍官和所有這些不同的人。

And he said to me, you know what I learned?

他對我說，你知道我學到了什麼嗎？

He said, it is easier to have boundaries and be a little bit more sturdy and more authoritative in the beginning and then pull back and to be everybody's friend and then try to put those boundaries in place.

他說，一開始要有界限，要更強硬一點，更有權威性一點，然後再退回來，做大家的朋友，然後再試著把這些界限落實到位，這樣會更容易一些。

The latter doesn't work.

後者行不通。

He's like, you do the first, you let people know what you expect of them, and then you can pull back a little bit.

他的意思是，你先做，讓人們知道你對他們的期望，然後你就可以往後退一點。

But you always have to toe that line.

但你總得遵守這條底線。

And he's right.

他是對的。

What tone have I set in the environment that I'm working that people think it's okay to do these things?

我在工作環境中設定了什麼樣的基調，讓人們認為做這些事情是可以的？

That's one.

這是一個。

Now let's say sometimes I have an outlier, I have a person who does these things.

比方說，有時我有一個離群者，我有一個做這些事情的人。

As soon as it happens, you have to address it.

一旦出現這種情況，就必須立即解決。

What people do is they don't address things, they let it go, it's small.

人們所做的就是不解決這些問題，任其發展，這只是小事一樁。

And then it happens again, it's small, then again, and then we become resentful.

然後這種情況再次發生，它很小，然後再次發生，然後我們變得怨恨。

We become pissed.

我們變得很生氣。

Why does this person keep doing it?

這個人為什麼一直這樣做？

Why don't they self-correct?

他們為什麼不自我糾正？

Again, it goes back to me.

這又回到了我身上。

Why haven't I addressed it?

為什麼我沒有解決這個問題？

People are afraid of conflict.

人們害怕衝突。

Conflict can be done in a great way.

衝突可以以一種很好的方式解決。

You have to think of conflict as, think of it as like, I can speak to you, not raise my voice, not make it ugly, and debate something with you.

你必須把衝突看作是，把它看作是，我可以和你說話，不提高嗓門，不說難聽的話，和你辯論一些事情。

You have to be comfortable in doing that.

你必須能夠自如地做到這一點。

Most people are not.

大多數人都不是這樣。

They don't understand that you can sit somebody down and say, hey, you know, this happened, can you tell me about that?

他們不明白，你可以讓別人坐下來，然後說，嘿，你知道，發生了這樣的事，你能跟我說說嗎？

What were you thinking when this happened?

事情發生時，你在想什麼？

Walk me through it.

跟我說說。

But I will tell you, non-judgmental, right?

但我要告訴你，不做評判，對嗎？

You don't wanna show it, I call it the poker face.

你不想表現出來，我稱之為 "撲克臉"。

Just don't show it and let them talk and just see what they're thinking.

不要表現出來，讓他們說，看看他們在想什麼。

Most people, as they're talking to you, Stephen, they will on their own realize as they talk through it what they made wrong, what they did wrong.

斯蒂芬，大多數人在與你交談的過程中，都會自己意識到他們做錯了什麼，做錯了什麼。

Also, you lead by example.

此外，你還以身作則。

So sometimes I'll make a mistake, I'll miss a deadline with someone I work with, and I'll say, listen, I'm sorry, I was traveling, I own it, tell me what I need to do to fix it.

是以，有時我會犯錯，我會錯過與某人共事的最後期限，然後我會說，聽著，對不起，我當時正在旅行，我知道錯了，告訴我需要怎麼做才能彌補。

And what I have found, when I do that, the people I work with, when they make a mistake and I'm like, hey, what happened with this?

我發現，當我這樣做時，與我共事的人，當他們犯錯時，我會想，嘿，這是怎麼回事？

You know what, Evie, I'm sorry, I missed the deadline, I own it, I'll fix it.

你知道嗎，伊維，對不起，我錯過了最後期限，我自己承擔，我會彌補的。

They reflect back what I show them.

我向他們展示什麼，他們就反映什麼。

And then there's sometimes you'll bring somebody in that just should not be there.

有時，你還會帶一些不該帶的人進來。

And then you also have to make that hard decision because that one person, it will destroy the fabric of the group.

然後，你還必須做出艱難的決定，因為那一個人，會破壞整個團隊的結構。

One person can't do that because everybody else around now watches that interaction and they're thinking, well, Stephen doesn't care.

一個人無法做到這一點，因為現在周圍的人都在看這種互動，他們會想，史蒂芬根本不在乎。

I'll say, he's letting this guy do this, so I can do this.

我會說，他讓這個人這麼做，我就能這麼做。