She's just fine. And here's the baby.

她很好這是寶寶

Oh, I know how to hold one of these.

哦，我知道怎麼拿這個了。

Don't!

不要

You're watching The Learning Network, where minds grow.

您正在收看的是 "學習網絡"，思想在這裡成長。

Stay tuned for Apocalypse Week.

敬請期待《啟示周》。

But first, Nostradamus, the man who saw the future.

但首先要介紹的是諾斯特拉達穆斯，這位預知未來的人。

In 1555, the prophet Nostradamus foretold a terrifying series of predictions.

1555 年，預言家諾斯特拉達穆斯預言了一系列可怕的預言。

All of which came to pass.

所有這些都實現了。

First, his own death.

首先是他自己的死亡。

Second, large wars in Europe.

第二，歐洲的大規模戰爭。

But Nostradamus' final quatrain contained one more prediction yet to come.

但諾斯特拉達穆斯的最後四行詩還包含著一個尚未到來的預言。

A flaming mushroom spreads across the sky.

一朵燃燒的蘑菇漫天飛舞。

But what does said mushroom signify?

但是，蘑菇代表什麼呢？

Nothing less than World War III.

不亞於第三次世界大戰。

Ugh, who'd fall for this malarkey?

唉，誰會上當受騙呢？

Smithers, I'm scared.

史密斯，我好害怕

Anyone left alive will surely find themselves envying...

任何活著的人都一定會發現自己羨慕...

Who? Who could we possibly envy?

誰？我們能羨慕誰？

The dead.

死者

Smithers, the end is nigh and we must prepare.

史密斯，末日即將來臨，我們必須做好準備。

Round up this town's greatest minds.

彙集本鎮最偉大的思想家

Attention, fellow members of the Springfield Chapter of Mensa.

門薩協會斯普林菲爾德分會的會員們，請注意了。

Mr. Burns has called us here to solve an unknown problem of global importance.

伯恩斯先生把我們叫到這裡來，是為了解決一個具有全球重要性的未知問題。

I summoned you here because the world is about to end.

我召喚你們來這裡，是因為世界即將毀滅。

No, it isn't. What are you afraid of? Global warming?

不，不是的你怕什麼？全球變暖？

I am asking you to help with the Montgomery Burns Doomsday Arc.

我請求你們為蒙哥馬利-伯恩斯的 "末日之弧 "提供幫助。

This space vehicle will lead humanity's best and brightest to a better life under my stern rule.

在我的嚴厲統治下，這艘太空飛船將帶領人類最優秀、最聰明的人過上更美好的生活。

I need you to tell me who is worthy of surviving the apocalypse with me.

我需要你們告訴我，誰值得和我一起在啟示錄中倖存下來。

I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy.

我只想要鎮上萬聖節糖果裡最鋒利的刮鬚刀。

It's simple. All we need to do is give everyone in town an IQ test.

很簡單我們只需要給鎮上的每個人做個智商測試。

Not so fast, Flavin.

別急，弗拉文。

Being intelligent people, I am quite sure that you will take this well.

作為聰明人，我相信你們會很好地接受這一點。

IQs are meaningless.

智商毫無意義。

I see.

我明白了

I have the ultimate test that measures something far more significant.

我有一個終極測試，可以測量更重要的東西。

Your overall worth as a human.

你作為一個人的整體價值。

Your worthiness as a human being is best measured, people, by the personal value quotient.

人們，個人價值商數是衡量你作為一個人是否有價值的最佳標準。

In order to defuse your obvious hostilities, I will make my presentation entertaining, all right?

為了化解你們明顯的敵意，我會讓我的演講寓教於樂，好嗎？

Forgive me if it seems like I'm attacking, but I find the old IQ test badly lacking.

請原諒我的攻擊，但我認為舊的智商測試嚴重不足。

If you want to find out just what someone can do, you need to learn that subject's P.V.Q.

如果您想了解某人的能力，您需要了解該對象的 P.V.Q。

It tests for sympathy and empathy and group collaboration.

它測試的是同情心、同理心和團體協作能力。

And every single aspect of a personality.

以及個性的方方面面。

Hey!

嘿！

P.V.Q.

P.V.Q.

It tests for sarcasm and prudence.

它測試諷刺和謹慎。

Not if you're Isaac Newton.

如果你是艾薩克-牛頓就不會。

Confidence, ambition, and the teams for whom you're rooting.

信心、雄心和你支持的球隊。

Plus the P.V.Q.

加上 P.V.Q.

The yardstick for the soul.

靈魂的標尺

Anyone have a song in rebuttal?

誰有一首歌來反駁？

You've got to have heart.

你必須有心。

Yo, Balderdash.

呦，Balderdash。

We're going with this man's test.

我們要接受這個人的測試。

Mandatory test. Mandatory test.

強制測試。強制測試。

What's the point of this test again?

這個測試的意義何在？

The way I look at it, the more things secret corporations know about us, the better, huh?

在我看來，祕密公司對我們的瞭解越多越好，不是嗎？

Remove all stray marks. Number two pencil only.

刪除所有雜散標記。僅使用 2 號鉛筆。

This question asked about the price of underwear as if I were some landed aristocrat.

這個問題問的是內衣的價格，好像我是什麼地主貴族似的。

The results are in.

結果出來了。

The newest and most accurate measure of our intelligence on a scale from one to five hundred.

這是衡量我們智力的最新、最準確的標準，從一到五百不等。

Five hundred being best.

最好是 500。

Boring.

無聊。

Don't shut it off. I need my score.

別關我需要我的分數

Now we'll run everyone's scores past the screen really fast from best to worst, trusting that you'll pause at only your name.

現在，我們將把每個人的分數從最佳到最差快速顯示在螢幕上，相信你們只會在看到自己名字時暫停。

Pause it!

暫停！

What? I am one below Ralph?

什麼，我比拉爾夫低一級？

Keep scrolling.

繼續滾動

Ooh, 311.

哦，311。

Ooh, H. Simpson, 265.

哦，H. 辛普森，265。

Well, that's good. Let's change the channel.

那就好我們換個頻道吧

But we don't know your score.

但我們不知道你的分數。

Like I said, that's good.

就像我說的，這很好。

I refuse to accept that my little guy has no future.

我拒絕接受我的小傢伙沒有未來的事實。

He can learn how to put in adding machine tape. That's how I got through the depression.

他可以學學怎麼放加帶機的錄音帶。我就是這樣度過經濟蕭條期的

We're not giving up on Bart.

我們不會放棄巴特的。

Charles, listen to me, Charles.

查爾斯 聽我說 查爾斯

Not now, Satan.

現在不行，撒旦

I'm not Satan. I'm Orson Welles.

我不是撒旦我是奧森-威爾斯

Have you taken my warning seriously?

你認真對待我的警告了嗎？

Nobody did. I've already started the arc.

沒人這麼做。我已經開始了

Very good.

非常好

Smithers, speed up production on the arc.

史密斯，加快弧線上的投籃速度。

Put everyone on it.

讓每個人都參與進來

Apply them with all the rum and salt it takes.

用朗姆酒和鹽將它們塗抹均勻。

How can Ralph score higher than me?

拉爾夫怎麼能比我得分高？

That test is wrong.

這個測試是錯誤的。

But all my self-esteem comes from tests.

但我所有的自尊都來自考試。

Should I really be pulling on this string?

我真的應該拉這根繩子嗎？

I am not worse than Ralph.

我並不比拉爾夫差。

Hi, Ralph.

嗨，拉爾夫

Hi, Ralph.

嗨，拉爾夫

Hi, Ralph.

嗨，拉爾夫

All right, Lisa.

好吧，麗莎。

Watch, do not judge.

觀看，不要評判。

What makes him superior?

他憑什麼高人一等？

What are you doing?

你在幹什麼？

The only thing I'm good at.

我唯一擅長的事

Nothing.

什麼都沒有

That tears it.

這就撕裂了。

We're going to see Professor Smithers.

我們要去見史密斯教授

Nothing.

什麼都沒有

That tears it.

這就撕裂了。

We're going to see Professor Frank and find out exactly what happened on that test.

我們要去見弗蘭克教授，看看測試到底發生了什麼。

Professor Frank, your stupid test ruined my son's life.

弗蘭克教授，你那愚蠢的測試毀了我兒子的一生。

Hey, that test is like a son to me.

嘿，這個測試對我來說就像兒子一樣。

I've known my son since he was born, and he's not anywhere near as stupid as your stupid test says he is.

我從兒子出生起就認識他了，他並不像你的愚蠢測試說的那樣愚蠢。

All right, all right, let me recheck it.

好吧，好吧，讓我再檢查一下。

Ah, here we are.

啊，我們到了。

Uh, Simpson B.

呃，辛普森 B。

That's not a B.

這不是 B。

Well, yes, it is.

是的，就是這樣。

You see, the two...

你看，這兩個...

Oh, my garbage!

哦，我的垃圾！

There was a mistake.

這是個錯誤。

The real unfortunate is H. Simpson.

真正不幸的是 H. 辛普森。

I mean, what a clod!

我是說，真是個蠢貨！

Homer, aren't you coming?

霍默，你不來嗎？

I can't.

我做不到

I'll be a laughingstock when everyone finds out I'm the stupidest man in town.

當大家發現我是鎮上最愚蠢的人時，我會成為笑柄。

How are they going to find out?

他們會怎麼發現？

I just tweeted it.

我剛剛發了一條推特。

Hey, Homer, uh, we was watching Jeopardy, but, uh, tell you what, we'll just talk about shapes and colors now.

霍默，我們正在看 "危險"，不過，我們現在只討論形狀和顏色。

I like blue rectangles.

我喜歡藍色矩形。

Rectangles.

長方形

You know, Homer, the ones with four sides.

你知道的，霍默，有四條邊的那種。

Listen, you!

聽著

I've known my shape since I was 16.

我從 16 歲起就知道自己的體型。

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm too depressed for Mo's.

從沒想過我會這麼說，但我對莫氏酒感到太沮喪了。

I'm sorry.

對不起

I know I'm taking up too much of the bed.

我知道我佔床太多了。

Oh, sweetie.

哦，親愛的

What the entire world thinks doesn't affect how I see you.

全世界的看法並不影響我對你的看法。

I won't let you give up.

我不會讓你放棄的

We're going to start improving you.

我們將開始改善你。

Oh, Marge, no one ever did anything useful after the age of 39.

哦，瑪吉，39 歲以後就沒人能做什麼有用的事了。

Homie, this whole mix-up happened because of your sloppy handwriting.

夥計，這一切都是因為你的字跡太潦草了。

We'll start with that, improving your handwriting.

我們先從改善你的書寫開始。

What is his secret?

他的祕密是什麼？

The beam must have a fulcrum I can move to that would stabilize it.

這根橫樑必須有一個支點，我可以移動它，使其穩定。

Professor, how on earth did he get a higher score than me?

教授，他到底是怎麼比我得分高的？

Okay, Lisa, I am going to give you ten more points for one of the most important skills of all, discovering huge flaws in my test without telling anyone.

好吧，麗莎，我再給你 10 分，因為你有一項最重要的技能，那就是在不告訴任何人的情況下發現了我測試中的巨大缺陷。

You mean after all this, after all I've gone through, you're just going to fudge my score and I should be happy?

你的意思是，在這一切之後，在我經歷了這麼多之後，你只是要偽造我的分數，我應該感到高興？

Okay, homie, buckle up, because there's no limit to how neat your handwriting can get.

好了，夥計，繫好安全帶，因為你的字跡再工整也是無止境的。

Marge, I don't know.

瑪吉，我不知道

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

老狗教不了新把戲。

I'll help you.

我來幫你

Dearest Marjorie, what words are adequate to describe your beauty?

親愛的瑪喬麗，還有什麼言語足以形容你的美麗？

Like a bowling ball, fresh out of a polisher.

就像一個剛從拋光機中取出的保齡球。

I've always dreamed

我一直夢想

Homie would write me cursive love letters.

Homie 會給我寫草書情書。

You are as beautiful as your sisters are hideous.

你是美麗的，就像你的姐妹們一樣醜陋。

Oh.

哦。

Oh, Homie.

哦，Homie。

Well, I'm married to a writer.

我嫁給了一位作家。

Welcome, all of you.

歡迎各位。

You are the chosen people, chosen to be my slaves.

你們是被選中的人，被選中成為我的奴隸。

Doesn't matter what you think, the doors are sealed.

不管你怎麼想，門都是密封的。

Not this one.

這個不行

Fine, I don't need them, I don't need anyone.

好吧，我不需要他們，我不需要任何人。

How could you turn on me so quickly?

你怎麼能這麼快就背叛我？

I don't need them, I don't need anyone.

我不需要他們，我不需要任何人。

How could you turn on me so quickly?

你怎麼能這麼快就背叛我？