Before you see the results I'm about to show you and how I achieved it, I need to take you back to the beginning.

在你看到我即將向你展示的成果以及我是如何做到的之前，我需要帶你回到起點。

It started as an innocent fitness goal.

一開始，它只是一個單純的健身目標。

Hello, it's day two of my fitness series vlog.

大家好，這是我的健身系列視頻博客的第二天。

I'm so sorry, I really do suck at vlogging because I forgot to vlog my lunch and my snack but clearly I'm not going to show you guys everything that I do.

很抱歉，我的視頻錄製真的很爛，因為我忘了錄製我的午餐和點心，但顯然我不會把我做的所有事情都給你們看。

So basically I had like apple cucumber salad for lunch.

所以基本上我的午餐就像是蘋果黃瓜沙拉。

For dinner, I mean this is very little but it's because I ate so much cookies.

晚餐，我是說吃得很少，但這是因為我吃了太多的餅乾。

It's my cheat day but two celery sticks and then some hummus.

今天是我的 "作弊日"，不過是兩根芹菜和一些鷹嘴豆泥。

I mean I had a friend over and we made Omeo cookies and I kind of went overboard which

我的意思是，我有個朋友來我家，我們一起做了奧米歐餅乾，我做得有點過火了。

I shouldn't have.

我不該這麼做

I lost control, didn't really lose control actually.

我失去了控制，其實也不是真的失去了控制。

So I think the reason I may have eaten more than usual is because I didn't work out today and I found something.

所以我想，我之所以比平時吃得更多，可能是因為我今天沒有鍛鍊，而且我發現了一些東西。

When I don't work out on a day, it is so much easier for me to eat unhealthy.

如果一天不鍛鍊，我就很容易吃得不健康。

So right now it's like dark outside but I'm going to go on like a really long walk and then after I'm going to do like a 45 minute cardio routine then I got to film a video.

現在外面一片漆黑，但我要去散很長時間的步，然後做 45 分鐘的有氧運動，再拍一段視頻。

So let's see how this goes.

讓我們拭目以待吧。

Oh my gosh, this pimple is so bad.

天哪，這個痘痘太嚴重了。

Normal.

正常。

I'm a normal child.

我是個正常的孩子

Bye.

再見。

Then it spiraled into a destructive weight loss journey.

然後，它就演變成了一場毀滅性的減肥之旅。

It's day six, okay.

今天是第六天

It's been one week really and I already feel like I'm losing something.

才過了一週，我就覺得自己好像失去了什麼。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I feel like I'm like losing weight.

我覺得自己好像在減肥。

I'm kind of having a mild craving for something sweet.

我有點想吃甜食了。

Just an update, I'm on my walk right now after I ate one cookie and some cookie dough.

我吃了一塊餅乾和一些餅乾麵糰後，現在正在散步。

Okay honestly, I don't even remember everything I ate today but from what I remember, it just, it didn't add up to a lot of calories so I'm fine.

好吧，老實說，我都不記得今天吃了些什麼，但從我記得的來看，這些東西加起來的熱量並不高，所以我沒事。

I'm going to eat this.

我要吃這個。

Not the entire thing, don't worry.

不是全部，別擔心。

I'm going to eat like a quarter of it and then I'm going to work out a little more because

我打算吃四分之一，然後再多鍛鍊一下，因為

I feel like it.

我覺得我喜歡。

The thing is with eating, it's like once you start, you want to keep eating, if that makes sense.

吃東西的問題在於，一旦你開始吃，你就會想一直吃下去，如果這能說得通的話。

Like it's hard to just cut it off.

就像很難把它剪掉一樣。

Like I want to eat something else.

就像我想吃點別的東西一樣。

I think I'm going to eat more of that noodle.

我想我要多吃點麵條。

Yeah.

是啊

Oh, I feel so bad.

哦，我感覺糟透了。

Don't want to feel super bloated from eating this.

我可不想因為吃了這個而感到超級臃腫。

Okay, I'm going to eat more.

好吧，我再吃點。

Gosh.

天哪

I can't seem to lose weight.

我似乎減不了肥。

This is so hard.

這太難了

You know what?

你知道嗎？

Nobody's perfect.

人無完人。

You're going to have slip ups.

你會有失誤。

Guys, I don't know what to do because I'm clearly failing.

夥計們，我不知道該怎麼辦，因為我顯然失敗了。

I'm not going to lose weight after today.

過了今天，我就不會再減肥了。

I felt lost and confused because I failed so many times.

我感到迷茫和困惑，因為我失敗了太多次。

Okay, honestly, it's so stupid that I'm even crying about weight loss because I should not be.

好吧，老實說，我為減肥而哭泣實在是太愚蠢了，因為我不應該哭泣。

It's like stupid.

這就像愚蠢。

Every time I've done it, I always lose.

每次我都輸。

I always binge in the end or something, and then I cannot get back up.

我總是在最後或其他什麼時候大吃一頓，然後就再也爬不起來了。

I'm stuck.

我卡住了。

I don't know what to do.

我不知道該怎麼辦。

My behavior made me lose respect for myself, and it shattered my confidence.

我的行為讓我失去了對自己的尊重，也打擊了我的自信。

When I'm binging and eating, like I feel a little bit powerless and weak.

當我大吃大喝的時候，就會覺得自己有點無能為力、軟弱無力。

I think about how I think about myself, and it's not nice.

我想了想我對自己的看法，感覺很不好。

It has never really affected me, but lately it has been, and I think it's just the fact with dating and everything.

這從未真正影響過我，但最近一直如此，我認為這只是約會和一切的事實。

It sounds pathetic, but I don't even feel comfortable being in a relationship.

這聽起來很可悲，但我甚至不願意談戀愛。

The only one in my family that struggles with the eating issues, and that's why I am a lot chubbier than the rest of my family.

我是家裡唯一一個在飲食問題上掙扎的人，所以我比家裡其他人胖很多。

I know I'm going to get through this.

我知道我會挺過去的。

I know I'm going to reach my dream body, but...

我知道我會達到我夢想的身材，但是......

And then, I just didn't trust myself anymore.

後來，我再也不相信自己了。

Food controlled my life, and I felt hopeless.

食物控制了我的生活，我感到絕望。

Oh my, I'm sorry.

哦，對不起。

It's so hard to even see myself in this state.

我甚至很難看到自己現在的狀態。

I really don't want to wear these jeans because they just make me look so bad.

我真的不想穿這條牛仔褲，因為它讓我看起來很糟糕。

I mean, I could just wear my sweats again, but even my sweats are starting to get tight on me.

我的意思是，我可以再穿我的運動服，但我的運動服也開始變得緊身了。

And eventually you go numb, because you can't break a heart that's already broken.

最終你會變得麻木，因為你無法打碎一顆已經破碎的心。

But there are always glowing stars in an otherwise slow, dark night.

但是，在這個緩慢而黑暗的夜晚，總會有發光的星星。

Those stars can be hope and faith, power and pride.

這些星星可以是希望和信念，也可以是力量和驕傲。

Everybody has pages in their story they don't read out loud, but I'm choosing to read mine out loud, because maybe someone out there needs to hear the lesson I learned.

每個人都有自己的故事，但我選擇大聲讀出來，因為也許有人需要聽聽我的教訓。

Nobody is going to come and save you.

沒有人會來救你。

You have to save yourself.

你必須自救。

I can't explain it.

我無法解釋。

So it's the night before I go to work out with Steve for the first time ever, and honestly,

這是我第一次和史蒂夫去健身的前一晚 說實話

I'm so dedicated.

我太敬業了

I feel so committed, like, this is it.

我覺得自己很投入，就像，就是這樣了。

It's only day five.

現在才第五天。

How is this even possible?

這怎麼可能？

But I don't know, I've never been so excited for something.

但我不知道，我從來沒有為一件事如此興奮過。

It's good to have someone that's holding you accountable, too.

有人對你負責也是件好事。

Yes.

是的。

Like, I don't want to go in, and then after all that work we did, I'm like, I'm sorry,

就像，我不想進去，然後在我們做了那麼多工作之後，我想，我很抱歉、

I ate like five cookies, so like, no progress.

我大概吃了五塊餅乾，所以沒什麼進展。

No, okay, no, no, no, we're going to cut that out.

不，好吧，不，不，不，我們不說這個了。

I can't eat simple carbs like white rice.

我不能吃簡單的碳水化合物，比如白米飯。

Oh, it's enough.

哦，夠了。

Yeah.

是啊

Not anything.

什麼都沒有。

That's enough.

夠了

Cauliflower rice.

花椰菜飯

The waitress just said she's going to bring bread out.

服務員說她要把麵包拿出來。

Okay, now I'm understanding why this is a little difficult.

好吧，現在我明白為什麼這有點困難了。

I'm not sure what Steve would say about these crispy wonton things.

我不知道史蒂夫會怎麼評價這些香脆的雲吞。

I feel like it tastes better with the crispy wonton.

我覺得脆雲吞的味道更好。

Honestly, we're a bit tempting, the bread was a bit tempting, but I turned it all down.

說實話，我們有點誘人，麵包也有點誘人，但我都拒絕了。

How's the pizza, Mom?

披薩怎麼樣，媽媽？

I'm not usually a fan of pizza, but like, I just want something, Dad.

我通常不喜歡吃披薩，但我就是想吃，爸爸。

I really want some ruffles.

我真的想要一些荷葉邊。

JoJo, will you come downstairs with me to the market cafe?

喬喬，跟我下樓去市場咖啡廳好嗎？

No, you don't need anything.

不，你什麼都不需要。

Oh, truth is, guys, I messed up on turkey day.

哦，事實上，夥計們，我在火雞日那天搞砸了。

Let's talk about what I ate.

讓我們來談談我吃了什麼。

So, the huge Thanksgiving food, pumpkin pie.

所以，感恩節最重要的食物就是南瓜派。

I may or may not have had like three slices.

我可能吃了三片，也可能沒吃。

Bark thins, almost the whole bag, and some ruffles, and a slice of pizza.

樹皮薄片，幾乎整袋，還有一些褶邊，以及一片披薩。

This is an absolute disaster.

這絕對是一場災難。

You know, Steve says cheat meal, I had a cheat day.

你知道，史蒂夫說 "作弊餐"，我今天就 "作弊 "了。

I don't know, it's all my fault though, and I feel so guilty.

我不知道，這都是我的錯，我很內疚。

Like, I don't know what Steve's gonna say.

我不知道史蒂夫會說什麼

It sort of turned into a cheat day.

這一天有點像 "作弊日"。

I feel so terrible, like literally one week in, I'm already like cheating like the entire day.

我感覺糟透了，才來了一個星期，我就整天像在作弊一樣。

But the reality is, I do not want you to feel bad when you cheat the whole day.

但現實情況是，我不希望你整天作弊而感到難過。

It was Thanksgiving.

那天是感恩節。

I'm not one of those people, oh, like this.

我不是這樣的人。

Because then you have a really bad relationship with food.

因為這樣一來，你和食物的關係就會變得非常糟糕。

I do not want that.

我不想這樣。

I like stopped my cardio five minutes in because I felt so freaking sick.

我在做有氧運動五分鐘後就停止了，因為我覺得非常難受。

Technically before, I had some sugar for breakfast.

嚴格來說，之前我早餐吃了點糖。

I had French toast.

我吃了法式吐司。

Eating again.

再次進食。

Dad, I gotta stop eating.

爸爸，我不能再吃了

Moving without getting any closer, oh.

不走近就移動，哦。

I'm chasing fire when I'm running after you.

當我追著你跑時，我在追逐火焰。

I feel really trapped.

我覺得自己真的被困住了。

I mean, I should be able to just come out and say it, but like, I feel like I need to fix this myself.

我的意思是，我應該可以直接說出來，但我覺得我需要自己解決這個問題。

I am like in so much stress right now before going to my workout.

在去鍛鍊之前，我現在就像承受著巨大的壓力。

Okay, deep breaths.

好了 深呼吸

Deep breaths.

深呼吸

So last night, I had a really vivid and intense dream.

昨天晚上，我做了一個非常生動而強烈的夢。

So last night, as I was falling asleep, I was like half asleep.

昨晚，當我睡著的時候，我就像半夢半醒。

And I started like dreaming about something to do with food.

我開始夢想與食物有關的東西。

And it was like not good.

感覺很不好。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I just remember it was negative and it had to do with food.

我只記得它是負面的，與食物有關。

I woke up and was like, whoa.

我一覺醒來，哇。

Went back to sleep.

繼續睡覺。

And then I ended up dreaming that I so badly wanted these like chocolate things.

然後我就夢見我非常想要這些巧克力一樣的東西。

And my mom just kept chasing me down and getting so unbelievably mad if I had bought one.

如果我買了一個，我媽媽就會一直追著我，並且非常生氣。

Because if there's one thing about me, no matter how low, how far it gets, every time I fail, I fail, I fail, I will never, ever give up on myself.

因為如果說我有什麼特點的話，那就是無論我有多低迷，走多遠，每次我失敗了，我失敗了，我失敗了，我都永遠永遠不會放棄自己。

I know I will find an approach that works.

我知道我會找到一種有效的方法。

I just got to keep trying and not give up.

我必須繼續努力，不能放棄。

And I'm going to try this.

我要試試這個。

I'm going to try to rewire my neural associations.

我要嘗試重新連接我的神經聯想。

Eliminate the cue and your habit will never start.

消除暗示，你的習慣就永遠不會開始。

Reduce the craving and you won't experience enough motivation.

減少渴望，就不會有足夠的動力。

Behavior is insufficient in any of the four stages.

四個階段中任何一個階段的行為都是不充分的。

It will not become a habit.

這不會成為一種習慣。

I'm looking at my behavior.

我在審視自己的行為。

I'm like, well, it seems like a future which is actually worth remembering in the future.

我想，嗯，這似乎是一個未來，一個真正值得銘記的未來。

Your brain is in the war, tic-tac-toe.

你的大腦在打仗，井字遊戲。

It's called a marshmallow dream bar.

這就是所謂的棉花糖夢幻棒。

They don't just call it a Rice Krispie treat.

他們不只是把它叫做 "米粒餅"。

The amygdala detects the picture very rapidly before it gets to consciousness and then activates the appropriate emotions.

在畫面進入意識之前，杏仁核會迅速檢測到畫面，然後激活相應的情緒。

It's always around this time that I start to get quite hungry.

每到這個時候，我就會開始感到飢餓。

What are you cooking tonight?

你今晚做什麼菜？

It's always easy in the moment when I'm actually eating something.

當我真正吃東西的時候，當下總是很輕鬆。