No matter what you do, something seems to put them off.

無論你做什麼，似乎都會有一些事情讓他們不高興。

There may be certain habits and tendencies you're not aware of that are making them lose their enthusiasm towards you.

可能有一些你沒有意識到的習慣和傾向讓他們對你失去了熱情。

So today we'll be taking a look at some of the behaviors that are making it hard for you to make friends and find romantic love.

是以，今天我們就來看看那些讓你難以交到朋友和找到浪漫愛情的行為。

If you relate to these points, please know that this video is not meant to shame anyone, but a way to bring awareness.

如果您對這些觀點有共鳴，請知道這段視頻並不是要羞辱任何人，而是要讓人們意識到這一點。

Number one, pseudo-humility.

第一，偽謙虛。

Jokes where you make fun of yourself can be refreshing sometimes as it shows that you're self-aware and don't take yourself too seriously.

取笑自己的笑話有時會讓人耳目一新，因為這表明你有自知之明，不會把自己看得太重。

However, sometimes some people don't make jokes for humor's sake, but to use them as bait to receive compliments.

不過，有時有些人並不是為了幽默而開玩笑，而是想以此為誘餌，獲得別人的讚美。

For example, you might say, eh, my drawings are so bad.

例如，你可能會說：誒，我畫得太差了。

They could scare away actual children.

他們可能會嚇跑真正的孩子。

But then show something that you're secretly very proud of.

但隨後要展示一些你暗地裡非常自豪的東西。

At first, those around you may respond by saying, what are you talking about?

起初，你周圍的人可能會說，你在說什麼？

That's amazing.

太神奇了

But after a couple of times, this trend can be frustrating for them because real humility is a genuine endearing trait.

但幾次之後，這種趨勢就會讓他們感到沮喪，因為真正的謙遜是一種真正可愛的特質。

To falsify that trait to further boost your ego could make you appear desperate, needy, and even narcissistic to others.

為了進一步提升自我而偽造這種特質，可能會讓你在他人眼中顯得絕望、需要幫助，甚至自戀。

People with pseudo-humility simultaneously deflect compliments while not being open to any criticism, which could make them frustrating to be around.

偽謙虛的人同時會迴避讚美，而不接受任何責備，這可能會讓人覺得他們令人沮喪。

Number two, being too agreeable.

第二，過於順從。

People-pleasing can be extremely destructive, not only to your relationships, but to your mental health.

取悅他人不僅會破壞人際關係，還會影響心理健康。

At some point or another, you'll realize that you can't please everyone.

或多或少，你會意識到你無法取悅所有人。

Sometimes you'll be required to be in two places at once or be asked to do something that goes directly against your beliefs and instincts.

有時，你會被要求同時出現在兩個地方，或者被要求做一些直接違揹你的信念和本能的事情。

Being too agreeable can make you unattractive in two ways.

過於順從會在兩個方面讓你失去吸引力。

First, people notice when you go along with everything they say.

首先，人們會注意到你會順著他們說的每一句話。

By depicting yourself as someone with no personal agency, you're bound to greatly disappoint someone at some point, especially since you'd struggle to stand out or prove your value.

如果把自己描繪成一個沒有個人代理權的人，你一定會在某些時候讓別人大失所望，尤其是你很難脫穎而出或證明自己的價值。

Not only that, it can have the opposite effect of what you intend, where those around you end up being frustrated with having you constantly run around trying to do things for them, somewhat taking away their agency.

不僅如此，它還會產生與你的初衷相反的效果，你周圍的人最終會因為你不斷地跑來跑去試圖為他們做事而感到沮喪，這在某種程度上剝奪了他們的自主權。

That being said, being there for your loved ones is great, but true support doesn't always come from pure agreeableness.

話雖如此，陪伴親人是件好事，但真正的支持並不總是來自純粹的認同。

Oftentimes agreeableness comes from an eagerness to fit in, which brings us to the next point.

很多時候，合群性來自於對融入社會的渴望，這就引出了下一個問題。

Number three, too eager to fit in.

第三，太急於融入。

Have you noticed how people sometimes adopt popular lifestyle choices, beauty standards, or fashion trends to fit in with their social circles, even if those choices don't necessarily reflect their true preferences?

你是否注意到，人們有時會採用流行的生活方式、美容標準或時尚潮流來融入自己的社交圈，即使這些選擇並不一定反映他們的真實喜好？

It's comforting when we fit in as it gives us a sense of belonging, but are you doing it at the expense of your own autonomy?

當我們融入其中時，我們會感到欣慰，因為這給了我們一種歸屬感，但你這樣做是否犧牲了自己的自主性？

If you abandon your own thoughts, morals, or ambitions because they don't align with the opinions of certain social circles, you do so at the risk of losing your individuality.

如果你因為自己的思想、道德或抱負與某些社交圈的觀點不一致而放棄它們，那麼你就有可能失去自己的個性。

Social chameleons are known to adopt the opinions, attitudes, and tastes of those around them.

眾所周知，社會變色龍會採納周圍人的觀點、態度和品味。

But even when in a group of friends who all share similarities, it's easy to spot someone who's just parroting the same opinions back to the group.

但是，即使是在一群有共同點的朋友中，也很容易發現有人只是在鸚鵡學舌。

Being your own unique handmade pot with its own cracks and stains will always be more interesting than a flawless but plain factory-made pot.

與完美無瑕但樸實無華的工廠製造的壺相比，自己獨一無二的手工製作的壺，有自己的裂縫和汙漬，總是更有趣。

But if you try too hard to be unique or edgy, people will sense that too.

但是，如果你過於追求獨特或前衛，人們也會感覺到這一點。

So it's important to find balance.

是以，找到平衡點很重要。

I believe it all comes down to your true intentions.

我相信這一切都取決於你的真實意圖。

Are you making these choices solely to impress others or are they a form of self-expression and a reflection of your own autonomy?

您做出這些選擇是為了給他人留下好印象，還是一種自我表達和自主性的體現？

It's important to be honest with yourself and take time for self-reflection, which again brings us to the next point.

重要的是，要對自己誠實，花時間進行自我檢討，這又引出了下一點。

Number four, I'm not like other guys or girls.

第四，我和其他男生或女生不一樣。

Being aware of your unique traits and embracing them is great for drawing people in and being attractive.

意識到自己的獨特特質並擁抱它們，對吸引他人和展現自己的魅力大有裨益。

However, on the other side of the spectrum, people can become too invested in standing out.

然而，從另一個角度來看，人們可能會過於追求出眾。

If your unique traits are performative or used for boasting, it can quickly make people dislike you.

如果你的獨特特質是表演性的，或者是用來吹噓的，那麼很快就會讓別人不喜歡你。

The difference is boastfulness.

區別在於誇誇其談。

It makes you come across like you wanna be rewarded for doing the bare minimum.

這讓人覺得你做了最起碼的事就想得到獎勵。

It also makes people think you're a pick-me type of person who's overly desperate for validation due to their insecurities.

這還會讓人覺得你是個挑剔的人，因為缺乏安全感而過分渴望得到肯定。

It's great if someone likes to read books, but if they try to insinuate that their hobbies make them smarter, better, or more unique than other people, no one would wanna talk to that person.

如果有人喜歡看書，那固然很好，但如果他們試圖暗示自己的愛好使他們比其他人更聰明、更優秀或更獨特，那就沒有人會願意和這個人交談了。

Again, it's great to have hobbies that are special to you and help you express your individuality, but using them to compare yourself to others is just gonna push people away.

再說一遍，有自己的愛好固然很好，可以幫助你表達自己的個性，但用這些愛好來和別人攀比，只會把別人拒之門外。

Number five, they'll only like me if I'm perfect.

第五，只有我完美無缺，他們才會喜歡我。

It would be amazing to breeze through life without incident.

如果能平平安安地度過一生，那該有多好。

Despite knowing that growth is a process, some of us struggle to believe in our value in the current moment, especially when estimating our attraction.

儘管知道成長是一個過程，但我們中的一些人還是很難相信自己當下的價值，尤其是在評估自己的吸引力時。

Some people believe that they won't have a chance with anyone unless they're a 10.

有些人認為，除非對方是 10 分，否則他們不會有機會和任何人在一起。

If you're concerned that you don't have enough money, aren't good-looking enough, or don't have enough life achievements to be attractive, you're actively holding yourself back.

如果你擔心自己的錢不夠多，長得不夠好看，或者沒有足夠的人生成就來吸引人，那麼你就在積極地阻礙自己。

The truth is perfection is an illusion.

事實上，完美只是一種幻覺。

This type of mindset and self-limiting behavior can make you believe you're less attractive than you actually are.

這種心態和自我限制行為會讓你認為自己的魅力不如實際情況。

Perfectionism can put a strain on your relationships.

完美主義會給人際關係帶來壓力。

As revealed in a study published in the Journal of Personality Assessment, it can lead to arrogance, socially distant characteristics, interpersonal maladjustment, and distress.

正如發表在《人格評估期刊》上的一項研究顯示的那樣，它會導致傲慢、社交疏遠、人際關係不適應和痛苦。

An important thing to remember is that your own definition of perfection will change over time.

需要記住的重要一點是，你自己對完美的定義會隨著時間的推移而改變。

So appreciate yourself for who you are now and allow growth, whether it be physically, spiritually, or mentally, to take the time it needs.

是以，要欣賞現在的自己，讓自己的成長，無論是身體上、精神上還是心理上的成長，都需要時間。

And number six, having a zero-sum game mindset.

第六，抱著零和博弈的心態。

Do you have friends who are already getting married or buying a house?

您是否有已經結婚或買房的朋友？

Sometimes it can feel like we're competing with those around us for success in relationships.

有時，我們會覺得自己在與周圍的人競爭，爭奪人際關係中的成功。

It can be painful to think we're all falling behind our peers in the game of life.

如果認為我們在人生的遊戲中落後於同齡人，那將是非常痛苦的。

But the truth is that there aren't any winners or losers.

但事實是，沒有贏家，也沒有輸家。

This type of mindset can catastrophically affect your attractiveness.

這種心態會災難性地影響你的吸引力。

After all, the only people you'll end up attracting will be those who think the same way.

畢竟，你最終吸引的只會是那些有同樣想法的人。

People who are constantly focused on winners and losers who need to be better than everyone else break down sincerity and make it difficult to foster genuine relationships.

總是把注意力集中在贏家和輸家身上，需要比別人做得更好的人，會破壞真誠，難以培養真正的人際關係。

If that sounds like you, learn to be okay with not competing.

如果這聽起來像你，那就學會接受不參加比賽。

When you succeed, enjoy the fact that you succeed, but don't think that means others have lost.

當你成功時，享受成功的喜悅，但不要認為這意味著別人輸了。

Bringing your friends up, learning from failure, and helping those around you will always be more attractive than the opposite.

提攜朋友，從失敗中學習，幫助身邊的人，永遠比相反的做法更有吸引力。

Research indicates that having good virtues like kindness and fidelity can be just as impactful as physical attractiveness on others' impression of you.

研究表明，擁有善良和忠誠等良好品德與外貌吸引力一樣，會影響他人對你的印象。

So if your relationships seem sour and you can't seem to attract sincere people, consider the sort of energy and behavior you're putting out.

是以，如果你的人際關係看起來很糟糕，你似乎無法吸引到真誠的人，那麼請考慮一下你所釋放的能量和行為。

Even though some of these behaviors can sound quite bad, don't worry if they apply to you.

儘管其中一些行為聽起來很糟糕，但如果它們適用於你，也不用擔心。

In reality, they're all quite common and can be improved upon as long as you're aware of them.

實際上，這些問題都很常見，只要你意識到，就能加以改進。

Do you know anyone with these behaviors?

你認識有這些行為的人嗎？

Do any of these sound like you?

這些聽起來像你嗎？

Let us know in the comments down below.

請在下面的評論中告訴我們。

If you found this video helpful or interesting, let us know by leaving a like.

如果您覺得這段視頻有用或有趣，請點贊告訴我們。

Remember to subscribe to Psych2Go for more videos like this, and we'll see you next time, Psych2Goers.

記得訂閱 Psych2Go 以獲取更多類似視頻，我們下次再見，Psych2Goers。