Oh, yeah, no ticket.

哦，對了，沒票。

The classic, putting the coffee cup on top of the car.

經典的做法是把咖啡杯放在車頂上。

You always forget it for some reason, isn't that strange?

你總是莫名其妙地忘記，這不是很奇怪嗎？

Every time you put something, I don't know if it's just me, but I assume it's not only just me because I always see it in movies.

每次你放東西的時候，我不知道是不是我的錯覺，但我覺得不只是我，因為我總能在電影裡看到。

Every time you put something on top of your car, you like 90% of the time you forget it.

每次你把東西放在車頂上，90% 的時間都會忘記。

There was one time where I put camera gear, like tons of camera gear and like a drone on top of my car and I started driving and then there was this lady coming at me honking at me and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

有一次，我把大量攝影器材和無人機放在車頂上，然後開始開車，有一位女士朝我按喇叭，我就想，我他媽在幹什麼？

Why are you honking at me?

你為什麼按喇叭？

She rolls her window down.

她搖下車窗。

She's like, hey, you left stuff on top of your car.

她說，嘿，你把東西落在車頂上了。

And I was like, oh my God.

我當時想，天哪

But yeah, if I didn't roll my window down to hear what that lady had to say, I'll be a very sad boy.

但是，如果我不搖下車窗聽聽那位女士說什麼，我會很傷心的。

Very sad.

非常遺憾。

Oh shit, my coffee.

哦，該死，我的咖啡。

This right here is my all time favorite spot in LA.

這裡是我在洛杉磯最喜歡的地方。

Oh my God.

我的天啊

No, you're good.

不，你很好。

You're good.

你真厲害

That was fucking awkward.

真他媽尷尬

I don't like for people to see me vlogging in public and I was right in her way.

我不喜歡別人看到我在公共場合錄視頻，而我正好擋住了她的路。

Oh my God.

我的天啊

Why is life so hard?

生活為何如此艱難？

It's like, um, it's like four o'clock and I'm just barely getting my day started.

現在好像是四點鐘，我的一天才剛剛開始。

And every time I try to make a video, it's just like things go wrong and my energy's down.

每次我想拍視頻的時候，都會出錯，精力也會下降。

Something that I didn't show is I forgot my fucking tripod.

我忘了帶三腳架。

So after getting food, I had to drive back home 20 minutes just to get the tripod and then drive here another 20 minutes.

是以，買完食物後，我不得不驅車 20 分鐘回家取三腳架，然後再驅車 20 分鐘到這裡。

And it's like, that's another 40 minutes just down the drain.

這樣一來，又有 40 分鐘白白浪費掉了。

Sitting in traffic just is exhausting.

坐在車流中實在是太累了。

And now my mood is just, I sound like a bitch though.

現在我的心情很好，雖然我聽起來像個婊子。

And also there's so many like strangers picnicking around me right now and I just really don't like to vlog in front of people.

而且，現在有很多陌生人在我周圍野餐，我真的不喜歡在人前寫視頻。

It's just so corny to me.

我覺得這太老套了。

That's why I'm talking quiet too.

這就是為什麼我也要安靜地說話。

I'm so introverted.

我太內向了。

I only go to Starbucks if it's like extremely necessary.

只有在非常必要的情況下，我才會去星巴克。

I only went because it was in the Target, but I always prefer like some local coffee shop that's not a franchise that only has one location and is almost going bankrupt.

我去那裡只是因為它在 Target 內，但我總是更喜歡當地的咖啡店，而不是隻有一家分店且幾乎要破產的特許經營店。

Those, of course, those is where you get the best tasting coffee.

當然，這些都是你能品嚐到最美味咖啡的地方。

Yeah, that just happened.

是啊，就這麼發生了。

I swear this day started off pretty good.

我發誓，今天的開頭還不錯。

It started off pretty good.

一開始還不錯。

And then now it's like I just spilled coffee on my pants and socks and shoes.

而現在，我的褲子、襪子和鞋子上就像灑了咖啡一樣。

You know, it's moments like these where I remember that I live in America and I'm complaining about nothing.

要知道，正是在這樣的時刻，我才想起我生活在美國，而我卻在抱怨什麼。

I'm literally on a picnic at a park and I'm getting pissed off because I spilled coffee.

我正在公園野餐，卻因為打翻了咖啡而大發雷霆。

It's fine.

沒關係。

Everything's fine.

一切都很好

Okay, I have a right to be pissed off, though.

好吧，不過我有權生氣。

On top of that, another thing that's happening, this is a little nasty, so brace yourselves, but my dick, this whole day, just today, has been vibrating.

除此之外，還發生了另一件事，這有點下流，所以你們要做好心理準備，但我的小弟弟，這一整天，就在今天，一直在震動。

Oh, what does that mean, you ask?

你問這是什麼意思？

I don't know.

我不知道。

You're asking the wrong person.

你問錯人了。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I'm trying to figure that out.

我正在想辦法。

Ever since I woke up today, it's been vibrating and it's the most uncomfortable thing, slightly painful, and I don't know what it came from.

自從我今天醒來，它就一直在震動，這是最不舒服的事情，稍微有點痛，我不知道它是怎麼來的。

I don't know why it's happening.

我不知道為什麼會這樣。

I'm on a picnic and I can't relax because my dick won't stop vibrating.

我在野餐，卻無法放鬆，因為我的小弟弟一直在震動。

If you live in LA, please try an egg-tug burrito.

如果你住在洛杉磯，請嚐嚐雞蛋卷餅。

I'm not even lying.

我甚至沒有撒謊。

I eat this almost every morning.

我幾乎每天早上都吃這個。

It's the perfect breakfast.

這是一頓完美的早餐。

But yeah, anyways, let me call out the elephant in the room.

不過，不管怎麼說，讓我把房間裡的大象叫出來吧。

I've been gone.

我已經走了。

You know, I started this new journal series and I uploaded three videos and then after that, nothing.

你知道，我開始了這個新的日誌系列，上傳了三個視頻，之後就沒有了。

And I don't really even know the reason why.

我甚至不知道原因何在。

It's like I can't keep my motivation for making videos on YouTube.

我好像無法保持在 YouTube 上製作視頻的動力。

I had fun making those three videos, don't get me wrong.

別誤會，我在製作這三段視頻時很開心。

I want to be able to keep making videos.

我希望能繼續製作視頻。

I really like this connection that I have and I really love speaking my mind, but for some reason I just, I always stop.

我真的很喜歡這種聯繫，我真的很喜歡說出自己的想法，但出於某種原因，我總是欲言又止。

I tried making a few videos.

我試著製作了一些視頻。

There was about like three more that I filmed that I just never posted just because I didn't think they were good enough.

我大概還拍了三部，但我從來沒有發佈過，因為我覺得它們還不夠好。

But then again, these journal videos, that's the whole point is that they're not supposed to be good enough.

不過話又說回來，這些日誌視頻的關鍵就在於它們不夠好。

That's why they're called journals.

這就是為什麼它們被稱為期刊。

They're supposed to be just chicken scratch.

它們應該只是雞肋。

And yet I still am a perfectionist about it.

但我仍然是個完美主義者。

Bro, there's too many people here, man.

兄弟，這裡人太多了。

I can't do it.

我做不到

Too many co-picnickers and everybody has a friend.

有太多的合影者，每個人都有一個朋友。

I give up.

我放棄了。

I'm just going to go around and film some pretty b-roll.

我只是想到處轉轉，拍一些漂亮的 B-roll。

Oh my fucking God, I just woke up and I missed my call.

哦，我的天，我剛睡醒，沒接到電話。

I had a call at nine with my producer, my producer and co-director.

我九點鐘和我的製片人、我的製片人和聯合導演通了電話。

Yo, um, yeah, I know my bad, dude.

喲，嗯，是啊，我知道我錯了，夥計。

Um, all right, cool.

嗯，好吧，酷。

I just got back and I'm not in the car.

我剛剛回來，還沒上車。

Oh wow.

哦，哇

What we're actually sharing.

我們實際上在分享什麼？

The sound person has their job.

音響師有自己的工作。

Max has the job.

麥克斯得到了這份工作

I have my job.

我有我的工作。

No problem.

沒問題。

Hey, everyone!

大家好

A fascinated place pickleball.

讓人著迷的皮球場所

Pickleball, pickleball.

皮克爾球，皮克爾球

Oh my god.

我的天啊

You're crazy.

你瘋了

Be careful with the camera.

小心相機。

Oh god!

哦，上帝啊

I didn't know it was in the water.

我不知道它在水裡。

All right.

好的

I drove an hour out to the Malibu mountains because...

我驅車一小時來到馬里布山區，因為...

Why?

為什麼？

Because I don't like people.

因為我不喜歡人。

You know, I was trying to make a video yesterday, but, you know, there were too many other picnickers around.

你知道，我昨天想拍一段視頻，但是，你知道，周圍有太多其他野餐者了。

Sounds like a slur.

聽起來像是誹謗。

And I don't like for people to see me when I'm talking to myself.

我不喜歡別人看到我自言自語。

I'd rather be alone.

我寧願一個人

Oh yeah, and by the way, an update on my dick.

對了，順便說一句，我的小弟弟有了新進展。

It stopped vibrating, so we're all good.

它不再振動了，所以我們都很好。

But yeah, let's see.

不過，是的，讓我們來看看。

What did I want to talk about?

我想談什麼？

I wanted to talk about a lot of things when I was picnicking, but I didn't get the chance to really talk much.

野餐時，我想談很多事情，但沒有機會真正聊上幾句。

I just fell asleep.

我只是睡著了。

Fell asleep on the grass.

在草地上睡著了

Oh damn, this is...

哦，該死，這是...

God damn, this is fucking...

該死的，這是他媽的...

Crazy!

瘋了

But yeah, I guess the main thing that I was talking about is that, you know, I've been gone.

不過，我想我要說的主要是，你知道，我已經離開了。

I said I was going to be doing these journal videos like twice a week, and I just stopped.

我說過我要每週做兩次日誌視頻，但我停了下來。

But something that I'm now working on, which I'm really stressed about at the moment, is a short film that I'm shooting in Amsterdam.

不過，我現在正在製作的一部短片讓我壓力很大，我正在阿姆斯特丹拍攝這部短片。

So I pitched this film to a company.

於是我向一家公司推薦了這部電影。

I don't know if I can say the company yet.

我還不知道是否可以說是公司。

About a month ago.

大約一個月前

They loved the idea. They greenlit it.

他們喜歡這個想法。他們準許了

They gave us a budget.

他們給了我們預算。

And this is the first project that I'm working on that's going up on my YouTube channel that I don't own the rights to.

這是我在 YouTube 頻道上發佈的第一個項目，我並不擁有它的版權。

But it's exciting because it's the first legit film project that I'm working on.

但這很令人興奮，因為這是我參與的第一個合法電影項目。

It's called A Trip to Amsterdam.

書名叫《阿姆斯特丹之旅》。

I actually fly out in five days.

實際上，我五天後就要飛走了。

I have a producer and a co-director.

我有一個製片人和一個聯合導演。

We have a DP, associate producer.

我們有一位副製片人

Everything's pretty much like locked and loaded, ready to go.

一切都準備就緒。

But yeah, I've been working on it like 16 hours a day for the past two weeks.

不過是的，過去兩週我每天工作 16 個小時。

And it's been so stressful.

壓力太大了

But it's worth it because this is what I want to do.

但這是值得的，因為這就是我想做的事。

This is what I want.

這就是我想要的。

This is what I want for my life.

這就是我想要的生活。

I want to be a master storyteller in the art form that is film, that is cinema.

我想成為電影這種藝術形式的講故事大師。

A little bit of me is like, damn, did I bite off a little bit more than I can chew?

我有點想，該死的，我是不是咬得太多了？

Okay, so the day that I went on the picnic that was in this video, that same night, I had one of the strongest panic attacks

好吧，就在我去野餐的那天，也就是視頻中的那個晚上，我出現了最強烈的恐慌症發作

I've ever had in my life.

這是我這輩子吃過的最好吃的東西。

I was driving home and I was teary-eyed.

開車回家的路上，我熱淚盈眶。

I was shaky, anxious.

我顫抖著，焦慮不安。

And I noticed that

我注意到

I was kind of wishing that I would get in a car crash on the way home.

我有點希望自己在回家的路上出車禍。

And I was kind of wishing that I would die.

我有點希望自己死掉。

Dark, right? Yeah, I know.

黑暗，對嗎？是的，我知道

But I was hoping that some type of natural disaster would happen.

但我希望會發生某種自然災害。

That way I wouldn't have to make this film because holy fuck, it's just so many moving pieces.

這樣我就不用拍這部電影了，因為我操，它實在是太複雜了。

I get anxious. Am I going to be able to pull this off?

我開始焦慮。我能成功嗎？

And then if I'm not able to pull this off, what's going to happen?

如果我不能成功，會發生什麼？

What are the consequences going to be?

後果會怎樣？

And it was so hard to fall asleep.

而且很難入睡。

I remember I was laying in bed and all the thoughts that were circling my mind were so loud.

我記得當時我躺在床上，所有的想法都在我腦海中盤旋，吵得我心煩意亂。

Loud to the point where I felt like I wanted to cover my ears.

聲音大到我都想捂住耳朵。

I was surprised I actually fell asleep that night.

那天晚上，我竟然真的睡著了。

But yeah, I don't know.

但是，是的，我不知道。

I'm just realizing making movies is tough.

我只是意識到拍電影很艱難。

And this is a short film.

這是一部短片。

This is going to be about an 18-minute film.

這將是一部 18 分鐘的電影。

I'm thinking, whoa, how are my panic attacks going to be when I'm making feature-length films?

我在想，哇哦，當我製作長篇電影時，我的恐慌症會怎樣呢？

I mean, I'm not discouraged.

我的意思是，我並不氣餒。

Again, this is what I want.

同樣，這也是我想要的。

Get all corny.

變得老氣橫秋。

I want this!

我想要這個

No, but I feel a lot better now.

沒有，但我現在感覺好多了。

I feel a lot better. We got a lot more done.

我感覺好多了。我們又完成了很多工作。

I'm feeling optimistic about the shoot again.

我又對拍攝感到樂觀了。

The only thing that's stressing me out is I just feel like we don't have enough money.

唯一讓我感到壓力的是，我覺得我們沒有足夠的錢。

I wish that we had an extra $5,000 just to solidify everything.

我真希望我們能多出 5000 美元來鞏固一切。

And by the way, the film is probably going to come out late October, hopefully, if post-production goes smoothly.

順便說一句，如果後期製作順利的話，這部電影可能會在十月底上映，希望如此。

Anyways, oh yeah, so with the YouTube videos,

總之，對了，YouTube 視頻也是如此、

I don't want to stop making these journal videos. I want to kind of document the transition from YouTube to filmmaker. I want to keep this alive. I think it's healthy for me to express my thoughts and share my life.

我不想停止製作這些日誌視頻。我想記錄從 YouTube 到電影製片人的轉變。我想讓這一切繼續下去。我認為表達自己的想法、分享自己的生活對我來說是健康的。

I do think it's healthy.

我認為這很健康。

I do think it's healthy. It's healthy because, again, that's why I'm calling them journals.

我認為這是健康的。這也是我稱它們為期刊的原因。

There's a reason why people journal.

人們寫日記是有原因的。

And I really don't like writing on a paper.

我真的不喜歡在紙上寫字。

I think this is a more natural way for me.

我覺得這種方式對我來說更自然。

It's more for me than it is for you. I'm sorry.

這對我來說比對你更重要。對不起

It is. Yeah, no, this is for my own mental health.

就是這樣不，這是為了我自己的心理健康

I think it's...

我認為這是...

whatever. You get the point.

管它呢你懂的。

Why do I have to keep explaining myself? Anyways, the reason I bring up the film is just to let people know what I'm working on and also maybe it can be an excuse to why

我為什麼要不停地解釋自己呢？總之，我之所以提起這部電影，只是想讓大家知道我在做什麼，也許這也可以成為一個藉口，讓大家知道我為什麼要拍這部電影。

I haven't been making YouTube videos.

我沒有製作 YouTube 視頻。

I've been too busy.

我太忙了。

I apologize to people who like my work and they want to see what I'm doing and I'm just not posting anything. But I'm really going through it.

我向那些喜歡我作品的人道歉，他們想看看我在做什麼，而我卻什麼都沒發。但我真的很難受。

I'm going through that early 20s existential crisis.

我正在經歷 20 歲出頭的生存危機。

I also love it when people say,

我也喜歡人們說

Oh, Steezy just made three videos just so he could pay his rent and now he's gone.

哦，Steezy 剛拍了三個視頻，就為了付房租，現在他又走了。

He made enough money and now he's back to just being lazy. And to those people,

他賺夠了錢，現在又開始偷懶了。對那些人來說

I want to show you a little something.

我想給你看點東西

This is my business bank account.

這是我的商業銀行賬戶。

I live 1000.

我住在 1000.

And it's been like this for the past two months. Oh man, these past two months have been rough.

過去兩個月一直是這樣。天啊，這兩個月可真不好過。

And just in case anybody says like, Oh, well show your personal.

萬一有人說 "哦，那就展示你的個人魅力吧"。

Here's my personal.

這是我個人的想法。

So I have $39.

所以我有 39 美元。

But yeah.

但是，是的。

Surprise!

驚喜吧

I'm broke.

我破產了

No, but I've never...

沒有，但我從未...

I say this all the time, but I've never made crazy money with YouTube. I've always had a really shitty CPM. My CPM has always been $1. It went up recently to like $4 or $5. But that's still terrible. I see people getting like $20 CPMs.

我一直這麼說，但我從未在 YouTube 上瘋狂賺過錢。我的 CPM 一直很低。我的 CPM 一直是 1 美元，最近漲到了 4 或 5 美元。但這仍然很糟糕。我看到有人的 CPM 能達到 20 美元。

And I'm over here with $5. Now I've had times where I've made great money with YouTube. Last year

我在 YouTube 上賺了不少錢。去年

I made like $200, $300k that year. The year before that I think I made like another $200k. Now the reason why none of that is in savings is because

那一年我大概賺了 20 到 30 萬美元。前一年我又賺了 20 萬美元。現在之所以沒有存款，是因為

I had a team at that point. I had like four or five employees. So every month I'll be getting all of this money and then paying it to everybody. Getting all of this money, paying it to everybody. It was always in and out, in and out. I've had times where I was comfortable, for sure.

當時我有一個團隊。我有四五個員工。所以每個月我都會拿到這些錢，然後付給大家。拿到錢，再付給大家總是進進出出，進進出出。當然，我也有過舒服的時候

Now I'm fine.

現在我很好。

I know how to be broke. I mean

我知道如何破產。我是說

I've been broke before. Like back in my high school days. Even early YouTube days. Like this ain't nothing new to me. Don't worry about it. Hey, trust me.

我以前也破產過。比如在我高中的時候甚至早期的YouTube時代這對我來說並不新鮮 Like this ain't nothing new to me.別擔心相信我

I ain't no stranger. Sometimes you have money sometimes you don't. And I don't want to be selling my morals. I mean

我不是陌生人有時有錢，有時沒錢我不想出賣我的道德觀我是說

I don't want to be changing up my morals just to make money.

我不想為了賺錢而改變自己的道德觀。

Like I could be grinding out

就像我可以打磨出