Drain.

排水。

What's she doing?

她在幹什麼？

What's she doing?

她在幹什麼？

Drain the, oh my God.

我的天啊

You killing me woman.

你殺了我的女人。

Haiya, drain the.

海雅，排水。

She.

她

The rice.

米飯

She draining rice with colander.

她用笸籮瀝乾米飯。

Hai.

海

Hello, my name is Uncle Roger.

你好，我是羅傑叔叔。

Today I will react to a video sent to me by a fan.

今天，我將對一位粉絲髮給我的視頻做出迴應。

It's the BBC Good Food, how to make egg fried rice video.

這是 BBC Good Food 如何製作蛋炒飯的視頻。

What is BBC?

什麼是 BBC？

Let me see.

讓我看看

Is it like something dirty, like big black.

是髒東西嗎？

Oh, it's the British Broadcasting Corporation.

哦，是英國廣播公司。

Okay, okay.

好吧 好吧

That BBC is okay.

BBC 還不錯。

Uncle Roger, not into the other BBC.

羅傑叔叔，不喜歡 BBC 的其他節目。

Let's play the video.

播放視頻

Egg fried rice.

蛋炒飯

Don't be afraid.

別害怕

This is really simple.

這其實很簡單。

It's cheap.

它很便宜。

It's delicious, really satisfying.

它很美味，真的很令人滿意。

Rice.

米飯

Don't be afraid.

別害怕

Don't be afraid.

別害怕

Who afraid of egg fried rice?

誰害怕蛋炒飯？

It's the most common dish.

這是最常見的菜餚。

Everybody eat egg fried rice.

大家都吃蛋炒飯

Who afraid?

誰害怕？

Why are you afraid of egg fried rice?

你為什麼害怕蛋炒飯？

Where your courage?

你的勇氣在哪裡？

Uncle Roger scare ghost, but you scare egg fried rice.

羅傑叔叔嚇唬鬼，你卻嚇唬蛋炒飯。

Failure.

失敗。

This is really simple.

這其實很簡單。

It's cheap.

它很便宜。

It's delicious, really satisfying.

它很美味，真的很令人滿意。

And it's like a takeaway, but you haven't paid eight quid for it.

它就像一份外賣，但你並沒有為此支付 8 英鎊。

Who pay eight pound for takeaway egg fried rice?

誰會花八英鎊買外賣蛋炒飯？

My God.

我的天啊

They think money go on three paying eight pound for egg fried rice.

他們認為蛋炒飯三塊錢一斤，八塊錢一斤。

Haiya.

海雅

So a lot of people get afraid of cooking with rice, but you can follow a really simple rule, which is for every one part rice you have, you need two parts water.

是以，很多人害怕用大米做飯，但你可以遵循一個非常簡單的規則，那就是每一份大米需要兩份水。

It's as simple as that.

就這麼簡單。

Who?

誰？

Why you measure water with cup?

為什麼要用杯子量水？

Just use finger.

用手指就可以了。

Finger.

手指

You put rice, put water until finger.

你放米，放水，直到手指。

First joint the finger.

首先接合手指。

That's how you measure the water, not with British teacup.

這就是量水的方法，而不是用英國茶杯。

Haiya.

海雅

First step all wrong already.

第一步已經全錯了。

I am not confident this video is gonna be good.

我對這段視頻的品質沒有信心。

Enough rice for around two people.

米飯足夠兩個人食用。

So now the rice is on.

現在米飯開始了。

Wait, so you don't wash the rice?

等等，你不洗米？

How you don't wash the rice?

你怎麼不洗米？

Just cook the rice, not the rice stinky like you.

只要把米煮熟，不要像你一樣把米煮臭了。

Where you learn how to make rice?

你在哪裡學會做米飯的？

Some white people cooking school or something.

一些白人烹飪學校什麼的。

So now the rice is on.

現在米飯開始了。

It's time to crack on with the eggs.

是時候下蛋了。

Oh, ha ha, crack on.

哦，哈哈，繼續。

I see what you're doing.

我知道你在做什麼。

So punny, so humorous.

如此雙關，如此幽默。

I dying laughing.

我快笑死了。

I dead now.

我現在死了

I've got a frying pan here.

我這裡有一個煎鍋。

Get that onto a medium heat and then just add a little bit of oil.

用中火加熱，然後加入少許油。

So let that heat up.

所以，讓它熱起來吧。

One.

一個

Okay.

好吧

Egg and egg white.

雞蛋和蛋白

I'm gonna try and do this one handed.

我要試著單手操作。

Oh.

哦。

Okay, that pretty impressive.

好吧，真是令人印象深刻。

Pretty impressive.

令人印象深刻。

I give you that.

我給你。

It halfway.

半途而廢。

Once it's on a simmer, you wanna cook it for around 10 minutes.

煮沸後，再煮 10 分鐘左右。

You know what I don't like?

你知道我不喜歡什麼嗎？

Uncle Roger don't like induction stove.

羅傑叔叔不喜歡電磁爐

You know, those stove with no fire.

你知道，那些沒有火的爐子。

Uncle Roger need the fire.

羅傑叔叔需要火

Who use induction stove?

誰在使用電磁爐？

It's so lame.

太遜了

So not satisfying.

太不令人滿意了。

You go camping, you set up campfire.

你去露營，就得升起篝火。

You don't set up camp induction stove.

你不需要架設營地電磁爐。

Oh, come everybody, come, come.

哦，大家都來吧，來吧，來吧。

Sit around this camp induction stove.

圍坐在這個野營電磁爐旁。

Let's tell story.

講故事吧

Let's make marshmallow. 10 minutes.

我們來做棉花糖10分鐘

Whang your eggs in.

把雞蛋放進去

Whang your...

Whang your...

What?

什麼？

What she say?

她怎麼說？

What she say?

她怎麼說？

Whang your eggs in.

把雞蛋放進去

Whang your eggs in.

把雞蛋放進去

Don't put whang anywhere near your egg fried rice.

蛋炒飯附近不要放黃油。

Don't whang anything in kitchen, okay?

別在廚房裡亂搞，好嗎？

That's how I got fired from Chinese restaurant.

我就是這樣被中餐館解僱的。

Onto a plate, leave it to one side.

放到盤子裡，放在一邊。

Okay.

好吧

Okay, rice.

好吧，大米。

We are looking good.

我們看起來不錯。

The rice not looking good.

米飯不好吃

You lying to people.

你騙人

So wet.

好溼啊

Drain it.

排幹。

Drain.

排水。

What she doing?

她在幹什麼？

What she doing?

她在幹什麼？

Drain the...

排幹...

Oh my God.

我的天啊

You killing me woman.

你殺了我的女人。

Haiya, drain the...

Haiya, drain the...

She...

她...

The rice.

米飯

She draining rice with colander.

她用笸籮瀝乾米飯。

Hai...

海...

How can you drain rice with colander?

如何用笸籮瀝乾米飯？

This is not pasta.

這不是意大利麵。

I never seen anyone drain rice.

我從沒見過有人把米飯瀝乾。

Is your rice too wet?

米飯太溼了嗎？

You fucked up.

你搞砸了

Don't bring colander into your rice cooking.

煮飯時不要用笸籮。

Haiya.

海雅

Get a nice rice cooker.

買個好電鍋

Don't mess with sauce pan like this lady here.

不要像這位女士一樣亂用調味鍋。

Don't mess with colander.

不要弄亂笸籮。

If your rice too wet, you recook the rice.

如果米飯太溼，可以重新煮。

No way to save wet rice.

無法保存溼米。

Has quite a lot of starch in it, which will make it...

其中含有大量澱粉，這將使它...

What the hell?

搞什麼鬼？

What the hell?

搞什麼鬼？

Uncle Roger so upset, I put my leg down from chair.

羅傑叔叔很生氣，我把腿從椅子上放了下來。

Why you running water through...

你為什麼要把水流過...

You ruining the rice.

你毀了米飯

First you use colander to dry the rice and then you put water.

首先用笸籮把米淘幹，然後放水。

Then why bother drying the rice?

那為什麼還要晾晒大米呢？

Who cook rice like this?

誰會這樣煮飯？

How did this woman get on BBC food?

這個女人是怎麼上 BBC 食品節目的？

They never ask Uncle Roger.

他們從沒問過羅傑叔叔

Uncle Roger teach masterclass on making rice, but this woman, colander on the rice, then water through the rice.

羅傑大叔教大師傅做米飯，但這個女人，先用笸籮淘米，再用水淘米。

This is...

這是...

Oh no.

哦，不

Uncle Roger sad now.

羅傑叔叔現在很傷心。

Oh no.

哦，不

Okay now, and then just add your garlic and ginger.

現在好了，然後加入大蒜和生薑。

Garlic, ginger.

大蒜、生薑

Okay.

好的

Classic, classic Asian seasoning.

經典、經典的亞洲調味料。

Okay.

好的

This one okay.

這個可以。

And then you want to put all the other ingredients in.

然後再放入其他配料。

Rice.

米飯

Oh, the sad gloopy rice that ran through colander.

哦，那些從笸籮裡流出來的米飯真讓人傷心。

The egg.

雞蛋

Spring onions.

洋蔥

And peas.

還有豌豆

And then you just want to stir it all together and cook it through.

然後攪拌均勻，煮熟即可。

For about three to five minutes.

大約三到五分鐘。

This look okay, but look too healthy.

這看起來還行，但太健康了。

Wear your MSG.

穿上你的 MSG。

You don't use MSG how to make good egg fried rice.

不放味精，蛋炒飯才好吃。

This is just white people egg fried rice.

這只是白人蛋炒飯。

MSG is the king of flavor.

味精是調味之王。

If you sad in life, use MSG.

人生若只如初見，何事秋風悲畫扇。

If you happy in life, use MSG.

人生得意須盡歡，莫使金樽空對月。

Put MSG in everything.

什麼都放味精

It'll turn it better.

它會變得更好。

You just get a baby, put MSG on baby.

你剛有了孩子，就給孩子放味精。

You'll be better baby, smarter.

你會變得更好，更聰明。

And that's done.

就這麼定了。

Time to plate up.

是時候裝盤了。

The colors are still vibrant.

色彩依然鮮豔。

Oh no.

哦，不

Oh no.

哦，不

No.

不

No.

不

No.

不

No.

不

No.

不

No.

不

You're using metal to scrape your saucepan.

你在用金屬刮鍋。

Haiyaa.

Haiyaa.

This is nonstick saucepan.

這是不粘鍋。

Cannot use metal.

不能使用金屬。

Haiyaa.

Haiyaa.

Your parents never teach you.

你的父母從未教過你

If I use metal on saucepan at home growing up, I will be this old.

如果我從小就在家裡用金屬鍋，那我就這麼大了。

No more parents.

沒有父母了

Why are you orphan?

你為什麼是孤兒？

I use metal on saucepan.

我用金屬鍋。

Mom don't want me anymore.

媽媽不要我了

Very few things break Asian people heart.

很少有事情能讓亞洲人心碎。

One is when your rice run out.

一是當你的大米用完時。

Number two is when you scrape pan with metal spoon.

第二步是用金屬勺刮平底鍋。

First my wife leave me, now you scrape pan with metal.

先是我妻子離開我，現在你又用金屬刮平底鍋。

Haiyaa.

Haiyaa.

Uncle Roger wanna suicide.

羅傑叔叔想自殺

So delicious.

太好吃了

I'm very proud of myself.

我為自己感到驕傲。

Why you proud of yourself?

你為什麼為自己感到驕傲？

You, you messed up everything.

你，你把一切都搞砸了

You scrape saucepan with metal.

用金屬刮鍋

You dry the rice and wet the rice and dry the rice with colander.

你把米晾乾，把米弄溼，然後用笸籮把米晾乾。

You don't use MSG.

你不用味精。

Why this woman proud of herself?

這個女人為什麼為自己感到驕傲？

Egg fried rice.

蛋炒飯

Uncle Roger know how to make egg fried rice and Uncle Roger three year old.

羅傑叔叔會做蛋炒飯，而羅傑叔叔只有三歲。

And this lady, I don't know, 34, making egg fried rice on induction hob.

還有一位女士，不知道34歲，在電磁爐上做蛋炒飯。

Oh, I'm so proud of myself.

哦，我真為自己感到驕傲。

BBC Good Food, this is not good video.

BBC Good Food，這不是好視頻。

People use this video, make egg fried rice, and they think egg fried rice disgusting.

人們用這段視頻做蛋炒飯，覺得蛋炒飯很噁心。

Not good for Chinese culture.

對中國文化不利。

BBC Good Food, next time you want to make egg fried rice video, ask Uncle Roger.

BBC Good Food，下次想製作蛋炒飯視頻時，請向羅傑叔叔諮詢。

Uncle Roger teach you proper technique, the Asian way.

羅傑叔叔會用亞洲的方式教你正確的技巧。

Follow me on Instagram.

在 Instagram 上關注我。

This is my Instagram.

這是我的 Instagram。

It's my nephew Nigel.

這是我侄子奈傑爾。

He set up Instagram for me.

他為我建立了 Instagram。

He manage my Instagram, but follow the Instagram.

他管理我的 Instagram，但關注 Instagram。

Bye bye.

再見