You need one essential skill for this to happen.

要做到這一點，你需要一項基本技能。

It's called charisma.

這就是魅力。

But how do I become charismatic?

但我怎樣才能變得有魅力呢？

Well, unlike all these other videos, I've broken this down into an extremely simple method.

與其他視頻不同的是，我將其分解為一個極其簡單的方法。

I call it the car formula.

我稱之為 "汽車公式"。

Before we get to the car formula, you first have to accept the golden rule of becoming more likable.

在瞭解汽車配方之前，你首先要接受 "變得更討人喜歡 "這條金科玉律。

Understand that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay.

要明白，不是每個人都會喜歡你，這沒關係。

Not even you like every person you meet.

即使是你，也不會喜歡你遇到的每一個人。

This is so important because as you become more charismatic, there inevitably find someone who doesn't like you.

這一點非常重要，因為當你變得越來越有魅力時，難免會有人不喜歡你。

It'll hurt quite a bit at first.

一開始會很疼。

And trust me, it's okay.

相信我，沒事的。

It's actually better to not have everyone like you because it means you have a unique personality, which other people will resonate with 10 times more.

事實上，沒有每個人都喜歡你更好，因為這意味著你有獨特的個性，其他人會對你產生十倍的共鳴。

Now, the car formula stands for contribute, attend, repeat.

現在，汽車公式代表著貢獻、參加、重複。

Starting with the C in car, this refers to your value or contribution to the other person.

以 car 中的 C 開頭，指的是你對對方的價值或貢獻。

The best way to describe this is imagine you're out at dinner with a group of people you've just met.

最好的描述方式就是想象你和一群剛認識的人一起出去吃飯。

Everyone's talking and having a good time during dinner, but you just sit there and say nothing.

吃飯的時候大家都在哈拉，玩得很開心，可你卻只是坐在那裡一言不發。

Maybe just nodding or laughing along with everyone else.

也許只是和大家一起點頭或大笑。

In this example, if I interviewed everyone that attended that dinner and asked them their opinion of you based on that experience, I'd probably get a lot of answers like, oh, I guess he's cool or yeah, he's fine.

在這個例子中，如果我採訪所有參加過那次晚宴的人，問他們基於那次經歷對你的看法，我可能會得到很多這樣的答案：哦，我想他很酷，或者是的，他很好。

He's a good guy.

他是個好人

They're very shallow answers, right?

這些答案都很膚淺，對嗎？

Now, imagine you went to that dinner and told a few entertaining stories or cracked a few genuinely funny jokes, or maybe you're really smart in your profession and have knowledge to offer, or you're a famous celebrity.

現在，想象一下，你去參加晚宴，講了幾個有趣的故事，或者開了幾個真正有趣的玩笑，或者你在專業領域非常聰明，可以提供知識，或者你是一個名人。

What all of these things have in common for being more likable is you have something to bring to the table.

要想變得更討人喜歡，所有這些事情的共同點是，你能給大家帶來一些東西。

If you're just a boring NPC who sits there and has nothing interesting to offer, no one will care to be around you.

如果你只是一個無聊的 NPC，坐在那裡沒有任何有趣的事情可做，就不會有人願意與你為伍。

And this is really not hard.

這其實並不難。

Just be funny or have a good Rolodex of stories to tell.

只要你風趣幽默，或者有很多故事可以講。

The reason I mentioned being really smart or having celebrity status is because people inherently value those things, but it's not necessary for the everyday person.

我之所以提到 "非常聰明 "或 "名人效應"，是因為人們天生就看重這些東西，但這對普通人來說並非必要。

Put simply, just elevate the other person's experience being around you.

簡單地說，就是提升他人在你身邊的體驗。

Moving to the A in car, this basically means attending or listening to others.

轉到汽車中的 "A"，這基本上意味著參加或傾聽他人。

The point of this is not just listening to other people, but genuinely understanding them.

這樣做的意義不僅在於傾聽他人，更在於真正理解他人。

If you want people to like you, you need charisma.

如果你想讓別人喜歡你，你就需要魅力。

And if you want charisma, you need empathy.

如果你想要魅力，你就需要同理心。

To understand other people with empathy, you just need one skill in your tool belt.

要想以同理心理解他人，你只需要掌握一項技能。

It's called active listening.

這就是所謂的積極傾聽。

Step one of active listening is showing emotion when the other person is speaking.

積極傾聽的第一步是在對方說話時表現出情緒。

These nonverbal cues can be eyebrow raising, smiling, looking etc.

這些非語言暗示可以是揚眉、微笑、注視等。

As the other person speaks, you're not talking or cutting them off, but just giving nonverbal cues to show that you're listening.

當對方說話時，你不是在說話或打斷他，而只是給出非語言暗示，表示你在傾聽。

If you're just sitting there with a blank face, it's basically like talking to a brick wall.

如果你只是面無表情地坐在那裡，那基本上就像是在和一堵磚牆說話。

Step two of active listening is summarizing what the other person said after they're done speaking.

積極傾聽的第二步是在對方說完後總結其發言內容。

For example, if your friend says, I just went to 7-Eleven and they had no zins, you could respond with, they really had no zins?

例如，如果你的朋友說，我剛去了 7-Eleven，他們沒有鋅，你可以回答說，他們真的沒有鋅嗎？

This shows the other person that you were paying attention and often when you summarize like this, the other person will keep talking and go deeper into what they were saying.

這向對方表明，你一直在關注他，而當你這樣總結時，對方往往會繼續說下去，並深入探討他們所說的內容。

The third and most important step of active listening is responding to the other person's emotional sentiment rather than the actual content of what they said.

積極傾聽的第三步，也是最重要的一步，是迴應對方的情緒情感，而不是他們所說的實際內容。

For example, if the other person says their car was broken into, don't respond by trying to help the situation, but by responding to their emotions.

例如，如果對方說自己的車被撬了，不要試圖幫助對方，而是要順應對方的情緒。

Instead of saying, oh why don't you just call the police?

你為什麼不直接報警？

Try saying, so sorry to hear that man, it sounds so frustrating to have that happen.

試著說："很遺憾聽到這個消息，發生這樣的事聽起來讓人很沮喪。

They don't expect you to be Batman, go save the day and catch the burglar.

他們不指望你成為蝙蝠俠，去拯救世界，抓住小偷。

They're frustrated and want to vent their emotions.

他們感到沮喪，想要發洩情緒。

If you can understand this, the other person will walk away feeling like you understand them on a deep level emotionally and feel much more connected to you.

如果你能理解這一點，對方就會覺得你在情感深處理解了他，並覺得與你的聯繫更加緊密。

Girls are often very good at this naturally, but it's a skill that anyone can learn through enough practice.

女孩往往天生就很擅長這個，但這也是任何人通過足夠的練習都能學會的技能。

Now that you understand empathy, we'll move to the R in CAR.

既然你已經理解了 "移情"，我們就來談談 CAR 中的 "R"。

R stands for repeat.

R 代表重複。

There are no amount of books you can read or videos you can watch to become more charismatic.

要想變得更有魅力，讀再多的書，看再多的視頻也無濟於事。

You can learn the frameworks, but if you try it once and never again, you'll learn nothing.

你可以學習框架，但如果只嘗試一次就再也不嘗試了，那就什麼也學不會。

If you aren't likable right now, just accept that for the first few times you use this advice, it's gonna suck and feel super awkward.

如果你現在不討人喜歡，那就接受現實吧，在你使用這些建議的前幾次，你會覺得很糟糕，感覺超級尷尬。

Push through this pain, it's the only way to get better.

挺過痛苦，這是康復的唯一途徑。

Look at everything like practice, then you'll look up one day and realize you're actually pretty damn charismatic.

像練習一樣看待每一件事，然後有一天你會抬起頭來，發現自己其實很有魅力。

And finally, throughout all this advice, just be as authentic to yourself as possible.

最後，在所有這些建議的過程中，請儘可能做真實的自己。

Put your best foot forward, but if you're putting up a facade of fake smiles, people will see right through you.

把你最好的一面展現出來，但如果你裝出一副假笑的樣子，別人就會看穿你。

If you don't like some people and have to fake it, then just don't hang out with them.

如果你不喜歡某些人，又不得不裝作不喜歡，那就別和他們來往。

Be yourself, but be your very best self.

做你自己，但要做最好的自己。

If you keep trying, you'll eventually find your people.

如果你不斷嘗試，你最終會找到你的人。

Now, go out and show other people how charismatic you've become.

現在，走出去，向別人展示你的魅力。

I'll see you in the next one.

我們下一屆再見。