Certain alcohol I no longer mess with anymore, like I no longer mess with Jaeger.

某些酒我不再沾了，就像我不再喝野格一樣。

See, first of all, any alcohol that will make you say its name is not safe.

首先，任何能讓你說出它名字的酒都不安全。

And that's the only alcohol that will make you do that.

只有酒精才能讓你這麼做。

That's the only one you hear people, Jaeger!

這是你唯一聽到的聲音，野格！

You don't hear anyone else.

你聽不到其他人的聲音。

You don't hear Mexicans.

你聽不到墨西哥人的聲音。

You don't hear black people.

你聽不到黑人的聲音。

Hennessy player.

軒尼詩，朋友

You don't hear Japanese.

你聽不到日語。

Jaeger is scary for a few reasons.

野格之所以可怕，有幾個原因。

One, I'm type two diabetic.

第一，我是二型糖尿病患者。

I shouldn't even be drinking, but Jaeger has twice as much sugar in it.

我甚至不應該喝酒，但野格有兩倍的糖分。

Second thing is the consistency.

其次是黏稠度。

It's very sticky.

非常粘。

It's like cough syrup.

就像止咳糖漿一樣。

So if you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else.

是以，如果你喝得太多，它就會比任何東西都更持久。

And it's nasty.

而且很噁心。

When you drink it, you're like, it's horrible.

當你喝下它時，你會覺得，它太可怕了。

If you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else.

如果你喝得太多，它就會比任何東西都更持久。

You know what I'm saying?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

Like if you have one too many beers, you know what happens?

就像如果你喝多了啤酒，你知道會發生什麼嗎？

You get the, and then you return it to the rightful owner.

你拿到它，然後把它物歸原主。

Jaeger makes you feel like you got to bring it back, but you can't.

野格讓你覺得你必須把它帶回來，但你做不到。

All it does is make you dramatic for 45 minutes until it lets go.

它只會讓你在 45 分鐘內戲劇化，直到它放手。

You've seen someone like that.

你見過這樣的人

Hey, you okay?

嘿，你還好嗎？

I'm fine.

我沒事

They can't throw up.

他們吐不出來。

All they're doing is six minute abs.

他們做的只是六分鐘腹肌。

People look at you the next day.

第二天人們會看著你。

Are you into fitness?

你喜歡健身嗎？

No, I'm a drunk.

不，我是個酒鬼

Jaeger is scary.

野格很可怕

Another alcohol I refuse to mess with anymore is wine.

另一種我拒絕再沾的酒是葡萄酒。

Look at the people over there.

看看那邊的人們。

We're from Schaumburg.

我們來自沙姆堡。

For those of you that don't know, Schaumburg is the kind of the Beverly hills of the area.

對於那些不知道的人來說，沙姆堡就像是該地區的貝弗利山。

So with wine is very simple.

所以，葡萄酒很簡單。

I don't like the fact that wine is socially accepted.

我不喜歡酒被社會所接受的事實。

And what I mean by that is that if you see someone with a bottle of wine, if you see a guy crossing the street with a bottle of wine, immediately he's judged, but in a positive way, because wine is always associated with something high class, something positive, something progressive, an anniversary, a celebration of promotion.

我的意思是說，如果你看到有人拿著一瓶酒，如果你看到一個人拿著一瓶酒過馬路，他馬上就會受到評判，但這是一種積極的評判，因為酒總是與高級的東西、積極的東西、進步的東西、週年紀念、升職慶祝聯繫在一起。

So you try to figure it out.

所以你就想辦法解決。

Hey, what do you think is going on over there?

嘿，你覺得那邊發生了什麼？

Graduation promotion.

促進畢業。

It's got to be good.

一定要好。

Hey, good for you, buddy.

嘿，好樣的，夥計。

Women see a man with a bottle of wine, holding a couple of glasses and immediately lucky bitch.

女人看到一個男人拿著一瓶酒，端著幾個杯子，馬上就會覺得他是個幸運的婊子。

It's still alcohol.

還是酒精。

It will still mess you up.

它還是會把你弄得一團糟。

The main reason why I don't like wine is because you cannot accurately measure wine.

我不喜歡葡萄酒的主要原因是，你無法準確測量葡萄酒。

You can measure real enough times, what you can handle and what you can't handle because people who drink a lot love to brag about their drinking abilities.

你可以測量足夠多的真實次數，你能承受什麼，你不能承受什麼，因為經常喝酒的人喜歡吹噓自己的酒量。

They have their drinking number, right?

他們有喝酒的號碼，對吧？

They have their drinking number.

他們有自己的酒水號碼。

You'll hear them.

你會聽到的

Yeah. 11 shots of don't Julio.

是啊，11杯 "不要胡里奧

Woo.

Woo.

Yeah.

是啊

They had their drinking number.

他們有喝酒的號碼。

Even women after four shots of Cuervo.

即使是喝了四杯奎爾沃酒的女人也不例外。

I am so good.

我太厲害了

Four shots is my sweet spot.

四槍是我的最佳選擇。

What happens if you do five?

如果你做了五次會怎麼樣？

I'll wake up in an alley.

我會在小巷裡醒來

What happens if you do six?

如果你做了六次會怎麼樣？

That's how I met Tyrone.

我就是這樣認識泰隆的。

See, with wine, you cannot accurately measure how much you're drinking unless you're basing it on the bottle.

你看，對於葡萄酒來說，除非根據酒瓶來計算，否則你無法準確衡量自己喝了多少。

And if you're basing it on the bottle, then that's a whole different issue.

如果你以瓶子為依據，那就是完全不同的問題了。

With wine, the glasses are always different sizes.

喝葡萄酒時，酒杯總是大小不一。

Sometimes they're big glasses.

有時是大眼鏡。

Sometimes they're small glasses.

有時是小眼鏡。

And a lot of times you need to rely on someone to pour it for you.

很多時候，你需要依靠別人來幫你倒酒。

Sometimes they know what they're doing.

有時他們知道自己在做什麼。

Sometimes they don't.

有時不會。

Sometimes they fill it up too high, which is not the proper amount.

有時他們裝得太高，這是不合適的。

Sometimes they get it just right, which is a little bit less than half of the glass.

有時，他們會恰到好處，也就是不到杯子的一半。

Sometimes you get that greedy bastard from Olive Garden.

有時你會遇到橄欖園那個貪婪的混蛋。

You know what I'm talking about?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

Where you get that little sample and then you have to hold it up in direct sunlight and do this.

你拿到小樣本後，必須把它放在陽光直射的地方，然後做這個動作。

Then you drink it.

然後你就喝了它。

You're like, that's pretty good.

你會覺得，這很不錯。

I got a coupon for that.

我有一張優惠券。

Here you go.

給你

And you never see wine drinkers drinking with real drinkers in dive bars.

在潛水酒吧裡，你永遠看不到酒鬼和真正的酒鬼一起喝酒。

You might see them at a social gathering like this one or some corporate function, but never at a little hole in the wall.

你可能會在像這樣的社交聚會或一些公司活動中看到他們，但絕不會在牆上的一個小洞裡看到他們。

You'll never see.

你永遠不會看到

Jaeger!

傑格

Tequila way!

龍舌蘭酒

And in the middle.

中間是

Mellow, I say.

我說 "圓潤"。

Oh, this is a fantastic establishment.

哦，這真是個好地方。

I truly enjoy the decor here.

我非常喜歡這裡的裝飾。

This is amazing.

太神奇了

This is fantastic.

這真是太棒了。