We must never let people down.

我們絕不能讓人們失望。

Not just a few friends and family members, but pretty much anyone who wants anything of us.

不僅僅是幾個朋友和家人，而是幾乎所有想從我們這裡得到任何東西的人。

Perhaps someone wants to see us again for supper.

也許有人想再和我們一起吃晚飯。

We kept them entertained, and now they want more.

我們讓他們樂在其中，現在他們想要更多。

The problem is that we really don't much like them, but we go anyway, because how could we not, next time and probably the twenty times after that?

問題是，我們真的不太喜歡他們，但我們還是去了，因為我們怎麼能不去呢，下次可能還會去二十次呢？

We give money to people we don't trust.

我們把錢給了我們不信任的人。

We stay up too late at parties we hate.

我們在討厭的派對上熬夜到很晚。

We wind up on holiday with characters we have little in common with.

在假期中，我們與自己沒有多少共同話題的人物一起度過。

We would feel a sense of obligation to someone we'd just met on a tram, or to a dog that wanted us to keep throwing a ball.

我們會對在電車上剛認識的人或希望我們繼續扔球的狗產生一種義務感。

On our gravestone, it might as well say, got here a lot earlier out of an inability to say no.

在我們的墓碑上，可能會寫著 "由於無法拒絕，我們早早地來到了這裡"。

It gets worse the kinder a person happens to be to us, and the more emotional the relationship.

越是對我們好的人，越是感情豐富的人，這種情況就越嚴重。

If we develop reservations about a partner, we'll smile bravely when they speak of meeting up with their parents, moving in or getting married.

如果我們對伴侶有所保留，那麼當他們談到與父母見面、同居或結婚時，我們就會勇敢地微笑。

Who are we to have a contrary view?

我們有什麼資格持相反意見？

What gives us the right to turn away enthusiasm, simply because we happen to feel a little uncomfortable and intermittently somewhat nauseous?

我們有什麼權利僅僅因為感到有點不舒服，間或有點噁心，就拒絕熱情？

There tends to be a history behind our feelings of obligation.

我們的義務感背後往往有一段歷史。

Way back, people around us were likely not to have been overly interested in our sincere needs.

很久以前，我們周圍的人很可能對我們的真誠需求並不太感興趣。

What did it matter how we were feeling about school or a friend or the strange pain in our tummy when they, the big important person, had something properly vital going on in their world?

我們對學校、對朋友、對肚子裡奇怪的疼痛有什麼感覺，而他們這些重要人物的世界裡卻發生著至關重要的事情，這又有什麼關係呢？

We might have needed to tread extremely carefully lest we encourage yet another bout of rage or self-pitying to mention that we needed the bathroom or weren't having fun in the museum or would really have liked another slice of cake.

我們可能需要小心翼翼地行事，以免助長另一陣憤怒或自怨自艾，提及我們需要上廁所，或在博物館裡玩得不開心，或真的很想再吃一塊蛋糕。

A manic sense of obligation is the logical consequence of key people's historic lack of obligation towards us.

狂躁的義務感是關鍵人物歷來對我們缺乏義務的必然結果。

The way out of our knots is to start to take them seriously.

擺脫心結的方法就是開始認真對待它們。

This isn't just part of what everyone has to do.

這不僅僅是每個人都必須做的事情。

At this pitch, it's an illness.

從這個角度看，這是一種疾病。

We need to learn the foreign language of honesty.

我們需要學習誠實這門外語。

I don't want to be with this person any more, even though we had some nice times.

我不想再和這個人在一起了，儘管我們曾經有過美好的時光。

I don't want to see this friend any more, even though they have some good qualities.

我不想再見到這個朋友，儘管他們有一些優點。

I don't need to give them what they want, even if they tell me they adore me.

我不需要滿足他們的要求，即使他們說他們崇拜我。

We may be shocked by the discovery of our backbone.

我們可能會為發現自己的脊樑而感到震驚。

We had believed we were nice.

我們曾認為自己是好人。

Now we sense an obligation to someone beyond the first person who believes we can be useful to them.

現在，除了第一個相信我們對他們有用的人之外，我們還對其他人負有義務。

Along the way, we learn that the consequence of disappointing people is almost never what we fear.

一路走來，我們瞭解到，讓人失望的後果幾乎從來都不是我們所擔心的。

Not everyone is like our fragile father or irate mother.

不是每個人都像我們脆弱的父親或暴躁的母親。

Most adults can take a no and may even be grateful to us for putting boundaries on their demands.

大多數成年人都能接受 "不"，甚至會感謝我們為他們的要求設置了界限。

There is an option beyond the dichotomy of meek compliance on the one hand and volcanic fury on the other.

在溫順順從與火山爆發的二元對立之外，還有一種選擇。

We can be at once civil and firm, polite and definitive.

我們可以既文明又堅定，既禮貌又明確。

I'd have loved to see you, but my health isn't so good at the moment, so let me be the one to get back in touch when I'm up for it.

我很想見你，但我現在身體不太好，所以還是讓我來吧，等我身體好了再聯繫你。

Thank you for your kind offer.

謝謝您的好意。

I'd have loved to take you up on this, but circumstances make it sadly impossible.

我很想接受你的邀請，但遺憾的是情況不允許。

Do forgive me.

請原諒我。

There should be this sort of stuff at school for those of us who never got it at home and remain awkward about asking where the bathroom might be.

學校裡應該為我們這些在家裡從來沒有接觸過這種東西的人提供這樣的機會，讓我們在詢問衛生間在哪裡時感到尷尬。

We'll have made progress when we learn to love being kind to ourselves more than we fear momentarily frustrating those we may not even like.

當我們學會善待自己，而不是害怕一時挫敗那些我們可能根本不喜歡的人時，我們就取得了進步。