Just like a post-Donner kebab dump that you've been desperately holding in until you can get back to the quiet sanctity of your own bathroom to let rip with a toilet-cracking explosion of...

就像你拼命忍住，直到回到安靜神聖的自家浴室，在馬桶裂開的縫隙裡爆發出一陣...

LIQUID FILTH.

液態汙垢。

Disney knew that they were going to have to release a trailer for Snow White sooner or later, and well, it went about as well as you might expect.

迪斯尼知道他們遲早要發佈《白雪公主》的預告片，而預告片的效果也正如你所料。

Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen a movie make so many missteps and receive such nuclear-level backlash in my entire career.

老實說，在我的職業生涯中，我從未見過一部電影出現如此多的失誤，並受到如此大的反響。

From the laughably bad leaked photographs to the tiresome, updated-for-modern-audiences premise, to the gratingly unpleasant interviews with the lead actress, and even the baffling decision not to cast dwarf actors for fear of offending Peter Dinklage. Snow White really was the perfect storm of everything so painfully predictable and ridiculous about modern entertainment, twisting and contorting itself into something barely recognizable from the original in a desperate attempt to pander to absolutely everyone.

從令人啼笑皆非的洩露照片，到令人厭倦的、為迎合現代觀眾而更新的前提，再到令人不快的女主角訪談，甚至是令人費解的因害怕得罪彼得-丁拉基而不選擇侏儒演員的決定。白雪公主》真是一場完美的風暴，將現代娛樂中一切可預見的、令人痛心的、可笑的東西都扭曲變形，幾乎無法辨認出原作的影子，拼命迎合所有人的口味。

And when the announcement came that the project was going to be delayed by more than a year, almost certainly in response to the massive amount of negative publicity, it honestly seemed like they might just shitcan the whole thing.

當宣佈該項目將延後一年多時，幾乎可以肯定是為了應對大量的負面報道，老實說，他們似乎可能會放棄整個項目。

Because really, what was the point in pressing ahead with a movie that everyone in the world seemed to despise?

因為說真的，繼續拍攝一部全世界似乎都鄙視的電影又有什麼意義呢？

How many hundreds of millions of dollars were you willing to lose just to make a point? Well, we got our answer at Disney's recent D23 Expo, their annual get-together where they announced a bunch of shit projects that nobody wants and tried to pretend that the company isn't falling down around their ears.

為了表達一個觀點，你願意損失多少億美元？在迪斯尼最近舉辦的 D23 博覽會上，我們得到了答案。在這次年度聚會上，迪斯尼宣佈了一大堆沒人要的爛項目，並試圖假裝公司沒有倒閉。

Anyway, after basically going radio silent on this movie for almost a year and hoping that the backlash would die down, Disney decided that the time was right to release their first trailer.

總之，迪士尼對這部電影基本上保持了將近一年的沉默，並希望反響能夠平息，之後，迪士尼決定在適當的時候發佈第一部預告片。

And in case you were wondering, yes, it was just as godly oversaturated with eye-damaging colors, just as laden with fake, edgy, self-important music, just as crammed full of eerily uncanny CGI animals that looked great in cartoon form but weird and unnatural in live action as you might expect.

如果你想知道的話，是的，這部電影也是如此，它的色彩過度飽和，有礙觀瞻，也充斥著虛假、前衛、自以為是的音樂，也充斥著令人毛骨悚然的 CGI 動物，這些動物在卡通形式下看起來很棒，但在實景拍攝中卻顯得怪異而不自然。

And yes, there was no sign of Prince Charming, because I think Rachel Zegler's made her thoughts on that character pretty clear already. And as for the dwarves, sorry diverse, magical, gender non-conforming, vertically challenged individuals, these things are absolute nightmare fuel.

是的，沒有白馬王子的影子，因為我認為瑞秋-澤格勒已經很清楚地表達了她對這個角色的看法。至於那些小矮人，對不起，那些多樣化的、有魔法的、性別不符的、有垂直障礙的人，這些東西絕對是噩夢的燃料。

I mean, just look at them.

我是說，看看他們就知道了。

Look at how jerky and unnatural their movements are.

看看他們的動作是多麼生硬和不自然。

Look at their weird, rubbery, soulless faces.

看看他們怪異的、橡皮似的、沒有靈魂的臉。

It's like watching an interview with Kevin Feige.

就像在看凱文-費奇的訪談一樣。

They would have looked bad enough in a purely animated movie, but the fact that they're superimposed next to an actual human being so that we can very clearly see how fake they look is just further proof that the entire concept behind this movie was a horrifically bad idea. I mean, just pause for a moment and imagine how much better and more natural this scene would have looked, not to mention how much cheaper it would have been to film if they'd just shot it on an actual physical set and used actual dwarf actors.

如果是在純動畫電影中，他們看起來就夠糟糕的了，但事實上，他們疊加在真人旁邊，讓我們可以非常清楚地看到他們看起來有多麼虛假，這進一步證明了這部電影背後的整個概念都是一個可怕的餿主意。我的意思是，只要稍停片刻，想象一下這個場景看起來會有多好、多自然，更不用說如果他們只是在一個真實的場景中拍攝，並使用真正的侏儒演員，拍攝成本會有多低了。

It would have given Rachel Zegler something to actually play against, instead of the horrifying reality that she was almost certainly dancing by herself in a big empty room for this sequence with some tennis balls on sticks as a visual reference for the dwarves. On that subject actually, old Rachel's been suspiciously quiet in recent months, almost like she's been told by Disney that every time she opens her mouth and expresses another dumb, entitled, disrespectful and poorly thought out opinion, she actively shaves millions of dollars off the film's box office total.

這樣一來，蕾切爾-澤格勒就有了真正的對手戲，而不是可怕的現實：她幾乎肯定是一個人在一個空蕩蕩的大房間裡跳舞，用棍子上的網球作為小矮人的視覺參考。事實上，在這個問題上，老瑞秋最近幾個月的沉默令人懷疑，幾乎就像迪斯尼告訴她，每當她開口表達另一個愚蠢、有權、不尊重和拙劣的觀點時，她就會主動從影片的總票房中減去數百萬美元。

The last time she made a major appearance in relation to this film, it was during a very carefully controlled conversation with Halle Bailey, and if you know anything about body language and tone of voice, it's pretty funny to compare the quiet, demure, soft-spoken and thoughtful Zegler in that interview with the brash, outspoken, abrasively overconfident version we saw just a few months earlier. The cartoon was made 85 years ago, and therefore it's extremely dated when it comes to the ideas of women being in roles of power.

如果你對肢體語言和語氣有所瞭解，那麼將那次採訪中安靜、端莊、輕聲細語、深思熟慮的澤格勒與幾個月前我們看到的那個粗魯、直率、粗暴、過度自信的澤格勒相比，就會覺得非常有趣。這部卡通片是 85 年前製作的，是以在女性擔任權力角色的觀念上已經非常過時了。

Several months later, the cartoon's so beloved.

幾個月後，這部卡通片深受喜愛。

It's like a monumental moment in film history.

這就像是電影史上的一個重要時刻。

Yeah, it's like the first feature-length cartoon movie to the point where it won honorary Oscars and all of these amazing things that happened for that film are the reason that you and I really get to sit here today because it made Disney what it is.

是啊，它就像是第一部長篇動畫電影，並獲得了奧斯卡榮譽獎，所有這些因這部電影而發生的神奇事情，都是你我今天能坐在這裡的原因，因為它成就了迪士尼。

That, my friends, is what happens when someone gets the mother of all bollickins from their boss.

我的朋友們，這就是被老闆 "訓斥 "的下場。

It's Hollywood, baby. The movie was always going to have a problem framing the central conflict of an evil stepmother jealous of Snow White's otherworldly beauty when said stepmother was played by Gal Gadot, one of the most famously beautiful actresses in Hollywood today, and Snow White was played by... well, you get the picture.

這就是好萊塢，寶貝。電影的核心衝突是邪惡的繼母嫉妒白雪公主超凡脫俗的美貌，而繼母的扮演者蓋爾-加朵是當今好萊塢最著名的美女演員之一，白雪公主的扮演者則是......嗯，你懂的。

Fortunately though, the trailer manages to completely emphasize the problem even more.

不過幸運的是，預告片中的內容更加突出了問題的嚴重性。

Yes, I know that Fairest of Them All in this case is meant to represent truth and justice and leadership, or something equally vague and intangible that's been awkwardly ported into a narrative that totally doesn't support it, but that concept is not conveyed here at all.

是的，我知道 "最公平的人"（Fairest of Them All）在這裡代表的是真理、正義和領導力，或者同樣模糊和無形的東西，而這些東西被拙劣地移植到一個完全不支持它的敘事中，但這個概念在這裡完全沒有傳達出來。

It's the cinematic equivalent of putting a Lamborghini next to a Ford Escort and implying the Lamborghini is the one that feels jealous.

這就好比把一輛蘭博基尼放在福特 Escort 旁邊，暗示蘭博基尼才是嫉妒的那個。

Somehow I don't think people are going to buy into this. Also, you've got to love the revamped version of the Whistle While You Work song that leaked online a couple of days ago.

不知為什麼，我覺得人們不會買賬。另外，你一定會喜歡幾天前在網上流傳的 "一邊工作一邊吹口哨 "這首歌的改良版。

It's basically the perfect distillation of everything that's designed for modern audiences.

它基本上是為現代觀眾設計的一切的完美提煉。

And in case you're curious about the difference, check out this little side-by-side comparison.

如果您對兩者的區別感到好奇，可以看看這個小小的並排對比。

Notice how in the original movie, Snow White offers to clean up the Dwarfs' home with a little help from her animal friends.

請注意，在原版電影中，白雪公主在動物朋友的幫助下打掃了小矮人的家。

It's a little token of respect and appreciation on her part, in return for giving her food and shelter.

這是對她的一點尊重和感謝，也是對她提供食物和住所的回報。

But the horrifying notion of a woman doing any kind of domestic chores, even as a temporary response to a very specific situation, clearly doesn't gel with modern sensibilities.

但是，讓一個女人做任何家務，哪怕是在非常特殊的情況下臨時做出的反應，這種可怕的想法顯然不符合現代人的情感。

Because as we all know, modern independent women would never be seen dead sweeping up, or tidying, or cleaning dirty dishes.

因為我們都知道，現代獨立女性絕不會被人看到死在掃地、整理或清洗髒盤子的崗位上。

All of that stuff just kind of… happens by itself now, I guess.

我想，所有這些事情現在都會自己發生了。

So in the new version, she forces the Dwarfs themselves to clean up the place.

是以，在新版本中，她強迫小矮人自己來清理這個地方。

That's right, they take her into their home, offer her protection and food and everything else she needs, and in return, she forces them to do even more work for her.

沒錯，他們把她帶到自己家裡，為她提供保護、食物和她需要的一切，而作為回報，她卻強迫他們為她做更多的工作。

This is the point at which identity politics, storytelling, and simple common sense all come into conflict with each other, and the latter two are sacrificed in favor of the former. Anyway, whatever.

在這一點上，身份政治、講故事和簡單的常識都相互衝突，為了前者而犧牲了後兩者。總之，無所謂了。

The point here is that if this trailer was Disney's big shot at turning around public opinion of their least popular movie since the Marvels, then I don't think it's accomplished its mission.

我想說的是，如果這部預告片是迪士尼扭轉公眾對他們自《驚奇世界》以來最不受歡迎的電影的看法的重要一擊，那麼我認為它並沒有完成使命。

In fact, it's just further proof that they should probably do their shareholders a favor and backgirl this thing out of existence.

事實上，這只是進一步證明，他們或許應該為股東們做件好事，讓這東西退出歷史舞臺。

It will not be missed.

它不會被錯過。

Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

總之，我今天就講到這裡。

Go away now.

現在就走