And I've said this ad nauseum over the course of the last decade of my life, the people that follow me a lot will be able to repeat this phrase easily because I say it so much.

在我過去十年的生活中，我一直在重複這句話，經常關注我的人會很容易重複這句話，因為我說得太多了。

Invest in those who invest in you, don't invest in someone based on how much you like them.

投資於那些投資於你的人，不要根據你有多喜歡一個人而投資於他。

But there is a challenge to this that I think is interesting because it adds a little nuance.

但我認為這其中有一個挑戰很有意思，因為它增加了一點細微差別。

Someone could easily say, but Matthew, and by the way someone did say this, I was on a podcast with Lisa Billiou on her Women of Impact podcast, I am not a woman of impact, but I graciously was allowed to come on the podcast as an honorary male.

有人很容易就會說，但是馬修，順便說一句，確實有人這麼說過，我和麗莎-比利歐在她的 "有影響力的女性 "播客上說過，我不是有影響力的女性，但我很榮幸地被允許作為榮譽男性出現在播客上。

She said to me upon hearing this, I love that, but doesn't that get you into a kind of standoff with someone where you're both holding your gun waiting for the other person to draw before you do anything?

她聽後對我說："我喜歡這樣，但這樣做不是會讓你和別人僵持不下，雙方都拿著槍，等對方拔槍後再動手嗎？

Can it lead to a situation where relationships are simply transactions, where you wait for somebody else to invest before you do anything at all?

這會不會導致一種情況，即人際關係只是簡單的交易，你在做任何事情之前都在等待別人的投資？

This is where a principle comes in to temper this idea.

這就需要一個原則來緩和這種想法。

We have to invest and then test.

我們必須投資，然後進行測試。

This is something, a phrase that my brother Stephen Hussey who writes for our website howtogettheguy.com coined.

這是我的兄弟斯蒂芬-赫西（Stephen Hussey）創造的一句話，他為我們的網站 howtogettheguy.com 撰稿。

Invest, then test.

先投資，後測試。

In other words, give a little and then see if they move a little to where you are.

換句話說，付出一點，然後看看他們是否會向你所在的位置移動一點。

I think about this from the first moment you meet someone.

從你見到某人的第一眼起，我就在思考這個問題。

You see someone in a coffee shop, it's like you both are attracted, you both want to talk to each other.

你在咖啡館裡看到某人，就好像你們都被吸引了，都想和對方說話。

One person at some point has got to make it easier on both of you.

在某些時候，一個人必須讓你們倆都輕鬆一些。

Someone has to take responsibility for making it a bit easier.

必須有人承擔責任，讓事情變得簡單一些。

What happens?

會發生什麼？

Maybe one person goes and sits close to that person.

也許一個人去了，坐在離那個人很近的地方。

I know we live in a world now where the idea of going and sitting close to someone seems like a thing of the past, what an anachronism.

我知道，在我們生活的這個世界裡，走近某人並坐在他身邊的想法似乎已成為過去，多麼不合時宜。

But let's just take the concept in, we have to be able to talk about normal things sometimes.

但我們還是要接受這個概念，我們有時必須能夠談論正常的事情。

My God, if not only to illustrate a point, you go sit somewhat close to that person.

天哪，如果不只是為了說明問題，你就去坐得離那個人近一點。

That person, oh, there's a person I was making eye contact with is now sitting kind of close to me.

那個人，哦，剛才和我有眼神交流的那個人，現在坐得離我有點近。

Now one person says, you all right?

現在有人說，你還好嗎？

I like that, what you've ordered there looks delicious.

我喜歡，你在那裡點的東西看起來很美味。

And then, oh, it is delicious.

然後，哦，真好吃。

I've had it before.

我以前也有過。

How are you?

你好嗎？

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Now you've got a conversation that's happening because both people, they put in a little bit, sometimes in the beginning, one person has to overcome another person's shyness and do something a bit more drastic.

現在你有了一個對話，因為兩個人都投入了一點，有時在開始時，一個人必須克服另一個人的害羞，做一些更激烈的事情。

Go over and just start talking to them because this person is never going to come over of their own volition.

過去和他們談談，因為這個人永遠不會主動過來。

That happens at that stage.

這就發生在那個階段。

Then there's the later stages of, okay, when we're in the texting phase, I need to look and see as Jameson and I have talked about previously in a video, am I in the blue?

然後是後期階段，好吧，當我們處於發短信階段時，我需要看一看，就像詹姆森和我之前在視頻中談到的那樣，我是在藍色嗎？

We text all the time.

我們經常發短信。

Simmy, the colors, look at the colors.

辛米，顏色，看看這些顏色。

You're in the blue, mate.

你是藍色的，夥計。

When I send them meaty messages where I actually say things, do they send me quick one word or three word answers?

當我給他們發送內容充實、言之有物的資訊時，他們是否會給我發送一個字或三個字的快速回復？

That's a form of taking a leap of faith that, well, I like someone, so I'm going to let them know about it and I'm going to see how they respond.

我喜歡一個人，所以我要讓他知道這件事，看看他有什麼反應。

But then actually paying attention to the response.

但後來，我真正注意到了迴應。

Is the investment equal or do you always feel like you're the one investing a lot more than that person is?

投資是平等的，還是你總覺得自己的投資比對方多得多？

Invest, then test.

先投資，後測試。

I don't mean test in the manipulative game playing sense.

我指的測試並不是操縱遊戲的測試。

Simply measure, like what's the reaction?

簡單測量一下，比如有什麼反應？

In dating in general, I think one of the big problems is we don't do enough communicating, but we do too much chasing.

在約會中，我認為一個很大的問題是，我們沒有進行足夠的溝通，卻做了太多的追逐。

Communicating is letting someone know that you like them.

溝通就是讓對方知道你喜歡他。

I find you attractive.

我覺得你很迷人。

I'd love to hang out sometime.

有時間我很想一起玩玩。

We should go for a coffee.

我們應該去喝杯咖啡。

I'm into you.

我喜歡你

You know, I like something about you.

我喜歡你的某些地方

Or you look cute in that top or whatever.

或者你穿那件上衣很可愛之類的。

That's communicating.

這就是溝通。

What I'm doing there is showing that I like you.

我這樣做是在表明我喜歡你。

Chasing is when you continue to invest in someone, you continue to keep chasing them, to keep giving them energy long after the point of having already communicated that you like them and without the equivalent return of attention, of interaction from them.

追逐是指你繼續在某人身上投資，你繼續追逐他，繼續給他能量，在你已經表明你喜歡他之後很久，而他卻沒有給予你同等的關注和互動。

That's chasing.

這就是追逐。

I'm a huge proponent of communicating and someone who's trying to someone else to make the first move.

我非常支持溝通，也非常支持別人先採取行動。

Investing a little bit so that someone knows where you stand, so that someone knows that you like them, so that someone knows you're open to a date, so that someone knows that you'd like to see them for a second date, so that someone knows that you find them attractive, sexy, appealing as a human being.

投入一點，讓對方知道你的立場，讓對方知道你喜歡他，讓對方知道你願意和他約會，讓對方知道你願意和他第二次約會，讓對方知道你覺得他有魅力、性感、有人情味。

That's brave.

真勇敢

That's vulnerable.

這是脆弱的。

That's courageous.

這就是勇氣。

Chasing someone is a sign of low self-worth, losing our own self-respect, and having put someone on a pedestal.

追逐一個人是自我價值低、失去自尊的表現，也是把一個人捧上天的表現。

And I say put someone on a pedestal because how can someone be so great that you continue to chase them when they're not giving you that back?

我說 "高高在上"，是因為一個人如此偉大，以至於當他沒有給你回報時，你還會繼續追逐他嗎？

No one can be that great because greatness, someone who's great for a relationship with you, doesn't just come in the form of someone who's got great qualities.

沒有人可以做到那麼偉大，因為偉大的人，一個適合與你交往的人，並不只是擁有偉大品質的人。

It comes in the form of someone who represents a great energy in your life, represents a great investment in you as a human being.

它是以這樣一種形式出現的：某人在你的生活中代表著巨大的能量，代表著對你作為一個人的巨大投資。

You can't have one without the other.

兩者缺一不可。

You can't have someone who's great for a relationship but doesn't invest.

你不能找一個很適合談戀愛卻不投入的人。

So chasing is chasing someone who you admire, who you think is great, but someone who ultimately is not actually investing in building something with you.

所以，追逐就是追逐一個你崇拜的人，一個你認為很棒的人，但這個人最終並沒有真正投入到與你共創美好事物的過程中。

Invest a little so that you can test whether you get anything back, and only continue to invest in those who invest in you. you

投資一點，這樣你就可以檢驗自己是否得到回報，而且只對投資你的人繼續投資。