And if, for whatever reason, we miss out on any one of them, then a part of us will in the background be craving to return to finish the stage, even if it's one normally associated with being a toddler and we happen to be well into middle age.

如果由於某種原因，我們錯過了其中的任何一個階段，那麼我們的內心深處就會渴望回到那個階段，即使那個階段通常與蹣跚學步有關，而我們恰好已步入中年。

The central stages of childhood might be summarised like this, the adored stage, in which, in the very early months and years, on the basis of having accomplished nothing at all, we feel deeply accepted and approved of by our caregivers, simply for being, because we've arrived on the earth, are defenceless and vulnerable, and perhaps have a very cute button nose.

童年的中心階段可以這樣概括，即受寵愛階段，在這個階段的最初幾個月和幾年裡，我們在一無所成的基礎上，被我們的照顧者深深地接受和認可，僅僅因為我們的存在，因為我們來到了這個世界上，沒有自衛能力，脆弱不堪，也許還有一個非常可愛的鈕釦鼻子。

The irresponsible stage, in which we can explore the world in a spirit of freewheeling curiosity, without too many consequences or burdens.

不負責任的階段，在這個階段，我們可以本著自由的好奇心探索世界，沒有太多的後果和負擔。

We can ask questions, we can try out what it's like to drop things on the floor, catapult pastor into the air or, say, bar a hundred times.

我們可以提問，可以試一試把東西摔在地上、把牧師彈射到空中，或者說，擊打一百次槓鈴是什麼感覺。

The naughty stage, in which we can give free reign to our desire to provoke, to be mean, to be jealous, to be a bit unkind and to flout the rules, while being forgiven and avoiding labels like evil or bad.

淘氣階段，在這個階段，我們可以肆無忌憚地挑釁、刻薄、嫉妒、有點不近人情、藐視規則，同時又能得到寬恕，避免被貼上邪惡或壞蛋的標籤。

A manners stage, in which we learn about the importance of being good, of making others happy and of fitting in with the demands of those around us.

禮儀階段，在這一階段，我們瞭解到做一個好人、讓別人快樂以及適應周圍人的要求的重要性。

Adolescence brings with it further stages of development.

青春期帶來了更多的發展階段。

The rebellious stage, in which we can shout at our parents, declare that we never wanted to be born, question every conceivable kind of authority and attempt to be very strange indeed.

在叛逆期，我們可以對父母大喊大叫，宣佈自己從未想過要出生，質疑各種可以想象到的權威，並試圖變得非常奇怪。

The sexually exploratory stage, in which we can give licence to our burgeoning sexuality and find out who we really are and what we want in bed.

性探索階段，在這一階段，我們可以盡情釋放勃發的性慾，找出自己的真實面目，以及自己在床上想要什麼。

The responsible stage, in which we find ourselves vocationally, submit to the demands of academia and accede to the limitations of employment.

負責任的階段，我們發現自己處於職業階段，服從學術的要求，接受就業的限制。

The emotionally committed stage, in which we exchange the pleasures of sexual exploration for the complicated pleasures of a deep union.

情感投入階段，在這一階段，我們用性探索的樂趣換取深度結合的複雜樂趣。

The difficulty with these stages is that they rely, in order to unfold, on a good enough facilitating environment.

這些階段的困難在於，它們的展開依賴於足夠好的促進環境。

A rebellious stage requires parents who will put up with a degree of stroppiness and fury.

叛逆期的孩子需要父母在一定程度上容忍他們的暴躁和憤怒。

An irresponsible stage requires caregivers who can allow us to make a racket and leap up and down on the sofa for an hour.

在這個不負責任的階段，需要有人照顧我們，讓我們在沙發上喧鬧、上躥下跳一個小時。

This is not a given.

這不是必然的。

There may be depression, anger, a sick sibling, a divorce or some other factor that obliges us to jump to a pseudo or premature version of maturity.

可能是抑鬱、憤怒、兄弟姐妹生病、離婚或其他一些因素，迫使我們跳到一個偽成熟或過早成熟的版本。

We can end up responsible before we have been rebellious, emotionally committed before we have been allowed to have a go at sexual exploration, or so-called kind before we have tried out naughtiness.

我們可能在叛逆之前就已經有了責任感，在被允許進行性探索之前就已經有了情感承諾，或者在嘗試淘氣之前就已經有了所謂的善良。

That we have missed out on a stage may, unfortunately, be unapparent for many years.

遺憾的是，我們錯過了一個舞臺，可能很多年都無法看到。

But the way we function means that eventually, the missing stage will force itself to be heard, perhaps at the cost of seriously upending our lives.

但是，我們的工作方式意味著，最終，缺失的階段將被迫被聽到，也許代價是嚴重破壞我們的生活。

We can state a general principle of psychological life.

我們可以闡述心理生活的一般原則。

No stage that has been missed out will ever easily leave us alone until it has been registered, honoured, sampled and exhausted.

錯過的任何階段都不會輕易放過我們，直到它被登記、被尊重、被品嚐、被用盡。

If we strive to suppress it, it will buckle and torment our psyches and bodies until we recognise what has happened and take steps to correct the deficit.

如果我們竭力壓制它，它就會不斷侵蝕和折磨我們的心理和身體，直到我們認識到發生了什麼，並採取措施糾正不足。

The idea of missing stages explains the phenomenon of the otherwise responsible lawyer who, at 42, suddenly leaves their family and young children in order to join a commune, or who infuriates their bosses and makes a bizarre mistake that gets them fired, or the octogenarian who divorces their spouse because they realise they were never held and simply allowed to be, or the 67-year-old who, over the course of a few months, takes to drink and shouts late at night in the garden to vent an aggression and energy that they were never granted licence to indulge in their family of birth.

缺失階段的概念解釋了這樣一種現象：原本負責任的律師在 42 歲時突然離開家庭和年幼的孩子加入了公社，或者激怒了他們的老闆，犯了一個讓他們被解僱的離奇錯誤，或者八十多歲的老人與配偶離婚，因為他們意識到他們從來沒有被擁抱過，只是被允許而已，或者 67 歲的老人在幾個月的時間裡酗酒，深夜在花園裡大喊大叫，以發洩他們在出生家庭中從未被允許放縱的攻擊性和精力。

We sometimes say, generally half in jest, that we might love to go back and be a baby for an afternoon.

我們有時會半開玩笑地說，我們真想回去當一個下午的嬰兒。

The expression is telling.

這種表達方式很能說明問題。

There are parts of us that continually ache to sample what we never had enough of.

我們的內心深處一直渴望品嚐到我們從未品嚐夠的東西。

The best thing to do with a missing stage is, first and foremost, to recognise that it is missing and then to find the least dangerous and most effective way of sampling it, even as we try not to ruin or spoil the accomplishments of later stages of our lives.

對於缺失的階段，最好的辦法首先是認識到它的缺失，然後找到最不危險、最有效的方法來彌補它，同時儘量不破壞或毀掉我們人生後期階段的成就。

We may have to find a way to explain to a long-suffering spouse or friend or colleague that we missed out on the adored stage, the naughty stage or the sexually exploratory stage.

我們可能不得不想辦法向長期受苦的配偶、朋友或同事解釋，我們錯過了被愛的階段、淘氣的階段或性探索的階段。

It may not be easy for anyone.

這對任何人來說都不容易。

What this ultimately tells us is that we should never be rushed into maturity.

這最終告訴我們的是，我們永遠不要急於走向成熟。

Whenever we see a child or teenager and hear them described as old for their years or already so grown up, we should worry and if this happened to be us, we should mourn.

每當我們看到一個兒童或青少年，聽到他們被描述為比他們的年齡老，或者已經長大成人，我們就應該擔心，如果這發生在我們身上，我們就應該哀悼。

The world would be a lot calmer if all of its outwardly adult and yet inwardly bawling unhappy babies and furious toddlers had been given a chance to be who they needed to be at the age when it was safest and easiest for them to be so.

如果所有外表成熟、內心嚎啕大哭的不快樂嬰兒和憤怒的幼兒都能有機會在最安全、最容易的年齡段做自己想做的事，那麼這個世界就會平靜許多。