Welcome back to my channel.

歡迎回到我的頻道。

I hope you're all having a lovely, lovely day.

希望大家今天都過得愉快、開心。

I hope it gets even better from watching this video.

我希望看了這段視頻後，情況會變得更好。

Today we're chatting all about my sort of dating rules slash guidelines.

今天我們來聊一聊我的約會準則。

I want you to come out of this video being like, okay, I know my worth.

我希望你們在看完這段視頻後會覺得，好吧，我知道自己的價值。

I'm going to stop chasing these men.

我要停止追逐這些男人。

I have no business chasing.

我沒必要追。

We're going to talk about how you're going to stop being the one who's picked and you're going to start choosing.

我們將討論如何讓你不再成為被挑選的人，而開始做出選擇。

We're going to talk about how to stop being convenient and just be who you are and know what you want.

我們將討論如何不再貪圖方便，而是做自己，知道自己想要什麼。

Stand your ground.

堅守陣地

We're going to chat about how to deal with like behaviors you don't like, how to act, what to say, that sort of a thing.

我們將討論如何處理你不喜歡的行為，如何行動，說什麼，諸如此類的問題。

Two disclaimers.

兩點免責聲明

I want to put out a, and we'll get through those really quickly.

我想說的是，我們會很快說完的。

Number one, I am coming from a place of dating men for the most part.

首先，我來自一個大部分時間都在和男人約會的地方。

So that's the context.

這就是背景。

I believe in masculine, feminine energy, and I think every relationship has that polarity or at least most, no matter if it's like a straight relationship or not.

我相信陽剛之氣和陰柔之美，我認為每段關係都有這種兩極性，至少大多數是這樣，無論它是否像一段異性戀關係。

I think there are so many misconceptions when it comes to what feminine energy actually is.

我認為，當談到女性能量究竟是什麼時，人們有很多誤解。

And I do want to talk about that.

我確實想談談這個問題。

It is not being weak, first of all, and it is not being a 1950s housewife.

首先，這不是軟弱，也不是上世紀 50 年代的家庭主婦。

I don't know where we got that from, but that is ridiculous.

我不知道我們從哪裡聽來的，但這太荒唐了。

We'll chat a little bit about that.

我們再聊一聊。

But if you want a whole other video about feminine energy and how to kind of step into it and what it is, let me know.

不過，如果你想看關於女性能量的其他視頻，以及如何走進它、它是什麼，請告訴我。

I'll gladly make a whole video about it.

我很樂意為此製作一個完整的視頻。

Disclaimer number two, anytime anyone shares any sort of dating advice of how to act or what to say or how to be when it comes to dating, there's always comments like, Oh, I just want to be myself.

免責聲明二，無論何時有人分享任何約會建議，說到約會時該如何行動、說什麼或如何做人，總會有這樣的評論："哦，我只想做我自己。

I don't want to play any games.

我不想玩任何遊戲。

And sure, who am I to tell you what to do and what not to do with your life?

當然，我有什麼資格告訴你，你的人生該做什麼，不該做什麼？

You can do whatever you want.

你想做什麼就做什麼。

But I assume that most of us that are watching this kind of content are coming from a place of not being very healthy when it comes to relationships and dating.

但我認為，我們中的大多數人在觀看這類內容時，在人際關係和約會方面都不太健康。

Maybe we've experienced whatever in our childhoods and we are, let's say anxiously attached or we're insecure.

也許我們在童年時經歷過什麼，我們就會焦慮不安，或者缺乏安全感。

We don't see our worth.

我們看不到自己的價值。

We go for the wrong guys.

我們找錯了人。

I would like to think that that is not who I am or at least it's not who I want to be.

我想，我不是這樣的人，至少我不想成為這樣的人。

And I think these tips are how to better yourself so that you can get what you want.

我認為，這些建議就是如何更好地提升自己，從而獲得自己想要的東西。

Because I assume the behavior you've been in hasn't gotten you what you want.

因為我認為你的行為並沒有讓你如願以償。

Otherwise you wouldn't be watching this.

否則你就不會看這個了。

And that is something I personally experienced.

這也是我的親身經歷。

I did a lot of toxic dating.

我做過很多有毒的約會。

I was in a lot of toxic situations, relationships, you name it, I've experienced it.

我經歷過很多有毒的環境、關係，你說得出來的，我都經歷過。

I then took a year off dating and I was single on purpose.

之後，我花了一年時間停止約會，故意單身。

And I really took that year to learn about these patterns and start to heal them.

我真的用了一年的時間來了解這些模式，並開始治癒它們。

And I'm now in a healthy, happy, long-term committed relationship that I've always wanted.

而我現在正處在一段健康、快樂、長期的承諾關係中，這正是我一直想要的。

And so this is kind of coming from that place of someone who had been through it and is now on the other side.

是以，我的這番話就像是從一個經歷過這一切、現在又站在另一邊的人的角度說出來的。

And this is something that I would do if I had to start from scratch.

如果讓我從頭開始，我也會這麼做。

I'm Nika, by the way, I like to make content like this, just chatting about things that are important in the self-development space.

順便說一下，我叫妮卡，我喜歡做這樣的內容，就是聊聊自我發展領域的一些重要事情。

And I like to make my advice and my videos super actionable so that when you're done watching it, you're like, okay, I can implement this.

我喜歡讓我的建議和視頻具有超強的可操作性，這樣當你看完之後，你就會想，好吧，我可以實施這個。

I can do this exercise and I can start today because that's just something that works for me.

我可以做這個練習，我可以從今天開始做，因為這對我來說很有效。

So I hope it works for you as well.

所以，我希望它對你也有用。

And if it's up your alley, I would love for you to stick around and subscribe and check out my other social media for more content like this.

如果你喜歡，我希望你能繼續訂閱，並在我的其他社交媒體上查看更多類似內容。

Alrighty.

好吧

That was a little long, but let's jump right into it.

剛才說得有點長，現在我們直接進入正題。

Okay.

好的

Step number one.

第一步

And I think the most crucial one is we're going to uncover your worth because what is this business of you chasing people or trying to convince people to be with you or to want you or to love you that ends today.

我認為最關鍵的一點是，我們要發掘你的價值，因為你追逐別人、試圖說服別人和你在一起、想要你、愛你，這些事情到今天就結束了。

And it can end today.

今天就可以結束。

And I'm hoping that these things that I'm about to say that helped me flip that switch are going to help you as well, because then you don't have to keep convincing yourself like, Oh, I shouldn't be doing this.

我希望我接下來要說的這些幫助我打開開關的事情也能對你有所幫助，因為這樣你就不必一直說服自己：哦，我不應該這樣做。

I shouldn't be chasing this person.

我不應該追這個人。

Like I know it's not good for me.

就像我知道這對我不好一樣。

It's not going to get me what I want, but I just cannot stop.

這不會讓我如願以償，但我就是停不下來。

We're going to end this so that naturally you're not even interested in people like that anymore.

我們要結束這一切，這樣你自然就不會再對這樣的人感興趣了。

That is the goal.

這就是我們的目標。

Okay.

好的

So usually people, especially men are very honest.

所以，通常人們，尤其是男人都很誠實。

It might not be through what they're saying, but it's definitely through what they're doing.

這可能不是通過他們所說的話，但一定是通過他們所做的事。

So they might say like, I don't want a relationship right now or I'm not looking for anything serious, but most likely they're just not putting in as much effort.

是以，他們可能會說，我現在不想談戀愛，或者我不想找什麼正經事，但最有可能的是，他們只是沒有付出那麼多努力。

So they're not making the time to see you.

所以，他們沒有抽出時間來見你。

You're not any kind of priority.

你沒有任何優先權

They don't really care to check in with you.

他們並不關心你的情況。

You kind of need to chase them to make anything happen.

你需要追著他們跑，才能有所收穫。

That means, and I hate to say it, I know it sucks to hear, but it means that they're not interested in that way.

這意味著，我不想這麼說，我知道這很難聽，但這意味著他們對這種方式不感興趣。

They don't want you in that way.

他們不希望你這樣。

They don't want a relationship with you because when anyone wants to be with you, especially a man, they will make it very obvious.

他們不想和你談戀愛，因為如果有人想和你在一起，尤其是男人，他們會表現得非常明顯。

This will not be something hard to decode or something.

這不會是什麼難以解碼的東西。

You need to convince yourself and find loopholes of, Oh, but he did text me last Friday to say that he misses me.

你需要說服自己，找到漏洞：哦，但他上週五確實給我發了簡訊，說他想我。

So he must care.

所以，他必須關心。

Like it won't even be a question.

好像這根本就不是個問題。

Does he like me?

他喜歡我嗎？

Does he want to be with me or not?

他到底想不想和我在一起？

It's very, very obvious because why wouldn't he make it obvious if that is what he wants?

這非常、非常明顯，因為如果這是他想要的，他為什麼不說出來呢？

You know, it's very simple.

你知道，這很簡單。

But if we are in this pattern of chasing people that we know deep down don't want us, it comes from somewhere.

但是，如果我們追逐那些我們內心深處知道並不想要我們的人，這種追逐模式就會從某個地方產生。

Obviously.

很明顯

It might be that your dad didn't have time for you.

可能是你爸爸沒有時間陪你。

So you kept just kind of scraping for some love and attention.

所以，你一直在努力尋求愛和關注。

Maybe you were bullied early on in childhood.

也許你早在童年時期就被人欺負過。

Maybe you just didn't feel loved and like you belong in your family, whatever it might be.

也許你只是感覺不到被愛，感覺不到自己屬於家庭，不管是什麼原因。

There are a hundred different types of stories, but they all lead to the same place, which is you not believing that who you are is good enough and worthy enough to be loved just for who you are.

有上百種不同類型的故事，但它們都通向同一個地方，那就是你不相信你是一個足夠好、足夠值得被愛的人。

And now you're out here convincing these random chads or brads or whoever that no, I am, I am actually good enough.

而現在你卻在這裡說服這些隨機的chads或brads或其他什麼人，不，我是，我真的足夠好。

I am actually lovable.

我其實很可愛。

And by you convincing them that you are, and if you actually get to the point where you convince them, which you usually never do, but if you magically make that happen, then you're like, I am lovable because Chad here loves me.

如果你說服了他們，如果你真的說服了他們，通常你是做不到的，但如果你神奇地做到了，那麼你就會說：我是可愛的，因為查德愛我。

And that is what you're doing subconsciously.

而這正是你潛意識裡正在做的事情。

Like you're trying to convince yourself of something that you should do within yourself that has no business being something that you're trying to achieve outside of yourself by Chad loving you, you know?

就像你試圖說服自己去做一些你應該在自己內心做的事情，而這些事情與你試圖通過查德愛你而在自己之外實現的事情毫無關係，你知道嗎？

So if that already doesn't flip a switch of you just knowing this is what I'm doing, this is my pattern.

所以，如果這還不能打開你的開關，只是讓你知道這就是我在做的事情，這就是我的模式。

I'm trying to convince people to love me because I don't believe deep down that I'm lovable.

我試圖說服別人愛我，因為我內心深處不相信自己是可愛的。

Then please pause this video right now.

那麼請馬上暫停這段視頻。

Get a picture of yourself when you were a little kid, whichever one like speaks to you and you just feel like, Oh, I love this little kid.

給自己拍一張小時候的照片，無論哪張都會讓你覺得 "哦，我愛這個小孩子"。

Pick that one.

選一個。

So now that you have this picture, imagine that this child is like with you all the time.

現在你有了這幅畫，想象一下，這個孩子就像一直和你在一起一樣。

And obviously you want the best for this child.

顯然，你也希望這個孩子得到最好的。

It's an innocent little kid that has done absolutely nothing to deserve whatever has happened to him.

這是個無辜的孩子，他完全沒有做任何事情，不應該遭受這樣的遭遇。

Okay?

好嗎？

You have this Chad guy over here who's showing you all the ways in which you are not lovable and is just confirming these feelings for you.

有個叫查德的傢伙向你展示了所有你不可愛的地方，並證實了你對他的感覺。

Does this little kid deserve that?

這孩子活該嗎？

Yeah, I'm going to choose Chad anyway because you're not lovable.

是啊，我還是會選查德，因為你不可愛。

No, that is not what we're doing.

不，我們不是這樣做的。

Of course you want this child to feel like they're loved and they're amazing the way they are.

你當然希望這個孩子覺得自己是被愛的，覺得自己這樣很了不起。

So you need to start protecting this child and choosing for them.

是以，你需要開始保護這個孩子，為他們做出選擇。

If you cannot do it for yourself now as an adult and you can put this photo on your wall so that you see it all the time as a reminder, you can put it as your screensaver on your phone.

如果你現在作為成年人還做不到，你可以把這張照片貼在牆上，讓它時刻提醒你，你也可以把它作為手機屏保。

You can put it as a picture when Chad texts you of like, no, we're not doing this anymore because this little Nika doesn't deserve this.

當查德給你發短信時，你可以把它作為一張圖片，比如，不，我們不這樣做了，因為這個小妮卡不值得你這樣做。

She's experienced enough of that and this chapter has closed.

她經歷得夠多了，這一章已經結束。

I am not doing that to her anymore.

我不會再這樣對她了。

I like to view worth as like we all have the same amount of worth that we come into this world with.

我喜歡把 "價值 "看作是我們來到這個世界上所擁有的相同價值。

It doesn't matter how pretty you are, how smart you are, how many people you have in your life.

你有多漂亮、多聰明，生活中有多少人，這都不重要。

It doesn't matter.

沒關係。

We all have the same amount.

我們的數量是一樣的。

And if you imagine a window, imagine that light coming into the window as your worth.

如果你想象一扇窗戶，就把射入窗戶的光線想象成你的價值。

And so it's coming into every window everywhere.

是以，它進入了每一扇窗戶，無處不在。

It shines all the time.

它無時無刻不在閃耀。

Let's just imagine.

讓我們想象一下。

And for the people who have low self worth, their windows are just dirty.

而那些自我價值低的人，他們的窗戶就是髒的。

So the light is still there.

所以，光明依然存在。

It can still come through, but you just need to clean the window.

它還是會鑽進來，但你只需要把窗戶擦乾淨就可以了。

And I recommend you watch my video about confidence.

我建議你觀看我關於自信的視頻。

I'll link it down below that will give you a lot of different tips and tricks and exercises to kind of start to see your own worth.

我會把它鏈接到下面，它會給你很多不同的提示、技巧和練習，讓你開始看到自己的價值。

If you want to check that out.

如果你想看看的話。

I want to give you another analogy just to really hammer this in because I know how difficult it is to actually start believing that you are worthy and loving.

我想再給你打一個比方，讓你真正明白這一點，因為我知道真正開始相信自己是有價值的、有愛的是多麼困難。

And of course it's going to be difficult.

這當然會很困難。

Like if you grew up in an environment where this was constantly confirmed, like, no, you're not lovable as who you are.

比如，如果你是在這樣的環境中長大的，那麼你就會不斷地確認，不，你並不可愛，因為你就是你自己。

You need to be this way.

你需要這樣。

You need to achieve this.

你需要做到這一點。

You need to be that way.

你需要這樣。

Blah, blah, blah.

胡說，胡說，胡說。

Of course you believe that you don't have any worth.

你當然認為自己沒有任何價值。

Like why wouldn't you?

為什麼不呢？

Anyone who would experience the things that you have experienced would get to this exact point.

任何經歷過你所經歷的事情的人都會走到這一步。

And I know because I've been there, trust me.

我知道，因為我也經歷過，相信我。

And you can choose today to stop that cycle.

而你今天就可以選擇停止這種循環。

And I know it will take time for it to actually become a new pattern, but you can start today.

我知道這需要時間才能真正成為一種新模式，但你可以從今天開始。

So the analogy is, let's imagine Hermes, right?

打個比方，讓我們想象一下愛馬仕，對嗎？

The designer, really expensive store that has really expensive bags.

那家名牌店，包包非常昂貴。

They're called Birkins.

它們叫做 Birkins。

Okay.

好的

From my understanding, Birkins are like around $20,000 or way more than that, which means, you know, you would think they're worthy and you would think Hermes as a brand has a lot of worth because it has a lot of value and not everyone can afford them.

據我所知，Birkins 的價格約為 20,000 美元或更高，這意味著，你會覺得它們很值錢，你會覺得愛馬仕這個品牌很有價值，因為它有很高的價值，而不是每個人都買得起。

You usually obviously need to have a lot of money.

你通常顯然需要有很多錢。

So it's this high thing that people want to achieve and want to have.

是以，這是人們想要實現、想要擁有的崇高目標。

Let's say Hermes gets a new CEO and that CEO doesn't understand the value of Hermes.

假設愛馬仕換了新的首席執行官，而這位首席執行官並不瞭解愛馬仕的價值。

So he gets people to stand in front of their stores with a poster saying, please come into our store.

於是，他讓人們站在店門口，張貼 "請到我們店裡來 "的海報。

And you see it and you're like, that's weird.

你看到它，會覺得很奇怪。

Why would Hermes want me to be in a store?

愛馬仕為什麼想讓我進商店？

Like I cannot afford this.

就像我買不起這個一樣。

But you're curious.

但你很好奇。

You've never been into the store before.

你以前從沒進過這家店。

So you go in and then you see Birkins being like 20 euros.

你進去一看，Birkins 的價格好像是 20 歐元。

And you're like, okay, very strange.

你會覺得，好吧，很奇怪。

You might buy one because you're like, Oh my God, it's a Birkin.

你可能會因為 "哦，天哪，這是伯金 "而買一個。

But will that Birkin keep its value?

但是，Birkin 還能保值嗎？

Of course not.

當然不是。

It will no longer be this thing people desire, this like exclusive thing people want.

它將不再是人們渴望的東西，不再是人們想要的獨一無二的東西。

The people who bought Birkins as an investment will lose all their money because they completely lost their value.

購買 Birkins 作為投資的人將血本無歸，因為它們完全失去了價值。

So you would assume that Hermes is communicating that they no longer have any value or that their value is much lower than it used to be.

是以，你會認為愛馬仕是在告訴你，它們不再有任何價值，或者它們的價值比以前低得多。

And they're not directly saying this to you.

他們不是直接對你說的。

They're not like, we have no value.

他們不是說我們沒有價值。

But with everything that they're doing, with their actions, they're showing you there's no value to this brand anymore.

但他們所做的一切，用他們的行動告訴你，這個品牌已經沒有價值了。

And if you have a very low value in yourself and a low self worth, that is what you're doing.

如果你對自己的評價很低，自我價值不高，那你就會這樣做。

And usually how it comes out the most is in your dating life.

而最能體現這一點的通常是你的約會生活。

Like usually that is where those insecurities are pulled out of you the most, where those toxic patterns really shine.

就像通常情況下，你的不安全感會在這個時候被釋放得淋漓盡致，那些有毒的模式也會在這個時候大放異彩。

And that is what you're doing.

這就是你正在做的。

You're standing out there with your poster of like, please, someone want me, please chat, love me, please reply to me.

你站在那裡，海報上寫著 "求求你，有人想要我，求求你和我哈拉，愛我，求求你回覆我"。

There's no self worth and that is very unattractive.

沒有自我價值，這是非常沒有吸引力的。

And there is no shame in wanting to be attractive to men.

想要吸引男人並不可恥。

If this gets you to finally realize your self worth and start working on yourself, who cares?

如果這能讓你最終認識到自我價值，並開始為自己努力，誰在乎呢？

Genuinely, I don't know why it's like embarrassing or shameful to want to be attractive to men.

說真的，我不知道為什麼想要吸引男人會讓人覺得難堪或羞恥。

If you want to be in a relationship with a man, like I don't get it.

如果你想和一個男人談戀愛，那我就不明白了。

But anyway, if, and this is the last thing I want to say on this topic, if you're still like, no, I need to convince Chad to love me.

但無論如何，如果，這是我在這個話題上想說的最後一句話，如果你還是覺得，不，我需要說服查德愛我。