What do you mean by real, you may ask?

你可能會問，"真實 "是什麼意思？

Well, I'm talking about a friend who has your best interests at heart, a friend who is genuine with you and not sneaky.

我說的朋友是以你的利益為重的朋友，是對你真心實意而不是偷偷摸摸的朋友。

If you've had a friend for a while and you feel unhappy or that something's just off, it may be a sign for you to take a moment to determine whether or not this friend is a true pal or a toxic one.

如果你交了一個朋友有一段時間了，但你感覺不開心或有什麼地方不對勁，這可能是一個信號，讓你花點時間來判斷這個朋友是真朋友還是有毒朋友。

Here are six signs they're not your real friend.

以下是他們不是你真正朋友的六個跡象。

Number one, they don't show interest or ask about the details of your life.

第一，他們不會對你的生活細節表現出興趣或詢問。

How much interest does your friend show in your life?

你的朋友對你的生活有多少興趣？

Do they ask you how your day was?

他們會問你今天過得怎麼樣嗎？

If they do, do they actually listen or look like they can't wait until they can talk next?

如果他們說了，他們是真的在聽，還是一副迫不及待的樣子？

A genuine friend is just that, genuine.

真誠的朋友就是真誠的。

So if they ask how you are, it may be polite at first, but if you have something to say, they'll be sure to listen and show support.

是以，如果他們詢問你的近況，一開始可能是禮貌性的，但如果你有話要說，他們一定會傾聽並表示支持。

They care about you and simply wanna get to know you better.

他們關心你，只是想更好地瞭解你。

Here's to hoping you show as much support and care towards them too.

希望你們也能給予他們同樣的支持和關愛。

Number two, they're not reliable and they're not there when you need them the most.

第二，它們不可靠，在你最需要它們的時候，它們卻不在你身邊。

Friends are there for you, especially when you're having a hard time.

朋友會支持你，尤其是在你遇到困難的時候。

If your friend can't stop talking about themselves and their problems while not considering your own, then they're likely not a real friend.

如果你的朋友總是不停地談論他們自己和他們的問題，而不考慮你自己的問題，那麼他們很可能不是一個真正的朋友。

You may be actively listening to all of their worries and tough situations.

您可能會積極傾聽他們的煩惱和艱難處境。

I had to take the garbage out today.

我今天不得不把垃圾倒掉。

There were so many dishes piled up and they smelled so bad.

碗碟堆積如山，氣味難聞。

Jason never called me back.

傑森從沒給我回過電話。

My ferret died.

我的雪貂死了

Okay, the last one was pretty bad.

好吧，最後一個很糟糕。

So, I mean, be there for them, but if one day it's then your turn to talk about your worries and all they do is interrupt with a quick, oh, I gotta go, or they don't even bother to ask, don't even bother with them.

所以，我的意思是，要陪伴他們，但如果有一天輪到你傾訴自己的煩惱時，他們只是快速地打斷你，哦，我得走了，或者連問都懶得問，那就別理他們了。

Unless this is an uncommon occurrence with them and they're going through something, they're likely placing all their negative energy on you and taking all of your positive while not bothering to give back.

除非這種情況在他們身上並不常見，而且他們正在經歷一些事情，否則他們很可能會把所有的負能量都放在你身上，拿走你所有的正能量，卻不屑於回饋。

If you still wanna be friends and sense there is something else going on, bring up your concerns with them.

如果你們還想做朋友，但又覺得有別的事情要發生，那就向他們提出你的顧慮。

Mention that they haven't been there for you as much as you'd counted on.

提到他們沒有像你期望的那樣陪伴你。

If they still won't listen, it's likely you're in a toxic relationship.

如果他們還是不聽，那很可能你們的關係是有毒的。

Number three, they're extremely critical of you.

第三，他們對你非常挑剔。

Some fake friends can be extremely critical of their friends.

有些假朋友對自己的朋友非常挑剔。

Remember, your buddies shouldn't be your biggest critic.

記住，你的朋友不應該是你最大的批評者。

They should be your biggest fan.

他們應該是你最忠實的粉絲。

Some friends can offer constructive criticism because they want the best for you and wanna see you improve.

有些朋友可以提出建設性的責備意見，因為他們希望你得到最好的，希望看到你進步。

They're honest, but they'll likely do so in a kind, friendly way if they are a good friend.

他們是誠實的，但如果是好朋友，他們很可能會以一種親切友好的方式這樣做。

If your pal is toxic, they'll probably just shame you rather than provide helpful critiques.

如果你的朋友是有毒的，他們可能只會羞辱你，而不會提供有益的責備。

If they're a good friend, they may just give a kind dose of honesty and advice.

如果他們是好朋友，他們可能會善意地給予坦誠和建議。

Number four, if they say sorry, their apologies don't sound genuine.

第四，如果他們說對不起，他們的道歉聽起來就不真誠。

Does your friend say sorry when they're wrong?

你的朋友做錯事時會說對不起嗎？

No, uh-oh.

不，哦

What about when they do?

如果他們這樣做了呢？

Do they sound genuine?

它們聽起來真實嗎？

No, double uh-oh.

不對，是雙重 "啊哦"。

If your friend is one to ignore your friendship concerns with a look of meh, then they're likely not a genuine friend.

如果你的朋友對你的友誼問題置若罔聞，一副無所謂的樣子，那麼他們很可能不是真正的朋友。

If your friend does apologize when they're wrong, but it's along the lines of this,

如果你的朋友在做錯事時確實道歉了，但道歉的方式應該是這樣的、

I'm sorry you feel that way, then they're not taking accountability for their harmful actions and owning up to what they've done.

我很遺憾你有這種感覺，那就是他們沒有為自己的有害行為負責，沒有為自己的所作所為承擔責任。

Good friends can admit when they're wrong.

好朋友能知錯就改。

They'll then try to work on correcting any negative behavior that affects their friendship.

然後，他們會努力糾正任何影響友誼的負面行為。

So do you do the same?

你也是這樣做的嗎？

Number five, they keep score on how many times you wronged them.

第五，他們會記錄你冤枉了他們多少次。

Does your friend hold a grudge?

你的朋友會記仇嗎？

Do you hold a grudge towards them?

你對他們懷恨在心嗎？

Toxic friendships often involve one or both of the friends involved keeping score of mistakes the other has made.

在有毒的友誼中，往往會有一方或雙方對另一方所犯的錯誤耿耿於懷。

When you do something that upsets them again, or maybe you're in an argument, they'll bring up all the disappointments and negative things you've said or done.

當你又做了讓他們不高興的事，或者你們發生爭執時，他們會提起你說過或做過的所有令人失望和負面的事情。

Arguments can get out of hand sometimes, but a toxic friend will tend to bring up the toxic scoreboard only when they're confronted with their wrongs.

爭吵有時會一發不可收拾，但有毒的朋友往往只有在面對自己的錯誤時才會提出有毒的記分牌。

They'll use all the times you did something similar as a means of not having to apologize or take accountability for what they've done wrong.

他們會利用你做過的所有類似事情，作為他們不必道歉或為自己做錯事負責的手段。

A good friend is honest and listens to the concerns of their buddy.

好朋友是誠實的，會傾聽好友的擔憂。

While everyone can argue, a healthy friendship is filled with healthy, constructive discussions rather than toxic fights.

雖然每個人都會爭吵，但健康的友誼充滿了健康、有建設性的討論，而不是有毒的爭吵。

So if your friend is acting a bit harmful towards you, how will you bring up the issue?

那麼，如果你的朋友對你的行為有些傷害，你將如何提出這個問題呢？

Best to do so by having a healthy, open discussion so things don't escalate.

最好的辦法是進行健康、公開的討論，這樣事情就不會升級。

If they still don't budge, then you'll have to decide if they're really a good friend or not.

如果他們還是不為所動，那你就得決定他們是否真的是好朋友了。

And number six, they play on your insecurities and make you feel unhappy.

第六，他們利用你的不安全感，讓你感到不開心。

Do you feel unhappy around your friend?

在朋友身邊，你會感到不開心嗎？

Insecure?

沒有安全感？

You don't need to feel your most joyful self when around your friend.

在朋友身邊，你不需要感受到最快樂的自己。

That's normal.

這很正常。

And there can be times where you feel nervous or unhappy as well from time to time.

有時你也會感到緊張或不開心。

But if your friend makes you feel bad about yourself, then this could be another sign you're in a toxic relationship.

但如果你的朋友讓你覺得自己很糟糕，那麼這可能是你處於有毒關係中的另一個跡象。

You shouldn't always feel on edge around your friend, afraid of their next criticism or harsh words.

在朋友面前，你不應該總是提心吊膽，害怕他們下一次的責備或刺耳的話語。

Maybe they make snide remarks or always hold themselves in higher regards to you.

也許他們會說風涼話，或者總是把自己看得比你高。

A toxic friend may play on your insecurities to make themselves feel better.

毒舌朋友可能會利用你的不安全感來讓自己感覺好一些。

Both needs should be met in a friendship without hurting the other's feelings or making them feel unhappy.

在友誼中，雙方的需求都應得到滿足，同時又不會傷害對方的感情或讓對方感到不開心。

Take note of how you feel after each interaction with them.

記錄下每次與他們交流後的感受。

Next time you hang out with them, you may have had a few fun moments, but do you come home feeling discouraged, humiliated, or insecure?

下次你和他們一起出去玩時，你可能會有一些開心的時刻，但回家後，你是否會感到氣餒、羞辱或沒有安全感？

Is this because of something they frequently say or do?

是因為他們經常說的話或做的事嗎？

If so, it may just be that you have a toxic friend.

如果是這樣，那可能只是你有一個有毒的朋友。

So do you see any of these signs in your friendships?

那麼，你在你的友誼中看到這些跡象了嗎？

It's best to either openly discuss these concerns with them or think about letting them go as a friend.

最好與他們公開討論這些擔憂，或者考慮讓他們以朋友的身份離開。

Do you see these signs in yourself?

你在自己身上看到這些跡象了嗎？

If so, know that change is possible.

如果是這樣，要知道改變是可能的。

Work towards correcting any negative behavior you recognize in yourself.

努力糾正自己身上的任何負面行為。

It may just be a small step you have to take first.

這可能只是你必須先邁出的一小步。

Then when you recognize and genuinely apologize for your wrongdoing, your friendship may have a good chance to get back on track.

然後，當你認識到自己的錯誤行為並真心道歉時，你們的友誼就有可能重回正軌。

Sooner or later, you may get back to a real friendship.

遲早，你們會重拾真正的友誼。

We hope you enjoyed this video.

希望您喜歡這段視頻。

And if you did, don't forget to click the like button and share it with your real friends.

如果你點了贊，別忘了點擊 "喜歡 "按鈕，並與你真正的朋友分享。

Subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell icon for more content like this.

訂閱 Psych2Go 並點擊通知鈴圖標，獲取更多類似內容。

As always, thanks for watching.

一如既往，感謝您的收看。