We'll be right back.

我們馬上回來

We'll be right back.

我們馬上回來

This morning in our series life lessons.

今天上午，在我們的生命課程系列中。

We're going to talk about the importance of prioritizing yourself.

我們要談談優先考慮自己的重要性。

Summers can be awfully busy.

夏天是非常忙碌的。

You know, you got camp barbecues, parties, kids, sports leagues.

你知道，你有野營燒烤、聚會、孩子、體育聯盟。

It's hard to carve out.

這是很難雕琢的。

That's right.

這就對了。

Me time.

我的時間

So you're to talk about why it's so important and how we actually get it done.

所以你要談談為什麼它如此重要，以及我們如何真正完成它。

Psychotherapist and author Nero Feliciano Nero.

心理治療師兼作家尼祿-費利西亞諾-尼祿。

Good to see you again.

很高興再次見到你。

I don't know when me time became a thing, but it is a thing.

我不知道 "我的時間 "什麼時候變成了一件事，但它確實是一件事。

And so the question is, what should it be?

那麼問題來了，它應該是什麼呢？

Okay.

好的

There's a lot of false beliefs about me time.

關於 "我的時間 "有很多錯誤的觀念。

One is that it's selfish, which is not.

一是自私，其實不然。

We have to think of it as a health habit.

我們必須將其視為一種健康習慣。

Having our life, our bodies, our mental health is a gift and we have to store to take care of it.

擁有生命、身體和心理健康是一種恩賜，我們必須好好珍惜。

And me time reduces stress, helps us to think more clearly prevents illness long term.

而 "我 "的時間可以減輕壓力，幫助我們更清晰地思考問題，從而長期預防疾病。

If our stress is lower and it's for everyone, you know, Pew research recently came up with an article that men take three and a half hours more a week for activities, especially after kids.

如果我們的壓力降低了，對每個人來說都是如此，你知道，皮尤研究最近發表了一篇文章，說男性每週要多花三個半小時來參加活動，尤其是在有了孩子之後。

Interesting.

有意思

What a surprise.

真沒想到

Doesn't have to be expensive.

不一定要很貴。

Can be a walk, right?

可以散步，對嗎？

Sure.

當然。

From the library can be free.

圖書館可以免費提供。

Sometimes it's hard though.

但有時很難。

It could be a therapy session that you need to reduce stress.

這可能是你需要的減壓治療。

It can be a tough workout for me.

對我來說，這可能是一次艱難的鍛鍊。

It's making time to finish a second book.

我正在加快腳步完成第二本書。

That's not getting done.

這是不可能完成的任務。

Reduce the stress.

減輕壓力。

So it can be a lot of different things.

是以，它可以是很多不同的東西。

So I find it hard because for me to have me time, you know, it's like, okay, a break for my kids.

所以我覺得這很難，因為對我來說，要有自己的時間，你知道，這就像，好吧，讓我的孩子們休息一下。

I get some time, but then my husband feels slighted because it's like, well, why don't you want to hang out with me?

我得到了一些時間，但我丈夫卻覺得受到了輕視，因為這就像，你為什麼不想和我一起出去玩？

It's like, cause I need to do this for myself.

這就像，因為我需要為自己做這件事。

So, I mean, how much me time do you actually need to feel better?

所以，我的意思是，你到底需要多少我的時間才能感覺更好？

So it depends.

所以要看情況。

That's really the answer.

這才是真正的答案。

It depends on who you are.

這取決於你是誰。

It might be a season of your life that you need more.

這可能是你生命中更需要的季節。

So you go through a tough work period as you all do at times, or, you know, you have a stressful time in your relationship.

是以，你會經歷一段艱難的工作時期，就像你們有時都會經歷的那樣，或者，你知道，你的感情也會經歷一段緊張的時期。

What's great with couples is you can give it to each other as a gift.

情侶裝的好處在於，你們可以把它作為禮物送給對方。

So, Hey, I'm watching the kids now and you do whatever you want for two hours, whatever, go play golf, go out with your friends.

所以，嘿，我現在在照看孩子，你想做什麼就做兩個小時，隨便，去打高爾夫，和朋友出去玩。

Um, you can also, it helps us to show up better for people around us.

嗯，你還可以幫助我們更好地為周圍的人展示自己。

So tell your husband, you know, this is going to make us both happier.

所以，告訴你丈夫，你知道，這會讓我們倆都更幸福。

And then the time we're together is going to be more fulfilling.

這樣，我們在一起的時光就會更加充實。

It's always interesting because there are some people who just struggle with it and others who have no problems at all.

這總是很有趣，因為有些人只是在這方面掙扎，而有些人則完全沒有問題。

I mean, for me in the early days, I felt guilty being away.

我的意思是，對於早期的我來說，離開這裡讓我感到內疚。

I felt like maybe I should be putting my time and other places.

我覺得也許我應該把時間花在其他地方。

And also I just felt like I didn't have time, but why do you think it is that some people kind of struggle with this?

而且我覺得我沒有時間，但你認為為什麼有些人會在這方面糾結呢？

So there's a couple of reasons.

這其中有幾個原因。

One, the time is an issue.

第一，時間是個問題。

A lot of people are busy and we can talk about how to make time for it, but there are people who are inherently are people pleasers and I mean, no fault of their own.

很多人都很忙，我們可以討論如何擠出時間，但有些人天生就是取悅於人的人，我的意思是，這不是他們自己的錯。

I mean, many of us become therapists.

我是說，我們中的很多人都成為了治療師。

Um, those roots run deep, but they always are putting other people's needs before their own.

嗯，這些根深蒂固，但他們總是把別人的需求放在自己的需求之前。

Their own care is not a priority and you may be a pleaser.

他們對自己的照顧並不優先，而你可能會討好他們。

If you identify with certain things, you have a hard time saying no, no, it's not a complete sentence.

如果你認同某些東西，你就很難說不，不，這不是一個完整的句子。

Usually give you a big explanation.

通常會給你一個很大的解釋。

Like I hit a zebra on the way to work so I can show up party tonight, you know, um, or you're constantly apologizing.

就像我在上班路上撞了斑馬 這樣我今晚就能參加派對了 你知道的 或者你一直在道歉

You always feel like you have to do everything yourself and you have a hard time setting boundaries.

你總覺得自己必須事必躬親，很難設定界限。

So, so in a sense to, to get past that people pleasing, which in a way you probably can do both.

所以，從某種意義上說，要想擺脫取悅於人的窘境，從某種程度上說，你或許可以同時做到這兩點。

If you, if you enable people to help you, it's like, help me help you.

如果你能讓別人幫助你，那就等於是 "幫我幫你"。

That's right.

這就對了。

Exactly.

沒錯。

You can delegate tasks to people.

您可以向他人委派任務。

What I like to do is this is what's life changing.

我喜歡做的事情就是改變生活。

Say thank you instead of sorry.

說 "謝謝 "而不是 "對不起"。

Instead of saying, Oh, I'm sorry.

而不是說：哦，對不起。

I'm so late.

我來晚了

Thank you for being patient or I'm sorry.

感謝您的耐心，否則我很抱歉。

Couldn't go to your party for understanding.

因為理解的緣故，我沒能參加你們的聚會。

I'm sorry.

對不起

She's like, I did not raise a sorry daughter.

她說："我沒有養育一個可憐的女兒。

So that's right.

這就對了。

Mama.

媽媽

Yeah.

是啊

Your mother talks like that, but I never thought of saying thank you.

你媽媽就是這樣說話的，但我從沒想過說謝謝。

So it's almost like you change the narrative with that.

是以，這幾乎就像你改變了敘事方式。

That's right.

這就對了。

And before you say yes, do a cost benefit analysis.

在你答應之前，請先進行成本效益分析。

Is it worth it?

值得嗎？

What am I going to sacrifice?

我要犧牲什麼？

Sure.

當然。

I can do it, but who's paying the price for that?

我可以做到，但誰來為此付出代價？

Maybe it's our families.

也許是我們的家庭。

If we take on too much as well.

如果我們也承擔了太多。

So what do you do about the people?

那麼，你該如何處理這些人呢？

I mean, because there's family, there's friends, there's work, there's obligations.

我的意思是，因為有家庭，有朋友，有工作，有義務。

Like how do you not insult the people that you're saying no to?

比如，怎樣才能不侮辱你拒絕的人呢？

Well, you have to prioritize first of all.

首先，你必須釐清輕重緩急。

Right.

對

And there are different seasons for different things.

而且，不同的事情有不同的季節。

You know, right now with my kids about to go to college, I'm trying to spend as much time with them as I can.

你知道，現在我的孩子們馬上就要上大學了，我想盡可能多地陪陪他們。

Later on, there's going to be more time for other people.

以後，會有更多的時間給其他人。

You have to prioritize.

你必須釐清輕重緩急。

And at some points in your life, maybe your marriage needs more time.

在你人生的某些階段，也許你的婚姻需要更多的時間。

Maybe your kids.

也許是你的孩子

And of course, we need friend time as well to balance it out.

當然，我們也需要朋友的時間來平衡。

I also think you're delegating to people and giving them the opportunity because a lot of times, and I think you guys are more guilty of that than we are guys are because you think, oh, I can.

我還認為，你們把權力下放給別人，給他們機會，因為很多時候，我認為你們比我們更容易犯這種錯誤，因為你們認為，哦，我可以。

And if you give us the opportunity to do it, we can do it.

只要你給我們機會，我們就能做到。

It's better than us doing all of it and then feeling resentful.

這總比我們全做了，然後心生怨恨要好。

And you know, all the time.

你知道的，一直都是這樣。

Yeah, I'll give you that credit out.

是的，我給你記上一筆。

He's constantly telling us that's true.

他不斷告訴我們這是真的。

Yeah.

是啊

Well, thank you so much.

非常感謝。

And by the way, you know, Rose got her, her two kids here.

順便說一句 蘿絲把她的兩個孩子也帶來了

Uh, it's like visual casting.

這就像是視覺選角。

We got to like our stage people.

我們得喜歡我們的舞臺工作人員。

I mean, my gosh, this is like just beyond them.

我的意思是，天哪，這簡直超出了他們的想象。

We've got, uh, Adriana Brock for more on people pleasing.

阿德里安娜-布洛克（Adriana Brock）將為我們帶來更多關於取悅他人的內容。

Check out the Rose column called.

查看名為 "玫瑰 "的專欄。

Is this normal on today?

今天這樣正常嗎？

Hey, thanks for watching.

謝謝觀看

Don't miss the today show every weekday at 11 a.m.

不要錯過每週日上午 11 點的 "今天 "節目。

Eastern eight Pacific on our streaming channel today, all day to watch head to today.com slash all day or click the link right here.

美國東部時間 8:00 至太平洋時間 8:00 在我們今天的流媒體頻道播出，全天觀看請訪問 today.com slash all day 或點擊這裡的鏈接。