What'd you get?

你拿到什麼？

That's funny.

真有意思。

I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Livin' Digest.

我不記得訂閱過《花式生活文摘》。

Whoa!

哇哦！

Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living.

看看這些對更高生活水準的光鮮描述。

Get me that!

給我！

Stealing my mail, eh?

偷我的郵件？

Hey, Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?

嘿，章魚哥，雜誌上的人是怎麼弄到那麼多錢的？

They're entrepreneurs.

他們是企業家。

They sell things to people.

他們把東西賣給人們。

Quick, Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?

快，派大星，不假思索，如果你現在可以擁有世界上的任何東西，你會是什麼？

More time for thinking.

需要更多時間思考。

Something you would pay for.

你會花錢買的東西。

A chocolate bar?

巧克力棒？

That's a great idea, Pat.

這是個好主意，派大星。

Good afternoon, sir.

下午好，先生。

Could we interest you in some chocolate?

你想吃點巧克力嗎？

Chocolate?

巧克力？

Did you say chocolate?

你是說巧克力嗎？

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Okay, the first guy didn't count.

好吧，第一個人不算。

This is our real first step.

這是我們真正的第一步。

Good morning, sir.

早上好，先生。

Would you like to buy some chocolate?

您想買點巧克力嗎？

No self-respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these.

任何一個有自尊心的糖果棒推銷員，如果沒有這玩意兒，都會被逮個正著。

Wow, what is it?

哇，這是什麼？

It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead.

這是個糖果棒袋子，你個笨蛋。

But you don't need these bags.

但你並不需要這些袋子。

We need them!

我們需要他們！

We need them!

我們需要他們！

So long, boys.

再見了，孩子們。

Happy hunting.

狩獵愉快。

Suckers.

笨蛋。

Let's try next door.

讓我們去隔壁試試。

Yes?

什麼事？

Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?

你不就是賣給我們這些糖果袋的人嗎？

I don't recall.

我不記得了。

But it looks to me like you fellows have got a lot of bags there.

不過，在我看來，你們好像有很多袋子。

You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented candy bar bag carrying bags.

你們兩個女殺手太聰明瞭，不可能沒有我的專利糖果棒手提袋。

We'll take 20.

我們要 20 個。

There must be something to this selling game that we're just not getting.

這個銷售遊戲一定有什麼我們不知道的東西。

Other people do it.

其他人也這樣做。

I mean, look at that.

我是說，看看這個。

Eat barnacle chips.

吃藤壺片。

They're delicious.

它們很美味。

They are most certainly not delicious.

它們肯定不好吃。

Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.

好吧，也許如果他們不歪曲事實，就不會賣出那麼多了。

That's it, Patrick.

就是這樣，派大星。

We've got to stretch the truth.

我們必須把扭曲事實。

Chocolate!

巧克力！

Yes?

什麼事？

Hello, young lady.

你好，小姐。

We're selling chocolate.

我們在賣巧克力。

Is your mother home?

你媽媽在家嗎？

Mom!

媽媽！

What?

什麼？

What's all the yelling?

在喊什麼？

You just can't wait for me to die, can you?

你就不能等我死嗎？

They're selling chocolate.

他們在賣巧克力。

What?

什麼？

They're selling chocolate.

他們在賣巧克力。

They're selling chocolate?

他們在賣巧克力？

Yeah.

對。

Chocolate.

巧克力。

I remember when they first invented chocolate.

我還記得他們剛發明巧克力的時候。

I always hated it.

我一直很討厭它。

Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating.

哦，但這巧克力不是用來吃的。

You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.

把它抹在皮膚上，就能讓你長生不老。

No, no.

不，不。

Live forever, you say?

你說永生？

I'll take one.

我要一個。

Come on, you lazy Mary.

來吧，懶惰的瑪麗。

Start rubbing me with that chocolate.

用巧克力幫我擦擦。

I hate you.

我恨你。

If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time.

如果我們繼續誇大事實，我們很快就會過上花哨的生活。

Hooray for lying!

撒謊萬歲！

This guy'll feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate.

這傢伙會為我們感到惋惜，他會買下我們所有的巧克力。

What can I do for you boys?

我能為你們做些什麼？

Hello, sir.

你好，先生。

Would you like to buy a chocolate bar?

您想買一塊巧克力嗎？

We need an operation.

我們需要動手術。

Really? Small world.

真的嗎？世界真小。

What's the matter with you guys?

你們怎麼了？

We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.

頭部有外傷，還有內出血。

Some guys have all the luck.

有些人運氣很好。

I was born with glass bones and paper skin.

我生來就是玻璃骨和紙皮。

Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms.

每天早上我都會摔斷雙腿，每天下午我都會摔斷雙臂。

At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

晚上，我痛苦地醒著，直到心臟病發作讓我入睡。

Oh, no.

哦，不。

Quick, Patrick, let's help him.

快，派大星，我們去幫他。

Careful.

小心點。

Put him down gently.

輕輕放下他。

Oh!

哦！

Poor, poor man.

可憐的人啊。

If there's anything we can do to help you...

如果我們能為您提供任何幫助...

There is one thing.

有一件事。

As you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high.

你們可以想象，我的醫療費用非常高。

But luckily I'm able to keep myself alive by selling chocolate bars.

但幸運的是，我靠賣巧克力棒維持生計。

Such nice boys.

真是個好孩子。

It does my heart good to con a couple of classy suckeroonies like those two.

有一對像他們倆這樣有品位的笨蛋，我的心裡就踏實了。

Let's face it, Patrick, we're failures.

面對現實吧，派大星。我們是魯蛇，

I can live with that.

我可以接受。

Chocolate!

巧克力！

I've been trying to catch you boys all day.

我一整天都在追你們。

I'd like to buy all your chocolate.

我想買下你們所有的巧克力。

Good evening, sir.

晚上好，先生。

Table for one, please.

一位，謝謝。

Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.

很抱歉，整個餐廳已經租給了一個私人派對。

Who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?

誰租得起整個餐廳？

Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their dates.

哦，幾個有錢的企業家和他們的約會對象。

So, how long have you two ladies known each other?

那麼，你們兩位女士認識多久了？

What?

什麼？