My name is Christy and I grew up in the Baptist Church and I was a Christian until my early 20s when I Deconstructed everything I knew about my faith and about my reality and I set off on a journey to find truth.

我叫克里斯蒂，在浸信會長大，20 歲出頭之前我一直是一名基督徒，後來我解構了自己對信仰和現實的一切認識，踏上了尋找真理的旅程。

It is now 13 plus years later.

現在已經過去了 13 多年。

I have not found the ultimate truth, but I think that's the point I think the point is to get to a point where you become comfortable just saying I don't know I don't know what's beyond this.

我還沒有找到終極真理，但我認為這就是問題所在，我認為問題所在就是要讓你能夠自如地說出 "我不知道"，"我不知道這之外還有什麼"。

I don't know who God is.

我不知道上帝是誰。

I don't know what my purpose here is on earth I'm just I'm gonna live and I'm gonna enjoy it and I'm not going to hold myself accountable to all of these Rules and obligations that were put upon me by other people my goal here is to help and encourage you to find your own path and to help you deconstruct and sort through these things that Again, we weren't allowed to question when we were growing up in the church.

我不知道我來到這個世界上的目的是什麼，我只想好好地活著，好好地享受生活，我不會讓自己對這些別人強加給我的規則和義務負責，我在這裡的目的是幫助和鼓勵你們找到自己的道路，幫助你們解構和梳理這些我們在教會長大時不允許質疑的東西。

So today I want to talk about five Bible verses that Sparked my deconstruction and caused me to inevitably lose my faith.

是以，今天我想談談引發我的解構並使我不可避免地失去信仰的五節聖經經文。

There are a lot of unsavory things in the Bible, but these Specifically are verses that I felt I could not justify I could not find a good reason that they would be in the Bible that they would be a part of God's divine Inspired word and it just made me realize that this is a man-made book Written and used as a tool of oppression you do like what I do here and you want to support me You can do that by watching the video all the way through by liking it when it's done and then also leaving a positive comment If you are not already subscribed you should be and you should be ringing the notification bell because if you don't ring the bell Then you won't be notified when I post new content Don't forget about my merch shop Jezebel vibes comm slash shop where I take hate comments that I've received and reclaim them on Clothing if you want to be shirt twins if you want to support me if you just want to wear something That's a little irreverent and expresses your attitude toward traditional Christian values Just go to Jezebel vibes comm slash shop or visit the link in the description So The first passage I want to talk about is from Romans 9 which was the starting point of My deconstruction journey up until the point that I read and studied and chewed on the words in Romans 9.

聖經》中有很多不光彩的事情、我找不到充分的理由來證明這些經文會出現在《聖經》中，會成為上帝啟示之言的一部分。如果你還沒有訂閱，你應該訂閱，你應該按下通知鈴，因為如果你不按鈴，當我發佈新內容時，你就不會收到通知 別忘了我的商品店 Jezebel vibes comm slash shop，我在這裡收集我收到的仇恨評論，並對其進行回收。如果你想成為襯衫雙胞胎，如果你想支持我，如果你只是想穿一些有點不敬的東西，表達你對傳統基督教價值觀的態度，只需前往 Jezebel vibes comm slash shop

I believed in a God who Created all people gave them free will and That he wanted all people to be saved But he couldn't violate their free will to save them and that it was the most loving thing he could do to give people Freedom and within that freedom they could either choose him and go to heaven or they could reject him and go to hell and that Would be entirely their choice.

我相信上帝創造了所有人，給了他們自由意志，他希望所有人都能得到拯救，但他不能違揹他們的自由意志來拯救他們，他能做的最有愛的事就是給人們自由，在自由的範圍內，他們可以選擇他，上天堂，也可以拒絕他，下地獄，這完全是他們自己的選擇。

I was an evangelist So I believed in going out into my communities Spreading the word trying to win as many souls as possible because I Was introduced to the concept of Calvinism and when I was introduced to this I said no way there's no way that God created people just to go to hell and Then I read Romans 9 starting in verse 16 It does not therefore depend on human desire or effort But on God's mercy for scripture says to Pharaoh I raised you up for this very purpose that I might display my power in you and that my name might be On whom he wants to have mercy and he hardens whom he wants to harden One of you will say to me then why does God still blame us for who was able to resist his will?

我是一名傳道者，所以我相信要走入社區，傳播福音，儘可能多地贏得靈魂，因為我接觸到了加爾文主義的概念，當我接觸到這個概念時，我說不可能，上帝創造人不可能只是為了讓他們下地獄，然後我讀了《羅馬書》第 9 章第 16 節。因為經文對法老說："我叫你復活，就是要在你身上顯明我的大能，使我的名可以稱頌在他要憐憫的人身上，他要使誰剛硬，就使誰剛硬。

But who are you a human being to talk back to God shall what is formed say to the one who formed it?

但你作為一個人，又有什麼資格對上帝頂嘴呢？

Why did you make me like this?

你為什麼讓我變成這樣？

Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for?

難道陶工沒有權利用同一塊泥土製作一些特殊用途的陶器和一些普通用途的陶器嗎？

common use What if God Although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known bore with great patience the objects of his wrath Prepared for destruction What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy whom he prepared in?

如果上帝選擇彰顯他的忿怒，彰顯他的大能，以極大的忍耐忍受他忿怒的對象，為毀滅作好了準備，如果他這樣做是為了讓他憐憫的對象知道他榮耀的豐盛，他在其中作了準備？

Advance for his glory even us whom he also called not only from the Jews, but also from the Gentiles It says it it's starting in verse 16 It does not therefore depend on human desire or effort but on God's mercy Meaning there is nothing about you that can come to God and choose God has to choose you It says in verse 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy and he hardens Whom he wants to harden when Christians talk about you have a hardened heart against God The Bible says that God's the one that hardened it and then it even goes on to ask well Then why does God still blame us?

為了他的榮耀，連他從猶太人中召來的我們也是如此、是以，神憐憫他所要憐憫的人，剛硬他所要剛硬的人，當基督徒說到你有剛硬的心抵擋神時，《聖經》說，是神使你的心剛硬，然後它甚至繼續問 那麼神為什麼還要責備我們呢？

You know if he created this way, how come he blames us and Paul is saying who are you to question God?

保羅說，你有什麼資格質疑上帝？

How can the clay question the potter and ask why have you made me like this?

粘土怎麼能質問陶匠，為什麼要把我做成這樣？

It says what if God although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known bore with great patience the objects of his wrath prepared for destruction if Decided he wants to create you just to destroy you then he's gonna do that and that's his right You don't get to question that and realizing this Changed everything about my perspective of God realizing this made me see a God who did not desire people to be saved but instead creates people as puppets Does what he wants with them and then tells them you're not allowed to question it That is just in direct contradiction to any kind of a loving kind Father God that I was taught growing up in the church I was fed one version of God who was a loving father, but I'm learning about this completely different God Who intentionally creates people to go to hell that right there really shattered my perception of God it really caused me to start this journey of Questioning what I believed and why I believed it the second passage that really caused me to question the Bible was Psalm 137 9 and you've probably heard it It's a popular one that is used within the deconstruction community to really talk about these atrocities in the Bible and it says this Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks Now it is really important to understand the context of this verse is what's known as an imprecatory prayer It is praying evil against your enemies.

它說，如果上帝選擇彰顯他的忿怒，彰顯他的大能 以極大的忍耐忍受他忿怒的對象，準備毀滅 如果他決定創造你，只是為了毀滅你 那麼他就會那樣做，那是他的權利這讓我看到上帝並不希望人們得到救贖 而是把人當做傀儡來創造 隨心所欲，然後告訴他們你不能質疑 這與我在教會里成長時所接受的任何慈父式的上帝都是完全矛盾的但我現在瞭解到的是完全不同的上帝，他故意造人下地獄 這真的打破了我對上帝的認知，讓我開始質疑自己的信仰和信仰的原因。這是在解構主義團體中很流行的一段 用來談論《聖經》中的這些暴行 它寫道："這快樂的人，抓住你

It is lamentation It is an expression of grief basically what this psalmist is writing is About how they were treated so badly by their enemies and so they want to repay them for what they've done And this is often justified by Christians in this way, you know, well, they were just expressing themselves They weren't actually bashing babies into rocks.

這是一種哀嘆，是一種悲傷的表達，基本上，這位詩人所寫的是關於他們如何被敵人如此對待，是以他們想要報答敵人的所作所為。基督徒通常會用這種方式來為自己辯解，你知道，他們只是在表達自己，他們並沒有真的把嬰兒撞到石頭上。

They just You know wanted justice they wanted revenge But my problem with that is that this is supposed to be the inspired Word of God God is supposed to be inspiring every word of this book and God never condemned them for praying this prayer.

他們只是想伸張正義，想報仇雪恨，但我的問題是，這本應該是上帝啟示的話語，上帝應該啟示這本書的每一個字，上帝從來沒有譴責他們做這樣的禱告。

He never said hey, don't don't think that way Don't don't be so vengeful.

他從沒說過，嘿，別這麼想，別這麼報復。

Don't be so angry.

別生氣了

Don't don't wish for the harm of innocent babies No, this is this is Perfectly fine in God's eyes and this is perfectly fine in the eyes of Christians today who defend it and justify it But Jesus came and he said turn the other cheek love those who hate you do good to your enemies that is in complete contradiction with this verse and These are God's people that are praying it and God isn't condemning it and I just have a very difficult time finding moral value in a book where the The people of God the people that are supposed to represent God in the book are Rejoicing over the thought of harming innocent babies that doesn't make any sense to me, especially when you consider this is also the pro-life crowd and I would imagine that Christians today don't feel that it is an appropriate thing to Find joy in the thought of harming babies.

不，不希望傷害無辜的嬰兒、這在上帝眼中是完全正確的，在今天的基督徒眼中也是完全正確的，他們為之辯護，為之辯解，但耶穌來了，他說要轉過臉去，愛那些恨你的人，善待你的敵人，這與這節經文是完全矛盾的，這些是上帝的子民，他們在祈禱，上帝並沒有譴責他們。我只是很難在一本書中找到道德價值，在這本書中，上帝的子民，本應代表上帝的子民，卻為傷害無辜嬰兒的想法而歡欣鼓舞，這對我來說沒有任何意義、特別是當你考慮到這也是支持墮胎的人群時，我想今天的基督徒不會覺得在傷害嬰兒的想法中找到快樂是一件合適的事情。

So I find it really interesting that Because of the context of the time or just because it's in the Bible it is justifiable And I just don't find that to be justifiable The third passage that really just struck me big red flags popped up when I read it was in Deuteronomy 22 starting in verse 28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and he assaults her and they are discovered He shall pay her father 50 shekels of silver He must marry the young woman for he has violated her.

第三段經文讓我印象深刻，是申命記第 22 章第 28 節的內容："如果一個男人碰巧遇到一個沒有結婚的處女，他侵犯了她並被發現，他必須付給她父親 50 塊銀幣，他必須娶這個年輕的女人，因為他侵犯了她。

He can never divorce her as long as she lives Now when I read this in the earliest stages of my deconstruction journey I was very confused and I thought there has to be an explanation for this.

當我在解構之旅的最初階段讀到這句話時，我感到非常困惑，我想這一定是有原因的。

There's no way that God commanded Women to marry men who assaulted them If they just paid their father like there's there's no way the Bible says this I need to figure this out I contacted my old pastor and I asked if I could discuss some things with him because I had some questions So we set up a night to have dinner.

上帝不可能命令女人嫁給毆打她們的男人，如果她們只是像父親那樣付錢，《聖經》就不可能這麼說，我需要搞清楚這個問題。我聯繫了我以前的牧師，問他我是否可以和他討論一些事情，因為我有一些問題。

I went over to his house I I pointed out this verse and I said, what does this mean?

我去了他家，指著這節經文說，這是什麼意思？

Like what how can you justify this and he said yeah, you know This is what it says is true at that time in the culture You know if a man Did that to a woman she would be considered Unclean and not eligible to be married and that would ruin her life.

他說，是的，你知道，在當時的文化中，這就是事實。你知道，如果一個男人對一個女人這樣做，她會被認為是不潔的，沒有資格結婚，這會毀了她的一生。

And so the best thing they could do is have him pay money to her father and buy her and Then he'd have to marry her and he'd have to take care of her for the rest of her life He would be obligated to do that.

所以他們能做的最好的事 就是讓他給她父親錢 把她買下來 然後他必須娶她 他必須照顧她一輩子 他有義務這麼做

That is his punishment And some people who are indoctrinated who are taught not to question it will just go.

這就是對他的懲罰，而一些被灌輸了不容置疑的思想的人就會這麼走了。

Oh, okay That makes sense But not me.

哦，好吧，有道理，但不是我。

I couldn't I could not make sense of that It'd be one thing if these were just rules that men made up that God did not approve of but this is this is a direct law of God in the Bible this kind of loophole for men to find a wife if they just Assaulted her and then they could marry her If they just you know paid her father some money and supposedly that was a lot of money back then so that was a very big punishment, but Really?

我無法理解，如果這些只是男人們編造的規則，而上帝並不同意，那是一回事，但這是上帝在《聖經》中直接頒佈的法律，是男人們找到妻子的漏洞，如果他們只是侵犯了她，然後他們就可以娶她，只要他們付給她父親一些錢，據說那在當時是一大筆錢，所以那是一個非常大的懲罰，但真的嗎？

That that's how we that's how we punish the man.

我們就是這樣懲罰他的。

I don't know any woman that would ever want to spend her life Being married to and having to submit to the man that assaulted her and I've had people ask me.

我不知道有哪個女人願意一輩子嫁給侵犯過她的男人，並不得不屈從於他，也有人問過我。

What do you recommend?

您有什麼建議？

What's the solution?

解決方案是什麼？

I mean, she would have been an outcast.

我的意思是，她會被遺棄的。

She would have been unclean She wouldn't have been eligible for marriage.

她會變得不乾淨，沒有資格結婚。

And so what are they supposed to do?

那他們該怎麼辦？

They were trying to protect her.

他們試圖保護她。

I Don't know maybe God could have commanded the community to come together and take care of that woman Maybe God could have commanded the men To marry women even if they aren't virgins to not worry about if a woman was a virgin when he married her That would solve the problem right there I just came up with a better solution than God could a more moral solution an All-powerful deity couldn't come up with a better solution than a woman must marry the man who assaults her That doesn't add up for me.

我不知道，也許上帝可以命令全社會一起來照顧那個女人，也許上帝可以命令男人娶女人，即使她們不是處女，也不要擔心女人在和他結婚時是否是處女，這樣問題就解決了，我只是想出了一個比上帝更好的解決方案，一個更道德的解決方案。

It doesn't sit right with my sensibilities And so when I got that answer from him, it was not satisfactory the justification the apologetic response for this verse It's just not satisfactory for me to find good moral value in it The fourth passage that I had a really difficult time with that I still cannot find a good justification for is in Deuteronomy 20 10 through 18 When you march up to attack a city make its people an offer of peace if they accept and open their gates All the people in it shall be subject to forced labor and shall work for you If they refuse to make peace and they engage you in battle lay siege to the city When the Lord your God delivers it into your hand put to sword all the men in it as for the women the children the Livestock and everything else in the city.

是以，當我從他那裡得到這個答案時，我感到很不滿意、第四段經文讓我很為難，我仍然找不到很好的理由。如果他們拒絕求和，並與你交戰，就圍攻這座城。當耶和華你的神將城交到你手中時，就將城中所有的男人、女人、孩子、牲畜和城中的一切都殺死。

You may take these as plunder for yourselves and you may use the plunder your Lord the Lord your God gives you from your enemies This is how you were to treat all cities that are at a distance from you and do not belong to the nation's nearby So God is commanding his people To go around to all the neighboring cities To offer them peace to say hey, you know, we're giving you a peace offering.

你們可以把這些當作自己的戰利品，也可以使用你們的主--你們的神--從敵人那裡賜予你們的戰利品，這就是你們對待所有與你們相距遙遠、不屬於國家附近的城市的方式。是以，神命令他的子民到所有鄰近的城市去，向他們獻上和平，說："嘿，你知道，我們給你們獻上和平。

Would you like to make peace with us?

你願意與我們和平相處嗎？

And if that city agrees to being peaceful with you You are to capture them and enslave them.

如果那座城市同意與你們和平相處，你們就要佔領並奴役他們。

You are to force them to work for you to be your slaves So so right here right on in the very beginning.

你要強迫他們為你工作，成為你的奴隸，從一開始就是這樣。

It's it's saying to harm people that are peaceful with you To to force them to work for you to enslave them.

這是說要傷害與你和平相處的人，強迫他們為你工作，奴役他們。

This is God specifically Endorsing and commanding you to enslave other people even if they're peaceful Then it says if they are not peaceful then you are to just kill them all Kill every single one of them and then take the women and children as plunder and do whatever with the plunder that you want to do Those are the spoils of your war.

這是神特別認可並命令你們奴役其他人，即使他們是和平的人。

What do you think that means?

你認為這意味著什麼？

Like what do you think?

你怎麼看？

it was intended when they said take the women and children and do whatever you want with them and In verse 15 it says this is how you were to treat all cities that are a distance from you and don't belong to the Nations nearby.

第 15 節說，你們要這樣對待離你們很遠、不屬於附近民族的所有城市。

This is xenophobia.

這就是仇外心理。

This is genocide.

這是種族滅絕。

This is God endorsing slavery All right here in this just the small little passage There is no justification for that.

這就是上帝對奴隸制的認可 就在這一小段話裡 沒有任何正當理由。

There's no reason that an all-powerful fully benevolent God Would command his people to do this to other people and I can appreciate this as a book That is a commentary on the struggles of people at that time written by men But I cannot accept this as some kind of Divinely inspired Word of God meant to provide a moral code for all people on earth the last verse that I want to bring up that I think was very very crucial in my Deconstruction was probably the most famous verse in the Bible and that's John 3 16 For God so loved the world that he gave up his only Son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish But will have everlasting life and most people point to this and they say how could you find fault in that?

一個無所不能、完全仁慈的上帝沒有理由命令他的子民這樣對待其他人。我可以欣賞這本書，它是由人寫的 對當時人們鬥爭的評論 但我不能接受它是某種神啟的上帝之言 意在為地球上所有人提供道德準則約翰福音第3章16節 上帝愛世人，甚至將他的獨生子賜給他們 凡信他的，不至滅亡，反得永生

How could you have a problem with that look at the love all you have to do is believe Do you see how easy that is?

你怎麼會有問題呢？看看這份愛，你所要做的就是相信，你知道這有多容易嗎？

But let's let's break it down just a little bit.

不過，讓我們把它細分一下。

Let's deconstruct John 3 16 for God so loved the world so first of all Considering the other verses we've talked about.

讓我們來解構約翰福音第 3 章第 16 節，因為上帝如此愛世人，所以首先要考慮到我們講過的其他經文。

I don't think that's accurate.

我認為這不準確。

I don't think God so loved the world I don't think God loved all of those Surrounding cities of the nation of Israel that he was commanding Israel to go and kill or enslave I don't think God loved all of the women and children that God was commanding them to take his plunder and do with Whatever they wanted.

我不認為上帝會如此愛這個世界，我不認為上帝會愛他命令以色列人去殺戮或奴役的所有以色列周邊城市，我不認為上帝會愛他命令以色列人去掠奪和處置的所有婦女和兒童。

I don't think he was Loving the women that he was forcing into marriage with men that assaulted them I'm not seeing the the love God has for the world in that so right off the bat.

我不認為他是在愛那些被他強迫與毆打她們的男人結婚的女人。

I feel like we're lying here Okay, God so loved the world.

我覺得我們躺在這裡 好吧，上帝如此愛世人。

Okay that he gave up his only Son Now this is loaded because It's a son but it's also him depending upon what you believe or which the domination you're a part of or even which time frame you came out of Because in the very earliest days people did not believe that Jesus was God they believed Jesus was God's Son Perhaps adopted into the kingdom by God or he was given some kind of a divine status at birth But it actually took a very long time for Christians to actually believe that Jesus was God himself That was doctrine that evolved and was created later on but but modern Christians believe that Jesus was God Jesus is God and so when it says he gave up his only son well He's God.

因為在最早期，人們並不相信耶穌是神，他們相信耶穌是神的兒子 也許是被神收養進入了神的國度，或者他一出生就被賦予了某種神聖的地位。但實際上，基督徒花了很長的時間才真正相信耶穌就是上帝，這是後來發展和創造出來的教義，但現代基督徒相信耶穌是上帝，耶穌就是上帝，所以當耶穌說他放棄了他唯一的兒子時，他就是上帝。

It's not his son.

不是他兒子

It's him.

是他

He gave up himself.

他放棄了自己。

Okay, so he gave up himself, but why did he have to do that?

好吧，他放棄了自己，但他為什麼要這麼做呢？

What was the point in my last video the manipulation of the crucifixion we talked about that about how He never had to do that He was never obligated to die or to put on this big death display in order to guilt Humanity into believing in him or following him or whatever that was never a requirement of him.

在我的上一個視頻中，我們談到了耶穌被釘死在十字架上的原因，他從來沒有必要這樣做，他從來沒有義務為了讓人類相信他或追隨他而去死，或者為了讓人類感到內疚而去展示他的死亡，這從來都不是他的要求。

He chose that he made the rules He decided that blood needed to be shed in order for humanity to be forgiven He couldn't have just decided to forgive them.

他選擇了，他制定了規則，他決定人類需要流血才能得到寬恕，他不可能只是決定寬恕他們。

That would be silly, right?

那就太傻了，對吧？

So his choice to give up his life.

所以他選擇了放棄生命。

I mean that was entirely his choice and it was unnecessary It was only made necessary because he decided it was necessary.

我的意思是，這完全是他的選擇，沒有必要，只是因為他認為有必要，所以才有必要。

So it's really not that much of a gift It's not that much of a display of love when it was never necessary to begin with but that's that's not even the worst part The worst part to me is the end of the verse where it says whosoever believes Shall have eternal life and not perish whosoever believes so right here the Bible is telling us the measure for Determining Whether someone deserves to be punished forever Or they deserve to be rewarded forever.

對我來說，最糟糕的部分是經文的末尾，它說，凡信的，必得永生，不至滅亡，所以《聖經》在這裡告訴了我們衡量一個人是應該永遠受到懲罰，還是應該永遠得到獎賞的標準。

It is belief.

這是信念。

It's just it's just belief.

這只是信念而已。

It's what you believe How is that fair?

這是你的信仰，這公平嗎？

How is that a just system?

這怎麼會是一個公正的制度？

That it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are.

這與你是一個多麼優秀的人無關。

It has nothing to do with your intentions It is it's just about what you believe and People believe all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons people that are raised in other cultures under other religions They believe in their religion because that's how they were raised Just like many Christians today are Christians because they were raised in a Christian culture in the Christian Church by Christian parents They don't question it.