Why am I flirting so soon?

為什麼我這麼快就開始調情了？

I hear you've been having some trouble with broken clocks.

我聽說你的鐘表壞了。

So I got you one that works.

所以我給你找了一個能用的。

Thank you.

謝謝。

So you can just have that.

所以，你可以擁有它。

It's not moving on the inside.

裡面沒有動靜。

It's working.

很有效。

I'm pretty sure this...

我敢肯定這...

It's working, it's not broken.

它在工作，沒有壞。

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work.

我很確定它不起作用。

It's a working clock.

這是一個工作鍾。

So there's no snooze button on that, but I'm going to stop now.

所以，我現在不打算打瞌睡了。

That was cute.

真可愛

That was cute, okay.

真可愛

The nuggets got to go and this is ridiculous, but that was very cute.

掘金得走了，這太荒唐了，但這非常可愛。

I was just asking my friend, I was like, where do people meet people?

我問我的朋友，人們在哪裡認識朋友？

Like, where do people...

比如，人們...

Where are they?

他們在哪裡？

Where are they?

他們在哪裡？

Hello?

喂？

Hello?

喂？

Everyone in my crew is meeting people.

我的團隊裡每個人都在結識新朋友。

Apart from you.

除了你之外

It's illegal.

這是非法的。

You should make it illegal.

你應該把它定為非法。

Anyone to find love.

任何人都能找到愛

Apart from you.

除了你之外

Yeah.

是啊

My goal for this year is I want to get more bendy.

我今年的目標是變得更彎曲。

In what way?

怎麼說？

Like, I want to be able to do the splits.

比如，我想做劈叉。

Why was that immediately sexual to me?

為什麼我立刻就覺得這很性感？

I want to be able to do the splits.

我想做劈叉。

I got some splits.

我得到了一些劈叉。

And maybe I'd also like to put my leg by my ear.

也許我還想把腿放在耳朵邊上。

Okay.

好的

Could that happen?

這可能發生嗎？

That can happen.

這種情況有可能發生。

You think?

你覺得呢？

More than the splits?

不僅僅是劈叉？

You need a catalyst.

你需要催化劑。

Okay.

好的

Like, somebody to do it for you.

比如，有人幫你做。

You?

你？

With a strap on?

帶著揹帶？

What?

什麼？

What are you talking about?

你在說什麼？

Because why else would your legs be over your head?

否則，你的腿怎麼會在頭上？

I just thought it'd be cool, like a party trick.

我只是覺得這很酷，就像派對上的小把戲。

Okay.

好的

You said you wanted to try and tumble.

你說你想嘗試翻滾。

I do, I tumble when I can.

是的，我一有空就翻跟頭。

Off a bridge, you were doing it.

從橋上跳下去，你在做什麼？

Excuse me?

你說什麼？

Oh, I have done that on a bridge.

哦，我在橋上做過。

Yeah, in Hawaii.

是的，在夏威夷

You might kill your ex.

你可能會殺了你的前男友

Oh my God.

我的天啊

It's like, after I said that, it was like, wow, that was so crazy.

就好像，我說了那句話後，大家都覺得，哇，太瘋狂了。

I was going to say, have you always been that chill?

我想說的是，你一直都這麼冷淡嗎？

I just like, was randomly, like, just like, slightly enraged.

我就像，就像，就像，稍微被激怒了。

So, you'd rather be in jail than alone.

所以，你寧願坐牢也不願一個人待著。

I just think that maybe you got that wrong.

我只是覺得你可能搞錯了。

But you're with other people that are also in jail.

但你和其他同樣在監獄裡的人在一起。

I would rather be alone than in jail.

我寧願一個人待著，也不願進監獄。

Me too.

我也是。

Okay.

好的

Because I sung that, it has to be with you.

因為是我唱的，所以一定是和你一起唱的。

Yes, every single lyric of yours is real, right?

是的，你的每一句歌詞都是真實的，對嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

Pass you a nugget?

給你一塊金塊？

No.

不

I was like, where the flats at?

我當時就想，這公寓在哪兒？

What's flats?

什麼是組織、部門？

Hello?

喂？

What?

什麼？

Hello?

喂？

Do you think long distance relationships work?

您認為異地戀有用嗎？

No.

不

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies.

有人問我有沒有什麼愛好。

And I was thinking, no.

我在想，不行。

My only hobby is being on the internet.

我唯一的愛好就是上網。

Really?

真的嗎？

And daydreaming.

做白日夢

It's so good.

太好吃了

I know.

我知道

I think it's pretty expensive.

我覺得挺貴的。

Like, it makes the brain expand or something.

比如，它能讓大腦膨脹什麼的。

Do you think being delusional is a good or a bad thing?

你認為妄想是好事還是壞事？

It's such a good thing.

這真是件好事。

You think?

你覺得呢？

Okay.

好的

Yeah, because anyone who actually thinks that they're grounded in reality, when it's like, where are we actually?

是啊，因為任何一個自以為是的人 都會認為自己是腳踏實地的，就像，我們到底在哪裡？

What's actually happening?

到底發生了什麼？

You don't know.

你不知道

The delusional I'm talking about is, I think that I'm going to go somewhere and fall in love, and it just doesn't happen.

我說的妄想症是，我以為我會去某個地方談戀愛，但這並沒有發生。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I don't even know if we're meant to fall in love, because who's actually doing it and sustaining it?

我甚至不知道我們是否註定要相愛，因為究竟是誰在做，是誰在維持？

I think we're just supposed to be in fleeting states of loving.

我想，我們只是應該處於稍縱即逝的愛的狀態。

Do you fall in love easily?

你容易墜入愛河嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

Love.

愛

It's tragic, truly.

真是悲慘啊

Do you think you're good at giving relationship advice?

你認為自己擅長提供戀愛建議嗎？

No.

不

Do your friends come to you, though?

你的朋友會來找你嗎？

I give it unsolicited, first off.

首先，我不請自來。

You shouldn't say shit.

你什麼都不該說

When you see things that are so crazy, because they're going to be with that person regardless.

當你看到那些瘋狂的事情時，因為無論如何，他們都會和那個人在一起。

Friends don't listen to you?

朋友不聽你的？

Yeah, I don't listen to my friends either.

是啊，我也不聽朋友的話。

My friends will be like, he's lying.

我的朋友會說，他在撒謊。

That sounds ridiculous.

這聽起來很荒謬。

And I'll be like, you're dumb.

我會說，你真蠢。

And I'm going to go do the same thing.

我也要去做同樣的事。

Again and again and again.

一次又一次，一次又一次。

I've never been able to get a second date.

我從未有過第二次約會的機會。

Yeah, I feel like I can catch them, but I cannot keep them.

是啊，我覺得我能抓住它們，但卻留不住它們。

Yeah, they're slippery.

是的，它們很滑。

They get in there, and they realize I'm fucking weird.

他們一進去就會發現我很奇怪。

And then they're just like, all right.

然後他們就會說，好吧。

Would you say you're really weird?

你覺得自己真的很奇怪嗎？

I know.

我知道

The butt makes it seem like it's normal.

屁股讓人覺得這很正常。

The butt?

屁股？

On the outside.

在外面

I want to shake ass and do all the normal things.

我想搖搖屁股，做所有正常的事情。

But I also want to just like, I want to swim in the swamp.

但我也想在沼澤地裡游泳。

And I want to collect methane gas with my man.

我想和我的男人一起收集沼氣。

That's my type of shit.

這是我喜歡的類型。

But that, to me, that makes you more attractive.

但對我來說，這讓你更有魅力。

Thanks.

謝謝。

What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?

你聽過最爛的搭訕臺詞是什麼？

No one tries to pick me up.

沒人來接我

Really?

真的嗎？

Damn.

該死

I just realized that I'm undesirable.

我才意識到，我不受歡迎。

I think you're like, very attractive.

我覺得你很有魅力

Like, I think that's more like, that's a fact.

我覺得這更像是一個事實。

I think that's not really up for debate.

我認為這一點並不值得爭論。

I don't consider myself conventionally attractive.

我不認為自己有傳統意義上的吸引力。

Well, I think it's cooler to be not conventionally attractive.

嗯，我覺得沒有傳統意義上的吸引力更酷。

Because I think being conventionally attractive is boring.

因為我覺得傳統的吸引力很無趣。

That's what my mama said.

我媽媽就是這麼說的。

Would you ever run for president?

你會競選總統嗎？

Absolutely not.

絕對不行。

I think maybe you could.

我想也許你可以。

I want nothing to do with politics.

我不想與政治扯上任何關係。

And I just want to be left alone.

我只想一個人靜靜

OK, cool.

好吧，酷。

I'll vote for you, though, if you did.

不過，如果你這麼做了，我會投你一票的。

That shows poor mental health on your part.

這說明你的心理健康狀況不佳。

I don't know anything about anything.

我什麼都不知道。

Do you know anything about?

你知道嗎？

Actually, I know a lot.

事實上，我知道很多。

OK.

好的。

About random things.

關於隨機事件

Like what?

比如說？

Including aquatic things.

包括水生生物。

I know a lot about human health things.

我對人類健康知識很瞭解。

What's one fact about the ocean I should know?

我應該知道的關於海洋的一個事實是什麼？

You should always watch your coochie when you come out of the ocean.

從海里出來時，一定要小心你的 "小弟弟"。

Brilliant.

真聰明

Because of micro...

因為微...

Micro...

微型...

Bacteria.

細菌

Bacteria.

細菌

Microbiome in salt.

鹽中的微生物群

What about your feet?

你的腳呢？

But you don't have an orifice in your feet.

但你的腳上沒有孔。

Do you not?

不是嗎？

No.

不

Ew.

Ew.

No.

不

You?

你？

No.

不

I don't even know what that word means, orifice.

我甚至不知道這個詞是什麼意思，"孔"。

It's a hole.

這是一個洞。

A hole.

一個洞

An entrance.

一個入口。

Oh, so is a mouth an orifice?

哦，那麼嘴是一個孔嗎？

Exactly.

沒錯。

Is your nose an orifice?

你的鼻子是一個孔嗎？

Exactly.

沒錯。

Eyeballs?

眼球？

Ears.

耳朵

Oh.

哦。

Anywhere there's a hole.

任何有洞的地方

Butt?

屁股？

Booty.

戰利品

Cuter bar.

更可愛的酒吧

What?

什麼？

Urethra.

尿道

Don't know what that is.

不知道那是什麼。

Hello?

喂？

Hello?

喂？

Do you think I'm going to survive?

你覺得我還能活下來嗎？

It might be strange.

可能會很奇怪。

Enjoy yourself.

玩得開心

Too hot for you?

對你來說太熱了？

No.

不

My mouth.

我的嘴

Yes.

是的。

I love it.

我喜歡

Would you do it again?

你還會這樣做嗎？

No.

不