whether this quote, “fairytale bachelorhood” ending was a bad thing

這個「夢幻黃金單身漢」的決定是好是壞?

Okay, I think that is a fair discussion that I would like to pick up here at The Yong Turks

我覺得在Young Turks(註: 美國政治社會評論節目)討論這個話題也會很不錯

Okay, now, a lot of us believed in George Clooney

許多人都相信克隆尼

We thought that he was gonna hang in there the whole time

會單身一輩子

And that he was never gonna get married again.

再也不可能結婚了

He was married originally for, I think, 4 years

他的第一段婚姻大概維持了四年

And that he was gonna be the one guy who withstood all of the societal pressure

還以為他禁得起社會壓力 會告訴我們:

And said, “no! You know what? I’m good looking, I’m famous, I’m rich”

「老子長得帥、出名又有錢

“I’m gonna continue to have sex with incredibly hot women for the rest of my life”

有一堆火辣美女等著我 瘋了才結婚」

But over the weekend, I hear this

但過去幾周 我卻聽到:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we got him

「各位觀眾朋友 他訂婚了」

Down goes Clooney! Down goes Clooney!

「克隆尼死會了? 克隆尼死會了?!」

What did you do to us, George?

「怎麼可以這樣對我們?」

You killed the dream

「你讓我美夢破滅了」

You’re ridiculous

有點太誇張囉

Okay, so can we just discuss how there’s always this misconception that dudes never wanna get married

好吧 那我們就討論一下為什麼有「男人都不想結婚」的迷思

They just wanna put the P away

男人只想到處風流

Yeah! You know what I’m saying?

沒錯! 妳懂我意思

And women are like, “Oh marry me! Marry me! I really really want you to marry me”

女人卻像「噢娶我!拜託娶我!我真的想要嫁給你」

Uh… kind of

嗯…或許是吧

So okay, we’ve done stories… No, there are women that are eager to get married

騙你的啦...不 這是真的 確實有非常渴望婚姻的女人

I’m not discounting that at all.

我一點都不懷疑

I definitely know that is true

這點千真萬確

But at the same time, we’ve done stories about studies that indicate that men tend to be happier after marriage

研究顯示男人婚後比女人快樂

And healthy after marriage

也更健康

And women usually tend to be more stressed out and less healthy in general

女人則相反 普遍來說健康都變差了

That is true, but people don’t know that

完全正確 但許多人都不曉得

They don’t know that, but also stop insulting men and think that they’re just thinking with their penises all the time

是沒錯 不過別再把男人汙名化了 認為他們只用下半身思考

Men want love and affection, too

他們也需要愛和感情

That’s right!

說得真好!

But they do!

本來就是呀

They’re the ones who propose, they’re the ones who want to be in a relationship

求婚的是他們、想進入穩定關係的也是他們

If you just want to have random sex all the time then don’t get in a relationship, it’s that simple.

如果你想一直拈花惹草 就別結婚啊 就是這麼簡單

That’s it. It’s that simple

就是這麼簡單

All right. Now, in reality. – You guys are the worst

-現實狀況卻是－ -你們男人糟透了

Okay, here’s what happens in reality, okay? – I can’t

-以下才是真實狀況－ -受不了

You go out with somebody for… You have sex with them what, 3 times, 5 times.

你和某人約會 發生3、5次關係

And then start getting antsy, right?

慢慢開始焦躁不安

Oh, so like oh, what? You’re not gonna date me?

然後就是「你不要跟我在一起了?」

So, is this what that was? It’s cheap, that what it was, right?

「我們的感情就只有這樣? 有夠廉價 廉價」

And then all of a sudden, you’re in a 2 month relationship

一眨眼 你們交往已經兩個月

All of a sudden, you’re in an 18 month relationship

再轉眼 你們已經在一起一年半

All of a sudden, “ladies an gentlemen”

然後突然間 「先生女士們…」

Hahaha

哈哈哈哈

Okay, I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying no, no

我沒有在影射什麼

Putting kidding aside kind of for a second

不開玩笑了

To me, this actually shows something that a lot of people don’t talk about

我覺得人們談論的永遠是那些

The counter of what we always do talk about

有件事卻從來不提

Is that apparently, there’s also a massive urge to settle down

人都有強烈的衝動想定下來

Cause even George Clooney settles down, right? – Thank you

-連喬治˙克隆尼都有想婚的一天 -你說出了我的心聲

Obviously, there is some urge to do that

某種力量驅使著人們

You wanna call it a biological urge or whatever

不管你要叫它生物衝動還是什麼

Now, I know there’s a lot of social pressure, too

當然還有社會眼光的壓力

There’s no question about that

這無庸置疑

But look, David Beckham, Clooney, Brad Pitt, you name it

貝克漢、布萊德˙彼特 你想得到的

The guys who get the P, as you put it so eloquently

有「P」(註: penis)的人 含蓄些的說法

Nonstop. They don’t have to be in a relationship

美眉要多少有多少 他們不需要固定的伴侶

To go woman to woman to woman

對象一個換過一個

Or you wanna be in a long-term relationship, go ahead. You do whaever the hell you want

想經營長期的感情? 也行啊 他們想怎樣就怎樣

But they almost all eventually get married

但浪子最後一定會結婚

So it’s not just social pressure

所以不只是社會給他們的壓力

There’s obviously some sort of imperative… within guys as well, to want to settle down at some point

明顯有一種難以抗拒、也存在於男人的衝動 讓他們想定下來

I mean there’re parallels to love and diet, right?

愛情和飲食滿像的吧?

Like you can eat donuts all day and that shit is delicious, right?

你可以整天狂吃甜甜圈這種垃圾 覺得超美味

But sometimes, those empty calories, they get to you, and you want a nice steak dinner

可是有時候 你會厭倦這些空熱量 想來一克營養的牛排餐

So Clooney’s tired of donuts, he wanted a steak dinner and that’s what he’s getting now

所以克隆尼現在不想吃甜甜圈了 他想要牛排餐 這就是現在的情況

So, good for him. – Well, I mean, I thought you were gonna go with vegetables, but okay

-那就恭喜他囉 -嗯 我以為他會想改吃蔬菜之類的 牛排也不壞啦

No, you’ve gotta get some protein up in there, come on

人可不能沒有蛋白質啊 你說是吧

It’s a little mix of both.

牛排餐其實有蛋白質也有蔬菜啦

Of course you’re right, it’s not just women who want to get married

你說得當然沒錯 不是只有女人會想結婚

Some women don’t want to get married at all. Obviously, we have a huge range here

有些女性就是喜歡獨身 因人而異

But to me, there’s a powerful case of the one guy who withstood all that criticism

這個案例讓我印象很深刻 一個男人抵擋了所有批評

In the end, decided hey you know what? I want to nest with one particular person

最後決定和某人共築愛巢

So down goes Clooney and with him, the hopes and aspirations of all men across the globe

克隆尼死會了 全世界男性的期待和渴望也跟著死了

Wait, did I say that out loud?

我是不是說太大聲了?

Hahaha

哈哈哈