And while America is speedrunning that in real time, today we're talking about breakups.

當美國人正在實時加速處理這件事的時候，我們今天要討論的是分手。

Breakups, also known in this economy as finding new roommates, is when you're in a serious romantic relationship with a partner, and then say to yourself, "I don't want to be with this person anymore."

分手，在這個經濟時代也被稱為尋找新室友，是指當你與伴侶正處於一段嚴肅的戀愛關係中時，然後對自己說：「我不想再和這個人在一起了。」

You then think, maybe a dog will fix this.

這時你會想，也許養條狗能解決這個問題。

When that doesn't work, you then think, maybe a kid will fix this.

當這不起作用時，你就會想，也許孩子能解決這個問題。

But I digress, I didn't mean to drag you into this.

但我想說的是，我並不想把你牽扯進來。

Conventionally, a breakup occurs in five stages, so I thought I'd go through each one step by step so you can see where and if you're on that timeline.

按照慣例，分手會分為五個階段，所以我想我可以一步一步地介紹每一個階段，這樣你就能知道自己處於哪個階段，是否在這個時間軸上。

Stage 1.

第 1 階段。

The first stage of a breakup is always the hardest, which is finding someone to date in the first place.

分手的第一階段總是最難的，那就是首先要找到可以約會的對象。

A reason why this stage is important is because the way that you get into a relationship in the first place can really determine your individual attitudes towards each other as it progresses.

之所以說這一階段很重要，是因為你們一開始建立關係的方式確實會決定你們在關係發展過程中對彼此的態度。

For example, when a girl gets asked out and she says yes, she's thinking, "Wow, what a cool guy, I'm so happy, my life's going to be so much better."

例如，當一個女孩被約出去並答應時，她會想：「哇，好酷的男人，我好開心，我的生活會變得更美好。」

But when a guy asks out a girl and she says yes, he's thinking, "Uh oh, she must be an idiot."

但當一個男生約一個女生出去，她答應了，他就會想：「哦，她一定是個白痴。」

Stage 2.

第 2 階段。

Seeing red flags in the relationship.

在關係中看到警訊。

Now if you're watching this and think you're in a good relationship right now, it might be a good idea to check for signs that it's heading south before it actually gets there.

現在，如果你正在看這部影片，並認為自己現在正處於一段良好的關係中，那麼在它真正發生之前，最好先檢查一下它是否有走下坡的跡象。

So I decided to browse Relationship Advice in order to become an expert on the topic so I can share some examples of more subtle red flags you might not pick up on and how you should respond.

我決定瀏覽一下「關係建議」，以便成為這方面的專家，這樣我就可以分享一些你可能沒有注意到的更微妙的警訊的例子，以及你應該如何應對。

Let's say you've been dating your girlfriend for 5 years and you live together.

比方說，你和女朋友已經交往了 5 年，並且住在一起。

One day she's at work and you walk into the living room and see a magazine open on the coffee table to a jewelry ad.

有一天，她在上班，你走進客廳，看到茶几上的雜誌打開了，是一個珠寶廣告。

You look closer and see a couple engagement rings that are circled and one in particular with love hearts around it.

你走近一看，發現有幾枚訂婚戒指被圈了起來，特別是其中一枚，周圍還鑲嵌著愛心。

How should you respond?

你該如何應對？

Exactly, she's obviously never mentioned it but she's clearly cheating on you with her husband.

沒錯，她顯然從未提及此事，但她顯然在和她丈夫欺騙你。

So best to break up and tell her that you're moving on.

所以最好的辦法就是分手，告訴她你要向前看。

Let's say you've been on a few dates with a girl and you feel you have great chemistry.

比方說，你和一個女孩約會過幾次，感覺你們之間有很好的化學反應。

While you're creeping her socials as usual, suddenly she texts you, "Hey, I miss you. Can we hang out again soon?"

當你像往常一樣窺探她的社交網絡時，她突然給你發了條簡訊：「嘿，我想你了，我們能很快再一起出去玩嗎？」

Now this is of course a great sign but you don't want to seem too needy.

這當然是一個很好的徵兆，但你也不想顯得太有需要。

So set a timer for one hour so you can respond at exactly the right time.

所以請設置一個一小時的計時器，這樣你就能在正確的時間回覆。

After that, a few minutes go by and then she sends you a message on Instagram.

幾分鐘後，她在 Instagram 上給你發了一條訊息。

It's a picture of her in the hospital, kissing a bald guy on the cheek with the caption "Me with my stepbrother."

這是她在醫院裡親吻一個光頭男人臉頰的照片，標題是「我和我的繼兄」。

How should you respond?

你該如何應對？

Exactly, I know Johnny Sins when I see him. Best await the remaining 56 minutes, break up and tell her that you're moving on.

確實，當我看到約翰尼辛斯時，我認出了他。最好等待剩下的 56 分鐘，分手並告訴她你放下了。

Let's say you're overseas from your partner and have been in a relationship as long as you can remember but are currently having a big fight about the joint vision of your future.

假設你的伴侶在海外，從你有記憶以來起就一直處於戀愛關係，但目前正在為你未來的共同願景發生激烈爭吵。

You want to pursue a more down-to-earth existence on your farm, selling hemp and cotton clothing you've grown yourself.

你想在農場裡追求更樸實的生活，銷售自己種植的大麻和棉花服裝。

But they're reaching their financial peak and want to experience the luxuries of life.

但他們的財務狀況已達到頂峰，希望體驗奢華的生活。

You message them that you want to end the relationship but they respond, "To do what? To run your stupid little farm?

你給他們發資訊說你想結束這段關係，但他們的回覆是：「做什麼？經營你那愚蠢的小農場？

I'm the one making all the money. How do you plan on being able to afford to do that without me subsidizing you?"

錢都是我賺的，如果沒有我的補貼，你打算怎麼負擔得起？」

How should you respond?

你該如何應對？

Exactly, you've already figured out a great way to keep labor costs down.

沒錯，你已經找到了降低勞動力成本的好辦法。

Best to just declare independence and tell them you're moving on.

最好的辦法就是宣佈獨立，告訴他們你要繼續前進。

Stage three, the breakup.

第三階段，分手。

While breakups aren't fun for anyone, men in particular don't usually take rejection very well.

雖然分手對任何人來說都不是件有趣的事，但男人尤其不容易接受拒絕。

Whether it's from girls, election results or especially art school.

無論是來自女孩，還是選舉結果，尤其是藝術學校。

This is because if you're a girl and your female friend goes through a breakup, the game plan is clear.

這是因為，如果你是女生，而你的女性朋友失戀了，那麼你的遊戲計劃就很清楚了。

She'll text, "We broke up," to the group chat, then you all get together immediately, have a few bottles of wine, talk some shit about their ex, tell your friend she deserves better, and then have a pillow fight or something.

她會在群聊裡發短信說「我們分手了」然後你們馬上聚在一起，喝幾瓶酒，說說他們前任的壞話，告訴你的朋友她應該得到更好的，然後來個枕頭大戰什麼的。

For guys, the game plan is much more simple.

對於男生來說，遊戲計劃要簡單得多。

He'll text the group chat, "Just a heads up, me and Katie broke up."

他會在群聊裡發訊息告訴大家「我和凱蒂分手了。」

You then reply, "Damn, that fucking sucks dude, you good?"

然後你回答說：「媽的，真他媽不好，你還好嗎？」

He'll then say, "Yeah, I'm all right."

然後他會說：「我沒事。」

And your job is done.

你的任務就完成了。

What else could you possibly do?

要不然你還能做什麼呢？

Now, regardless of whether you're a guy or a girl, whenever you're about to break up with someone, it's likely you'll start second guessing your intuition and it would be worth it if you replaced them.

不管你是男生還是女生，每當你要和某人分手時，你很可能會開始猜測自己的直覺，如果你換掉他，那就值得了。

So you have to ask yourself the most important question to see if you should go through with it: Who's going to pay the other half of the rent?

你必須問自己一個最重要的問題，看看自己是否應該堅持下去：誰來支付另一半房租？

While boomers and Gen X often complain that if you live with someone and break up, they get half your net worth.

嬰兒潮一代和 X 世代經常抱怨說，如果你和某人同居並分手，他們就會得到你一半的淨資產。

This of course isn't a problem for Gen Z or millennials because half of a negative number is pure profit.

當然，這對 Z 世代或千禧一代來說不是問題，因為負數的一半是純利潤。

The real pain of course is losing custody of the houseplants.

當然，真正的痛苦是失去對室內植物的監護權。

Similarly, one of the worst situations to be in when you're going through a breakup is when you have kids.

同樣，當你經歷分手時，最糟糕的情況之一就是你有了孩子。

This is the worst case scenario because not only is someone breaking up with you, but you also have kids.

這是最糟糕的情況，因為不僅有人要和你分手，而且你還有孩子。

At some point, you really have to start wondering how you keep fucking up over and over again.

在某些時候，你真的不得不開始懷疑自己是如何一次又一次地搞砸的。

Stage four, getting over it.

第四階段，釋懷。

Whenever you go through a breakup, the most important thing is to not wallow in your own misery.

無論何時經歷失戀，最重要的是不要沉浸在自己的痛苦中。

You should only do that if your ex finds someone new in two weeks and they're exactly the same as you, but hotter.

只有當你的前男友在兩週內找到了新歡，而且對方和你一模一樣，但更性感時，你才應該這麼做。

Now, one of the critical steps of getting over a breakup is thinking about how your own attitudes and behaviors contributed to the relationship falling apart and what you could do better next time.

現在，走出分手陰影的關鍵步驟之一就是思考自己的態度和行為是如何導致這段關係破裂的，以及下次你可以做得更好。

If you ask a girl what would prevent another bad breakup happening to them, they might say,

如果你問一個女孩怎樣才能避免再次不幸分手，她們可能會說：

"I should be more attentive and affectionate and maybe communicate my thoughts more openly instead of expecting my partner to know and make sure I don't make them prioritize my feelings at the expense of theirs."

「我應該更細心、更深情，也許可以更坦誠地交流我的想法，而不是期待我的伴侶知道，並確保我不會讓他們把我的感受放在首位而犧牲他們的感受。」

To men, self-reflection is of course way too complicated as we like to have simple concrete steps rather than vague hypotheticals,

對男人來說，自我檢討當然太複雜了，因為我們喜歡簡單具體的步驟，而不是模糊的假設，

which is why if you ask a guy what would prevent another bad breakup happening to them, the answer is a simple two-step process.

這就是為什麼如果你問一個男人，怎樣才能避免再次發生糟糕的失戀，答案很簡單，只有兩個步驟。

Bench three plates, Bugatti Chiron.

舉三片杠鈴，買布加迪奇龍。

After stage four, we of course have stage four.

在第四階段之後，我們當然還有第四階段。

Now, they say that one of the best ways to get over someone is to get under someone else, but when you've just gone through a breakup, it's likely been a while since you've been dating,

人們常說，忘掉一個人的最好辦法之一就是追到另一個人，但當你剛剛經歷了分手，很可能已經有一段時間沒有約會了，

and you might think, "Well, I think I'm a seven, so that's what I'm looking for," and then someone else will say, "I think you're a five."

你可能會想：「好吧，我覺得我是七分，所以這就是我要找的」然後別人會說：「我覺得你五分而已。」

Now, in the dating market, this is called a bid-ask-spread and is essential to establish right away so you can see approximately what type of person is in your league.

現在，在交友市場上，這被稱為 "出價-問價-價差"，必須立即確定，這樣你就能知道大約什麼類型的人適合你。

This is why when I get back on Tinder after a breakup, the first thing I do is set the radius to maximum, but you can pick any size of girl you want.

這就是為什麼當我分手後重新回到 Tinder 上時，我做的第一件事就是將半徑設置為最大，但你可以選擇任何你想要的女孩。

Now, if you've only recently started dating again, the first thing you'll notice is how the dating meta has completely changed.

現在，如果你最近才重新開始約會，你會注意到的第一件事就是約會元已經完全改變了。

If you're a girl, the first thing you're going to be thinking is, "What the fuck is a riz?"

如果你是女孩，你首先會想，"riz "是什麼鬼東西？

And if you're a guy, you're going to be asking yourself, "Why does every girl I match with keep sending me links to viruses?"

如果你是男生，你一定會問自己：「為什麼和我相親的每個女孩都給我發病毒連結？」

The good news is that even though you might still be hurt by your fallen relationship, through the learn from your mistakes and won't have to do it all again.

好消息是，儘管你可能仍然會因為墮落的關係而受到傷害，但通過從錯誤中吸取教訓，你就不必再重蹈覆轍了。

Stage five, do it all again.

第五階段，再來一次。

From this point, you simply repeat the process until you accidentally have a child, or you run out of money, or you try a polyamorous relationship until they go exclusive and you're the third wheel, or you get back with your ex and make it work because you overestimated your other options,

從這一點出發，你只需重複這個過程，直到你意外地有了一個孩子，或者你的錢花光了，或者你嘗試了一段多配偶關係，直到他們專一，而你成了第三者，或者你和你的前男友複合了，並且因為你高估了你的其他選擇而使它成功了，

or you realize that you can't say you don't like broccoli if you've never tried it, so you add grinder to the rotation.

或者你意識到如果你從來沒有嘗試過花椰菜，你就不能說你不喜歡它，所以你在這個輪迴中加入了磨碎機。

Now, one of the worst feelings I've had going through a breakup was when they said, "But are you sure? Do you do you really want to get rid of everything we've done together?

現在，我經歷過的最糟糕的分手感受之一，就是當他們說：「但你確定嗎？你真的想毀掉我們在一起的一切嗎？

I mean, I mean, maybe you could just keep me around and use me when you want to."

我的意思是，也許你可以把我留在身邊，想用我的時候就用我。」

And as much as it hurts to hear that, Microsoft Edge really sucked at the time.

雖然微軟 Edge 當時真的很爛，但聽起來還是很傷人。

And I never thought I'd have to do that to someone again until I found today's sponsor, the Opera One web browser.

直到我找到了今天的贊助商——Opera One 網絡瀏覽器，我才意識到我還得對別人這麼做。

One of the best features on Opera One is their ARIA AI Assistant.

Opera One 的最佳功能之一是其 ARIA AI 助手。

You can see I asked it the classic relationship tester, "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

你可以看到，我問了一個經典的關係測試問題：「如果我是一條蟲子，你還會愛我嗎？」

And it answered it perfectly.

它完美地回答了這個問題。

That made me happy and fulfilled.

這讓我感到幸福和滿足。

I did, however, feel slightly bad for waking up at 4am to ask it this question.

不過，凌晨 4 點起來問它這個問題，我確實有點過意不去。

If you tried and didn't get the relationship advice you wanted, you can also add ChatGPT natively to the sidebar and date that instead.

如果你嘗試過，但沒有得到想要的戀愛建議，你也可以在側邊欄添加 ChatGPT，用它來代替約會。

In terms of performance, Opera is an extremely light web browser.

就性能而言，Opera 是一款非常輕便的網絡瀏覽器。

Here I have Opera open with five tabs of my own YouTube videos playing.

在這裡，我打開了 Opera，有五個標籤頁正在播放我自己的 YouTube 影片。

And here I have Chrome open with five tabs of my own YouTube videos playing.

在這裡，我打開了 Chrome 瀏覽器，有五個標籤頁正在播放我自己的 YouTube 影片。

Another classic situation we've all found ourselves in.

我們都曾遇到過的另一種典型情況。

Even though it uses its built-in ad blocker to Opera uses about 30% less RAM, meaning it frees up resources for multitasking or gaming.

即使使用內置的廣告攔截器，Opera 也能減少約 30% 的內存，這意味著它能為多任務處理或遊戲釋放資源。

And if you work in media or online content like me, it can be a lifesaver, as I'm able to preview a video in Adobe Premiere for more than an extra minute before the whole program crashes anyway.

如果你像我一樣從事媒體或線上內容工作，它就會成為你的救星，因為無論如何，我都能在整個程序崩潰之前，在 Adobe Premiere 中多預覽一分鐘以上的影片。

If you'd like to give it a try, Opera One is completely free and the download link is in the description below.

如果你想試試，Opera One 完全免費，下載連結在下面的說明欄中。

Okay, imagine you and your wife are 90 years old and are both lying in hospital beds next to each other near the end of your life after being married for 60 years.

好吧，想象一下你和你的妻子都已經 90 歲了，在結婚 60 年後，兩人都躺在醫院的病床上，相依為命，即將走到生命的盡頭。

You're both holding hands and you feel her pulse begin to slow.

你們倆手牽手，你感覺到她的脈搏開始減慢。

She squeezes your hand with all her remaining strength, tilts her head and says, "I'm moving on. Goodbye."

她用僅存的力氣捏了捏你的手，歪著頭說：「我要走了。再見。」

And her heart rate flatlines.

她的心率驟降。

How should you respond?

你該如何應對？

Exactly.

沒錯。

Hose these days, man, you can't just break up with someone and then die.

這年頭，不能說分手就分手，說死就死。

Get back up, beat cancer, redownload Tinder and slap the nurse's ass on the way out.

重新站起來，戰勝癌症，重新下載 Tinder，臨走時拍拍護士的屁股。

She's clearly going to hell.

很明顯，她要下地獄了。