Really learning about emotional intelligence and what drives people and then how to navigate that in a way that calms people down, makes people make decisions.

真正學習情商和人們的驅動力，然後學習如何駕馭這種驅動力，讓人們冷靜下來，做出決定。

Gunman burst into the Chase Manhattan bank in Park Slope this morning and ever since negotiators have been trying to get them to give up.

槍手今早闖入了位於公園坡的曼哈頓大通銀行 談判人員一直在試圖讓他們放棄談判

Hostage negotiators used a bullhorn to try and talk to the gunman.

人質談判人員使用擴音器試圖與槍手對話。

What persuaded the gunman finally to come out?

是什麼說服了槍手最終出來？

I think it was excellent hostage negotiating.

我認為這是一次出色的人質談判。

People in intense situations aren't changing their patterns, they're still working in the same way that they would under less intense circumstances, they're still making the same decisions.

處於緊張狀態下的人並沒有改變他們的模式，他們仍然以在不太緊張的情況下同樣的方式工作，仍然做出同樣的決定。

So if you take hostage negotiation skills, which are navigating human emotions and you put them in the middle of business and personal negotiations, you've actually got a great way to work your way through business negotiations and personal and everyday life negotiations.

是以，如果你掌握了人質談判技巧，也就是駕馭人類情感的技巧，並將其運用到商務談判和個人談判中，那麼你實際上就掌握了一種通過商務談判、個人談判和日常生活談判的絕佳方法。

If you think that successful negotiations are successful because of logic or arguments or reason or compromise, you're losing money, you're leaving millions of dollars on the table.

如果你認為成功的談判是因為邏輯、爭論、理智或妥協，那你就是在賠錢，你會把數百萬美元留在談判桌上。

And over the course of a lifetime that could be true for everybody.

在人的一生中，每個人都可能如此。

Tactically, emotional, intelligent negotiation is the way you make great deals and the way you have great long-term results.

從戰術上講，感性、智慧的談判是你達成偉大交易的方式，也是你取得巨大長期成果的方式。

And sometimes they miss that and they think that the problem is the person across the table.

有時他們會忽略這一點，認為問題出在桌子對面的人身上。

And that's why oftentimes people think of it as conflict and actually treat it as conflict.

這就是為什麼很多時候人們認為這是衝突，實際上是把它當作衝突來對待。

Negotiation is really about what people are making decisions based on what they care about, which are passions.

談判其實就是人們根據自己的興趣愛好做出決定。

Every decision you make, you make based on what you care about, which I'm afraid that by definition that makes decision making an emotional process.

你所做的每一個決定，都是基於你所關心的事情，恐怕從定義上來說，這就使得決策成為一個情緒化的過程。

First of all, understanding where the other side's coming from, and especially emotionally, and then being able to feed it back to them in a way that they signal to you that you've got it right.

首先，要了解對方的想法，尤其是情感上的想法，然後能夠以一種對方向你發出信號的方式反饋給他們，讓他們知道你的想法是正確的。

Understand and demonstrate that understanding.

理解並證明這種理解。

There are a lot of negotiators that really will give in on a deal because being understood is more important than getting what they want.

有很多談判者真的會在交易中讓步，因為被理解比得到他們想要的東西更重要。

So once we completely understand where somebody's coming from, then with tactical empathy, we get a much better feel for exactly how they feel about things, how that drives them, and then how we can interact with the things that are driving them.

是以，一旦我們完全理解了某人的想法，那麼通過戰術移情，我們就能更好地感受到他們對事物的感受，以及這種感受是如何驅使他們的，然後我們就能與驅使他們的事物進行互動。

The reasons you won't make a deal are typically more important than the reasons you will make a deal.

通常情況下，你無法達成交易的原因比你能達成交易的原因更重要。

There's a Nobel Prize winning behavioral economics theory that says that people will put a value of losses on at least twice what an equivalent gain is.

有一個獲得諾貝爾獎的行為經濟學理論認為，人們對損失的估價至少是同等收益的兩倍。

So losing $5 stings at least twice as much as gaining $5.

是以，失去 5 美元的痛苦至少是得到 5 美元的兩倍。

Losing $5 feels like losing $10 or even $35.

輸掉 5 美元就像輸掉 10 美元甚至 35 美元。

It's just a ridiculous skewing in our brains over loss.

這只是我們大腦對損失的荒謬偏差。

So knowing that fear of loss is probably going to drive someone's decision making more than anything else, tactically, I want to diffuse those fears.

是以，我知道對失去的恐懼可能比其他任何事情都更能影響一個人的決策，所以在策略上，我想化解這些恐懼。

I want to get them out of that fear-based thinking, and I want to get them really in a more rational, open frame of mind as quickly as I can, which is why tactically, in empathy, I want to address their fears first.

我想讓他們從恐懼的思維中解脫出來，我想盡快讓他們真正進入一個更理性、更開放的心態，這就是為什麼在戰術上，在換位思考中，我想首先解決他們的恐懼。

Well, labeling is the best way to practice tactical empathy.

那麼，貼標籤就是練習戰術移情的最佳方式。

In its strictest form, it's just saying or writing, it seems like, it sounds like, it looks like, putting a label on the dynamic.

從最嚴格的形式上講，它只是說或寫，看起來像，聽起來像，看上去像，給動態貼上標籤。

And science is showing us now that if we label a negative, it diminishes it.

科學現在告訴我們，如果我們給負面事物貼上標籤，就會削弱它。

I'll actually say to somebody ahead of time, look, this is going to sound really harsh.

實際上，我會提前對某人說，聽著，這聽起來真的很刺耳。

And there's a really good chance that when I get done saying what I'm going to say, you're not going to like me at all.

當我說完我要說的話時，你很有可能一點都不喜歡我。

And then I'll say what I have to say, and they'll say, wow, that wasn't that bad.

然後我把要說的說出來，他們就會說，哇，沒那麼糟吧。

So I know I can take a very preemptive approach to negative thinking because I know what a barrier it is to decision making in business.

是以，我知道我可以採取一種非常先發制人的方法來應對負面思維，因為我知道負面思維對商業決策的阻礙有多大。

The type of listening I practice and as I teach is really kind of beyond active listening all by itself.

我所練習和教授的聆聽方式，其實已經超越了主動聆聽本身。

We even sort of refer to it sometimes as listener's judo, because we're listening very carefully for certain things.

我們有時甚至把它稱為 "聽者柔道"，因為我們會仔細聆聽某些東西。

We're listening for different aspects of what people care about and what they're against at the same time.

我們在傾聽人們所關心的不同方面，同時也在傾聽他們所反對的不同方面。

People will reveal the negatives very much either between the lines, a little bit of the adjectives, and then also in every positive, there's a flip side negative.

人們會在字裡行間、一點點的形容詞中透露出非常多的負面資訊，而且在每一個正面資訊中，都會有一個反面的負面資訊。

Every negative, there's a flip side positive.

每一個消極因素都有其積極的一面。

If I make it a point of talking about how I'm for integrity, then if you're making it a point to state that, then you've been betrayed in the past.

如果我把我如何支持正直作為一個重點來談，那麼如果你把這一點作為重點來陳述，那麼你過去就被背叛過。

That's been a problem for you in the past.

這是你過去的一個問題。

There's a yin and yang to everything.

萬物皆有陰陽。

And as soon as you realize that, that there's a negative to every positive and a positive to every negative, and you're listening for it, you can kind of pick out how you want to guide a discussion, knowing that those are the things that you're looking for.

一旦你意識到這一點，就會發現每個正面都有一個反面，每個反面都有一個正面，而且你在傾聽它，你就可以選擇如何引導討論，因為你知道這些都是你要尋找的東西。

I remember one time I was on the phone with a customer service airlines person.

記得有一次，我和航空公司的客戶服務人員通電話。

And that's got to be a tough job because those people get yelled at all day long, every day.

這肯定是一份艱苦的工作，因為這些人每天都在捱罵。

Nobody calls customer service unless they're unhappy.

除非不滿意，否則沒人會打電話給客服。

And this woman was one of those women that clearly she'd been yelled at 50 times during the day, and she was not interested in staying on the phone with me a moment longer than she had to.

這位女士顯然在一天中被罵了 50 次，她對我的電話一刻也不想多待。

And I remember when I was off the phone and she had me on hold, I remember saying, you know, I guarantee you this woman right now is thinking, she's saying to her colleagues, you know, this guy's lucky I'm talking to him on a phone at all.

我記得當我掛斷電話，她讓我等著的時候，我記得我說，你知道，我向你保證，這個女人現在正在想，她正在對她的同事說，你知道，這傢伙真幸運，我還能和他通電話。

So I was thinking about the negative of that.

所以，我在想這樣做的負面影響。

And then I was thinking about the flip side.

然後我又想到了另一面。

Well, in her view, if she thinks I'm lucky to be talking to her on the phone, then the flip side of that is she's actually being generous in her mind and her world.

好吧，在她看來，如果她認為我很幸運能和她通電話，那麼反過來說，在她的心目中和她的世界裡，她其實是很慷慨的。

She came back on the phone and I said to her, you know what, I really appreciate how generous you've been with your time.

她又來電話了，我對她說，你知道嗎，我真的很感謝你這麼慷慨地付出時間。

And I could tell immediately her frame of mind changed.

我一眼就看出她的心態變了。

She put me back on hold for about a minute and a half after that.

之後，她又讓我等了一分半鐘。

And when she came back on the phone, she'd given me a full refund on my ticket.

當她再打來電話時，她已經給我全額退了票。

Most people, if you're nice to them, can help you by doing a little bit if you give them a chance.

只要你對他們好，只要你給他們一個機會，大多數人都能幫你做一點事情。

And it's just nice to people.

它對人很好。

It's amazing what they'll do for you.

他們能為你做的事真是令人驚歎。

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