Name: Exit Row Hero | Chinedu Unaka | Stand Up Comedy (Exit Row Hero | Chinedu Unaka | Stand Up Comedy)
Uploaded: 2024-06-26T07:00:39.000Z
Duration: 10 min 54 s

過去簡單式

One year ago today, I actually lost 100 pounds, man.

一年前的今天，我真的減掉了 100 磅，夥計。

祈使句型

There's just no better applause than fat-loss applause.

It's not illegal to lie about weight loss.

I do it all the time. Applause feels good.

我經常這樣做。鼓掌的感覺很好。

Anytime I'm feeling down, I walk into a random Starbucks.

每當我情緒低落時，我就會隨意走進一家星巴克。

I'm like, hey, guys, I may interrupt your studying, but one year ago today, I lost 100 pounds, man.

我想，嘿，夥計們，我可能會打擾你們學習，但一年前的今天，我減掉了100磅，夥計。

It's a good time. Promise me you'll try it.

這讓我成為尼日利亞喜劇演員。

It's no different being, like, a regular comedian, but it's really hard for me to build my fan base because nobody trusts me with their e-mail.

這和普通喜劇演員沒什麼兩樣，但我很難建立自己的粉絲群，因為沒有人相信我會用他們的電子郵件。

我不是這個範姆這是我自己的...

I was trying to learn how to speak my native language better.

我正在努力學習如何更好地說我的母語。

It's kind of my dad's fault. He tried to teach me too late.

這是我爸爸的錯。他教得太晚了

I was in high school. My dad got the bright idea.

我當時在上高中。我爸爸靈機一動

He tried to teach his son his native language.

I came home with a full backpack, just left basketball practice.

我揹著滿滿的書包回家，剛剛結束籃球訓練。

My dad had a bunch of Igbo words on the wall.

我爸爸在牆上貼了一堆伊格博語單詞。

He was like, Chinadu, don't you want to learn some Igbo?

他說，奇納杜，你不想學點伊格博語嗎？

I'm like, yeah, man, but I got Spanish homework.

我想，是的，但我有西班牙語作業。

I ain't got time for this shit. I'm busy now.

我懂西班牙語，但不會伊格博語。

That's embarrassing me like another Nigerian born in Nigeria because they'll judge you.

這讓我像另一個出生在尼日利亞的尼日利亞人一樣尷尬，因為他們會對你評頭論足。

你叫奇納杜你會說伊格博語嗎？

I'd be like, my brother, my brother, my brother.

我會說，我的兄弟，我的兄弟，我的兄弟。

更多或更少。這是我能做的最好的了。

是嗎？我還能在公共場合咳嗽嗎？

可以嗎？你知道，這感覺很好。

如果你從未收到過 COVID，那就發出點聲音吧。

Get you some COVID, man. What you waiting for?

Pandemic come around every hundred years.

大流行病每一百年就會出現一次。

You just, you know, like systematic or some shit.

你只是，你知道，喜歡系統化或一些狗屎。

You probably killed 10 grandmas, don't even know it.

你可能殺了十個老奶奶都不知道。

Why everybody keep passing out around here?

My girlfriend, she called me B-Nog during the quarantine.

我女朋友在隔離期間叫我 B-Nog。

You don't do it? Get the fuck out of here.

I was mad how mad she was to offer it to her first.

我很生氣，她是多麼生氣，才會先給她。

But she said no. I was like, cool, I'm going to go read.

但她拒絕了我當時想，酷，我要去看書了。

我以為我們都知道這意味著什麼。

每個人看書的時候都是勃起的，夥計。

She was mad because she saw a laptop on my bed.

她很生氣，因為她看到我床上有一臺筆記本電腦。

And instead of just leaving like an adult,

I was about to leave a comment on the video.

You ever see no videos with like 300 comments on them?

你見過有 300 條評論的視頻嗎？

Could have been better. Like, what the fuck?

本來可以更好的。比如，搞什麼鬼？

Now, the real reason I stopped watching porn, because all my favorite porn stars, they left the game.

現在，我不再看色情片的真正原因是，我最喜歡的色情明星都離開了這個遊戲。

Everyone I screw up with, they all gone, bro.

我搞砸的每個人，他們都走了，兄弟。

You know what's fucked up when they leave?

你知道他們離開時什麼最糟糕嗎？

Porn stars should announce their retirement like athletes, man.

色情明星應該像運動員一樣宣佈退役，老兄。

There's this one young lady named Michelle Tucker.

有一位名叫米歇爾-塔克的年輕女士。