Name: 無神論喜劇 - 大洪水 (Atheist Comedy - The Great Flood)
Uploaded: 2024-06-18T15:22:21.000Z
Duration: 6 min 19 s

程度副詞

God, this whole Noah's Ark scheme that you've got going on, it's just not going to work.

上帝啊，你的諾亞方舟計劃根本行不通。

You already told me there's not enough room for six million animals on the Ark.

你已經告訴過我，"方舟 "上沒有足夠的空間容納六百萬只動物。

That's why I told you to cut out all the different variations and just use the bare minimum.

這就是為什麼我告訴你不要再千篇一律，只用最基本的東西。

Yeah, but I did that, and that still leaves us with 17,400 birds, 12,000 reptiles, 9,000 mammals, 5,000 amphibians, and 2 million insects.

是的，但我這樣做了，我們還剩下 17 400 種鳥類、12 000 種爬行動物、9 000 種哺乳動物、5 000 種兩棲動物和 200 萬種昆蟲。

Actually, God, fitting the animals on the Ark is the least of our worries right now.

其實，上帝，我們現在最不需要擔心的是如何把動物裝上方舟。

We should be more worried about the food.

You told Noah to bring any kind of food that needs to be eaten.

你讓諾亞把任何需要吃的食物都帶來。

Do you have any idea how much an animal eats in one year?

你知道動物一年要吃多少東西嗎？

Two elephants are going to require 365,000 pounds of food and 36,500 gallons of water.

兩頭大象需要 365 000 磅食物和 36 500 加侖水。

What are they going to do for the other 325 days?

剩下的 325 天，他們打算怎麼過？

I mean, the giraffes are going to need 54,750 pounds of food.

我是說，長頸鹿需要 54750 磅的食物。

The hippos are going to need 65,700 pounds of food.

The two lions are going to need 16,060 pounds of meat.

我的意思是，所有的肉都會腐爛。

What if I have Noah bring only baby animals?

如果我只讓諾亞帶動物寶寶怎麼辦？

Okay, God, how are we going to work that out?

好吧，上帝，我們該如何解決這個問題？

Do you want the baby animals to travel to Noah from all around the world?

您希望動物寶寶從世界各地來到諾亞嗎？

Because by the time most of them reach Noah, they're going to be adults.

因為當他們中的大多數人到達諾亞時，他們已經長大成人了。

Or, or do you want all the animals to reach Noah and then coexist in the same ecosystem until they all get pregnant and have babies at the exact same time so that Noah can bring them all...

或者，或者你想讓所有的動物都到達諾亞那裡，然後在同一個生態系統中共存，直到它們都在同一時間懷孕生子，這樣諾亞就可以把它們都......

Okay, okay, what if we get the animals to hibernate?

好吧，好吧，如果我們讓動物冬眠呢？

Well, even a bear can only hibernate about 100 days at a time, and they're going to be on an ark four times longer than that.

即使是熊，一次也只能冬眠 100 天左右，而他們在方舟上的時間要比這長四倍。

Look, God, none of this even really matters anyway, because you said that the floodwaters are going to cover all of the mountains under the heavens by a depth of 20 feet.

聽著，上帝，這些都不重要，因為你說過，洪水會淹沒天下所有的山峰，水深達 20 英尺。

That's going to put the altitude of the floodwaters at 29,055 feet.

All the animals are going to freeze to death.

Those that don't freeze to death are going to become exhausted just from trying to breathe in an atmosphere that has 33% less oxygen, and they're going to suffocate.

那些沒有被凍死的人在氧氣含量少了 33% 的大氣中呼吸，就會精疲力竭，窒息而死。

God, not even most of the sea life is going to survive.

天哪，連大部分海洋生物都無法倖存。

Jeffrey, the Earth's going to be covered with water, perfect for sea life.

傑弗裡，地球將被水覆蓋，非常適合海洋生物生存。

You're going to be changing the water temperature, the water pressure, the light filtration, salt water's going to be mixing with fresh water.

你將改變水溫、水壓、光過濾，鹽水將與淡水混合。

God, it's going to kill most aquatic life, too.

天哪，這也會殺死大部分水生生物。

Oh, and I just thought of something else, too.

Even if the animals survive the trip, what are they going to do when they get off the boat?

即使動物們在旅途中倖存下來，它們下船後又該怎麼辦呢？

The herbivores aren't going to have any vegetation to eat because it's all going to be wiped out by the flood.

食草動物將沒有任何植被可吃，因為所有植被都將被洪水沖走。

And the carnivores aren't going to have any animals to eat.

Every time they do eat an animal, they're going to make an entire species go extinct.

它們每吃掉一隻動物，就會導致整個物種滅絕。

And that really brings me to my last point, God.

這就是我要說的最後一點--上帝。

Two individuals of a species is not enough to propagate an entire species.

一個物種的兩個個體不足以繁殖整個物種。

I mean, you need at least 50 individuals of a species in order for there to be a proper amount of genetic diversity.

我的意思是，一個物種至少要有 50 個個體，才能有適當數量的遺傳多樣性。

And with only two, I mean, you have to inbreed.

而且只有兩個，我的意思是，你必須近親繁殖。

And with all that inbreeding, there's going to be severe genetic defects.

近親繁殖會導致嚴重的遺傳缺陷。

我的意思是，這是行不通的，上帝。

We're going to have to think of something else.

Well, why the fuck didn't you just use magic in the first place?

那你一開始為什麼不用魔法呢？

I mean, you want to kill off all the humans?