Those whose hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for their own safety. Those who will, in a poignant bid to hold others' attention, lay out – within minutes of a new encounter – secrets that they would have been wiser to take to the grave.

那些對親近的渴望壓倒了對自身安全的擔憂的人。為了吸引別人的注意力，他們會在幾分鐘之內就把那些本該帶進墳墓的祕密一五一十地說了出來。

This isn't to deny the fun that over-sharers can bring to social life. These won't be the types talking about the economic contraction or where they last went on holiday. Contact with other humans should be about getting to the marrow of things they believe, which is why we will quickly get to hear about their ex's sexual difficulty, the vicious row they had about their mother's will, exactly how much they earn, the troubles they have with their digestion, their favourite bedroom position and the nature of an early childhood trauma. The difficulty lies in the toll these divulgences impose on over-sharers themselves. An evening of entertainment is too often followed by a shame-ridden awakening.

這並不是否認過度分享者給社交生活帶來的樂趣。他們不會談論經濟萎縮或上次去哪裡度假。是以，我們很快就會聽到他們前男友的性難題、關於母親遺囑的惡性爭吵、他們的收入、消化問題、最喜歡的臥室姿勢以及童年創傷的性質。困難在於，這些資訊的洩露會給過度分享者本身造成傷害。一個晚上的娛樂之後，往往是羞愧難當的覺醒。

Now that the laughter has dissipated, they may feel as though they were seized by an impulse with which they don't identify, an urge to invite others into their deep self without the strength to impose the barest of checks on who they might be.

現在笑聲散去，他們可能會覺得自己好像被一種自己並不認同的衝動抓住了，一種邀請他人進入自己內心深處的衝動，而沒有力量對自己的身份進行最基本的限制。

A painful developmental story tends to lie behind the compulsion. We share too much when we have been too lonely. We fail to understand the risks of overexposure when we have suffered in environments in which so little sincere or real was ever exchanged. We rush to confess because no one showed us a steady, composed route to intimacy. To the isolated former child, no alarm sounds at the thought of having an unbarred conversation with a character who entered the room twenty minutes ago. Such is the promise and lure of togetherness. Such has been the burden of secrecy. We might with time make our peace with remaining somewhat more mysterious. We might more judiciously weigh up the benefits of a sugar-rush of disclosure against the slower satisfactions of safety. We might tell very few people indeed what is going on for us in love, with our health or with work, not because we want to be unkind or boring, but because our first priority has become to look after ourselves.

強迫症的背後往往隱藏著一個痛苦的成長故事。當我們過於孤獨時，我們就會分享太多。當我們在很少有真誠或真實交流的環境中受苦時，我們無法理解過度暴露的風險。我們急於表白，是因為沒有人給我們指明一條穩定、沉著的親密之路。對於曾經與世隔絕的孩子來說，一想到要與二十分鐘前進入房間的人物進行暢所欲言的對話，就不會發出任何警報。這就是團聚的承諾和誘惑。這就是保密的負擔。隨著時間的推移，我們也許會對保持神祕感做出讓步。我們可以更明智地權衡公開的好處和安全的緩慢滿足。我們可能很少告訴別人我們在愛情、健康或工作方面的情況，這並

We don't have to answer too many intrusive questions, nor, as importantly, do we need to ask them. It isn't, we can learn, any reason to panic if we are still talking about what someone did over the weekend or their favourite kind of gloves after the first course.

我們不必回答過多的干擾性問題，同樣重要的是，我們也不必問這些問題。我們可以瞭解到，如果我們在上完第一節課後還在談論某人週末做了什麼或他最喜歡的一種手套，我們也沒有理由感到恐慌。

We don't have to feel boring for ending up, in many, a boring conversation. We aren't dull at heart. We are just calmly working out – in a process that could take months or years – whether we have stumbled on one of those very rare characters who truly deserve to hear from the deepest parts of us.

我們不必因為結束了許多無聊的對話而感到無趣。我們的內心並不沉悶。我們只是在一個可能需要數月或數年的過程中，冷靜地思考，我們是否偶然發現了那些真正值得我們傾聽內心深處想法的罕見人物。