Give it up for Lewis Cato and the Late Show Band.

為劉易斯-卡託和晚間秀樂隊鼓掌。

Joining Lewis tonight.

今晚加入劉易斯

Yes.

是的。

This week.

本週。

This week.

本週。

This week, joining us on alto sax,

本週，中音薩克斯將加入我們的行列、

Lakeisha Benjamin is here.

萊克莎-本傑明來了

Thank you, Lakeisha.

謝謝你，萊克莎。

And the lovely and talented Angie Swan on guitar.

還有可愛又才華橫溢的吉他手安吉-斯旺。

Angie, thank you so much for being here.

安吉，非常感謝你能來這裡。

The lovely and talented Angie Swan on guitar.

可愛而才華橫溢的安吉-斯旺（Angie Swan）彈奏吉他。

Angie, thank you so much for being here.

安吉，非常感謝你能來這裡。

And stick around in just a few minutes.

再過幾分鐘就到了。

Billie Eilish will be sitting right there, ladies and gentlemen.

女士們先生們，比莉-艾利什就坐在那裡。

Come on there.

來吧

Now, folks, if you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there shaping the day's news into the most topical story chassis with gold leaf lining and black flank detail with deep royal claret body panels and cushions upholstered in a blue brocade with surface buttoning all mounted on leaf springs over iron shod English pattern wheels to whisk you away in the spectacular Adams & Hooper traveling Landau horse-drawn carriage that is my nightly monologue.

夥計們，如果你們看過節目，就會知道我大部分時間都在那邊把當天的新聞塑造成最有話題性的故事底盤，配上金箔襯裡和黑色側翼細節，車身面板和坐墊都是深皇家紫紅色，坐墊用藍色錦緞裝飾，表面有鈕釦，全部安裝在板簧上的鐵製英式花紋車輪上，讓你們乘坐壯觀的亞當斯和胡珀公司的蘭道旅行馬車離開，這就是我每晚的獨白。

But sometimes, folks, sometimes I wake up in the baggage hold of a burned-out Greyhound bus from which I rip the axle and strap it to a discarded highway sign then rig it up to a mangy pony with guy lines stripped out of an abandoned circus tent then barrel down an access road to the rickety, derelict slag wagon of news that is my segment...

但有時，夥計們，有時我在一輛燒燬的灰狗巴士的行李艙裡醒來，我把車軸扯斷，綁在一個廢棄的高速公路標誌上，然後用從廢棄的馬戲團帳篷裡剝出來的纜繩把它固定在一匹癩皮小馬身上，然後沿著一條通路，把它拖到搖搖晃晃、廢棄的新聞渣車上，這就是我的新聞部分......

Meanwhile.

與此同時

I got something. I got something.

我有發現我有發現

Meanwhile.

與此同時

McDonald's, the simplest way to buy your children's silence.

麥當勞，為孩子買沉默的最簡單方式。

Good news if you like ice cream because McDonald's is dropping a new Grandma McFlurry which they claim is sweet just like Grandma.

如果你喜歡吃冰淇淋，那就有好消息了，因為麥當勞將推出一款新的麥芬奶奶冰淇淋，他們聲稱這款冰淇淋的甜味就像奶奶一樣。

Also just like Grandma, it has some very outdated and upsetting opinions about the Oreo McFlurry.

就像奶奶一樣，它對奧利奧麥片粥也有一些過時的、令人不快的看法。

McDonald's says the new dessert comes with chopped candy pieces meant to honor all the candies grandmas tend to hide in their purses.

麥當勞表示，這款新甜點含有切碎的糖果塊，是為了紀念老奶奶們經常藏在錢包裡的糖果。

I'm sorry, but if you want to be authentic to what's in Grandma's purse you gotta swirl in a menthol cigarette, a $5 bill and a birthday card that calls you by your cousin's name.

很抱歉，如果你想讓外婆錢包裡的東西貨真價實，你就得放一根薄荷煙、一張 5 美元的鈔票和一張叫著你表妹名字的生日卡。

Meanwhile.

與此同時

A young kid in England is going viral for her reaction to the cost of ice cream. Take a look.

英國的一個小孩因為對冰淇淋價格的反應而走紅網絡。一起來看看吧

Girls, what's just happened?

姑娘們，剛才發生了什麼？

So, there's an ice cream van there selling just two ice creams with two chewing gums in it.

所以，那裡有一輛冰淇淋車，只賣兩個冰淇淋，裡面還有兩塊口香糖。

It's a bloody nine pound for two of them.

兩個人要九英鎊。

Nine quid for two?

兩個人 9 英鎊？

Nine quid. That is going to get nowhere.

九鎊。這可沒什麼用。

One that comes on my street is either one pound a pea or two pounds. That is going to get nowhere with that.

在我的街道上，不是一磅豌豆就是兩磅。這樣下去是沒有出路的。

No, it ain't, is it? No, it ain't.

不會吧？沒有

That's well bad, isn't it? You should know.

很糟糕，不是嗎？你應該知道

And he only does bloody card.

他只做血腥的卡片。

Stood there with my cash.

我拿著錢站在那裡。

Bloody hell. That's well bad, isn't it?

該死的真糟糕，不是嗎？

Bloody well bad. Yeah?

糟糕透了是嗎？

Yeah, bet he can hear me.

是啊，他肯定能聽見我說話。

I have never been so intimidated by a little girl.

我從來沒有被一個小女孩嚇到過。

Looks like a preview from the new Netflix series

看起來像是 Netflix 新劇的預告片

Young Peaky Blinders.

年輕的 Peaky Blinders

Bet he can hear me.

我打賭他能聽見我。

Meanwhile, microplastics were found in every human testicle in a new study.

同時，在一項新的研究中，每個人的睪丸中都發現了微塑膠。

Really?

真的嗎？

Every human testicle?

每個人的睪丸？

I didn't even notice them checking mine.

我甚至都沒注意到他們在檢查我的。

They must be really gentle.

他們一定很溫柔。

It says here in the prompter, they actually used preserved testicles.

提示器上說，他們實際上用的是保存下來的睪丸。

And after the scientists tested 23 human testes, they found microplastic pollution in every sample.

科學家對 23 個人類睪丸進行檢測後，在每個樣本中都發現了微塑膠汙染。

That is a real wake up call.

這真是一記警鐘。

So everyone, please, do your part and recycle your testicles.

是以，請大家儘自己的一份力，回收自己的睪丸。

They can be ground up and made into new soda bottles.

它們可以磨碎，製成新的汽水瓶。

As part of the study, scientists not only tested human testicles, but also 47 testes from pet dogs.

作為研究的一部分，科學家們不僅測試了人類的睪丸，還測試了 47 個寵物狗的睪丸。

Now, I wouldn't call myself an expert on canine reproductive systems, but shouldn't that be an even number?

我自稱不是犬類生殖系統方面的專家，但這不應該是個偶數嗎？

We would have had 48, but one rolled onto the fridge.

我們本來有 48 個，但有一個滾到了冰箱上。

We'll get it when we move.

我們搬家時會拿到的。

Meanwhile, 706 people named Kyle got together in Texas, but it wasn't enough for a world record.

與此同時，706 個叫凱爾的人在得克薩斯州聚在一起，但這還不足以創造世界紀錄。

Too bad, but they did set the record for most Kyles that still aren't enough Kyles.

太遺憾了，但他們確實創造了最多凱爾人的記錄，但凱爾人還是不夠多。

Meanwhile, meanwhile, Kyle.

同時，同時，凱爾。

Meanwhile, in an effort to curb rats,

與此同時，為了遏制老鼠、

Central Park has introduced a new pizza box recycling bin.

中央公園推出了新的披薩盒回收箱。

And according to officials, the new bin was specifically designed for the shape of pizza boxes.

據官方稱，新的垃圾箱是專門為披薩盒的形狀設計的。

So it might be a little tricky at first, and change is difficult.

是以，一開始可能會有點棘手，改變是困難的。

I believe with time, New Yorkers will figure out how to use it as a toilet.

我相信，隨著時間的推移，紐約人會想出把它當廁所用的辦法。

I've already got some ideas.

我已經有了一些想法。

Meanwhile, according to a recent study, high levels of weed killer can be found in more than half of sperm samples.

同時，根據最近的一項研究，在一半以上的精子樣本中可以發現高濃度的除草劑。

Oh, that's going to lead to some very upsetting lawn care.

哦，這將導致一些非常令人不安的草坪護理。

Uh, honey, I'd stay inside.

親愛的，我還是呆在屋裡吧

Mr. Conroy is edging the front yard with his weed whacker again.

康羅伊先生又在用除草機給前院掃邊了。

But hey, hey, maybe if there's enough weed killer in your sperm, it'll dissolve all the microplastics in your testicles.

不過，嘿嘿，如果你的精子裡有足夠的除草劑，也許它能溶解你睪丸裡的所有微塑膠。

We'll be right back with Billie Eilish.

比莉-艾莉什（Billie Eilish）馬上回來。

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