Does your social anxiety roll unexpectedly, like clouds on a sunny day?

您的社交焦慮是否會像晴天裡的烏雲一樣，不期而至？

Does the thought of going to a party cause you to quickly spiral?

一想到要去參加聚會，你是否就會迅速陷入漩渦？

If you said yes to any of these questions, you've clicked on the right video.

如果您對這些問題中的任何一個回答 "是"，那麼您就選對了視頻。

Because today, I'm gonna share with you how I tame my social anxiety, and how I can dive into a conversation, whether it's big or small.

因為今天，我將與你們分享我是如何馴服社交焦慮的，以及我是如何投入到一場或大或小的談話中去的。

Let's begin.

讓我們開始吧。

Folks, I have a feeling that this is gonna be a pretty lengthy video, because today, I'm gonna be breaking down the art of conversation, according to my head.

朋友們，我有預感，這將是一段相當長的視頻，因為今天，我將根據我的想法，分析對話的藝術。

It's evident that many of us are struggling with talking to people.

很明顯，我們中的很多人在與人交談時都很吃力。

Just from the sheer amount of views that my previous video got on talking to people, a lot of us are struggling with this.

從我上一段與人交談的視頻的觀看量來看，我們中的很多人都在為此而掙扎。

So today, I'm gonna be sharing with you guys some things that have helped my mindset, so that I'm more comfortable talking to anyone that I meet.

所以今天，我要和你們分享一些對我的心態有幫助的事情，這樣我就能更自如地與我遇到的任何人交談。

So before we get into all the tips and tricks, we have to establish a good foundation first.

是以，在瞭解所有技巧和竅門之前，我們必須先打下良好的基礎。

I gotta talk about the golden mindset I have before I enter any conversation, or any social activity that I do.

在我參加任何談話或任何社交活動之前，我都得談談我的黃金心態。

To quote Eckhart Tolle, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone.

引用艾克哈特-托爾（Eckhart Tolle）的話說，你既不比任何人差，也不比任何人優越。

So in other words, no one is above you, no one is below you.

換句話說，沒有人在你之上，也沒有人在你之下。

Every person that you meet is on an equal playing field.

你遇到的每個人都是平等的。

And I know it's like something that we subconsciously do, where we like size ourselves up with the people that we meet.

我知道這就像是我們潛意識裡會做的事情，我們會把自己和遇到的人進行比較。

But if we don't keep this in check, we're gonna either end up with an inferiority complex, or a superiority complex.

但是，如果我們不加以控制，我們最終要麼會變得自卑，要麼會變得優越。

An inferiority complex is essentially when you feel like someone is better than you.

自卑感主要是指你覺得別人比自己強。

And inferiority comes in all different types of flavors.

自卑有各種不同的味道。

It could be someone who's more successful than you, someone's older than you, someone who's more beautiful, more followers, more intelligent.

可能是比你更成功的人、比你年長的人、比你更漂亮的人、比你更有追隨者的人、比你更聰明的人。

When you feel less than, and when you're feeling insecure, and you're feeling intimidated, you are not allowing your true self to shine.

當你覺得自己不如別人時，當你覺得沒有安全感時，當你覺得自己被嚇倒時，你就沒有讓真實的自己發光發熱。

You're not giving yourself a fair chance to have people get to know who you truly are.

你沒有給自己一個公平的機會，讓人們瞭解真正的你。

And a superiority complex is when you feel like you are better than, or more elevated than someone.

優越感是指你覺得自己比別人強，或者比別人更有地位。

It's an assumption that just because you're further along a certain path in your life, or more knowledgeable about a certain topic, you feel like you can just dominate someone.

這是一種假設，僅僅因為你在人生的某條道路上走得更遠，或者對某個話題有更多的瞭解，你就覺得自己可以支配別人。

You can come off smug, arrogant, condescending.

你會顯得自鳴得意、傲慢無禮、居高臨下。

And again, you're not giving people a fair shot to get to know who you are, because you have this inflated sense of self.

再說一遍，你沒有給別人一個公平的機會去了解你，因為你有這種膨脹的自我意識。

And there's an argument to be made that those with a superiority complex are just struggling with their inferiority complex.

有一種觀點認為，那些有優越感的人只是在自卑中掙扎。

It really is like a balancing act.

這真的是一種平衡行為。

So bottom line, recognize that no one is higher than you, no one is below you.

所以，最重要的是，要認識到沒有人比你更高，也沒有人比你更低。

And when you channel this energy, you give off grounded, calm, like I know myself energy.

當你引導這種能量時，你就會散發出接地氣、平靜、就像我瞭解自己一樣的能量。

And ultimately, that's the kind of vibes that I'm looking for, and that's the kind of vibes that people are drawn to.

最終，這就是我所尋找的氛圍，也是人們所喜歡的氛圍。

And one huge way that I'm able to be more attuned with myself is through therapy.

而讓我更加了解自己的一個重要途徑就是治療。

This is also what I wanna take a quick minute to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring this video.

在此，我還想花一分鐘感謝 BetterHelp 贊助本視頻。

Therapy is the biggest contributor to the development of my self growth, my confidence.

治療是我自我成長、增強自信的最大助力。

I only see a net positive on going to therapy, whether you're going through like an objectively difficult time, or if you just want to take a beat to reflect on what's happening with your life.

無論你是在經歷客觀上的困難時期，還是隻想靜下心來反思一下生活中發生的事情，我只覺得接受治療是件好事。

So BetterHelp connects you to a licensed professional therapist that's not only trained to listen, but to give unbiased advice.

是以，BetterHelp 會將您與有執照的專業治療師聯繫起來，這些治療師不僅受過專業訓練，能夠傾聽您的心聲，還能提供公正的建議。

You can get started by going on my link, betterhelp.com slash Jen.

您可以通過我的鏈接 "betterhelp.com slash Jen "開始學習。

There are over four million people who have spent and devoted time to getting to know themselves so much better.

有四百多萬人花了大量時間來更好地瞭解自己。

And I know getting started with anything can feel daunting, especially with therapy.

我知道開始做任何事情都會讓人感到畏懼，尤其是治療。

You might be worrying about finding a therapist who's the right fit, or you're like intimidated with face to face interaction, but through BetterHelp, they can help find a good match for you.

您可能擔心找不到合適的治療師，或者害怕面對面的交流，但通過 BetterHelp，他們可以幫您找到合適的治療師。

They have over 30,000 therapists that range from a broad expertise that might not be available in your area.

他們擁有 30,000 多名治療師，這些治療師具有廣泛的專業知識，而您所在的地區可能沒有。

Getting started is super simple.

入門超級簡單。

You just fill out a questionnaire that assesses your needs, and then you're matched with your therapist in 48 hours or less.

您只需填寫一份問卷，評估您的需求，然後在 48 小時或更短時間內為您匹配治療師。

I just love the accessibility of this because you get to schedule a time that works for you, and then you decide whether you want a video call, a phone call, or even text messaging.

我很喜歡這種便捷的方式，因為你可以安排一個適合自己的時間，然後決定是視頻通話、電話還是簡訊。

Like it really caters to your comfort level.

就像它真的能迎合你的舒適度一樣。

And of course, if you're not vibing with your therapist,

當然，如果你和你的治療師關係不融洽、

BetterHelp allows you to switch to a new one at no additional cost.

BetterHelp 允許您免費更換新的服務。

There's no need to worry about like insurance or whether someone's in your network or anything like that.

您無需擔心保險或是否有人在您的網絡內之類的問題。

It's just like funny how no one bats an eye when we spend like hours of our time devoted to our physical health, when it's just as important to carve out time focusing on our mental health.

有趣的是，當我們花幾個小時來關注身體健康時，卻沒有人眨一下眼睛，而關注心理健康同樣重要。

So if you're interested in trying therapy out for yourself, click the link in the description box or just go to betterhelp.com slash Jen.

是以，如果你有興趣親自嘗試治療，請點擊描述框中的鏈接，或者直接訪問 betterhelp.com slash Jen。

That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash Jen for 10% off your first month.

更好的是，H-E-L-P.com Slash Jen 為您的第一個月提供 10% 的折扣。

Clicking that link will help support this channel and allows you to explore your inner mind with the help of a licensed therapist.

點擊該鏈接將有助於支持本頻道，讓您在持證治療師的幫助下探索自己的內心世界。

Next up, let's go over some prep work.

接下來，我們來做一些準備工作。

So this is kind of like a subconscious checklist that I have in my mind before I enter a conversation.

是以，這就像是我在進行對話之前，在腦海中形成的潛意識清單。

First, I reflect on the things that are going on with my life, because chances are when you talk to someone, you're gonna receive the questions like, how are you?

首先，我會反思我生活中發生的事情，因為當你和別人交談時，你很可能會收到這樣的問題：你好嗎？

How was your week?

這一週過得怎麼樣？

What's been happening?

發生了什麼事？

What's new?

有什麼新消息？

And in the past, I would find myself like mildly irritated with these questions because I was like, I hate small talk.

在過去，我會發現自己對這些問題有點惱火，因為我討厭閒聊。

And sometimes my mind would just go blank.

有時我的大腦一片空白。

But then I realized that it was up to me to do some reflection beforehand.

但後來我意識到，我應該事先進行一些反思。

So I had something to say.

所以我有話要說。

So before you go out, ask yourself these questions.

是以，在出門之前，先問問自己這些問題。

How are you?

你好嗎？

Like, how are you really?

比如，你到底怎麼樣？

What happened during the week?

這一週發生了什麼？

This is where my journal and my calendar come in so clutch because it's like a running inventory of the things I did, the ideas that I had, the things that I learned.

這就是我的日記和日曆的作用所在，因為它們就像是我所做的事情、我的想法和我學到的東西的流水賬。

And so I select maybe three or four items on that list and I just keep them stored in my mind.

於是，我在清單上選擇了三四個項目，並把它們保存在我的腦海裡。

So that way I am not flustered when someone asks me just a very simple question.

這樣，當有人問我一個非常簡單的問題時，我就不會手忙腳亂了。

And these highlights can look like anything.

而這些亮點可以看起來像任何東西。

It could be something that I learned in a podcast or a book.

這可能是我在播客或一本書中學到的東西。

It could be like, did I come back from a trip?

可能是，我是不是旅行回來了？

Did I add a new regimen to my life?

我在生活中添加了新的養生方法嗎？

Was there something amusing that happened this week?

本週發生了什麼有趣的事情嗎？

Or did I have an aha moment?

還是我突然明白了什麼？

And so yeah, I just gather these things so that way I am prepared.

所以是的，我只是收集這些東西，以便做好準備。

And if you struggle with this and you don't journal,

如果你為此苦惱，又不寫日記、

I highly recommend just trying out the activity of morning pages.

我強烈建議大家嘗試晨讀活動。

This is when you get a notebook, big or small, and you fill out three pages every day.

這是指你拿一個筆記本，或大或小，每天填寫三頁。

It doesn't need to be in the morning.

不一定非要在早上。

But ever since I started this practice during lockdown, it has really helped me retain the information and the events that are happening in my life.

但自從我在禁閉期間開始這種練習後，它真的幫我保留了資訊和生活中發生的事情。

And in these pages, I would write about anything.

在這些書頁中，我會寫下任何東西。

It could be about my day, a conversation that I had, like a summary of an article that I read, like from news, health, science, tech, like anything.

它可以是我一天的生活，可以是我的一次談話，也可以是我讀過的一篇文章的摘要，比如新聞、健康、科學、技術等任何內容。

I just put it all on that page and it just helps me create topics that I'm interested in.

我把所有內容都放在那一頁上，它可以幫助我創建我感興趣的主題。

And the thing is, the more subjects that you are curious about, the more range of topics that you can discuss with other people.

問題是，你好奇的話題越多，你能與他人討論的話題範圍也就越大。

I feel like I should give an example.

我覺得我應該舉個例子。

So if someone asks me, hey Jen, how are you?

所以，如果有人問我：嘿，珍，你好嗎？

I'll be fairly honest.

我還是實話實說吧。

I'll be like, if I'm having a good week,

我會說，如果我這一週過得不錯、

I'll be like, oh, I've been pretty good.

我會說，哦，我已經很不錯了。

I've been grounded, stable, just been in a good season in my life.

我一直腳踏實地，生活穩定，正處於人生的好時節。

I think it's because I've been getting a large amount of sleep.

我想這是因為我的睡眠量很大。

I really cleaned up my sleep hygiene routine.

我真的改變了我的睡眠衛生習慣。

I read that book, Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, and it has just changed my life, boom.

我讀了馬修-沃克寫的那本《我們為什麼睡覺》，它改變了我的生活，"轟 "的一聲。

Instantly, it gives the other person something to work with.

瞬間，對方就有了工作的方向。

You have sleeping, which is an activity that all of us do.

你有睡眠，這是我們每個人都會做的活動。

You can ask about their sleeping routine, if they struggle, or if they also have read that book, or if they've read another book.

您可以詢問他們的睡眠習慣、是否掙扎、是否也讀過那本書、是否讀過另一本書。

So the small talk is really just the foreplay of conversation, and from that, it splinters off to a bunch of different topics.

是以，閒聊實際上只是談話的前戲，然後會衍生出許多不同的話題。

But honestly, sometimes I'll have three or four highlights in my head and never bring them up because the conversation is just flowing naturally.

但老實說，有時我腦子裡會有三四個亮點，但從來沒提起過，因為談話就是這樣自然而然地進行的。

This is just like a mechanism or a tool that I use to keep any anxious thoughts at bay because I know I'm prepared.

這就像是一種機制或工具，我用它來抑制任何焦慮的想法，因為我知道我已經做好了準備。

So now I'm going to attempt on dissecting what conversation feels like for me.

所以，我現在要嘗試剖析對話給我帶來的感受。

So when I'm in a conversation,

所以當我在談話時

I imagine myself as an ice picker, and I imagine the person that I'm speaking to as a mountain of snow.

我把自己想象成一個採冰人，而把與我對話的人想象成一座雪山。

Each question I ask that person is like me ice picking off that mountain.

我向那個人提出的每一個問題，就像我從那座山上採冰一樣。

Sometimes a little speck will come out or a chunk of snow will come out.

有時會出現一個小斑點，有時會出現一大塊雪。

And sometimes if I'm at a really good flow, then an avalanche comes, and the snow is the information that you receive.

有時，如果我的狀態非常好，雪崩就會來臨，而雪就是你接收到的資訊。

If someone is significant to me and I want to remember what they say, that's me essentially making an effort to gather the snow, aka the information that they told me.

如果某人對我很重要，而我又想記住他說的話，那我基本上就是在努力收集雪花，也就是他告訴我的資訊。

That requires me to remember what they said in my heart and my head.

這需要我在心裡和腦子裡記住他們說的話。

And as you collect more snow, it becomes into a small snowball.

當你收集的雪越多，它就會變成一個小雪球。

And those are your acquaintances.

這些都是你的熟人。

And as you pick and gather more snow, it gets bigger and bigger.

當你採摘和收集更多的雪時，它就會變得越來越大。

And those larger snowballs, those are your friends.

而那些更大的雪球，就是你的朋友。

And as you continue to pick and roll the snow, the snowballs become very large.

隨著你不斷地摳雪和滾雪，雪球會變得非常大。

And the big ones, those are your best friends.

而那些大傢伙，才是你最好的朋友。

I really like this analogy when it comes to like friendships and conversation because it shows like the fluidity of everything.

說到友誼和對話，我非常喜歡這個比喻，因為它顯示了一切的流動性。

And if you leave something a little bit too long, it can end up melting.

如果放置的時間稍長，就會融化。

And for some people, it can melt faster.

對某些人來說，它還會融化得更快。

Others, you're just in Antarctica and it does not want to melt.

其他的，你只是在南極洲，它不想融化。

I just wanted to say that analogy to set the stage on talking to different categories of people.

我只是想通過這個比喻，為與不同類別的人交談做好鋪墊。

Let's begin with talking with strangers because oddly enough,

讓我們從與陌生人交談開始，因為很奇怪、

I find this category the most exciting because you don't know anything about this person.

我覺得這個類別最令人興奮，因為你對這個人一無所知。

They don't know anything about you.

他們對你一無所知。

It's a fresh start.

這是一個全新的開始。

And so I am just excited to get on that mountain and see what comes out when I start picking.

是以，我很高興能登上那座山，看看開始採摘時會有什麼收穫。

I also think I get this thrill because there's like this mysterious element.

我還認為，我之所以感到興奮，是因為其中有神祕的元素。

I truly believe that there is something to learn from everyone that we meet in our lives.

我真的相信，我們生活中遇到的每個人都有值得我們學習的地方。

And that really, really excites me.

這讓我非常非常興奮。

So when I enter a conversation,

所以，當我進入一個對話、

I think it's like my job to find something in common and find a connection.

我覺得我的工作就是找到共同點，找到聯繫。

So when I want to talk to a stranger that I've never met, my go-to icebreaker is just to make an observation in the environment that we're currently in because automatically that's something in common.

是以，當我想和一個素不相識的陌生人哈拉時，我最常用的破冰方法就是觀察一下我們目前所處的環境，因為這自然會成為我們的共同點。

So if we're at a bar, I'll be like, oh wow, this menu is pretty overwhelming.

所以，如果我們在酒吧，我就會想，哇哦，這菜單真是讓人應接不暇。

What'd you get?

你得到了什麼？

If I'm at a show, ah, I love this song.

如果我在演出現場，啊，我喜歡這首歌。

Have you seen this band before?

你以前見過這個樂隊嗎？

If they're wearing a cool accessory,

如果他們佩戴了很酷的配飾、

I love your earrings, are they vintage?

我喜歡你的耳環，是古董嗎？

And the easiest one is if you're at a party and you know someone mutual, then you say, oh, so how do you know Veronica?

最簡單的一種情況是，如果你在一個聚會上認識了一個共同的人，然後你會說，哦，那你是怎麼認識維羅妮卡的？

I can go on and on, but I feel like this icebreaker is honestly just to test the waters to see if there's a vibe or not.

我還可以繼續說下去，但我覺得這種破冰之旅其實只是為了試探一下大家是否有默契。

And the worst thing that can happen is they respond to you and they leave.

最糟糕的情況是，他們迴應了你，然後離開了。

And then you didn't lose anything anyway.

反正你也沒損失什麼。

Like you are probably never gonna see this person in your life.

就像你可能一輩子都見不到這個人一樣。

It's not like you lost someone like crucial in your life.

你又不是失去了生命中至關重要的人。

Like you're exactly where you left off and you got some more practice with your small talk.

就好像你又回到了你離開時的狀態，而且你還多練習了幾句閒聊。

Because it's 100% a muscle.

因為它是 100% 的肌肉。

Talking to people is nothing but a muscle.

與人交談只不過是一種鍛鍊。

The more you do it, the better at it you become.

你做得越多，就會做得越好。

However, if the person is engaged and is amused, then that's when you can like start asking questions and start picking the mountain.

不過，如果對方參與其中並感到有趣，這時你就可以開始提問，開始 "挑山 "了。

Everything that they say is an opportunity for a new topic that can be splintered.

他們所說的每一句話都是一個可以分割出新話題的機會。

Pro tip is to ask questions that you are genuinely curious about.

建議您提出自己真正好奇的問題。

Because when you have that like authentic like buzz of like, oh, I really wanna know, that enthusiasm permeates the energy and it's like infectious.

因為當你有那種 "哦，我真的很想知道 "的真實感覺時，這種熱情就會滲透到整個能量中，從而產生感染力。

So again, this is where like prep work and checking in with yourself is really important.

是以，再次強調，準備工作和自我檢查非常重要。

Because then you kind of already know some topics that you're into.

因為你已經知道自己喜歡的一些話題。

Discovering topics that you're really interested in really helps.

發現自己真正感興趣的話題真的很有幫助。

So then you kind of like buckets of categories that you feel comfortable talking about.

這樣，你就可以對自己喜歡的類別進行分類。

So for me, I love talking about love, relationships, film, food, restaurants, tech, music, shows, current affairs, memes, books.

是以，對我來說，我喜歡談論愛情、人際關係、電影、美食、餐館、科技、音樂、節目、時事、流行語和書籍。

Like and the more pillars that you have, the easier it is to connect.

就像支柱越多，連接就越容易。

So it's like doubtful that I'd bring up topics like quantum physics or sailing, because I don't know anything about them.

所以我很懷疑自己是否會提起量子物理或航海之類的話題，因為我對它們一無所知。

But the thing is, I'm very open and eager for people to talk about whatever they wanna talk about as well.

但問題是，我非常開放，也非常希望大家能暢所欲言。

Like for example, like I met someone's dad and he was like a rheumatologist.

比如說，我見過一個人的父親，他是風溼病專家。

And so we're just talking about like health and like studies that he found and what his patients are like.

是以，我們只是在談論健康和他發現的研究，以及他的病人是什麼樣的。

But the thing is with these questions, you want it to have a good flow.

但問題是，對於這些問題，你希望有一個好的流程。

Like if you ask a question, give it some like space.

比如，如果你提出一個問題，請給它一些空間。

Like see where it wanders, see where it splinters.

比如看它在哪裡遊蕩，看它在哪裡分裂。

Like just random questions, like what kind of animal would you be?

比如隨便問幾個問題，比如你會是哪種動物？

Like it can feel forced and trite.

比如會讓人覺得勉強和老套。

I would always start off with broad strokes first.

我總是先從大處著眼。

Like how was your week?

這一週過得怎麼樣？

How was your day?

今天過得怎麼樣？