When I first started teaching this class, this was the research people argued with.

我剛開始教這門課的時候，人們對這項研究爭論不休。

Like literally I couldn't get them to be quiet in the classroom because they were so convinced this couldn't possibly be true.

我簡直無法讓他們在教室裡安靜下來，因為他們堅信這不可能是真的。

This particular study I'm gonna talk about in a little more detail brought in people who were trying to manage their weight and eat healthy.

我下面要詳細談談的這項研究，研究對象是試圖控制體重和健康飲食的人。

And they gave them an immediate willpower failure.

而他們的意志力也立即遭到了挫敗。

They showed up for the study and they were forced to eat a donut.

他們來參加研究，卻被迫吃了一個甜甜圈。

And they even had to choose the flavor of donut they were gonna eat so they would feel really complicit in this willpower failure.

他們甚至還得選擇要吃的甜甜圈的口味，這樣他們就會覺得自己真的是意志力失敗的同謀。

And they had to drink a whole glass of water too so they'd feel a little bit uncomfortably full.

他們還必須喝下一整杯水，這樣他們才會覺得有點不舒服的飽腹感。

And the next part of the study is a taste test where they are given a lot of different types of candy and they are said, you know, we want you to evaluate all of these candies so please just eat as much as you need to, as much as you want so that you can evaluate these candies.

研究的下一部分是味覺測試，給他們提供大量不同類型的糖果，然後對他們說，你知道，我們想讓你對所有這些糖果進行評估，所以請你吃多少就吃多少，想吃多少就吃多少，這樣你就能對這些糖果進行評估。

So they wanted to create an intervention that would basically get rid of the guilt and shame that people feel when they make a mistake.

是以，他們想創造一種干預措施，從根本上消除人們在犯錯時的內疚感和羞恥感。

And so in this study, half the dieters were randomly assigned to receive a special letting themselves off the hook message.

是以，在這項研究中，一半的節食者被隨機分配到接收一個特殊的讓自己解脫的資訊。

So between the donut eating and the taste test, an experimenter came in and said, by the way, we've realized now that some people in this experiment feel guilty after eating the donut.

於是，在吃甜甜圈和味覺測試之間，一位實驗員走了進來，說，順便說一句，我們現在發現，實驗中有些人在吃完甜甜圈後會感到內疚。

So there was an opportunity for people to recognize they might be feeling guilty.

是以，人們有機會認識到他們可能會感到內疚。

Second part of the message, we want you to remember that actually everyone indulges sometimes and we ask you to do it.

資訊的第二部分，我們希望你們記住，其實每個人都有放縱的時候，我們要求你們這樣做。

So there's a kind of putting it in a broader perspective.

是以，我們需要從更廣闊的視角來看待這個問題。

And the last part of the message was a simple plea.

資訊的最後部分是一個簡單的請求。

Please don't be too hard on yourself about it.

請不要對自己太苛刻。

Okay, so very simple.

好吧，很簡單。

You might be feeling guilty, remember everyone does it, don't be hard on yourself about it.

你可能會感到內疚，但請記住，每個人都會這樣，不要是以而苛責自己。

And then they went on to the taste test and what the researchers found was that the women who had been given self-forgiveness message ate less than half as much candy as women who had not been told, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, which is exactly the opposite of what most people think.

然後，他們繼續進行口味測試，研究人員發現，那些被告知 "自我原諒 "的女性吃掉的糖果還不到那些沒有被告知 "別擔心，這沒什麼大不了 "的女性的一半，這與大多數人的想法恰恰相反。

Most people think you make a mistake, you have a willpower failure and you start saying nice things to yourself about it, that this could only lead to disaster.

大多數人認為，你犯了一個錯誤，你的意志力失敗了，你開始對自己說好話，這隻會導致災難。

It would lead to licensing even more indulgence.

這將導致更放縱的許可。

And yet that's exactly the opposite of what was found in this study.

然而，這與這項研究的結果恰恰相反。

This is one of the strongest pieces of theory we have in willpower research right now.

這是我們目前在意志力研究方面最有力的理論之一。

That is the harder you are on yourself when you have a willpower failure, the more likely you are to have the same failure again and the bigger it's gonna be when you do.

也就是說，當你的意志力失敗時，你對自己越苛刻，你就越有可能再次出現同樣的失敗，而當你再次失敗時，失敗就會越大。

For example, one study took a look at problem drinkers and had them keep track of how much they were drinking and how bad they felt the morning after.

例如，一項研究對問題飲酒者進行了調查，讓他們記錄自己喝了多少酒，以及喝完酒後早上的感覺有多糟糕。

What they found is that the people who were the most self-critical and felt the most ashamed or guilty about drinking the night before wanted to drink more immediately when they woke up and also drank more that night and the next.

他們發現，那些自我批評最多、對前一晚的飲酒感到最羞愧或內疚的人，一覺醒來就想喝得更多，而且當晚和第二天也喝得更多。

There was something about the self-critical nature, the shame and the guilt that was driving people back to the very thing they felt bad about.

自我批評的本質、羞恥感和負罪感驅使人們回到他們覺得糟糕的事情上。

Same has been shown for addictions including quitting smoking.

戒菸等成癮問題也是如此。

You know, you have that first relapse and the more you beat yourself up about it, the more you now need to be comforted with something because that's probably why you do it in the first place.

你知道，你第一次復吸，你越是為此自責，你現在就越需要一些東西來安慰自己，因為這可能就是你一開始復吸的原因。

Same has been shown for gambling.

賭博也是如此。

The more people feel guilty and self-critical about losing money, the more likely they are to borrow money and try to win it back and end up losing more.

人們越是對虧損感到內疚和自責，就越有可能借錢並試圖把錢贏回來，最終導致虧損更多。

And even for procrastination, research shows that the harder someone is on themselves for putting something off, the longer they procrastinate the next time.

即使是拖延症，研究表明，一個人因為拖延而對自己越苛刻，下次拖延的時間就越長。

And all of this has to do with the basic fact that when we are feeling stressed out and guilty and ashamed, that is a state that puts us into the version of ourselves, the mindset, that is much more susceptible to immediate gratification, temptation and anxiety.

所有這一切都與一個基本事實有關，那就是當我們感到壓力、內疚和羞愧時，這種狀態會讓我們進入一個更容易獲得即時滿足、受到誘惑和焦慮的自己，也就是我們的心態。

So I just wanted to give you a sense of what it would be like to give yourself a self-compassion message.

所以，我只是想讓你感受一下，給自己一條自我同情的資訊會是什麼樣子。

So the three steps of this message is the first is mindfulness of what you're thinking and feeling.

是以，這條資訊的三個步驟是：第一，正念你的所思所感。

Noticing that you're feeling guilty or noticing that you're feeling self-doubt or self-critical because a big reason that people go from feeling guilty to giving in again is that they just wanna get rid of that feeling.

注意到你有負罪感，或者注意到你有自我懷疑或自我批評的感覺，因為人們從有負罪感到再次屈服的一個重要原因是，他們只是想擺脫這種感覺。

It's so kind of overwhelming and they wanna distract themselves from it with something that is gonna get them into further trouble.

他們想用一些會讓他們陷入更多麻煩的事情來轉移注意力。

And then the second step is this common humanity.

第二步是共同的人性。

One of the reasons that it is hard to find our motivation and our willpower is we start to feel like there's something uniquely broken with us.

我們難以找到動力和意志力的原因之一是，我們開始覺得自己身上有什麼獨特的毛病。

There's something about who we are that is wrong and weak and that mindset makes it very difficult to tap back into your motivation or your strength.

我們身上的某些東西是錯誤的，是軟弱的，這種心態讓你很難重新挖掘出你的動力或力量。

This message of common humanity is basically saying to yourself, you know what?

這個共同人性的資訊基本上就是在對自己說，你知道嗎？

This is part of the process of change.

這是變革進程的一部分。

This is how things get done.

事情就是這樣辦成的。

Sometimes we procrastinate.

有時我們會拖延時間。

Sometimes we fall off the wagon.

有時我們會掉隊。

Everyone is imperfect.

每個人都是不完美的。

And to recognize that this is not saying anything about who you are.

並認識到這並不能說明你是誰。

It's saying something about the process and what matters is how you respond afterward, not the fact that it happened at all.

這說明了一些問題，重要的是你事後如何應對，而不是發生了什麼。

And then this last step is encouragement over criticism.

最後一步是鼓勵勝過責備。

And if you were to think about someone you were mentoring, you know, some of you probably have mentees here, or you think about a child that you care about or a dear friend, what would you say to them when they had a setback?

如果你想一想你指導過的人，你知道，你們中的一些人可能在這裡有被指導者，或者你想一想你關心的孩子或親愛的朋友，當他們遇到挫折時，你會對他們說什麼？

And to say that to yourself, it might be reminding yourself of your goal.

對自己說這句話，也許就是在提醒自己的目標。

It might be reminding yourself of the big picture rather than the sort of the micro picture in which you feel like a failure.

這可能是在提醒自己大局觀，而不是那種讓你覺得自己很失敗的微觀畫面。

And to do that rather than the voices we often have in our head that are saying things like, why did you do that again?

要做到這一點，而不是我們腦海中經常出現的聲音，比如 "你為什麼又這樣做了？

You're so stupid, you're never gonna change.

你太傻了，你永遠不會改變。

And to actually start to talk to yourself a little bit in the second person as if you were a good friend.

並且開始用第二人稱自言自語，就好像你是一個好朋友一樣。

And research shows that this particular approach, learning how to talk to yourself in this way, is more effective, for example, at quitting smoking than nicotine replacement therapy.

研究表明，這種特殊的方法，即學習如何以這種方式與自己對話，在戒菸方面比尼古丁替代療法更有效。

That's how powerful being able to respond to setbacks with self-compassion can be.

這就是能夠以自我同情來應對挫折的強大力量。