Now colleges are notoriously fun.

大學出了名的好玩。

At least they used to be.

至少以前是這樣。

College kids used to party, right?

大學生們經常開派對，對吧？

Cruise ships used to be boring.

遊輪曾經很無聊。

Old people who are conservative, they're not gonna laugh.

保守的老人是不會笑的。

College kids used to be-- everything has changed.

以前是大學生好玩，現在一切都變了。

Now the cruise ship people are like, "Make me laugh, I'm ready, yeah!"

現在遊輪上的人會說：「逗我笑，我已經準備好了，耶！」

And college kids are like, "I'm ready to protest. I just don't know why yet.

大學生們會說：「我已經準備好抗議了。我只是還不知道為什麼。」

Should we protest now or are we till later?"

我們是現在就抗議，還是等到以後再抗議？」

They're ready... they don't even know what to-- they have the sign ready.

他們已經準備好... 他們甚至不知道該做什麼——他們已經準備好標語。

"What are we writing on this today? Chick-fil-A, are we doing Chick-fil-A? Are we protesting?"

「我們今天要寫些什麼？抗議 Chick-fil-A？我們要抗議 Chick-fil-A 嗎？ 我們是在抗議嗎？」

"Top Gun, what should we protest? We gotta protest something."

「《捍衛戰士》，我們應該抗議什麼？我們得抗議一下。」

They don't have fun, it's crazy, man, it's crazy.

他們沒有樂趣，太瘋狂了，兄弟，太瘋狂了。

So here's what happened.

事情是這樣的。

I get to the college and the student advisor is the lady in charge.

我到了一間大學，學生顧問就是負責的女士。

She goes, "Just so you know, we did not have a good experience with our last comedian and we wanna make sure that you understand that this is the student's safe space.

她說：「你要知道，我們和上一位喜劇演員的合作並不愉快，我們想讓你們明白，這裡是學生的安全空間。

This is, yeah, we don't wanna trigger them.

我們不想激怒他們。

So all we ask is you don't talk about race, religion, politics, gender, sexuality, and don't make direct eye contact with them.

我們只要求你們不要談論種族、宗教、政治、性別、性取向，也不要與他們有直接的目光接觸。

Other than that, say whatever you want. We're really big into freedom of speech on this campus."

除此之外，你想說什麼就說什麼。在校園裡，我們非常重視言論自由。」

I'm like, "Are you though, really, are you?"

我心想：「你是認真的嗎？」

I'm like, "Race, religion, politics, sexuality."

「種族、宗教、政治、性都不能說？」

I'm like, "What am I gonna talk about?"

我心想：「我該說些什麼？」

It was out of control.

整個情況都失控了。

So I said, "What if I just say hi to them for an hour and get paid?"

於是我說：「如果我只跟他們打一個小時的招呼就拿到報酬可以嗎？」

She's like, "That'd be great.

她說：「那太好了。」

She didn't even want comedy.

她甚至不想要喜劇。

She just wanted me to be just up there.

她只是想讓我站在上面。

So I just did.

所以我就這麼做了。

I came out strong.

我的開場強有力。

"Where's all the freshmen at?"

「新生都在哪兒？」

They're like, "Yeah."

他們說：「耶。」

"Where's all the sophomores?"

「大二生在哪？」

"Juniors."

「大三生歡呼一下。」

I looked at my watch, 59 more minutes to go.

我看了看錶，還有 59 分鐘。

I did not time that right.

我沒掌握好時間。

Then I started saying, "Where's all the white people at? Where's the black people at? Latinos, Persians, Asians."

然後我開始說：「白人在哪？黑人在哪？ 拉丁人、波斯人、亞洲人。」

Then I started running out of groups.

然後，我就要把種族講完了。

I'm like, "Laos, Laos in the house. Who else?"

我說：「寮國呢？有沒有寮國人在這的？」

And then I made a mistake I didn't even know.

然後我犯了一個錯誤。我都不知道。

I said, "Where's all the LGBTQ students? Make some noise."

我說：「LGBTQ 學生在哪？歡呼一下吧。」

Yeah, you're here.

對，你在這。

Yep.

是的。

But I'll tell you what, at that show, the woman got offended.

但我要告訴你，在那場演出中，那個女人被冒犯了。

One of the students, she came up.

其中一名學生走了過來。

I just called her a she.

我剛剛叫她「她」。

Hold on.

等一下。

I'm not a biologist.

我不是生物學家。

Hold on.

等一下。

They, they. They all came up at the same time, 'cause it was one person.

是「他們」。他們同時出現了，因為只有一個人。

And they looked me in the eye and they go, 'That was extremely rude what you did up there."

他們看著我的眼睛說：「你剛剛的行為太無禮了。」

And I go, 'What happened? I just said hi."

然後我就問：「怎麼了？我只是說了聲嗨。」

She goes, "Where's the LGBTQ students?"

她說：「LGBTQ 學生在哪裡？」

I go, "That was nothing."

我說：「這沒什麼啊。」

She goes, "It's LGBTQIAA+, you idiot."

她說：「是 LGBTQIAA+ ，你這個白痴。」

And then she stormed off.

然後她就氣噗噗地走了。

Yeah.

是啊。

I was like, "Wait, I didn't know they did an update."

我當時說：「等等，我不知道他們更新了。」

Did you guys know they did an update?

你們知道他們更新嗎？

If you did, that's cool.

如果你知道，那就太好了。

You're like an iPhone 16.

你就像 iPhone 16。

You're updated.

你已更新。

I'm a little older.

我有點老了。

I'm an iPhone seven.

我是 iPhone 7 。

I'm not quite there.

我還沒到那一步。

iPhone 7 used to be good.

iPhone 7 曾經很不錯。

It's not as good anymore, but don't hate on the iPhone 7, all right?

它不再那麼好了，但也不要討厭 iPhone 7，好嗎？」

It had its time.

他也曾經輝煌過。

So she was mad at me cause I wasn't updated.

所以她生我的氣，因為我沒有更新到。

I had to go home and Google it so I don't offend other students.

我不得不回家用谷歌查了一下，以免冒犯其他學生。

I go, "What's LGBTQIAA+?"

我打：「什麼是 LGBTQIAA+？」

And the more you Google that stuff, the more the advertisements start changing on your computer.

你越是谷歌這些東西，你電腦上的廣告就越多。

My suggested items are completely different than they were last year.

我建議的項目與去年完全不同。

"We think you'd like this."

「我們認為你會喜歡這個。」

I'm like, "Oh my God, add to cart. We'll see."

我想：「天哪，加進購物車裡。我們拭目以待。」

Yeah.

是啊。

Christmas is going to look a lot different for the family this year, let me tell you that.

今年的聖誕節對我們家來說會有很大不同，我可以跟你說這點。

I can tell you that right now. Yup.

我現在就可以告訴你。是的。

So now I looked it up and now I know what it is.

現在我查了一下，知道它是什麼了。

And what I want to do is educate all of us so we can all be woke together.

我想做的是教育大家，讓我們一起覺醒。

Isn't that a good idea?

這不是個好主意嗎？

We could all get updated right now. Yeah.

我們現在就可以更新。

We all know LGBTQ, but what's "I"? Who knows "I"? You know "I"?

我們都知道 LGBTQ，但「I」是什麼？有人知道「I」嗎？你知道「I」？

Intersexual.

雙性人。

I looked it up and I'm like, "Maybe that's me."

我查了查，我想：「也許這就是我。」

That sounds like a dude wants to go to outer space to get some.

這聽起來像是一個想去外太空撈一把的傢伙說的話。

Yeah.

是啊。

I'm intersexual now.

我現在是雙性人了。

Intergalactic.

銀河系。

Like, yeah, forget you earthlings.

是啊，忘了你們地球人吧。

I want to go up there and see what's up.

我想上去看看發生了什麼。

How many guys here would sleep with a hot alien?

這裡有多少人願意和性感的外星人上床？

Be real.

要誠實。

You thought about it, right?

你有考慮過吧？

I'm talking about up there, alien.

我說的是上面，外星人。

Not, not the, not down here.

不是這裡，不是下面的。」

Not the South, not Mexico.

不是南方，也不是墨西哥。

I'm talking about, no, Arizona.

我說的是，不，亞利桑那州。

Listen.

聽著。

Aliens.

外星人。

Outer space.

外太空。

Just want to clarify.

只是想澄清一下。

All right.

好的。

Of course, man.

當然。

Aliens are hot.

外星人很性感。

So I'm already one of the new letters.

所以，我已經是新字母中的一員了。

I'm I.

我是「雙性人」

All right.

好的。

LGBTQIA. What's the "A"? Anyone knows?

LGBTQIA，A 是什麼？ 有人知道嗎？

Asexual.

無性。

I looked it up.

我查過了。

Someone who has sex with themself.

與自己發生性關係的人。

I'm like, "The whole pandemic. That was me too."

我心想：「整個疫情期間，我也是這樣啊。」

I'm knocking it out, man.

我要出櫃了。

I'm a hella minority over here.

我是這裡的少數派。

I didn't even...

我甚至沒有...

I'm doubled up.

我現在是雙重的。

I'm killing it.

我真厲害。

That was badass.

太帥了。

The second A is ally.

第二個 A 是盟友。

That one didn't make sense to me.

我覺得那句話沒道理。

Friends with all the other letters.

與所有其他字母為友。

I'm like, oh hell no.

我想，哦，不。

We're over here doing all this hard work and you're like, "I'm with them."

我們辛苦的奮鬥，而你卻說：「我和他們一起的。」

No, get your dick in the game and join us if you want to be part of this minority group.

不，如果你想成為這個少數群體中的一員，先給我硬起來。

You can't just be like, "I'm with them."

你不能只是說：「我和他們一起的。」

Hell no.

不可能。

Right?

對不對？

And plus means to be continued.

「+」就是繼續的意思。

There's going to be more coming soon.

很快還會有更多。

I had one lady after a show.

有一位女士在演出結束後對我說話，

She goes, "You didn't mention me. I'm pansexual."

她說：「你沒提到我。我是泛性人。」

I'm like, "All right, well I'm in a deep dish but we can work something out.

我就說：「好吧，好吧，我陷入了困境，但我們可以解決一些問題。

We'll go get a thin crust. We'll talk about it."

我們去吃薄餅，我們來談談。」

I'm just saying, if there's too many letters they're going to have to make a whole song.

我只是說，如果字母太多，他們就得做一首完整的歌。

That way you could get them, you know?

這樣你就能記得它們，你知道嗎？

'Cause yeah, you're going to have to learn your gAyBCs.

因為是的，你必須學會你的 gAyBC 之歌。

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

這就是我想告訴你的。

That way we remember every letter.

這樣我們就能記住每一個字母。

I feel bad for older people.

我為老年人感到難過。

Like my father's generation.

就像我父親那一代人一樣。

He's 78 years old.

他今年 78 歲。

You think he's going to know it's LGBTQIAA+?

你覺得他會知道這是 LGBTQIA+ 嗎？

Are you kidding me?

你在開玩笑嗎？

But he only had three letters his whole life that covered everybody.

他一生中只有三個字母能涵蓋所有這些族群。

F-A-G.

F-A-G。（原指男同性戀者）

That's all he had.

他只知道這個。

Y'all don't remember those letters.

你們都不記得那些字母了。

Those were the original letters.

這些是最初的稱呼。