Insecure bosses can be nitpicky micro-managers or paranoid meddlers who make you question your every move.

缺乏安全感的上司可能是挑剔的微觀管理者，也可能是偏執的愛管閒事的人，他們會讓你質疑自己的一舉一動。

And if they see you as a threat, they may even try to damage your career.

如果他們把你視為威脅，他們甚至會試圖破壞你的職業生涯。

If you've ever doubted yourself because your boss doesn't have faith in you or shoots down your ideas without any explanation or blames you for their lack of success, this video is for you.

如果你曾經因為上司對你不信任而懷疑自己，或者在沒有任何解釋的情況下否決你的想法，或者因為他們的不成功而責備你，那麼這個影片很適合你！

So how do know if you're dealing with an insecure manager?

那麼，你該如何與缺乏安全感的主管打交道呢？

Here are some common traits.

以下是一些常見的特徵。

They're overly concerned about what others think of them.

他們過於在意別人對自己的看法。

They can't make a decision or stick with one.

他們無法做出決定，也無法堅持到底。

They're always highlighting their own expertise or credentials, sometimes putting down others to make themselves feel better.

他們總是強調自己的專長或資歷，有時貶低他人讓自己感覺好一些。

They require that every decision in detail have their approval.

他們要求每項決定的細節都必須得到他們的準許。

They don't allow their team to interact with people from other departments or senior leaders in an attempt to control the flow of information.

他們不允許自己的團隊與其他部門的人員或高階主管互動，以試圖控制資訊的流動。

If you're working with someone who fits that description, what can you do?

如果你的主管符合上述條件，你能做什麼？

It is so tempting to retaliate or to push back or confront them or even report them to their boss.

報復、反擊或對抗，甚至向主管的主管報告都是如此誘人。

But you shouldn't do that.

但你不應該這麼做。

It is likely to backfire big time.

這很可能會適得其反。

Once they sense that you have disdain for them or that you can't be trusted, they're likely to amp up their defensiveness, making your life more miserable.

一旦他們感覺到你對他們不屑一顧或認為你不可信任，這可能會增強他們的防禦性，使你的生活會更加悲慘。

Instead, you want to start by understanding what might be causing their self-doubt.

相反，你應該首先了解哪些因素可能導致他們自我懷疑。

Let me just say, for the record, a certain amount of self-doubt is completely normal.

我只想說，鄭重聲明，一定程度的自我懷疑是完全正常的。

At times, we all wonder if we can say nail that presentation or if our coworkers think we're smart.

有時，我們都會懷疑自己是否報告報得很好，或者我們的同事認為我們很聰明。

Insecurity crosses over into problematic behavior, however, when people try to conceal or compensate for their self-doubt.

然而，當人們試圖隱藏或彌補自我懷疑時，不安全感就會轉化為有問題的行為。

They end up resorting to the tactics I just outlined.

最後，他們只能採取我剛才概述的策略。

This might surprise you, but research shows that people in positions of power are more prone to feelings of insecurity.

這可能會讓你大吃一驚，但研究表明掌權者更容易產生不安感。

Think about it-- all eyes are on them.

想想看，所有人的目光都集中在他們身上。

They're under a lot of pressure.

他們壓力很大。

They may fear being outed as incompetent or even losing their position of power.

他們可能擔心被揭露無能，甚至失去權力地位。

Knowing that can help you reframe how you see their behavior.

瞭解這一點可以幫助你重新構建你如何看待他們的行為。

For example, you may instinctively think "my boss wants to destroy my career."

例如，你可能會本能地認為「我的上司想毀掉我的事業」。

Or "my manager wants everyone else to look bad."

或者 「我的主管想讓其他人出醜」。

But go deeper, do they really want to destroy your career?

但再深入一點，他們真的想毀掉你的職業生涯嗎？

That's unlikely.

這不太可能。

More likely, they're nervous about losing their job, say, in an upcoming round of layoffs.

更有可能的是，他們害怕失去工作，比如說，在即將到來的一輪裁員中。

Or they think that by criticizing you--sometimes harshly--they're going to motivate you to perform better, which will ultimately make them look better.

或者他們認為，透過批評你——有時是嚴厲的批評——他們會激勵你表現得更好，這最終會讓他們看起來更棒。

OK, now that you have a better sense of their motives, let's improve the situation.

好了，現在你對他們的動機有了更好的瞭解，讓我們改善現狀。

Here are some tactics.

以下是一些策略。

Tactic 1, remain patient.

策略 1：保持耐心。

Far too many bosses are overwhelmed, overextended, underqualified, and/or undertrained.

有太多的上司不堪重負，超負荷工作、不合格和/或訓練不足。

It's quite possible that dealing with legitimate pressures, like hitting year-end targets or dealing with tough clients is causing them to take their insecurities out on you.

這很有可能是為了應對合理的壓力，比如完成年終目標或應付難纏的客戶導致他們把不安感發洩到你身上。

So exercise empathy.

所以，要有同理心。

Remain patient.

保持耐心。

Easier said than done, I know.

說起來容易做起來難，我知道。

But here's a tactic that's worked for others.

但有一個對其他人很有效的策略。

Imagine your boss as a child who's completely unaware of the harm they're causing.

把你的上司想象成一個孩子，他完全沒有意識到自己造成的傷害。

That mental picture can help you keep your composure and stay calm.

這種心理暗示可以幫助你保持鎮定並保持冷靜。

Here's another example, if your boss is riling you up, excuse yourself for a moment to take time to compose yourself and calm down.

還有一個例子，如果你的上司正在激怒你，讓自己失陪一下，整理一下心情並冷靜下來。

Controlling your anger can keep tensions down and allow you to do your job.

控制憤怒可以緩解緊張情緒並允許你開展工作。

Tactic 2, frame your work as a joint effort.

策略 2，將工作定位於共同努力。

Instead of competing with your insecure boss--pro tip, you're probably going to lose--figure out what their objectives are and how you can achieve them together.

不要與缺乏安全感的上司競爭（專業提示，你可能會失敗），而是要弄清楚他們的目標是什麼以及如何共同實現這些目標。

This is about framing things as a joint effort.

這就是要將各項工作納入共同努力的框架。

Start sentences with "we" as much as possible.

儘可能以「我們」開頭。

Try saying things like "We've got this."

試著說「我們能行」之類的話。

Or "It's good that we're in this together."

或者「我們一起努力很好」。

And when you do succeed, share the glory.

當你成功時，分享榮耀。

Don't in any way downplay your own efforts, but highlight the partnership.

不要以任何方式貶低自己的努力，但要突出夥伴關係。

Acknowledging that you're on the same side can build trust and diffuse your boss's insecurities.

承認你們站在同一陣線可以建立信任，化解上司的不安感。

Tactic 3, signal that you're not a threat.

策略 3，發出你不是威脅的信號。

You want your boss to think of you as an ally, not a rival.

你要讓上司把你當成盟友，而不是對手。

It's best to do this at the beginning.

最好在一開始就這樣做。

But it's never too late to reset the tone of your relationship.

但是，重新設定你們關係的基調永遠不會太晚。

The key is to watch what you say and do so they don't see you as even more of a threat.

關鍵是要注意自己的言行這樣他們就不會把你視為更大的威脅。

For example, saying something as simple as "I don't understand that," can feel like a challenge to their intelligence even if you're genuinely curious what they're thinking.

例如，即使你真的很好奇他們在想什麼，說「我不明白」這樣簡單的事情也會讓人覺得對他們的智力構成挑戰。

A better way to say "I don't understand that," may be "Help me understand your thinking."

與其說「我不明白」，更好方式可能是「幫助我理解你的想法」。

Or instead of saying "Why are we doing it this way?" try saying something like, "Do you mind sharing your thinking here?"

或者不要說「我們為什麼要這樣做？」試著說「你願意分享你的想法嗎？」

Tactic 4, flattery works--as long as it's genuine.

策略 4：奉承有用，前提是要真誠。

Research on managers who feel incompetent has shown that flattery--genuine flattery--really helps.

對那些感到無能的管理者的研究表明，奉承——真正的奉承——確實有幫助。

Like everyone else, your boss needs positive feedback too.

和其他人一樣，你的上司也需要積極的反饋。

Many people worry about coming off as sycophants or suck-ups.

許多人擔心自己會成為諂媚者或拍馬屁的人。

I get it.

我懂。

If compliments are not your thing, just express appreciation for something they've done.

如果你不喜歡讚美，那就對他們所做的事情表示讚賞。

Even saying "thank you" preferably in front of others can go a long way.

甚至可以在別人面前說「謝謝」也會很有幫助。

You might thank them for giving you a high-profile project or making a connection for you in another department.

你可以感謝他們給了你一個備受矚目的項目或在其他部門為你牽線搭橋。

Buttering up your boss when they're making your life miserable it's probably the last thing you want to do.

當你的上司讓你的生活變得痛苦時，去奉承他們可能是你最不想做的事情。

But it's in your interest.

但這符合你的利益。

It'll increase your influence and decrease your stress.

這會增加你的影響力，減輕你的壓力。

Tactic 5, restore their sense of control.

策略 5：恢復他們的控制感。

Insecure managers who have trouble trusting others often resort to micromanaging.

缺乏安全感的主管很難信任他人，他們常常採取微觀管理的方式。

You can interrupt some of their meddling by reassuring them that they're in charge.

你可以透過向他們保證他們是負責人來打斷他們的一些干預。

Your manager may be terrified of being out of the loop.

你的主管可能害怕被排除在外。

So keep them up to date as much as possible.

所以，要儘可能讓他們瞭解最新情況。

And be transparent about what you're working on and who you're talking to, especially if it's people in other parts of the company.

對你正在做什麼以及與誰交談保持透明，特別是如果是公司其他部門的人員。

Schedule regular check-ins to keep your boss updated on projects that they care about.

安排定期跟進，讓你的上司了解他們關心的項目的最新情況。

Make them feel included in the process.

讓他們感到自己參與了這一過程。

Over-communicating now will save you the effort of defending yourself later.

現在過度溝通可以讓你以後省去為自己辯護的精力。

Another sneaky way to make them feel in control is to frame your suggestions as questions.

另一種巧妙地讓他們感覺一切盡在掌握中的方法是將你的建議作為問題。

Research shows that asking questions instead of giving answers boosts the sense of control in the other person.

研究表明，提出問題而不是給出答案可以增強對方的控制感。

So pose questions that start with "what if" or "could we" then invite your manager to share their thoughts.

因此，請提出以「如果」或「我們可以」開頭的問題，然後邀請你的主管分享他們的想法。

Instead of saying something like, "I think we should roll this initiative out in all of our markets," try saying, "What if we rolled this initiative out in all of our markets? What would that take?"

與其說「我認為我們應該在所有市場推出這項計劃」，而是嘗試說「如果我們在所有市場推出這項計劃如何？那需要什麼？」

Or instead of saying, "It'd be better if we took a slower approach here." You could say, "what if we built on your idea and tried to slow it down a bit?"

或者與其說「如果我們在這裡採取更慢的方法會更好。」 你可以說：「如果我們以你的想法為基礎，並嘗試放慢速度如何？」

Unfortunately, no matter how strategic you are, it's unlikely that you're going to cure your manager of their insecurities.

不幸的是，無論你多麼有策略，你不可能治好你主管的不安感。

And that's not your responsibility.

這不是你的責任。

And ultimately, if all of these tactics fail,

最終，如果所有這些策略都失敗了，

you may need to figure out how to set up boundaries so you just interact with your boss less.

你可能需要弄清楚如何設定界限，這樣你就可以減少與上司的互動。

Here's a quick recap.

下面是簡要回顧。

Don't retaliate or push back.

不要報復或反擊。

Their anxieties are likely to ramp up, not calm down.

他們的焦慮可能會加劇，而不是平息。

Try to understand what pressures your manager is under or what's causing their insecurity.

試著瞭解你的主管所承受的壓力或什麼導致了他們的不安感。

Position yourself as an ally, not a rival.

將自己定位為盟友，而不是對手。

Pay your boss genuine complements or express gratitude and appreciation.

向你的上司表達真誠的讚美或感謝和讚賞。

Start sentences with "we" as much as possible.

儘可能以「我們」開頭。

Keep them updated and be transparent about what you're working on and who you're talking with.

讓他們隨時了解最新情況，並對你正在做什麼以及正在與誰交談保持透明。

And schedule regular check-ins where you can share progress on projects your boss cares about.

並安排定期跟進，以便你可以分享上司關心的專案進度。

And make them feel included in your work.

並讓他們覺得你的工作中包含了他們。

Thank you for watching.

感謝你的收看。

All of the tactics in this video are taken from my book "Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone-- Even Difficult People."

該影片中的所有策略均取自我的書《相處，如何與任何人合作——甚至是難相處的人》。

If you've worked with an insecure manager and you have a tactic to share, comment below.

如果你曾與缺乏安全感的主管共事過，並且你有一個策略可以分享，請在下面發表評論。

Also, let us know if you have a topic you want us to cover in an upcoming video.

另外，如果你希望我們在即將發布的影片中介紹某個主題，請告訴我們。

Bye for now.

再見。