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  • April is Stress Awareness Month so in our series Life Lessons, we are trying to take some of the stress out of our relationships by sharing the proper ways to effectively communicate.


  • So here to communicate her secrets to us is psychotherapist Niro Feliciano and we always love when you're here. Good morning.

    心理治療師尼羅·費利西亞諾 (Niro Feliciano) 在這裡向我們傳達她的秘密,我們非常高興您能在這裡。 早安.

  • Welcome back. - Good morning.

    歡迎回來。 - 早安.

  • So we always hear communication is so important but romantic, platonic, you know, but why and how do we lower our stress when it comes to communicating?


  • So this is the amazing thing.


  • There's this term called super communicators and what we know about them is they live longer, they live healthier they live happier so there's something to this end doors of opportunity open for them readily.


  • And really what it is, is it's four skills you need to learn.


  • Now I know I've talked about a lot of things here, but if there's anything you remember, take this.


  • Because it will transform your relationships instantly; work, parenting, couples relationships, all of it.

    因為它會立即改變你的人際關係; 工作、養育子女、夫妻關係,所有這些。

  • Okay. - Oh, I thought you were ready to give us the four things.

    好的。 - 哦,我以為你已經準備好要給我們四樣東西了。

  • No, you have to ask her.


  • Okay, alright, first step in improving our communication style.


  • Yes, so you know, a lot of times when we're in a conversation we're already formulating our own response.


  • Especially conflict, something will trigger you, you stop listening, you start thinking, "How can I prove that I'm right?"


  • Or that "I'm smarter than you."


  • So communicators listen to understand not respond.


  • They approached the conversation with curiosity, genuinely interested, so they can learn.


  • So really they're super learners, super listeners.


  • So good. You know who's, to me, is like the poster child for that. It's Harry Smith.

    很棒。 你知道,對我來說,誰就是這方面的典型代表。 這是哈利史密斯。

  • Like if you go up to him and you have a conversation with him he's just listening. He's not trying to have a response.

    就像如果你走到他跟前與他交談,他只是在聽。 他並不試圖做出回應。

  • But anyway, speaking of response I think this is interesting.


  • You say you have to know what kind of conversation you're having. - Yes.

    你說你必須知道你正在進行什麼樣的對話。 - 是的。

  • What do you mean by that?


  • Because not all conversations need the same response, and you can kind of break them up into these three groups.


  • They're social. That's anything from office gossip to what your family does, your values.

    社交行的對話。 從辦公室八卦到你的家人所做的事情、你的價值觀,這類的。

  • A lot of times that has to do with our identity, how we see the world, how others see us.


  • Just know you may have a difference in perspective in those types of conversations.


  • Emotional.


  • This is when someone comes to you and says I've had such a stressful day or things with my kids are so stressful. They are not asking for your advice first, and we're quick to give it.

    這時有人來找你,說我這一天壓力很大,或是我和孩子們的事情壓力很大。 他們不是想先徵求你的建議,但我們很快就會給予建議。

  • They want empathy.


  • "Gosh that must have been really frustrating for you," or "I'm so sorry that you're going through that."


  • If you can do that, they feel heard and understood, and then they will hear you.


  • And then practical. That's advice-giving.

    然後實用型對話。 這就是給建議。

  • We're trying to solve problems. They're asking you for your feedback, be ready to share something in that conversation.

    我們正在努力解決問題。 他們正在徵求你的回饋,請準備好在對話中分享一些內容。

  • Okay, so when it comes to listening, when we're in a conversation, how can we prove to that person, "All right, I'm receiving what you're saying and I hear it"?


  • And this is especially important in conflict but in any conversation.


  • First of all, I can ask you, "So how did your kids like the eclipse?"


  • Do you want to answer? - Yeah

    你要我回答嗎?- 對啊。

  • They loved it.


  • They loved it, so as you told me before, you know, you said they're curious for information and they can handle the facts.


  • So what I just did was I repeated back to you in my own words what you said to show you that I was listening.


  • And then you can also ask if it's a lot of material, "Did I get that right?"


  • So that gives them a chance to clarify.


  • You maintain, Niro, that it's also very important how we ask questions and to not interrupt while we're getting the answer. Why is that so important?

    Niro,你認為我們提出問題的方式以及在我們得到答案時不要打斷也非常重要。 為什麼這麼重要?

  • Because when you are interrupting, it communicates to the person what they have to say is not important.


  • This is hard 'cause some people are just interrupters, but ask deep questions to get to know people.


  • "Why?" You know, "What led you to become a journalist?"

    「為什麼?」 「是什麼促使你成為記者?」

  • Not just "what do you do?"


  • "What do you love about your job?"


  • And even the why question can be paralyzing, so remember this for your teenagers.


  • Ask "What made you think that?"


  • "What made you do that?"


  • Because I found as the therapist, they think outside of themselves and then they can find an answer.


  • So not like, "Why did you... " It's like "What made you...? What made you...?"


  • That's good. -Stop interrupting.

    很棒。- 別再打斷了。

  • I know. That's good.


  • Niro, thank you so much.


April is Stress Awareness Month so in our series Life Lessons, we are trying to take some of the stress out of our relationships by sharing the proper ways to effectively communicate.


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