And that is an argument that nobody in this building has ever had at three o'clock in the morning because you don't just walk into the house with 11 cakes.

我相信在座的各位從來沒有人在凌晨三點發生過這樣的爭吵，因為你不可能帶著 11 塊蛋糕就這樣走進家門。

You make some noise, you know.

你會弄出噪音的。

And I walk in with the last two cakes and my girlfriend is in the kitchen and she's like, "What the hell is this?"

我拿著最後兩個蛋糕走進去，我女朋友在廚房裡，她問我：「這是什麼鬼東西？」

I'm trying to be cute. "It's a bakery."

我想表現得可愛一點，所以我說：「這是一家麵包店。 」

"Where did you get all this cake?"

「你從哪裡搞到這些蛋糕的？」

I said, "Baby, the people at the show brought it."

我說：「寶貝，看表演的人帶來的。」

"Are you gonna eat all of it?"

「你要全部吃光嗎？」

"Eventually! I'm not gonna do it in one hit, you know, freaking two hours later, clear."

「總有一天肯定會啊！但我不會一次吃完，兩個小時後說吃光光那樣。」

"How do you know someone isn't trying to poison you?"

「你怎麼知道別人不是想毒害你？」

"With cake? Are you serious? It's like you live by the cake, you die by the cake, you know? No."

「用蛋糕嗎？你是認真的嗎？你靠蛋糕而生，也靠蛋糕而死，你知道嗎？所以不會。」

So we're going back and forth, right?

我們就這樣你一句我一句，對吧？

We wake up Frankie and Frankie walks into the kitchen at three o'clock in the morning and he's all,

我們吵醒了Frankie，他在凌晨三點走進廚房，他說：

"Where did all the cake come from?"

「哦，這些蛋糕是從哪裡來的？」

"The people at the show brought it."

「看表演的人們把它帶到來了。」

"Tell them I said thank you."

「跟他說們說我謝謝他們。」

"I'll tell them you said thank you, Frankie."

「我會轉達你的謝意，Frankie。」

"Gabriel, how come they bring you cake?"

「Gabriel，他們怎麼會給你帶蛋糕？」

"Because 10 years ago, I did a joke where I said I love chocolate cake, and now people bring me cake."

「因為 10 年前，我曾開過一個玩笑，說我喜歡巧克力蛋糕。現在有人給我送蛋糕了。」

"You should say you love Transformers."

「你應該說你喜歡變形金剛。」

"I'll start doing it, alright?"

「我會開始這樣說的，行嗎？」

So my girl's like, "Baby, put Frankie to bed."

我女友說：「寶貝，去哄 Frankie 睡覺。」

I go, "Frankie. You got to go back to sleep."

我說：「Frankie，你得回去睡覺了。」

"You want some cake?" - "Yeah!"

「你想吃蛋糕嗎？」- 「對！」

So I grab one of these tiny cakes that somebody brought me, one of those little tiny ones that has the plastic cover and the sticker on the side.

所以我拿了一個有人給我帶來的小蛋糕，其中一個有塑膠蓋和側面貼紙的小蛋糕。

And I handed it to him, I go, "Here!" He goes, "A little piece?"

我遞給他，說：「給你！」他說：「只能吃一小塊嗎？」

I go, "Dude, it's a small cake. You can have the whole thing."

我説：「兄弟，這是個小蛋糕。你可以全部吃掉。」

And the look that came over his face at three o'clock in the morning was like he got a gift from God!

而凌晨三點他臉上的表情就好像他得到了上帝的禮物一樣！

When I said, "Here!" and he was like...

當我說：“這裡！” 他就像...

"Take it to your room."

「拿回你的房間去。」

I went to go take him to school the next morning, he's in the bathroom crying.

第二天早上，我去送他上學，他在浴室裡哭

"Hey, are you okay?" - "My stomach!"

「嘿，你還嗎？」- 「我的肚子好痛！」

"Your stomach? Too much cake?" - "Yeah!"

「你的肚子？因為吃太多蛋糕嗎？」- 「對！」

"Was it good?" - "Hell yeah."

「好吃嗎？」- 「五告讚！」

"I'll see you in the car."

「車上見。」

20 minutes later, he comes to the car and he's all sweaty.

20 分鐘後他來到車旁，滿頭大汗。

"You alright? What happened?" - "I blew it up."

「你還好嗎？怎麼了？」- 「我烙賽了。」

"Get in the car."

「上車。」

I get him to school 45 minutes late. Usually when I drop him off, you guys, I leave him on the side of the school and they have like a drop-off zone with cones and a supervisor to make sure that your kid gets off safely.

我晚了45 分鐘送他到學校。 通常，當我送他下車時，會讓他在學校的一側下車，他們有一個放椎體的下車區和一名主任，以確保你的孩子安全下車。

When you're 45 minutes late, there's nobody there.

當你遲到 45 分鐘時，那裡不會有人。

So I left them in front of the school and apparently that's a, no-no. You're not supposed to do that.

所以我就把他放在學校門口了，很顯然，這是不對的，你不應該這麼做。

I didn't know, you know?

我並不知道。

"Go for it." -"I'm not supposed to-"

「進去吧。」- 『我不應該這——」

"I know, dude, just go. You're late. Go!"

「我知道，兄弟，進去就對了。你遲到了，去吧！」

Out of nowhere Here comes the principal and I know it's the principal because he's like, "It's the principal, it's the principal, it's the principal!"

接著校長不知道從哪兒冒出來了，我知道是校長，因為他喊著：「是校長。是校長，是校長！」

I'm like, "Dude, relax. I'm 30. I don't give a damn!"

我說：「放輕鬆，我 30 歲了。 我才不管呢。」

Here comes the principal.

校長來了。

"Sir? Sir! This is not the designated drop-off area. Please take your child to the other side of the school. You cannot leave him here."

「先生？先生！這裡不是指定的下車區域。請將你的孩子帶到學校的另一側。 你不能把他留在這裡。」

I was like, "Watch this." (speaking in Spanish)

我説：「你看著。」（開始講西班牙文）

"That's how you do it, homeboy. That's how you do it."

『你就是該這樣做，孩子。你就是該這麼做。」

That principle was amazing because she was like, "Usted no puede dejar su hijo aqui,

這個校長很棒，，因為她開始說：「（西班牙文）你不能把你的孩子留在這裡，

saca la vuelta ha la otro lado de la escuela.

繞到學校的另一邊。

Alla si, si. Aqui, no, no! Alla si, si. Aqui, no, no!

那裡可以，這裡，不行！ 那裡可以，這裡，不行！Aya sii 一把鑰匙。

Yo no soy pendeja!"

我不是笨蛋！」