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  • One night at one show, I received 11 chocolate cakes and it was local, so I took'em home.

    在一次演出中,我收到了 11 塊巧克力蛋糕,因為就在當地表演,所以我都帶回家了。

  • And that is an argument that nobody in this building has ever had at three o'clock in the morning because you don't just walk into the house with 11 cakes.

    我相信在座的各位從來沒有人在凌晨三點發生過這樣的爭吵,因為你不可能帶著 11 塊蛋糕就這樣走進家門。

  • You make some noise, you know.


  • And I walk in with the last two cakes and my girlfriend is in the kitchen and she's like, "What the hell is this?"


  • I'm trying to be cute. "It's a bakery."

    我想表現得可愛一點,所以我說:「這是一家麵包店。 」

  • "Where did you get all this cake?"


  • I said, "Baby, the people at the show brought it."


  • "Are you gonna eat all of it?"


  • "Eventually! I'm not gonna do it in one hit, you know, freaking two hours later, clear."


  • "How do you know someone isn't trying to poison you?"


  • "With cake? Are you serious? It's like you live by the cake, you die by the cake, you know? No."


  • So we're going back and forth, right?


  • We wake up Frankie and Frankie walks into the kitchen at three o'clock in the morning and he's all,


  • "Where did all the cake come from?"


  • "The people at the show brought it."


  • "Tell them I said thank you."


  • "I'll tell them you said thank you, Frankie."


  • "Gabriel, how come they bring you cake?"


  • "Because 10 years ago, I did a joke where I said I love chocolate cake, and now people bring me cake."

    「因為 10 年前,我曾開過一個玩笑,說我喜歡巧克力蛋糕。現在有人給我送蛋糕了。」

  • "You should say you love Transformers."


  • "I'll start doing it, alright?"


  • So my girl's like, "Baby, put Frankie to bed."

    我女友說:「寶貝,去哄 Frankie 睡覺。」

  • I go, "Frankie. You got to go back to sleep."


  • "You want some cake?" - "Yeah!"

    「你想吃蛋糕嗎?」- 「對!」

  • So I grab one of these tiny cakes that somebody brought me, one of those little tiny ones that has the plastic cover and the sticker on the side.


  • And I handed it to him, I go, "Here!" He goes, "A little piece?"


  • I go, "Dude, it's a small cake. You can have the whole thing."


  • And the look that came over his face at three o'clock in the morning was like he got a gift from God!


  • When I said, "Here!" and he was like...

    當我說:“這裡!” 他就像...

  • "Take it to your room."


  • I went to go take him to school the next morning, he's in the bathroom crying.


  • "Hey, are you okay?" - "My stomach!"

    「嘿,你還嗎?」- 「我的肚子好痛!」

  • "Your stomach? Too much cake?" - "Yeah!"

    「你的肚子?因為吃太多蛋糕嗎?」- 「對!」

  • "Was it good?" - "Hell yeah."

    「好吃嗎?」- 「五告讚!」

  • "I'll see you in the car."


  • 20 minutes later, he comes to the car and he's all sweaty.

    20 分鐘後他來到車旁,滿頭大汗。

  • "You alright? What happened?" - "I blew it up."

    「你還好嗎?怎麼了?」- 「我烙賽了。」

  • "Get in the car."


  • I get him to school 45 minutes late. Usually when I drop him off, you guys, I leave him on the side of the school and they have like a drop-off zone with cones and a supervisor to make sure that your kid gets off safely.

    我晚了45 分鐘送他到學校。 通常,當我送他下車時,會讓他在學校的一側下車,他們有一個放椎體的下車區和一名主任,以確保你的孩子安全下車。

  • When you're 45 minutes late, there's nobody there.

    當你遲到 45 分鐘時,那裡不會有人。

  • So I left them in front of the school and apparently that's a, no-no. You're not supposed to do that.


  • I didn't know, you know?


  • "Go for it." -"I'm not supposed to-"

    「進去吧。」- 『我不應該這——」

  • "I know, dude, just go. You're late. Go!"


  • Out of nowhere Here comes the principal and I know it's the principal because he's like, "It's the principal, it's the principal, it's the principal!"


  • I'm like, "Dude, relax. I'm 30. I don't give a damn!"

    我說:「放輕鬆,我 30 歲了。 我才不管呢。」

  • Here comes the principal.


  • "Sir? Sir! This is not the designated drop-off area. Please take your child to the other side of the school. You cannot leave him here."

    「先生?先生!這裡不是指定的下車區域。請將你的孩子帶到學校的另一側。 你不能把他留在這裡。」

  • I was like, "Watch this." (speaking in Spanish)


  • "That's how you do it, homeboy. That's how you do it."


  • That principle was amazing because she was like, "Usted no puede dejar su hijo aqui,


  • saca la vuelta ha la otro lado de la escuela.


  • Alla si, si. Aqui, no, no! Alla si, si. Aqui, no, no!

    那裡可以,這裡,不行! 那裡可以,這裡,不行!Aya sii 一把鑰匙。

  • Yo no soy pendeja!"


One night at one show, I received 11 chocolate cakes and it was local, so I took'em home.

在一次演出中,我收到了 11 塊巧克力蛋糕,因為就在當地表演,所以我都帶回家了。

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