Let me guess, you avoid them, argue with them, or complain about them?

讓我猜猜，你會迴避他們、與他們爭論、還是抱怨他們？

While these instinctive reactions are completely normal, you know as well as I do that they're not exactly constructive.

雖然這些本能反應完全正常，但你我都知道，它們並不完全有建設性。

In this video, you'll learn how to shift your approach and foster working relationships that are better for you, your team, and your organization.

在本影片中，你將學習如何改變方法並培養對你、你的團隊和組織更有利的工作關係。

What if I told you I had a magic trick that would make that annoying coworker not annoying anymore?

如果我告訴你我有一個魔術可以讓那個煩人的同事不再煩人怎麼辦？

First, picture that coworker in your mind.

首先，在腦海中想象那位同事的樣子。

OK, now what's the first thing you think of?

好了，現在你首先想到的是什麼？

If you're like most people, you're probably thinking about all of the things about them that bug you.

如果你像大多數人一樣，你可能會想到他們身上所有讓你煩惱的事情。

But what if-- and this is the magic part--you got curious instead of irritated?

但如果--這就是神奇的地方--你感到好奇而不是惱怒？

Stay with me.

認真聽。

Because adopting this mindset, while not always easy, is going to help you transform how you feel about this co-worker.

因為採用這種心態雖然不總是那麼容易，但卻會幫助你改變你對這位同事的看法。

One note of caution.

需要注意的是，

The tips that I'm about to share do not apply if the person is behaving unethically or mistreating others.

如果此人行為不道德或虐待他人，我將要分享的技巧並不適用。

In those cases, you have to call out the behavior or bring it to the attention of someone who has the power to address it.

在這些情況下，你必須指出這種行為或引起有權解決問題的人的注意。

Also, be careful if you think this person will be vindictive.

另外，如果你認為此人會懷恨在心，請務必小心。

You have to be the judge of whether it is safe to address the relationship.

你必須判斷處理這種關係是否安全。

Here are some questions to ask when you start to feel annoyed.

當你開始感到煩惱時，可以問以下幾個問題。

First, you can ask yourself, "How am I reacting?"

首先，你可以問問自己：「我的反應如何？」

As author Daniel Goleman points out, it's far more useful to focus on your own behavior because, well, it's something you can control.

正如作者丹尼爾·戈爾曼指出的那樣，專注於自己的行為要有用得多，因為這是你可以控制的事情。

You can practice stress reduction to manage your frustration and to minimize the impact of their behavior on you.

你可以練習減壓來管理你的挫折感並盡量減少他們的行為對你的影響。

You can then ask, "What exactly is it that's bothering me and why?"

然後你可以問：「到底是什麼在困擾我？為什麼？」

Focusing on the specific actions rather than their entire personality will be far more productive and much easier to address.

專注於具體的行為而不是他們的整個個性會更有成效，也更容易解決。

As organizational psychologist Ben Dattner explains, "Your coworker didn't create the button, they're just pushing it."

正如組織心理學家本·達特納所解釋的那樣：「你的同事並沒有創造這個按鈕，他們只是按下了它。」

So dig a little deeper.

那就再挖深一點。

Maybe this unlikable person reminds you of someone who you have a difficult relationship with.

也許這個不討人喜歡的人讓你想起了某個人與你關係不好的人。

Or maybe deep down you wish you had their job.

或許在你內心深處，你也希望自己能做他們的工作。

Jealousy, negative associations, and triggering emotions can cause us to wrongly assess someone and mistreat them.

嫉妒、負面聯想和觸發情緒會導致我們錯誤地評價一個人並錯誤地對待他。

Or maybe you're worried that people dislike you in the way that you dislike this colleague.

或者，你可能擔心人們不喜歡你，就像你不喜歡這位同事一樣。

Or maybe this person is just different from you.

或者，這個人只是與你不同。

Unfortunately, we can have subconscious and biased behavior towards people who are not the same as us.

不幸的是，我們可能會對與我們不同的人產生潛意識和偏見的行為。

This can cause us to dehumanize them.

這可能會導致我們非人化他們。

And the consequences of that are much worse than mere irritation.

其後果比單純的惱怒嚴重得多。

Try to separate behaviors from traits.

嘗試將行為與特徵區分開來。

Identify what might be an unfair stereotype.

確定哪些可能是不公平的刻板印象。

And then set that aside and focus on the actions that are bothering you.

然後把它放在一邊，專注於那些困擾你的行為。

Remember, it's much easier to change your perspective than it is to ask someone to be a different person.

請記住，改變你的觀點比要求某人成為不同的人要容易得多。

You could also ask yourself, is it really so bad for your team or your organization to have people who don't like each other?

你也可以問自己，如果有人互相不喜歡，對你的團隊或組織來說真的那麼糟嗎？

It's often the people who challenge us or provoke us that prompt new insights or propel the team to greater success.

通常是那些挑戰我們或激怒我們的人激發了新的見解或推動團隊取得更大的成功。

That's worthy of your respect and curiosity even if you don't plan to invite them to your backyard barbecue.

即使你不打算邀請他們來你的後院烤肉，這也值得你的尊重和好奇。

You already know what you don't like about your coworker, but it can be helpful to ask, "What do I like about this person?"

你已經知道自己不喜歡同事的哪些方面，但問「我喜歡這個人的哪些方面？」會很有幫助。

Most people aren't 100% annoying.

大多數人並不是百分百討厭。

You can ask yourself or colleagues who seem to work well with this person, what are their best qualities?

你可以問問自己或那些與這個人合作得很好的同事，他們最好的特質是什麼？

Maybe they have a good sense of humor or an eagle eye for detail.

也許他們有很好的幽默感或對細節有敏銳的洞察力。

How can these qualities benefit your organization?

這些特質如何使你的組織受益？

It's important to note if you're a manager who dislikes an employee who reports to you, you may be unconsciously mismanaging them and treating them unfairly.

值得注意的是，如果你是經理，不喜歡向你報告的員工，那麼你可能會無意識地對他們管理不善並不公平地對待他們。

To avoid serious problems, pay extra attention to the value they do bring to the team, and don't focus on their flaws.

為了避免嚴重問題，請特別注意他們為團隊帶來的價值，而不是專注於他們的缺陷。

Another question to ask is, "What might happen if I spent more time with them?"

另一個要問的問題是，「如果我花更多時間和他們在一起，會發生什麼？」

I know, I know it's counterintuitive.

我知道，我知道這違反直覺。

But see if you can intentionally work on a project with them.

但看看你是否可以有意與他們一起完成一個專案。

Or invite them out for a real or virtual cup of coffee.

或邀請他們出去喝一杯真實或虛擬的咖啡。

And if you make it a point to ask open-ended questions and really listen to their answers, you may discover what motivates their behavior.

如果你重視提出開放式問題並真正傾聽他們的回答，你可能會發現他們行為的動機。

Maybe it's stress at home, pressure from their boss, or their own insecurities.

也許是家裡的壓力，也許是來自老闆的壓力，或自身的不安全感。

Empathy and appreciation may displace that irritation and give you an opportunity for a shared positive experience.

同理心和欣賞可能會消除這種惱怒，並為你提供分享正面體驗的機會。

It's highly possible that they don't know how their behavior is impacting others and that it's standing in their way professionally.

他們很可能不知道自己的行為如何影響他人，而這阻礙了他們的職業發展。

If that's the case, you can ask, "Can we talk about it?"

如果是這樣，你可以問：「我們能談談嗎？」

Now, this conversation is not a free-for-all where you get to list all of your grievances.

現在，這次談話並不是一場混戰，你可以在其中列出你所有的不滿。

It's a chance for you to talk together about how to improve your working relationship.

這是你們一起討論如何改善工作關係的機會。

Conversations like these are not the easiest.

這樣的對話並不簡單。

I know.

我知道。

So use your best judgment to see if they're open to it.

所以請根據自己的判斷，看看他們是否願意。

And don't feel like you have to broach the subject if you feel like it'll just make things worse.

如果你覺得這只會讓事情變得更糟，請不要覺得一定得提出這個話題。

However, if they are receptive, you can say something like, "I don't think we're working together as effectively as we could."

然而，如果他們願意接受，你可以這樣說：「我認為我們的合作沒有達到應有的效果。」

"What do you think?"

「你覺得呢？」

"Do you have any ideas for how we could work better together?"

「你對我們如何更好地合作有什麼想法嗎？」

Or "Our working relationship is important to me, and there's something on my mind. Can we talk about it?"

或者「我們的工作關係對我來說很重要，我有件事放在心中。我們可以談談嗎？」

You may need to get specific.

你可能需要具體說明。

Instead of saying, "You take up too much airtime,"

與其說：「你佔用了太多的通話時間」，

you could say, "I'd love to figure out a way for us both to get our ideas out in the weekly team meeting. What do you suggest?"

你可以說：「我很想找到一種方法，讓我們雙方在每週的團隊會議上表達我們的想法。你有什麼建議？」

Again, focus on specific behaviors that they can control, and on work issues.

再説一次，關注具體行為以及工作問題。

So they don't think you're attacking their personality.

這樣他們就不會認為你在攻擊他們的人格。

For instance, instead of saying, "Your edits are nitpicky and driving me up a wall," you can say, "I noticed that you rewrote several of my headlines in that presentation. Can we agree now on what level of edits are necessary going forward?"

例如，與其說：「你的修改太挑剔，讓我火冒三丈。」你可以說：「我注意到你在那個簡報中重寫了我的幾個標題。我們現在可以就今後需要進行哪些程度的修改達成一致嗎？”

It can help set the stage if you're curious and open to what feedback they might have for you.

如果你好奇並樂於接受他們可能為你提供的回饋，它可以幫助你做好準備。

Chances are the negative feelings are mutual and they may have a few things to say to you too.

負面情緒有可能是相互的，他們可能也有一些話要對你說。

That sort of feedback isn't always easy to hear.

這種回饋並不總是容易接受。

But it may help you both grow.

但這可能有助於你們雙方的成長。

If you've asked yourself all of these questions and you're still truly stuck, you can ask, "What if I just ignore them?"

如果你問了自己所有這些問題，但仍然陷入困境，你可以問：「如果我忽略他們呢？」

As long as you can do this without being passive-aggressive, detaching yourself emotionally with a "I don't care attitude," can help neutralize the effect of their irritating behavior on you.

只要你能做到這一點而不是消極攻擊，以「我不在乎的態度」在情感上使自己脫離，就可以幫助抵消他們的惱人行為對你的影響。

And if this person is truly just a jerk, you can always just tell yourself every day they have to wake up as their miserable self and you get to wake up as you.

如果這個人真的只是個混蛋，你總是可以每天告訴自己，他們必須像他們悲慘的自己一樣醒來，而你必須像你一樣醒來。

In situations where you have little to no control,this cognitive reframing is a helpful tool of last resort.

在你幾乎無法控制的情況下，這種認知重構是最後的有用工具。

OK, let's review.

好了，讓我們回顧一下。

We're all different, and sometimes a co-worker's behavior can rub you the wrong way.

我們都與眾不同，有時同事的行為會讓你感到不舒服。

Your curiosity is your magic wand here.

你的好奇心就是你的魔法棒。

Key questions to ask are:

要問的關鍵問題是：

How am I reacting?

我的反應如何？

Focusing on managing your own reactions is something you can control.

專注於管理自己的反應是你可以控制的。

What exactly is bothering me, and why?

到底是什麼在困擾我，為什麼？

Digging deeper to unpack your reactions may reveal more about your own role in the situation.

深入挖掘你的反應可能會揭示出你自己在這種情況下所扮演的角色。

Is it really so bad to not like this person?

不喜歡這個人真的有那麼糟糕嗎？

Diverse opinions and work styles can be key to innovation and problem-solving.

不同的意見和工作方式可以是創新和解決問題的關鍵。

It's worth reconsidering.

這值得重新考慮。

What is there to like about this person?

這個人有什麼好？

Pay attention to their strengths and how those can be assets to your team.

關注他們的優勢，以及這些優勢如何可以成為團隊的財富。

What might happen if I spend more time with this person?

如果我花更多時間和這個人在一起，可能會發生什麼？

This takes a big dose of openness, but you may discover what drives their behavior, both good and bad.

這需要龐大的的開放心態，但你可能會發現他們行為背後的驅動力，無論是積極的還是消極的。

Can we talk about it?

我們能談談嗎？

If they are open to it, having a careful, constructive conversation about how you can work better together can yield positive results.

如果他們對此持開放態度，就如何更好地合作進行仔細、建設性的對話可以產生積極的結果。

What if I ignore them?

如果我不理他們呢？

As a last resort, you can short circuit being annoyed by just deciding not to care about it anymore.

作為最後的手段，你可以採取捷徑，透過決定不再關心來避免被煩擾。

Thanks for watching.

感謝觀看。

All of these strategies are from HBR articles, which are linked in the description below.

所有這些策略都來自《哈佛商業評論》的文章，在下面的說明欄中有連結。

Do you have a tactic for working with someone you dislike?

你有與不喜歡的人共事的策略嗎？

Or do you have an idea for a topic that we should cover in an upcoming HBR video?

或者你有什麼想法，我們應該在即將播出的《哈佛商業評論》影片中進行報導？

Let us in the comments below.

請在下方評論中告訴我們。

Bye for now.

再見。