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  • Remember WindClan, the losers? They're in the sewers now, eating rats.

  • But who cares about those guys, Sandpaw and Dustpaw are as jealous as heck. But Greystripe and Fireheart aren't listening,

  • They need to get rid of Tigerclaw, but they change their mind about this immediately. Tigerclaw sure is great!

  • So everyone heads to the gathering where Crookedstar and Nightpelt are talking about how great it is they can eat WindClan's food now.

  • Bluestar is the only cat with any morality ,even though her logic boils down to "We cannot have more trees than clans."

  • So Bluestar makes Fireheart and Graystripe bring Windclan back because they're disposable.

  • So they're about to meet WindClan when Spottedleaf descends from Heaven to be all, "So Fireheart, what's your ideal date like? Just asking."

  • "Well that sure was weird." Says Fireheart.

  • So they find WindClan, cross the road with a whole clan 300 times and nobody gets to the other side.

  • Then the sleepover moves to Ravenpaw and Barley's party barn.

  • Barkface, the RiverClan medicine cat is terrified by a pink cloud. This deters nobody and they all decide to take a shortcut through

  • RiverClan territory.

  • Just as they arrived, RiverClan's cheating AI auto detects them and comes to beat them up.

  • but ThunderClan cheats too so Tigerclaw and his patrol show up too.

  • Sandstorm is fighting and almost falls down the infinite pit of misery. Fireheart saves her

  • but she doesn't appreciate it. Then some other guy falls in and she realizes, "Wait , crap the doom pit is dangerous!" Also,

  • this is what the pink cloud was about.

  • So everyone comes home and Bluestar decides to get Fireheart and Graystripe children of their own.

  • "These kits are under six moons Bluestar, isn't that what Brokenstar did?" "Shut up." Says Bluestar

  • Shoving Brackenpaw in his face.

  • Tigerclaw stands around horrified about babies training babies as Cinderpaw's super glued to Fireheart. Note

  • Cinderpaw recognizes the smell of ShadowClan from the quote "Kits that were stolen" even though she was one of the stolen kits.

  • Also, she's much too enthusiastic about the Thunderpath. They meet a brown kitty pet and chase her away.

  • But Fireheart realizes 400 years later that she was actually his twin in a dream

  • He takes off to find her even though he has responsibilities now

  • He visits his sister who is teen pregnant and then leaves before they talk about anything important

  • The next day Graystripe, Fireheart, and their apprentices have already forgotten that RiverClan territories dangerous, so Graystripe jumps in the frozen stream.

  • Silverstream, who has the prestigious title of miss Riverclan 2003, saves his life as he repays her by flirting in front of everyone.

  • Then Cinderpaw, expert deceiver, convinces everyone that he fell in the creek while teaching them how to pole dance.

  • All of a sudden Graystripe is always missing he's missing so long that Fireheart is the new Graystripe.

  • Eventually Fireheart follows him.

  • He asks him what he's been doing,

  • And he only replies with, "I'm a man now, Fireheart." He tells Silverstream to stop seeing Graystripe

  • But she doesn't think her love could ever hurt anyone

  • So Bluestar gets sick and two seconds later

  • Dustpaw comes in saying he needs to meet Tigerclaw on the dangerous road. "The thunderpath?

  • I love the thunderpath!" Says Cinderpaw teleporting to Tigerclaw and immediately getting hit by a car. Bluestar dies. Then she undies.

  • Fireheart goes on a date with Sandpaw who previously was bullying him.

  • "Hey Fireheart we could use this to kill RiverClan!" says Sandpaw, pointing at the frozen path. "What, no!" Cries Fireheart.

  • "Great idea

  • Sandpaw!" Says Bluestar. Fireheart and Graystripe proceeded to beat each other up.

  • Fireheart takes his sister's fluffiest child to be his new best friend

  • now that Graystripe keeps blowing him off for a sexy girlfriend.

  • "What should we do with this?"

  • Asks Bluestar. "Let's throw it in the garbage can!" Says Tigerclaw. "We'll keep it then." Responds Bluestar

  • Everyone accuses everyone else of trespassing at the Gathering.

  • A patrol finds out that ShadowClan were the

  • trespassers, and everyone goes in to murder mode. All of the warriors lead to go kill ShadowClan.

  • "Brokenstar did this." Says old cat Mcdoctor. "Who?" "The cat we chased out of ShadowClan last book." "Oh,

  • duh, of course." Says everyone in unison.

  • Suddenly Brokenstar pops out. "Ha ha, hi. Nice babies

  • you've got there." Says Brokenstar. Everyone beats the crap out of him. Brokenstar gets dead

  • "Dead in a few more times!" Says Fireheart. "Naw, bro. That's my son." Says Yellowfang, dragging his corpse into the medicine hut. And

  • now, a scene from Fire & Ice. Are you okay, Cinderpaw? Life is pain,

  • I would rather be dead.

  • Why won't you let me fight?

  • Then Bluestar finally allows Sandpaw and Dustpaw to evolve without spamming B.

  • But suddenly all the kits are gone. They went hunting in the snow. Clearly this is Fireheart's fault. As it turns out,

  • Slytherin and Hufflepuff are trying to drive out Ravenclaw again, so it's up to Gryffindor to stop them.

  • But first, Spotedleaf materializes in one of Firehearts dreams. "Hey stud. One of the cats

  • you know is evil." Hmm that must be Graystripe and not the cat who killed Redtail. All the cats fight.

  • Oh, and Silverstream, our love couldn't hurt anyone's myth is here too, as predicted, hurting things with her love.

  • Tigerclaw Gets 400 medals for his bravery and almost letting Fireheart die. Then Graystripe and Fireheart make up.

  • Even though Greystripe has changed nothing about his behavior and intends to keep living in sin.

Remember WindClan, the losers? They're in the sewers now, eating rats.


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我為大家劇透 烈火寒冰 (貓戰士第一部第二本)(I spoil Fire and Ice for everybody)

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    Simba wang 960426 發佈於 2024 年 02 月 19 日