Name: 如果黑 iPhone 是真的黑 iPhone (Black Siri | Gabriel Iglesias)
Uploaded: 2024-02-07T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 5 min 17 s

So I got some Tweets about the first show.

我收到了一些關於首場演出的推文。

過去簡單式

People were asking Martin because, you know, people saw Stand Up Revolution season one and they noticed that your hair is different.

人們問馬丁，因為你知道，人們看到了《Stand Up Revolution》第一季，他們注意到你的頭髮不一樣了。

Your hair is actually three inches longer than it was last year.

你的頭髮實際上比去年長了三英寸。

You know, I'm just glad I picked up inches somewhere, bro.

你知道，我只是很高興自己在某個地方長高了，兄弟。

What's different, bro? 'Cause last year, you know, it was getting longer, kind of starts getting.

這不一樣，兄弟，因為去年，你知道，你的頭髮越來越長了，開始變得...

現在你又把八十年代感帶回來了，兄弟。

I wish I could bring back the '80s. I went hard in the '80s, bro.

我希望我能讓八十年代重現。我在八十年代很努力，兄弟。

You know that show Remember the'80s? I'm glad they made it because I forgot half the crap that I did.

你知道那個《記得八十年代》節目，我很高興他們製作它，因為我已經忘記我做過的那些蠢事。

And you guys have no idea. This man right here, OK, if he looks like a rock stars, it's because he parties hard.

而你們一點都不知道。這位先先，如果他看起來像一位搖滾巨星，那是因為他派對得很瘋狂。

I know how hard he parties. Ozo knows how hard he parties.

我明白他可以玩得多瘋，Ozo也知道。

After season one of Stand-Up Revolution, we went on tour for a while.

在第一季《 Stand-Up Revolution》之後，我們進行了一段時間的巡演。

We went all over the US and as a gift to all my buddies that were on the tour with me, I gave everybody an iPhone 4S. Yeah, we're good.

我們遍歷美國各地，作為送給所有與我一同參加巡迴演出的朋友的禮物，我送給每個人一部 iPhone 4S。是的，我們很好。

Martin was so excited because it had this feature, it still has this feature called Siri where you hit the button and you can talk to the phone and it'll help you out.

馬丁當時非常興奮，因為它擁有一個名為 Siri 的功能（其實現在也還有）你按下按鈕就可以對著手機說話，它會幫助你解決問題。

Like you say, "Oh call John." And it's like, you know, "Calling John."

就像你說：「噢，打給約翰。」它會回答：「正在撥打給約翰。」

You know, it's really, it's really, really cool.

But Martin, you see how he is, you know, he messes with the phone.

但是馬丁，你們也懂他，他會玩弄手機。

He's like, "Siri, tell me something dirty," and the phone takes everything literal.

他就會說：「 Siri，跟我說些色色的東西」然後手機就會從字面上理解一切。

So it's like, "Would you like me to locate a car wash?"

她會說：「要我幫你找一家洗車店嗎？」

So anyways, you guys, I had a lot of fun watching them play with the phone, but then a couple weeks go by and we're doing a show in Northern California in San Jose.

總之，大家，我很開心看到他們玩這部手機，但過了幾個星期，我們正在加州北部的聖荷西做一場演出。

And we had a really good time that night doing the show and the people invited us to hang out and we had a bunch of drinks and someone said, "You wanna go eat?" and I was like, "Yeah," and someone said, "Uou wanna go drink?"

然後我們那天晚上玩得很開心，做完演出後，大家邀請我們一起出去，我們喝了不少酒，有人說：「你想去吃東西嗎？」我說：「好啊」，還有人問：「你想去喝酒嗎？」

And so Martin and I parted ways for about an hour and then we met up an hour later back at the, you know, at the hotel and I'm walking in okay, and he's gone.

所以馬丁和我分開大約一個小時，然後一個小時後我們在酒店見面，我可以好好走進去，但他已經醉倒了。

他就這樣。當時有人在幫她進門。

I'm like, "Who are you?" - "I don't know, but he fell."

我說：「你是誰？」- 「我不知道，但他摔倒了。」

You know, and drag him in and he doesn't even take off his clothes.

你把他拖進來，他連衣服都沒脫。

He gets into the bed with everything on, including his shoes.

他什麼都沒脫就上了床，包括鞋子。

So the next morning, guys, our team comes over to my side of the room and he's like, "Bro!"

第二天早上，我們的成員來到我的房間，他說：「兄弟！」

"Are you okay?" - "Bro, I peed on myself!"

「你還好嗎？」- 「兄弟，我尿褲子了！」

And my response was actually, "Again?" because he's partied that hard in the past Martinez partied so hard, you guys, that there's been times where he's had to throw away mattresses.

而我的反應居然是「又來？！」因為馬丁他之前都在派對上玩得很嗨，他有幾次不得不扔掉床墊。

So I go, "Martin, why are you taking it so much worse?"

所以我問：「馬丁，為什麼你這麼擔心？」

In the past whenever that happened, he laughed about, "Oh, bro. Look what happened. Party like a rock star." You know.

過去每當發生這種情況時，他總是笑著說：「哦，兄弟。看看發生了什麼。像搖滾明星一樣狂歡。」

He goes, "Bro, you don't understand. My phone was in my pocket."

他說：「兄弟，你不明白。我的手機在口袋裡。」

I had a heart attack and I felt bad because Martin was like, "Bro, it's a new phone."

我心臟病發作，感覺很糟，因為馬丁說：「兄弟，這是部新手機。」

I said, "Hey, don't worry, I got you covered, man."

我說：『嘿，別擔心，有我呢，兄弟。」

And so I said, "Listen, I'm gonna go get you a new phone."

於是我說：「聽著，我去給你買個新手機。」

So we take a nice little trip to the mall and we found an Apple store and we get to the front and there's a girl there with a clipboard and they're always trying to, "How can I help you?"

我們去商場逛了一圈，找到一家蘋果專賣店，走到店門口，有個女孩拿著寫字板，她們一直在問：「我能幫你什麼忙嗎？」

And, "Well, we wanna see about replacing my friend's phone."

「我們想看看能不能換掉我朋友的手機。」

I go, "No, it's actually, it, it got damaged."

我說：「不是，實際上，它損壞了。」

I go, "It kinda got wet," and then she looks at Martin, "Oh, did someone drop it in the sink?"

我說：「它有點溼了」然後她看著馬丁說：「哦，是不是有人把它掉到水槽裡了？」

She said, "Oh, he dropped it in the toilet?"

她說：「哦，他讓它掉進馬桶裡了？」

She goes, "Well, we have a few in stock. Would you like a black iPhone or would you like a white iPhone?"

她說：「我們有一些庫存。你想要黑色的 iPhone 還是白色的 iPhone？」

I said, "Well, you know, Martin and I have the same color iPhone."

我說：「你知道，馬丁和我的手機顏色一樣。」

So I says, "Just so we don't have the confusion of always grabbing each other's phones."

所以我說：「為了讓我們不會總是搶對方的手機。」

I said, "Martin, would you mind getting a black iPhone?"

我說：「馬丁，你介意買一部黑色的蘋果手機嗎？」

He goes, "Yeah, but um does the black iPhone have Siri?"

他說，「好啊，但黑色蘋果手機有 Siri 嗎？」

And I'm like, "What kind of a question is that? Why wouldn't the black iphone have Siri?" right?

我就想：「這什麼問題？為什麼黑色 iPhone 沒有 Siri？」 對不對？

And then I started thinking, can you imagine if a black i{Phone was really a black iPhone?

然後我開始想，你能想象如果一部黑 iPhone 真的是一部黑 iPhone 嗎？

You know Martin gets in the car, "Siri, what's the temperature outside?"

馬丁坐進車裡問：「Siri，外面的溫度是多少？」

"Why don't you stick your head out the window?"

「你為什麼不把頭伸出窗外自己感受看看。」

"You better not pee on me. Ok? I ain't like that white iphone."

「你最好別尿我身上，好嗎？我不是那部白色的蘋果手機。」