There is a huge variance in how much we feel we have to say for ourselves around some people compared to around others.

我們在某些人面前感覺需要為自己說多少話與在其他人面前相比有很大的差異。

Certain people make us feel boring, others do not.

有些人讓我們覺得無聊，有些人則不然。

We tend to evaluate people on how interesting they are, but we're thereby liable to miss a more acute and relevant issue: How interesting does a given person make us feel?

我們傾向於根據人們的有趣程度來評價他們，但卻是以容易忽略一個更尖銳、更相關的問題：一個人給我們的感覺有多有趣？

Why in the company of some people do our minds quickly fill with stories while around others, we experience ourselves as blank, dull and close to inert?

為什麼與一些人在一起時，我們的頭腦會迅速充滿故事，而與其他人在一起時，我們卻覺得自己是空白、沉悶和近乎惰性的？

Why when some people ask, "So what have you been up to lately?" do we positively brim with a multitude of topics, whereas with others faced with the very same question, we'll struggle to remember that we've ever even existed?

為什麼有些人問，「最近你都在忙些什麼？」時，我們會積極地湧現出許多話題，而對於其他人提出同樣的問題，我們會艱難地記住自己是否曾經存在過呢？

To explain the phenomenon, we have to credit our unconscious minds with a faculty we might never have known we possessed.

為了解釋這種現象，我們必須歸功於我們的無意識心智，賦予了我們一個可能從未意識到的能力。

Throughout our interactions with people, we are continually picking up on small clues as to how much our interlocutor is understanding and appreciating of what we're saying.

在與人互動的過程中，我們不斷發現一些小線索，了解對話者對我們所說的內容理解和欣賞程度。

When we mention a given issue, how much do their eyes light up?

當我們提到某個問題時，他們的眼睛會亮多少？

How much can they follow?

他們能跟上多少？

How much of our reality can this person accept? How much shocks them?

這個人能接受多少我們的現實？ 帶給他們多大的震撼？

How much can they take in their stride?

他們能承受多大的壓力？

How much of what is knotted and complex in us can they safely receive?

他們能安全地接受我們身上多少錯綜複雜的東西？

How much of our reality would we need to hide from them to spare them, and therefore us an alarmed or censorious response?

我們需要向他們隱瞞多少我們的現實，才能讓他們倖免於難？

From the answers to these multiple data points, we come without typically even realizing we've done so to a broad and active conclusion.

透過這些多個數據點的答案，我們通常甚至在意識到自己已經這樣做的情況下，得出了一個廣泛而積極的結論。

How much of me this person is likely to get?

這個人可能會了解我多少？

And rather simply, the more the answer is a lot, the more we will have to say, and the more the answer is not so much, the more a cautionary instinct will form inside us telling us to remain quiet.

而簡而言之，答案越多，我們就會有更多要說的話；答案越少，我們內心就會形成一種謹慎的本能，告訴我們保持沉默。

This simultaneously helps to explain how someone gets to be a companion around whom people feel they have a lot to say.

這同時有助於解釋一個人如何成為一個周圍的人都覺得自己有很多話要說的同伴。

They do this by opening many rooms in their own minds.

他們透過在自己的腦海中打開許多房間來做到這一點。

Or if you like by saying a lot to themselves.

或者如果你喜歡對自己說很多話。

Of course, this is far from simple. Many rooms of our minds contain very frightening things indeed.

當然，這遠非簡單。 我們的思想中有許多房間裡確實包含著非常可怕的事物。

Areas of properly daunting loss, pain, horror, and chaos, which we can be forgiven for never wanting to go anywhere near.

那些令人畏懼的損失、痛苦、恐怖和混亂的區域，我們永遠不想靠近，這是可以理解的。

Yet, a person will feel interested precisely to the extent that they have become a brave and relaxed wanderer inside their own minds – that they have become familiar, and one could almost say at ease, with things that are sad, dark, agonizing, and potentially shameful.

然而，一個人會感到興趣，恰好取決於他們在自己的思想中是否成為了一位勇敢而輕鬆的漫遊者——他們是否變得熟悉，幾乎可以說是輕鬆自在，面對那些悲傷、黑暗、 痛苦和潛在羞恥的事物。

When they're at home with their own anxiety, grief, strangeness, and silliness.

當他們在家時帶著自己的焦慮、悲傷、陌生和愚蠢。

So, by a beautiful principle of reciprocity, they will be at home with ours as well.

因此，根據互惠的美好原則，他們也會和我們一樣自在。

Where they have gone, we can follow because they have talked to themselves, we will be able and keen to talk to them.

他們去了哪裡，我們就可以跟隨，因為他們自言自語，我們將能夠並且熱衷於與他們交談。

What they have felt safe exploring in themselves, we will be able to safely unpack around them.

他們在自己身上感到安全的探索，我們將能夠在他們周圍安全地解開。

This gives us guidance as to how to become a more interesting person for others by becoming the best possible travelers inside ourselves.

這為我們提供了指導，告訴我們如何透過成為自己內心最好的旅行者來成為對他人更有趣的人。

We need to open as many doors to our psyches as we can.

我們需要儘可能多地打開心靈之門。

For this will simultaneously surreptitiously let out a signal to others that we will be a safe recipient for all of their smaller, more private, less often mentioned observations and feelings.

因為這會同時暗中向其他人發出一個信號，即我們將成為他們所有較小的、更私密的、不常被提及的觀察和感受的安全接受者。

Other people will have much to say to us once we have had the courage to say a lot to ourselves.

一旦我們有勇氣對自己說很多話，其他人就會對我們說很多話。