Name: 校園槍枝問題有解了？！保護孩童性命交給「這些人」就對了！ (Gun Jokes For Sensitive Crowd)
Uploaded: 2024-02-01T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 4 min 7 s

現在進行式

But good. I'm glad we're laughing at dark stuff.

但很好，我很高興我們能嘲笑黑暗的東西。

to 不定詞

You know, that's the purpose of comedy is to raise levity from the dark topics, you know.

要知道，喜劇的目的就在於從黑暗的話題中喚起歡樂。

情態助動詞 A2

I understand you come here to find a relief and relax and take a break from the world and you should.

你知道，我知道你來這裡是為了尋求解脫，放鬆身心，遠離塵世，你應該這樣做。

說到喜劇，這就是我的座右銘。

You should enjoy this moment right now because you never know when you're gonna die in a mass shooting.

你應該享受現在這一刻，因為你永遠不知道自己什麼時候會死於大規模槍擊。

See, some of you get the point, enjoy this moment now because after this, you're on your own.

你們中的一些人已經明白了，現在就享受這一刻吧，因為這一刻過後，你們就得靠自己了。

I know people are like, "I don't want to talk about gun violence," like, "OK, Republican Senator," you know what I mean?

我知道人們說：「我不想談論槍支暴力」「好的，共和黨參議員」你明白我的意思嗎？

Listen, I wrote a couple of things on it and I understand this might not be for you.

聽著，我在寫了一些東西段子，我知道這可能不適合你。

Literally, my thoughts and prayers go to you.

真的，我的思念和祈禱都與你同在。

Because I do think it is something we need to talk about because listen, right now, homicides and suicides by gun are on the rise and that's a problem.

因為我確實認為這是我們需要討論的事情，因為聽著，現在持槍殺人和自殺事件正在上升，這是一個問題。

They're not as high as they were in their peak, which was in the '90s.

現在已經不像 90 年代的巔峰時期那麼多了。

我們覺得「那是最美好的時代。」

"Maybe they get suicides and homicides, you know, like we leave that part out, but we had the best music."

「也許會有自殺和他殺，你知道，我們不提那部分，但我們有最好的音樂。」

"What. Fucking Tupac, Biggie, Kurt Cobain."

「Tupac、Biggie、寇特·柯本。」(這些名人都死於槍擊）

But listen, like we're all scared and I understand that's why it's hard to address this.

但聽著，我們都很害怕，我明白這就是為什麼很難解決這個問題。

But like the thing we need to realize is like we can't depend on others to keep us safe.

但我們需要意識到的是，我們不能依賴他人來保護我們的安全。

You know, even me as a comedian, I can't keep you guys safe, believe it or not.

要知道，就算我是喜劇演員，也無法保證你們的安全，信不信由你們。

We can't even count on our law enforcement.

是啊，我們連執法部門都指望不上了。

他們花了一個小時去阻止一起槍擊案。

Like we're at the point now we need creative solutions.

我們現在需要有創意的解決方案。

We need somebody who actually will be brave enough to run in and stop an active shooter at a school.

我們需要有人能真正勇敢地衝進學校，阻止一名槍手。

Hear me out, just hear me out, hear me out a little bit.

聽我說，聽我說，聽我說幾句。

We round up all the registered sex offenders in the local area.

我們聚集當地所有登記在冊的性犯罪者。

相信我，有很多，我有查資料。

We round them up and we ask them politely to watch the school.

我們把他們召集起來，禮貌地請他們看管學校。

And yes, this happens to be their favorite thing to do. Ok?

是的，這恰好是他們最喜歡做的事情，對吧？

No, we put a tracking device so they stay a safe distance all the time.

不，我們安裝追蹤裝置，讓他們始終跟學校保持安全距離。

Some of you are still not on board with this.

聽著，隨便你怎麼評價我，好嗎？

But you and I both know, unlike half this fucking country, the pedophiles actually care about the survival of our kids, OK?

但你我都知道，與這個該死的國家的一半人不同，戀童癖們其實很關心我們孩子的生存，好嗎？

So we asked them to watch the school, just eyes and God forbid, God forbid,

所以我們要求他們看著學校，只是用眼睛看，但願不要發生，

there's a shooting, we tell them, "You run, you save the children, you do it for the children."

但如果有槍擊案，我們告訴他們：「你們上，你們要救孩子，你為孩子奉獻。」

And they will, they'll do it, they'll do it because they love the kids more than us.

他們會的，他們會做的，他們會做的，因為他們愛孩子勝過愛我們。

They will run and stop an active shooter and yes, if one of them dies, then we need to agree that God forgives them, OK?

他們會跑去阻止一個槍手，是的，如果他們中有人死了，那麼我們都同意上帝原諒他們了，對嗎？

This is about redemption now. This is some higher stuff, right?

這是關於救贖。這是更高尚的事情了，對吧？

And if they survive, saving the school, then we make them superintendent.

如果他們能拯救學校，我們就任命他們為教育局長。

I haven't really thought that out completely.

I'm just saying the only thing that could stop a bad guy with a gun is a pedophile with a cause, all right?

我只是說，唯一能阻止持槍壞人的，就是一個有目標的戀童癖。

And that's how you turn registered offenders into registered defenders, all right?

這就是如何把登記在冊的性犯罪者變成登記在冊的守衛者，好嗎？

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校園槍枝問題有解了？！保護孩童性命交給「這些人」就對了！ (Gun Jokes For Sensitive Crowd)

literally

stuff

realize

completely