So if you guys don't have any Middle Eastern friends make some tonight because Middle Eastern people always fight over the bill.

如果你們沒有中東朋友，今晚就去交一些吧，因為中東人總是為誰買單吵架。

I know some white people are like, "Well, we do that."

我知道有些白人會說：「我們也會。」

No, you guys fight the other way.

不，你們是因為不一樣的原因吵架。

You're not, you're not hearing me correctly.

你們沒有聽清楚我的意思。

You guys are like, "You pay. I paid last time. It is your turn, dude. Your turn."

你們會說：「你付錢。我上次付了錢。現在輪到你了，兄弟。輪到你了。」

Middle Easterns are like, "Please let me. No, you are not allowed. Your card is no good here. Me, me, me, me, me, please."

中東人會說：「請讓我付。不，你不準付。你的卡在這裡不能用。讓我來。」

Even if they don't wanna pay, they're like, "Me, me, I hate my culture but I have to pay. I don't even like you but I have to pay for you."

即使他們不想付錢，他們也會說：「我來，我討厭我的文化，但我必須付錢。我甚至不喜歡你，但我必須為你付錢。」

That is beautiful.

真很棒。

That's a great tradition.

這是很棒的傳統。

So go out with Middle Eastern people, you'll never pay again. All right?

所以和中東人出去，你永遠不會再付錢了。 好嗎？

My dad taught me that.

這件事是我爸教我的。

My dad loves to fight for the bill and pay.

我爸爸喜歡為誰買單吵架，然後去付錢。

But you know who else likes to do that?

但你知道還有誰喜歡這樣做嗎？

His brother, my uncle.

他的兄弟，我的叔叔。

So when they eat together, somebody gets hurt when the bill comes because they're fighting each other, right?

因此，當他們一起吃飯時，結帳時有人會受傷，因為他們吵架。

They're fighting like, "No, me."

他們會吵說：「不，我來。」

I'm like, "You guys. It's McDonald's. Let me pay, please. We're scaring everybody here."

我說：「你們行行好，這是麥當勞。讓我付吧。我們嚇壞大家了。」

So it gets really competitive because they've been doing this fighting over the bill for six decades. Can you imagine?

所以它變得非常有競爭力，因為他們已經因為誰買單吵了六十年了。 你可以想像嗎？

They have gotten artistic with fighting over the bill.

他們搶帳單已經搶出藝術了。

Like the first time I remember, specifically, as they've gotten older, they're getting even better at it even smarter.

像我記得的一次，特別是當他們年紀越大，越來越厲害，越來越聰明。

The bill didn't even come.

帳單甚至沒有送過來。

My uncle was upset.

我叔叔很沮喪。

He goes, "Where, where is? Excuse me? Where's the bill?"

他說：「在哪？不好意思？帳單在哪？」

She goes, "Oh no, no, no, he paid when he walked in."

服務生說：「喔，他進來的時候就付錢了。」

That is so cool.

這真的很酷。

Just give the credit card when you walk in like, "I don't care what it costs. I'm paying."

走進餐廳的時候直接給信用卡「我不管要花多少錢，我付就對了。」

And my uncle was depressed until the next time they could go out and eat again.

我叔叔很沮喪，直到他們下一次再去聚餐。

He doesn't like to lose.

他不喜歡輸。

The next time we go to eat, the bill doesn't come again.

下次我們去吃飯時，帳單又沒有出現了。

My dad goes, "I was watching you. You didn't pay when we walked in. Where is the bill?"

我爸說：「我一直看著你。我們走進來的時候你沒有付錢。帳單在哪裡？」

My uncle goes, "I called in my credit card number. It's done."

我叔叔說：「我昨天就打電話報我的信用卡好買了。已經買單了。」

That's how you do it.

就是要這樣。

Call it in.

直接打電話。

"413256, yeah. No, I don't care what the price is. Please let me, please."

「413256，對。不，我不在乎價錢。拜託讓我付就對了。」

So this is amazing because the my dad, he was walking around depressed for like the next month because my uncle wasn't around and he'd been beaten and he's just, he was just a very downtrodden man.

這太神奇了，因為我的父親在接下來的一個月裡很沮喪，因為我叔叔不在身邊，他被打敗了，他只是一個非常失意受挫的人。

And the next time we went to eat, finally, I gotta be here, I gotta see what happens.

下次我們終於去吃飯時，我說我必須去，我必須看看會發生什麼。

And sure enough, my dad's sitting there, legs crossed, staring angrily, the way most of you looked at me this entire evening.

果然，我爸爸坐在那裡，雙腿交叉，憤怒地盯著叔叔，就像你們大多數人整個晚上看著我的樣子。

Even though it's my special, "We don't care, make us laugh. It's your job."

儘管這是我的特別節目「我們不在乎，讓我們笑。這是你的工作。」

My dad is sitting there and the bill comes, he forgets to reach for it.

我爸爸坐在那裡，帳單來了，他忘了伸手去拿。

My uncle grabs it, "I beat you two in a row."

我叔叔一把抓住說：「我連勝你兩次。」

My dad just sits there, right?

我爸就坐在那，對嗎？

He just sits there, and my uncle gave the credit card and the lady walked away and then the lady came back.

他只是坐在那裡，我叔叔給了信用卡，那位女士走開了，然後那位女士又回來了。

She looked at my uncle and said, "Sir, your credit card isn't working."

她看著我叔叔說：「先生，你的信用卡不能用了。」

My uncle looked at my dad and goes, "What did you do?"

我叔叔看著我爸爸，問：「你做了什麼？」

Without missing a beat, my dad goes, "I canceled your credit card.

我爸爸毫不猶豫地說：「我取消了你的信用卡。

You beat me twice, but I win third time every time. Thanks God.

你贏了我兩次，但我每次都能在第三次贏回來。 感謝上帝。」