That's my day job.

這是我的日常工作。

Uh, in Seattle.

在西雅圖。

Don't worry about it.

不用擔心。

Your kids are fine.

你的孩子很好。

Teach high school right out of college at 22 years old.

22 歲大學畢業就去高中教書。

Right out of a conservative Christian college.

從一所保守的基督教大學畢業。

They're like, "We're gonna have you teach sex ed."

他們說：「我們要讓你教性教育？」

Because apparently their philosophy was those who can't.

因為很顯然，他們的哲學是「不能」的人適合教。

Are you gonna have the lunch lady teach health class too?

你打算讓午餐阿姨也教健康課嗎？

What's going on here?

這是什麼邏輯？

I teach world history now.

我現在教世界歷史。

I teach world history, which is fun.

我教世界歷史，這很有趣。

I like to teach world history.

我喜歡教世界歷史。

It allows me to teach the kids about things they've never thought of before.

這讓我可以教孩子們一些他們從未想過的事情。

Maybe you've never thought of this.

也許你從未想過這一點：

They didn't call it World War I at the time.

當時他們並沒有稱之為第一次世界大戰叫「第一次世界大戰」。

That would have been super pessimistic.

如果當時那樣取名就太悲觀了。

"Well, there's gonna be a bunch of these things. So, uh, we'll just call this one, one, and we'll see what happens."

「之後還會出現很多戰爭，所以我們就稱這一次戰爭為第一次吧，然後看看會發生什麼。 」

Right?

對吧？

What they call it at the time, nybody know? The Great War. That's right.

當時的叫法有人知道嗎？「最偉大的戰爭」沒錯。

And H.G. Wells, he referred to it as the war to end all wars, which didn't work out very well.

H.G. Wells 將其稱為「終結所有戰爭的戰爭」，但結果並不理想。

Call it World War I at the time would be like, if I would have walked up to you and be like, "Here, I'd like to introduce you to wife number one, gonna be a bunch of these things. So..."

當時如果稱其為「第一次世界大戰」就像是我走到你面前說：「我想把介紹給我的第一號老婆，之後還會有很多老婆，所以...」

I'm not an idiot.

我不是白痴。

I should introduce her as the great wife to be safe.

我應該介紹她為「最偉大的老婆」比較安全。

And now the wife to end our wives, cos I'm not doing it again.

她是「結束所有老婆的老婆」我才不要再結婚了。

Teaching history also allows me to teach about race issues.

教授歷史還能讓我講授種族問題。

And so it's very important in our country right now.

這在我國目前非常重要。

I also recognize not really the right guy to do it, right?

我也認識到自己並不適合做這件事，對嗎？

Like super bald, super white dude.

我是一個超級光頭、超級白的傢伙。

I'm one neck tattoo away from a hate crime right now.

我現在就差一個脖子上的紋身，就能犯下仇恨罪了。

Me and this guy teaching your history class. No way.

我和這個人教你歷史課。不可能。

It's always the wrong people that get on their high horse about race though.

不過，在種族問題上趾高氣揚的總是那些不對的人。

It's always like suburban white soccer moms are like, "Mm, I just don't see color."

郊區的白人足球媽媽們總是說：「我看不到顏色。」

"Oh, that's because you live in Utah."

哦，那是因為你住在猶他州。（猶他州非常白）

"No, I don't see color. I don't even see it."

「嗯，不，我看不到顏色。我都沒看到。」

"Yes, you do. And it's fine that you don't notice color. Just don't judge people based on what you see. It's all."

「你看得到。你沒注意到其他膚色沒有關係，只是不要根據你所看到的來判斷人就行了。」

"No, no, no, no, I'm color blind."

「不不不，我是色盲。」

"No, you're not."

「不，你不是。」

Plus that's not gonna work because you know what you still see when you're color blind? Black and white, right?

你要用這藉口根本行不通，因為你知道當你是色盲時，你還能看到什麼嗎？黑跟白啊，對吧？

Being color blind just makes Asians gray.

色盲只會讓亞洲人變得灰暗。

But you can still tell.

不過，你還是能看分辨出來。

You guys did well with that one. That was fun.

你們對這個反應很好。很好笑。

Yeah.

是啊。

I love my students in appropriate amounts.

我適度地愛我的學生。

Uh, it is important.

這很重要。

You ever met that teachers like, "I love kids."

你見過嗎會說「我超愛小孩子」的老師嗎？

"All right, back off."

你會說「好了，退後。」

Love my students. They have some weird names which can be kind of awkward.

我愛我的學生。他們有一些奇怪的名字，可能會有點尷尬。

Some weird names and parents are giving out some weird names, which is fine. I think that's great.

有些名字很奇怪，家長們也起了一些奇怪的名字，這沒什麼。我覺得這很好。

Give your kid a weird name.

給孩子起個奇怪的名字。

You just can't get mad at me if I can't pronounce or spell your weird name.

如果我不會讀或拼寫你的怪名字，你就不能對我發火。

That's all I think, right?

我想的就是這些，對嗎？

A girl got mad at me recently because I misspelled her name on the board for everyone to see which can be embarrassing.

最近有個女孩對我發火，因為我在黑板上拼錯了她的名字，讓大家都看到了，這讓她很尷尬。

I understand that.

我明白。

But her name was Rose.

但她的名字叫 Rose。

I was like, "I don't, I don't think you can misspell that word, right?"

我當時想：「我不認為你會拼錯這個詞，對吧？」

She goes, "Yeah, it's Roze."

她說：「你拼錯了是，是 Roze。」

"Well, I'm pretty sure your parents were wrong. Looks like when they had you, they made two mistakes."

「我敢肯定你父母錯了。看來他們生你的時候，犯了兩個錯誤。」

Oh, you guys don't do standing ovations for jokes. OK, fine.

哦，你們不為笑話起立鼓掌。好吧。

Another kid, his name was spelled G-a-g-n-o-n.

另一個孩子的名字拼寫是 G-a-g-n-o-n。

Like Gagnon, like, "Hey man, what are you gagging on. Everything good?"

就像 Gagnon，聽起來像是：「你在胡說什麼。一切都好嗎？」

This is kind of a weird name. Whatever.

這個名字有點怪。管它呢。

I call him that all year long until the end of the year, I heard his girlfriend, she goes, "Hey, Gagnon, come here."

一年到頭我都這麼叫他，直到年底，我聽到他女朋友說：「嘿，Gagnon，過來。」

Because it was French.

因為那個名字是法文。

I was like, "Dude, I've been calling you Gagnon for nine months. You didn't say anything."

我當時說：「老兄，我叫你 Gagnon 九個月了。你什麼都沒說。」

He was like, "I just kind of thought you were being a jerk."

他說：「我以為你只是故意很白目。」

"I just thought your parents were weird. I don't know."

「我只是覺得你父母很奇怪。我不知道。」

Nobody cares about spelling anymore. Right?

沒人在乎拼寫了。對嗎？

Because we got spell check and we got auto correct, and that takes care of most things, but not everything.

因為我們有拼寫檢查和自動更正，這就解決了大部分問題，但不是所有問題。

Like if you're like me and you get that red squiggly line under a word and then it gives you 10 options to choose from.

比如你像我一樣，在一個單詞下看到紅色的斜線，然後就會有 10 個選項供你選擇。

You're like, "It's harder now."

你會覺得：「呃，現在更難了。」

Uh, I didn't know the first time.

呃，我第一次不知道。

I'm not gonna know when you give me 10 multiple choice options to choose from. Right?

你給我 10 個多選題讓我選，我就不知道了。對不對？

Just throw something in, Bill Gates.

丟點東西進來，比爾蓋茲。

I don't know.

我不知道。

Like I just got essays back from my students about their future plans; what they wanna do after high school.

就像我剛收到學生們關於未來計劃的作文一樣，關於他們高中畢業後想做什麼。

And a bunch of them were like, "I'm defiantly going to collage."

其中很多人都說：「我一定要上大學。」

You're gonna angrily do arts and crafts for your Joann fabrics future.

你會憤怒地為你的喬安織物的未來做藝術和手工藝。

That's the big paper mache plan, Brad.

這是紙上談兵的大計劃，布拉德。

I can tell there are people in the room right now. They're like, "I don't get it. I don't, I have no idea what he's talking about."

我看得出來有些人聽不懂，他們心想：「我不懂。 我不知道，我不知道他在說什麼。」

No, you're not.

確實，你不懂。

"Definitely going to college, right?"

「肯定要上大學」，對吧？

Like maybe community collage but not like, or like Utah State or something, but not.."

也許像社區大學，但不是像猶他州立大學之類的，但不……”

Don't get upset with me. I just googled the worst college in Utah.

我剛搜索了猶他州最差的大學。

It's not on my faults.

這不是我的錯。

Did I pick the right one?

我講對了嗎？

I don't even know.

我都不知道。