Thank you.

謝謝。

Hell, yeah, he's 10.

是啊，他才 10 歲。

Surprised me too.

驚喜吧我也是。

Yeah, they found me.

是的，他們找到了我，但事情不是你想的那樣。

And it's not what you think. I didn't discover that I had a lost child.

我沒有發現我有一個走失的孩子。

It's just that I hooked up with a beautiful woman who had a pre-started family.

只是，我勾搭上了一個美麗的女人，她有一個未成家的家庭。

So basically I became a stepfather, you know, I just took over the payments.

所以基本上我成了繼父，你知道，我只是接管了付款。

Best part for me is that my new son looks exactly like me.

最讓我高興的是，我的新兒子長得和我一模一樣。

He's fluffy too.

他也很蓬鬆。

10 years old, 162 pounds.

10 歲100 英鎊和 62 英鎊。

Yeah, he's a little damn!

是啊，他是個小混蛋。

And he's the cutest kid.

他是最可愛的孩子

You talk to him, his name is Frankie, like, "Frankie, what do you like to do?"

你和他談談。他叫弗蘭基。 他就像弗蘭基。 你喜歡做什麼？

"I like microwave burritos and PlayStation."

我喜歡微波爐捲餅和遊戲機。

"Me too."

我也是。

Only problem is, he wakes up earl,y five o'clock every morning.

唯一的問題是，他每天早上五點就早早起床，希伯來人。

"Gabriel."

"What?"

什麼？

"I'm hungry."

布里？

"Me too. Make something."

我也是。

And he does.

做一些事情，他就會做。

I can hear him in the kitchen making Hot Pockets, you know, freaking--

我能聽到他在廚房裡做熱口袋，你知道嗎？該死的

And he opens the door and doesn't close it and the whole house's freaking --

他打開門後沒有關門，整個房子都在顫抖。

Oh.

哦。

"Hot Pocket." Delicious!

哦，熱口袋。真好吃 哦。

Oh my God, and he's so cute because right now he's going through puberty and I think it's hysterical.

我的天啊他太可愛了，因為他現在正處於青春期，我覺得這太滑稽了。

His mom doesn't think so.

他媽媽可不這麼認為。

She's like, "No," I go, "Yeah, I caught him checking out a girl."

她說，不，我說，是的，我發現他在勾引一個女孩，你知道是誰嗎？

"How do you know?" "I was looking at her too."

我也在看著她。

She was hot.

她很性感

And I told my girl, I said, "Baby, don't worry if he has any questions, I'll be the man. I'll take care of it because I went through puberty at 10."

我告訴我的女兒，我說，寶貝，如果他有任何問題，別擔心，我會是個男子漢。

And she's like, "Oh, thank you."

我會處理好的，因為我 10 歲就經歷了青春期，她會說，哦，謝謝你。

I said, "Don't worry, I took care of it."

我說，別擔心，我會處理好的，你知道，我 10 歲就經歷了青春期。我明白。

You know, hey, I went through puberty at 10. I understand.

Plus, I had cable, so it was hard core, you know.

另外，我還有有線電視。所以，你知道，這是硬核。

You know, what's the difference now is that now you can program channels not to work.

你知道，現在有什麼區別嗎？現在是不是可以設置頻道不工作了？

You couldn't do that 20 years ago.

這在 20 年前是做不到的。

You couldn't block a kid unless you stayed up.

除非你不睡覺，否則你擋不住一個孩子。

My mom knocked out at 10 and right around 11:45.

我媽媽 10 點就睡了，就在 11 點 45 分左右，

"The following program has not been raided by the Motion Picture Association of America due to its graphic sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised."

「以下節目並未因其露骨色情內容而受到美國電影協會的審查。建議觀眾謹慎觀看。」

I was 10 years old. I lost my mind.

我當時 10 歲。我失去了理智。

I'm sitting on that couch; all of a sudden...

我就坐在了沙發上，突然...

"Are you ready?"

「你準備好了嗎？」

"Uh huh, oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah."

「嗯哼哦耶」「喔耶」

"Oh, yeah. "Yeah."

「喔耶」「耶」

"Are you ready?" "I'm done."

「你準備好了嗎？」「我完事了 」

And you know what's crazy is I know what's happening at my house now because one night I heard "Yeah."

你知道，最瘋狂的是我知道我家裡現在發生了什麼，因為有一天晚上我聽到「耶」。

"What's he doing?" "Becoming a man."

「他在做什麼？」「成為男人。」

And I was curious, I'm like, I wonder what he's watching.

我很好奇，我想知道他在看什麼。

So I started flipping through my channels, trying to find something that would spark interest.

於是我開始翻看我的頻道，試圖找到能引起興趣的東西。

Sure enough, he's watching Cinemax.

果然，他在看 Cinemax。

Uh, and I know that's what he's watching--

我知道他在看這個

The guy is clapping.

那傢伙在鼓掌。

Hell, yeah.

讚喔。

Cochino--yeah, I know.

變態（西語），我知道。

I know that's what he's watching because out of my TV, I'm getting direct sound and then I'm getting like, a little delayed echo down the hall, you know.

我知道他正在看這個節目，因為從我的電視中，我可以聽到直接的聲音，然後我會聽到大廳裡有一點延遲的迴聲，你知道。

So, it's like, "Yeah." "Yeah."

像是「耶」「耶」

"Yeah." "Yeah."

「耶」「耶」

I saw him the next morning. I said, "What were you doing last night?"

所以，我第二天早上看到他，我說：「你昨晚在幹什麼？」

"I was playing Nintendo."

「我在玩任天堂。」

"Yeah, whatever. You're playing.'whee'."

「對拉，最好是，你在玩 whee （歡呼聲）」