Of course, alcohol affects everyone differently.

當然，酒精對每個人的影響是不同的。

But these are some common things that almost everyone has experienced at least once.

但這些都是一些常見的事情，幾乎每個人都至少經歷過一次。

For level one, we have buzzed.

酒醉第一級是興奮期。

The first effects from the alcohol are starting to kick in.

酒精的初步作用開始顯現。

You'll find yourself with a very slight smile on your face and a warm sensation in your stomach.

你會發現自己臉上掛著淡淡的微笑，胃裡有一種溫暖的感覺。

You'll still be able to walk and talk normally, but not for long.

你仍能正常行走和說話，但時間不會太長。

Level two is tipsy.

第二級是微醺期。

At this point, you're starting to feel more euphoric; shame levels are falling and your confidence is rising.

此時，你開始感到更加興奮，羞恥感水準下降，自信心上升。

You're gonna start feeling a lot more talkative and socially lubricated.

你會開始感覺更健談，社交能力更強。

You'll feel a bit more loose like you don't have to think as much when it comes to socializing.

在社交方面，你會感覺更放鬆，不用考慮太多。

You know all that spaghetti that falls out of your pockets when you try to talk to people when you're sober.

你知道，當你清醒時試圖跟女生聊天就會讓自己丟臉的情況。（spaghetti falling out of my pockets 是個隱喻，指男生在他試著給一個可愛的女孩留下深刻印象的受到羞辱。）

Well, it's nice and boxed up in the fridge when you're drunk.

當你喝醉的時候這種情況都不會發生。

No need to worry about dropping all your spaghetti.

不用擔心會讓你的臉丟光光。

Level three is sloshed.

第三級是自制力下降期。

This is when you start to feel more and more disinhibited, you lose your filter.

這時候，你會開始感到越來越無拘無束，失去過濾能力。

See, normally when you're sober, the little person that lives inside your head, kinda double checks everything you're gonna say before you say it.

你看，通常當你清醒的時候，住在你腦袋裡的那個小人會在你說話之前仔細檢查你要說的每一句話，

That way, you don't say anything stupid.

這樣你就不會說一些蠢話了。

Well, when you're drunk, that little dude just stops checking.

當你喝醉的時候，那個小傢伙就會停止檢查。

So you're much more likely to say stupid shit you wouldn't normally say.

所以你更容易說你通常不會說的蠢話。

Another common side effect is you just kind of start to talk in all caps.

另一個常見的副作用是你開始用講話變得很大聲。

Everything you have to say becomes really important and this is the point where you may notice you have to pee a lot.

你要說的每句話都變得非常重要，這時你可能會發現自己頻尿。

Now my friends used to call this breaking the seal as in the first time you pee while you're drinking is when you've broken the seal,

我的朋友常稱之為「打破密封」，就像你在喝酒時第一次小便就是你打破了密封一樣，

and now the floodgates are open and you're gonna have to keep peeing all the time.

現在閘門打開了，你就會一直撒尿了。

But personally, I prefer to drink water with each drink that I have.

但就我個人而言，我更喜歡在每次喝飲料時都喝水。

So I just embrace peeing often because not drinking enough water is probably the biggest factor in getting a bad hangover the next day.

所以我經常小便，因為沒有喝足夠的水可能是第二天宿醉嚴重的最大因素。

Level four, tossed.

第四級，無法控制期。

Bro, yo, bro, please, please, bro. Can I hit the jewel, bro, please?

兄弟，呦，兄弟，求你了，求你了，兄弟。兄弟，我能抽一口嗎，拜託。

Just one hit, dude. Just one hit from the jewel, bro, please.

抽一口就好，兄弟，抽一口就好，拜托。

Yeah, if you consume nicotine, this is when you're gonna turn into Sméagol looking for his precious vape.

如果你是會抽菸的人，這時候你就會變成史麥戈尋找他珍貴的電子煙。

For some reason, alcohol really potentiates the nicotine.

出於某種原因，酒精確實會增強尼古丁的作用。

Also, loss of shirts is a common side effect at this stage.

此外，衣服不見也是此階段常見的副作用。

If you're at a party and you see someone shirtless, they're tossed.

如果你在聚會中看到有人赤裸上身，他們到無法控制的階段了。

Dancing also becomes easier. You don't necessarily get better at dancing but it just gets easier.

跳舞也變得更容易。 你不一定會跳舞變得更好，但只會變得更容易。

Level five, yossed.

第五級，弱智期。

You know the little man that lives inside your head, controlling your meat suit and making sure you don't say anything stupid.

那個住在你腦袋裡，控制著你肉體，確保你不說傻話，的那個小人，

Well, he called in sick today.

他今天請病假了。

You're on your own now.

你現在只能靠自己了。

Speaking of calling in sick, it's time to make some shit up about how you ate some bad Chinese food last night and text your boss.

說到請病假，是時候編造一些你昨晚吃了一些難吃的中國菜的屁話傳你的老闆看了。

When you're this drunk, pretty much every idea becomes a good idea.

當你喝醉的時候，幾乎所有的想法都會變成好主意。

Like that time I thought it'd be a good idea to show off that I can do a back flip on flat ground.

就像那時我以為炫耀我可以在平地上做後空翻是個好主意。

Now, I can land a back flip, but apparently, gravity works differently when you're drunk.

我確實會後空翻，但顯然，當你喝醉時，重力的作用會有所不同。

So I landed on my face, but it was worth it.

所以我用臉著地，但這是值得的。

I probably looked cool as fuck for that first half of that backflip.

那個後空翻的前半段我看起來可能酷斃了。

This is also when you start having momentary lapses in your memory.

這也是你開始出現短暫記憶缺失的時候。

For level six, we have hammered.

第六級是錘鍊期。

Now, every friend group has that one friend who's known as a runner.

每個朋友圈裡都有那麼一個會跑走的朋友。

When they get so drunk and they just decide to run away.

當他們喝得酩酊大醉，他們決定逃跑。

I think when you're drunk, going anywhere feels kind of like a magical adventure.

我覺得當你喝醉的時候，去任何地方都感覺像是一場神奇的冒險。

One of my friends would always get drunk, take his shirt off and just run away and we'd be chasing him like, "Bro, we're drinking at your house, dude," and we'd have to go find him.

我的一個朋友總是喝醉，脫掉衣服然後逃跑，我們會追著他，就像：「兄弟，我們在你家喝酒耶，兄弟」然後我們必須去找他。

If you're at a bar that has a stripper pole on the dance stage, it's time to get down.

如果你在一家酒吧，舞台上有一根脫衣舞鋼管，那麼是時候開嗨起來了。

Sudden urges to steal traffic cones become unbearable.

突然想偷交通錐的衝動變得難以忍受。

What will you do with it?

你打算怎麼做？

Where will you put it?

放在哪裡？

Those are all questions for sober you.

這些問題都是給清醒的你。

And finally level seven, smacked, also known as All right, who peed in my pants.

最後是第七級，頭昏腦脹期，也叫「好吧，誰尿在我褲子裡了」。

This is when you'll get the spins where it feels like the whole room is spinning around and around, which can make you pretty nauseous.

這時你會感到旋轉，感覺整個房間都在旋轉，這會讓你感到噁心。

If you haven't already, this is probably when you're gonna projectile vomit all over the bathroom floor.

如果你還沒吐的話，這時候你可能會把嘔吐物噴得到處都是。

About 60% of drunk people never get their head over the toilet.

大約 60% 的醉酒者從來不會把頭伸到馬桶上。

You also will probably not remember most of what happens after this point.

之後發生的大部分事情你可能也記不得了。

This is when your number one priority should be to drink some water, maybe have a Gatorade or something with electrolytes in it and have a little bit of food before you go to bed.

這時候，你的首要任務應該是喝水，或許喝點佳得樂或其他含有電解質的飲料，並在睡覺前吃一點食物，

And remember, if you're at a party, do not fall asleep with your shoes on.

記住，如果你是在派對上，不要穿著鞋睡著。

It is an unspoken rule that if you pass out with your shoes on, then legally, anyone there is obligated to draw on your face with a permanent marker.

有一條不成文的規定，如果你穿著鞋子醉倒，那麼從法律上講，在場的任何人都有義務用永久性記號筆在你的臉上畫畫。

That's why I always roll through barefoot.

這就是為什麼我總是赤腳。

Speaking of bare feet, one time after a particularly debaucher's party at my friend's house, we woke up to this message in the group chat.

說到赤腳，有一次在朋友家舉辦一場特別放蕩的聚會後，我們在群組中醒來看到了這則訊息。

Apparently someone left their shoes in his fridge and we never figured out whose shoes they were or why they were in the fridge,

顯然有人把鞋子留在了冰箱裡，我們一直不知道它們是誰的鞋子，也不知道它們為什麼放在冰箱裡，

but I can only imagine a couple of drunk buffoons absolutely dying of laughter over putting someone's shoes in the fridge.

但我只能想像幾個喝醉了的小丑因為把別人的鞋子放進冰箱而笑得要死。

And here's a tip that may actually save your life at some point.

這裡有一個技巧，可能會在某些時候真正拯救你的生命。

If you're really drunk, do not fall asleep laying on your back.

如果你真的喝醉了，千萬不要躺著睡著。

Get yourself into recovery position.

讓自己進入恢復姿勢。

That way you don't choke on your own vomit.

這樣無論如何都不會被自己的嘔吐物嗆到。

Anyways, peace out, guys.

就醬了各位。

I got some boys over and it's time for the next butt chug.

我叫了幾個男孩過來，是時候用屁屁喝酒了。

See you.

再見。