Oh, my goodness.

Whoo! Oh, my god, I love you!

(好的！哇哦 是的！ 哇哦 (歡呼聲和掌聲）哦，我的上帝，我愛你！

Oh, my god, whoo! All right, that's a shot!

你好！哦，我的上帝喔！ 好吧，就這麼定了！

Okay, all right, all right. Let's get to it, let's get to it.

好吧，好吧，好吧。讓我們開始吧 讓我們開始吧

Yeah, let me tell you.

是啊，讓我告訴你。

People think I'm mature, they do. People think I'm mature because I'm married, yeah.

人們認為我成熟，他們是這麼認為的。人們認為我成熟是因為我結婚了，是的。

But I would argue that getting married is the child-like thing to do.

但我認為，結婚就是孩子，就像要做的事

Yeah, yeah, because married people, what do they say?

(是啊，是啊，因為結婚了人們，他們怎麼說？

They say things like, " I found my best friend!"

他們會說 "我找到了最好的朋友 "之類的話！

You know, that's very child-like, yeah.

(笑聲）你知道，這很孩子氣、喜歡，是的。

Just everything we own, split it in half!

把我們擁有的所有東西一分為二！

That way, it's half and half.

這樣就各佔一半了。

We get to do everything together all the time!

我們可以一直一起做所有的事情！

That's married people, yeah, very child like, very child like.

那是已婚人士。是啊，非常像孩子，非常像孩子。

Yeah, mean while, if you're single and having to date around, that's very adult.

是啊，同時，如果你是單身，不得不約會這很成人化。

It is, yeah, yeah, because when you're single and having to date around, you have to do things like get to places on time.

是的，是的，因為當你單身，不得不約會時在你的周圍，你必須做一些事情，比如準時到達目的地。 是的

You have to be interesting.

你必須有趣。是的

You have to seem emotionally stable.

你必須看起來情緒穩定。

Especially when you're on like a first date. There's a lot at stake. Do you want to be alone forever? No.

( 笑聲 ) 特別是當你像一個第一次約會 事關重大。 你想孤獨一輩子嗎？ 不

Okay?

好嗎？

Yeah, so if any of you here are single and having to date around, I commend you. I commend you. Yes, yes, give it up for yourselves.

是的，如果你們中有人是單身，需要約會左右，我讚揚你。 我向你們致敬。 是的，是的，你們自己放棄吧。 是的！ 哇哦 OH.

You are way more adult than the married couple.

你們比已婚夫婦更成熟。

Because back to the married couple, what are we saying?

是的，因為回到那對已婚夫婦，我們說什麼？

We're still saying things like, "We're going to be together forever and ever till death do us part!"

我們說的是我們要在一起，弗萊弗和直到死亡將我們分開。

How do we know?

我們怎麼知道？

Because these rings said so.

因為這些戒指是這麼說的。

Very child like, very child like. I am a child. I am a child.

(掌聲）非常像孩子。非常像個孩子。 我是一個孩子 我是一個孩子 是的。 是的。

Because let me tell you, the other day, I did touch tongues with a stranger's dog.

因為讓我告訴你，有一天，我確實摸到了舌頭和陌生人的狗在一起

I did. I did. I did.

我做到了。我做到了。 我做到了。

Listen, this is what happened, okay. I saw a dog being walked by its owner, so I got excited.

聽著，事情是這樣的，我看到有人在遛狗所以我很興奮。

I bent down to pet it and it started licking my face. You know, just.

我彎下腰去撫摸它，它就開始舔我的臉。

And I opened my mouth to talk, so, boom, contact. Tongue to tongue.

我張開嘴想說話，"砰 "的一聲，接觸了。舌頭對舌頭 是的。

And let me tell you, okay, I let it give me a few more. I did.

讓我告訴你，好吧，我讓它又給了我一些。我做到了。 ( 笑聲 ) 我做到了。

Because life is hard, because life is hard, and I was, like, I'm going to get love wherever I can.

因為生活是艱難的。因為生活是艱難的，我想，我要得到愛 只要有可能

Right here will do. Right here will do.

就在這裡就在這裡 是的。

And let me tell you, the owner of the dog, she hated it.

讓我告訴你，狗的主人，她討厭它。

She did not like it at all. She gave an audible. She was, like, "Ewe, are you kidding me?"

(笑聲）她一點也不喜歡。她 "啊 "了一聲。 她說："你開什麼玩笑？

And at that moment of fear, for some reason, I stopped. For some reason, the only thing that came out of my mouth back to her. For some reason, I just said, "Don't worry, I'm married."

出於某種原因，我對她說，別擔心，我已經結婚了。( 笑聲 ) ( 鼓掌聲 ) 和

And, she really didn't like that.

>> 呃，她真的不喜歡這樣。

But here's the thing, okay? I don't do well with feelings of shame or feelings of embarrassment, so anytime someone calls me out, i just go for the jugular.

但事情是這樣的，好吧 -- 我不太喜歡有羞恥感或尷尬感，是以無論何時 有人罵我，我就直奔主題。

Anytime someone says, "Atsuko, why did you do that?" "Atsuko, why did you say that?"

無論何時，都會有人說，篤子，你為什麼要那樣做或那樣說？

I'm always like, "Well, you know, I never wanted to be here anyway."

我走了，反正我也不想來這兒。

I just give up right on you.

我只是對你發表意見。

"Atsuko, why did you do that?" "Atsuko, why did you say that?"

篤子，你為什麼要那樣做、那樣說？

I'm always like, "Well, you know, none of us had a choice, did we?"

我總是說，我們都別無選擇，不是嗎？

And I'm a firm believer in that statement. I really am. I'm a firm believer in that statement.

我堅信這句話。我真的是。 我堅信這句話。

Life, all of us in here, all of you, okay, being birthed is the ultimate... I thought you would like this.

生命，我們在座的所有人，你們所有人，好吧，孕育生命是終極 -- 我想你會喜歡這個。 ( 笑聲 ) ( 鼓掌聲 )

Situation that we were all pushed into, okay.

我們都是被逼無奈的，好吧。

None of us had to say, we all come out crying is what I'm saying.

我們都不用說，我們都哭著出來，這就是我說。

You know why?

你知道為什麼嗎？

Because it's all terrifying, okay, none of us had a say.

因為這一切都太可怕了，好吧，我們都沒有發言權。

It was our mother's idea. She was, like, here's a gift, here's a surprise gift. You live here now.

這是我們母親的主意。她就像在說，這是份禮物，這是個驚喜的電梯。 你現在住在這裡

You live here now! Open your eyes!

你現在住在這裡睜開眼睛

We get pushed out, we start crying.

我們被擠出去，我們開始哭泣。

Oh, my god what is this place?

天哪，這是什麼地方？

Cut to, an adult grown man in the same room sneezing 30 times in a row, achu, achu, achu!

鏡頭切換到，一個成年男子在同一個房間裡打了 30 個噴嚏一連串，阿丘，阿丘，阿丘！

Oh, my god! What's that?

哦，我的上帝！那是什麼？

That's your father. He cannot get it together.

那是你父親那就是你的父親 他無法振作起來。

Seasonal allergies, you will probably get it, too.

( 笑聲 ) 季節性過敏，你會可能也會得到它。

That's how I was pushed out into this earth, to a sneezing father!

( 笑聲 ) 就這樣，我被推到了這個地球上打噴嚏的父親！

Life is frickin' scary, is what I'm saying.

(生活是可怕的，是什麼？我說

So, I'm sorry I made out with your dog.

很抱歉我和你的狗親熱過

I never wanted to be here anyway.

( 笑聲 ) 我 -- 從不想到這裡來無論如何。

Thank you so much, Atsuko Okatsuka, thank you!

(非常感謝，敦子okatsuka 謝謝你！

James! - That was Atsuko Okatsuka.

（歡呼聲和掌聲） >> 詹姆斯：那是篤子OKATSUKA.

She's going nationwide with tickets available at atsuko Okatsuka.com. We'll be back, everybody! That was amazing!

她將前往全國各地，在 Atsuko 售票OKATSUKA.com. 我們會回來的，各位！ 太神奇了