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  • Please give her a warm welcome, the incredibly talented Atsuko Okatsuka, everybody!


  • Oh, my goodness.

  • Whoo! Oh, my god, I love you!

    (好的!哇哦 是的! 哇哦 (歡呼聲和掌聲)哦,我的上帝,我愛你!

  • Oh, my god, whoo! All right, that's a shot!

    你好!哦,我的上帝喔! 好吧,就這麼定了!

  • Okay, all right, all right. Let's get to it, let's get to it.

    好吧,好吧,好吧。讓我們開始吧 讓我們開始吧

  • Yeah, let me tell you.


  • People think I'm mature, they do. People think I'm mature because I'm married, yeah.


  • But I would argue that getting married is the child-like thing to do.


  • Yeah, yeah, because married people, what do they say?


  • They say things like, " I found my best friend!"

    他們會說 "我找到了最好的朋友 "之類的話!

  • You know, that's very child-like, yeah.


  • Just everything we own, split it in half!


  • That way, it's half and half.


  • We get to do everything together all the time!


  • That's married people, yeah, very child like, very child like.


  • Yeah, mean while, if you're single and having to date around, that's very adult.


  • It is, yeah, yeah, because when you're single and having to date around, you have to do things like get to places on time.

    是的,是的,因為當你單身,不得不約會時在你的周圍,你必須做一些事情,比如準時到達目的地。 是的

  • You have to be interesting.


  • You have to seem emotionally stable.


  • Especially when you're on like a first date. There's a lot at stake. Do you want to be alone forever? No.

    ( 笑聲 ) 特別是當你像一個第一次約會 事關重大。 你想孤獨一輩子嗎? 不

  • Okay?


  • Yeah, so if any of you here are single and having to date around, I commend you. I commend you. Yes, yes, give it up for yourselves.

    是的,如果你們中有人是單身,需要約會左右,我讚揚你。 我向你們致敬。 是的,是的,你們自己放棄吧。 是的! 哇哦 OH.

  • You are way more adult than the married couple.


  • Because back to the married couple, what are we saying?


  • We're still saying things like, "We're going to be together forever and ever till death do us part!"


  • How do we know?


  • Because these rings said so.


  • Very child like, very child like. I am a child. I am a child.

    (掌聲)非常像孩子。非常像個孩子。 我是一個孩子 我是一個孩子 是的。 是的。

  • Because let me tell you, the other day, I did touch tongues with a stranger's dog.


  • I did. I did. I did.

    我做到了。我做到了。 我做到了。

  • Listen, this is what happened, okay. I saw a dog being walked by its owner, so I got excited.


  • I bent down to pet it and it started licking my face. You know, just.


  • And I opened my mouth to talk, so, boom, contact. Tongue to tongue.

    我張開嘴想說話,"砰 "的一聲,接觸了。舌頭對舌頭 是的。

  • And let me tell you, okay, I let it give me a few more. I did.

    讓我告訴你,好吧,我讓它又給了我一些。我做到了。 ( 笑聲 ) 我做到了。

  • Because life is hard, because life is hard, and I was, like, I'm going to get love wherever I can.

    因為生活是艱難的。因為生活是艱難的,我想,我要得到愛 只要有可能

  • Right here will do. Right here will do.

    就在這裡就在這裡 是的。

  • And let me tell you, the owner of the dog, she hated it.


  • She did not like it at all. She gave an audible. She was, like, "Ewe, are you kidding me?"

    (笑聲)她一點也不喜歡。她 "啊 "了一聲。 她說:"你開什麼玩笑?

  • And at that moment of fear, for some reason, I stopped. For some reason, the only thing that came out of my mouth back to her. For some reason, I just said, "Don't worry, I'm married."

    出於某種原因,我對她說,別擔心,我已經結婚了。( 笑聲 ) ( 鼓掌聲 ) 和

  • And, she really didn't like that.

    >> 呃,她真的不喜歡這樣。

  • But here's the thing, okay? I don't do well with feelings of shame or feelings of embarrassment, so anytime someone calls me out, i just go for the jugular.

    但事情是這樣的,好吧 -- 我不太喜歡有羞恥感或尷尬感,是以無論何時 有人罵我,我就直奔主題。

  • Anytime someone says, "Atsuko, why did you do that?" "Atsuko, why did you say that?"


  • I'm always like, "Well, you know, I never wanted to be here anyway."


  • I just give up right on you.


  • "Atsuko, why did you do that?" "Atsuko, why did you say that?"


  • I'm always like, "Well, you know, none of us had a choice, did we?"


  • And I'm a firm believer in that statement. I really am. I'm a firm believer in that statement.

    我堅信這句話。我真的是。 我堅信這句話。

  • Life, all of us in here, all of you, okay, being birthed is the ultimate... I thought you would like this.

    生命,我們在座的所有人,你們所有人,好吧,孕育生命是終極 -- 我想你會喜歡這個。 ( 笑聲 ) ( 鼓掌聲 )

  • Situation that we were all pushed into, okay.


  • None of us had to say, we all come out crying is what I'm saying.


  • You know why?


  • Because it's all terrifying, okay, none of us had a say.


  • It was our mother's idea. She was, like, here's a gift, here's a surprise gift. You live here now.

    這是我們母親的主意。她就像在說,這是份禮物,這是個驚喜的電梯。 你現在住在這裡

  • You live here now! Open your eyes!


  • We get pushed out, we start crying.


  • Oh, my god what is this place?


  • Cut to, an adult grown man in the same room sneezing 30 times in a row, achu, achu, achu!

    鏡頭切換到,一個成年男子在同一個房間裡打了 30 個噴嚏一連串,阿丘,阿丘,阿丘!

  • Oh, my god! What's that?


  • That's your father. He cannot get it together.

    那是你父親那就是你的父親 他無法振作起來。

  • Seasonal allergies, you will probably get it, too.

    ( 笑聲 ) 季節性過敏,你會可能也會得到它。

  • That's how I was pushed out into this earth, to a sneezing father!

    ( 笑聲 ) 就這樣,我被推到了這個地球上打噴嚏的父親!

  • Life is frickin' scary, is what I'm saying.


  • So, I'm sorry I made out with your dog.


  • I never wanted to be here anyway.

    ( 笑聲 ) 我 -- 從不想到這裡來無論如何。

  • Thank you so much, Atsuko Okatsuka, thank you!

    (非常感謝,敦子okatsuka 謝謝你!

  • James! - That was Atsuko Okatsuka.

    (歡呼聲和掌聲) >> 詹姆斯:那是篤子OKATSUKA.

  • She's going nationwide with tickets available at atsuko We'll be back, everybody! That was amazing!

    她將前往全國各地,在 Atsuko 售票 我們會回來的,各位! 太神奇了

Please give her a warm welcome, the incredibly talented Atsuko Okatsuka, everybody!


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