I don't know if you remember that or not.

我不知道你們還記不記得。

It was quite popular.

蠻受歡迎的。

Do we have anybody tonight under the age of 30? Any 20-somethings?

今晚這裡有30歲以下的人嗎？ 有20多歲的嗎？

That's still the dumbest group of humans I've ever met in my life.

他們仍然是我一生中見過的最愚蠢的一群人。

You're not dumb academically, I'll get to that.

你們並不是學業上的笨，我之後會講到。

But you are soft emotionally, I can tell you that.

但我可以告訴你，你們的情感很脆弱。

The reason I say that, when I was growing up, our parents let us play in the street, climb trees, and blow stuff up.

我這麼說的原因是，在我成長的過程中，我們的父母讓我們在街上玩耍、爬樹、炸東西。

And you know what happened if you got hurt or maimed?

你知道如果你受傷或致殘會發生什麼事嗎？

You got a new name.

你會得到新的名字。

I had two friends I grew up with, Aimer and Niner.

我有兩個從小一起長大的朋友，Aimer和Niner。

When Amir was six, he was in the garage with his big brothers blowing stuff up.

Amir 六歲的時候，他和他的哥哥們一起在車庫裡炸毀東西。

He lost his right eye.

他失去了他的右眼。

It was closed the rest of his life.

他的下半輩子右眼都是閉著的。

He looked like he was aiming a gun.

她看起來就像拿著槍在瞄準。

That's how he got the name Aimer.

因此才得到 Aimer 這個名字。

He was the aimer.

他是個在瞄準的人。

Everybody called him Aimer.

大家都叫他 Aimer。

I did not know his name was not Aimer.

我不知道原來他的名字不叫 Aimer。

So the first day of third grade, the teacher said, "Ross Thomas."

所以三年級的第一天，老師說：「羅斯·托馬斯。」

We all went, "Ross Thomas, who?"

我們都說：「羅斯·托馬斯，誰啊？」

"Aimer, is your name Ross?"

「Aimer，你叫羅斯嗎？」

We started laughing.

我們開始笑。

That sounded funnier to us than Aimer did.

對我們來說那個名字聽起來比 Aimer 更好笑。

And Aimer says to the teacher, "No, my name's Aimer. My mom is the only one that calls me Ross."

Aimer對老師說：「不，我叫 Aimer。我媽媽是唯一叫我羅斯的人。」

And she goes, "Well, Aimer, how did you get that name?"

她說：「Aimer，你是怎麼得到這個名字的？」

He goes.

他就表演瞄準。

Can you imagine now a kid even pretend to point a gun at a teacher.

你能想像現在一個孩子假裝用槍指著老師嗎？

There'd be a lockdown.

接下來就會封城。

There'd be a helicopter above the school.

直升機會出現在學校上面。

My friend Niner in the fourth grade.

我的朋友 Niner 四年級的時候，

There were four of us who were all out in the woods together.

我們有四個人一起去了森林了。

We're all climbing trees.

我們都在爬樹。

We're all up about 15 feet and he fell.

我們都爬到 15 英尺高，然後他掉下來。

And on the way down, he was trying to grab branches.

在他掉下來的過程中，他試著要抓住一些樹枝。

And by the time he hit the ground, he'd lost most of his ring finger.

當他掉到地面是，他失去了大部分的無名指。

Every time I tell this story, I still picture it.

每次我講到這個故事，都會想像當時的畫面。

It's 55 years ago and still makes me laugh.

已經55年過去了還是會讓我笑。

Because he got up and he's dusting himself off.

因為他站起來， 然後拍掉身上的灰塵，

He's going, "I'm bleeding somewhere. I'm bleeding."

他說：「我某個地方在流血。我在流血。」

"I'm cut. I'm cut. I don't know where-"

「我受傷了。我不知道哪裡受傷——」

And my other friend says, "Look at your hand."

我另一個朋友說：「看看你的手。」

He screamed and he ran home.

她尖叫然後跑回家。

We all climbed down and followed him but none of us thought to look for his finger.

我們都爬下來然後跟著他，但我們沒有人想到要去找他的手指。

About four days later, he's back in class.

四天後他回來上課。

His hand's all heavily bandaged up.

他的手被厚厚地纏起來。

We're learning about decimal points for the first time in our life.

那時候是我們有生以來第一次學習小數點。

He raises his hand and he says, "I have 9.2 fingers."

他舉起手說：「我有 9.2 根手指。」

Called him Niner for the rest of his life.

他的餘生我們都叫他 Niner。

When I was a kid, everybody had a nickname.

當我是還小的時候，大家都有綽號。

Every single kid-- nobody went by their real name.

每一個小孩——沒有人用他們的本名。

And it was given to you by your friends, usually about a body part that was not flattering.

綽號都是朋友取的，通常是關於身體的某個部位，而且不是讚美的那種。

I have friends who are Ponch, Taterhead, Lips, Chin.

我有朋友叫啤酒肚、馬鈴薯頭、嘴唇、下巴。

Lips had big old Pete Davidson lips.

嘴唇有著 Pete Davidson 以前的那種大厚唇。

Chin didn't have one.

下巴沒有下巴。

We originally called him Viola because we knew he'd never play one.

我們原先叫他 Viola 因為他沒辦法拉中提琴。

I had another friend in high school.

高中時有另一個朋友。

He had a short right arm.

她的右手很短。

It was just-- it was fully functional, but it was just-- it was a short kind of short arm on this side, right?

它功能齊全，但就是這一側有一個短的手臂。

So he had a big hand and little hand, we called him Clock.

所以他有大手跟小手，我們叫他時鐘。

Everybody called him Clock.

大家都叫他時鐘。

The teachers called him Clock.

老師也叫他時鐘。

He was Clock.

他就是時鐘。

Clock was awesome, too.

時鐘是個很讚的人。

He was in my second period algebra class and we were supposed to be in our seats every day at 9 o'clock when the bell rang.

他跟我一起上第二堂代數課，我們應該每天九點鐘響鈴時就坐在座位上。

But Clock would always wait out in the hall until that bell rang and he'd burst through the door every morning like this.

但時鐘總是在大廳等著，直到鈴聲響起，然後他每天早上都會​​這樣衝進門。

It was never not funny.

永遠都不會不好笑。

Every single day we waited for that moment and laughed for 10 minutes.

每天我們都等待那一刻，笑了10分鐘。

One day, we're sitting in class, the bell rings, and he doesn't come through the door.

有一天，我們坐在教室裡，上課鐘響了，他沒有進門。

We're like, "Oh, well, that's weird. Where's Clock? Must be absent."

我們說：「哦，這很奇怪。時鐘在哪裡？一定不在。」

Well, he was tardy.

他遲到了。

10 minutes later, he burst through that door.

十分鐘後，他這樣衝進教室。

We laughed until 9:30.

我們笑到 9:30。

And Clock was the best student in class.

時鐘是班上最好的學生。

And he was by far the best student in class.

他是迄今為止班上最好的學生。

And every Friday, we had to race him on problems.

每個星期五，我們都要就問題上與他競賽。

The teacher would put problems up on the board.

老師會把問題寫在黑板上。

We had to compete against him. We called it beat the Clock.

我們必須與他競爭。 我們稱之為「打敗時鐘」。（beat the clock 為固定用法，意思是「爭分奪秒」）

Nobody could beat him.

沒有人可以贏過他。

He had that left hand going like this and the eraser in his shorthand.

他的左手是這樣的，比較短的那隻手拿橡皮擦。

One time in PE class, this is after class, we're in the locker room changing, right?

有一次體育課，這是下課後，我們在更衣室換衣服，對吧？

And we had two new kids in class and they were bullies, and they were bullying Clock.

我們班上有兩個新孩子，他們是校霸，他們霸凌時鐘。

And so Clock's in there and he goes, "I'm going to knock you out with this hand."

於是時鐘就在那裡，他說：「我要用這隻手把你擊倒。」

And then he goes, boo.

然後他出拳。

And knocks-- just spins this kid knocks him out.

然後揍一拳—只是旋轉這孩子就把他擊倒了。

Just boom, hits the ground.

崩，撞到地上。

And then he turns to the other one and goes, "or this one."

然後他轉向另一個人說：「或者用這隻手。」

And we hit that kid.

然後我們揍了那個小孩。

We all hooted and hollered and the teacher came running out of his office.

我們都大喊大叫，老師跑出了他的辦公室。

"What's going on? What's going on?"

「怎麼了？怎麼了？」

We said, "Well, these guys were bullying Clock and he knocked one of them out."

我們說：「這些傢伙欺負時鐘，他把其中一個打倒了。」

And by then, this kid's kind of getting up and the teacher just walks over and goes, "You just got knocked out by a kid with a half arm."

就在那時，這個孩子已經站起來了，老師走了過來，說：「你剛剛被一個斷臂的孩子打倒了。」

"Hope you learned to keep your mouth shut."

「希望你學會閉嘴。」

And that was the end of it.

然後就結束了。

Nobody got sent to the office, nobody got suspended, nobody's parents got called.

沒有人被送到辦公室，沒有人被停學，沒有人的父母被打電話。

Nowadays, Clock would have been the one that got suspended for throwing that first punch.

如今，時鐘可能會因為打出第一拳而被停學。

And then you'd had to bring your parents and get an anger management plan.

然後你必須帶上你的父母並製定一個憤怒情緒管理計劃。

Well, I got angry and I punched that kid, that's the plan.

好我生氣了，我打了那個孩子，這就是計畫。

Can you imagine now calling kids by their afflictions?

你能想像現在的人用孩子的痛苦來稱呼他們嗎？

Hey, here's my buddies, Blinky and Snort.

嘿，這是我的夥伴，Blinky 和 ​​Snort。

Here's my other friend, Orphan. His parents were anti-vaxxers.

這是我的另一個朋友，孤兒。 他的父母是反疫苗者。

Not accurate?

不政確嗎？