They're killing black people outside, they're killing Asians, they're killing white people in movies like Iron Man and I hate that.

他們在外面殺害黑人，他們在殺害亞洲人，他們在電影裡殺害白人，就像《鋼鐵人》一樣，我討厭這一切。

And my cousin's so stupid.

還有，我的表妹太愚蠢了。

She's like, "You know what? Don't worry, Ron, we're safe, we're not Chinese, we're Filipino."

她說：「你知道嗎，別擔心，Ron，我們是安全的，我們不是中國人，我們是菲律賓人。」

I'm like, "Are you crazy? Do you think the racist know the difference between Chinese and Filipino?"

我說：『你瘋了嗎？你以為種族主義者知道中國人和菲律賓人之間的區別嗎？」

Do you know the difference between Chinese and Filipino to a racist? It's a difference between a Honda Civic and a tinted Honda Civic.

你知道嗎，在種族主義者看來，中國人和菲律賓人的區別就像一輛本田Civic和一輛加了色的本田Civic。

One's a little darker but more stylish.

其中一輛略微深一些，但更時尚。

Filipinos we're not even full Asian.

菲律賓人甚至不是完全的亞洲人。

The government didn't know we were, they just put us in an Asian category.

政府並不知道我們是誰，就把我們歸為亞洲人一類。

We're actually a mix.

我們實際上是一個混合體。

We're half Asian and half Latino.

我們一半是亞洲人，一半是拉丁裔。

When my parents came to Canada, they had to fill out a form for the government to choose what race they were.

我父母來到加拿大時，必須填寫表格讓政府選擇他們屬於哪個種族。

They had to checkmark white, Black, Latino, Asian, and Middle Eastern.

他們不得不在白人、黑人、拉丁裔、亞洲人和中東人中做出選擇。

We checkmarked Asian and then Latino, have two lines drawn to one, and then write Filipino.

我們選擇了亞洲人，然後選擇了拉丁裔，用兩條線連接在一起，然後寫上菲律賓人。

Those two are half Asian and half Latino.

這兩個是一半亞洲人，一半是拉丁裔。

See what happened was back in the day in the 1500's, Spain went to the Philippines made love to everybody and then left us.

事實是，1500年代，西班牙人去菲律賓，與每個人都發生了關係，然後離開了我們。

It's like, "Where's your dad? - "On those boats?"

就像，「你爸爸去哪兒了？」 - 「在那些船上。」

"Where are they going?" - "To the Caribbean."

「他們去哪裡？」- 「去加勒比。」

"Why?" - "To make Cubans now."

「為什麼？」 - 「現在去製造古巴人。」

That joke never works in Miami by the way.

順便說一句，這個笑話在邁阿密從來就不靈。

And my parents taught me English.

我的父母還教我英語。

It was kind of weird because they had the Filipino accent.

這有點奇怪，因為他們有菲律賓口音。

So I grew up with an accent, you know, how messed up that was.

所以我是帶著口音長大的，你知道那有多糟糕。

I had a Filipino accent growing up, but I wasn't born in the Philippines.

我從小就有菲律賓口音，但我並不是在菲律賓出生的。

I didn't know how to speak Filipino either.

我也不會說菲律賓語。

I just had a Filipino accent as a kid.

我只是小時候有菲律賓口音。

The teachers like, "So where are you from?"

老師們會問：「你從哪裡來？」

"Canada."

「加拿大。」

"Are you sure?" -"Positive."

「你確定？」- 「確定。」

"You can't speak any Filipino." - "Not at all."

「你不會說菲律賓語？- 「完全不會。」

This kid is a North Korean spy for sure.

這些孩子，肯定是北韓間諜。

I remember the report card read: "Ron has a problem pronouncing his Fs and Ps and Vs and Bs.

我記得成績單上寫著「 羅恩的 F 和 P 以及 V 和 B 的發音有問題。

He pronounces friends as PRIENDS."

他把朋友發音為 PRIENDS。

My dad's like, "Why do you pronounce friends as "PRIENDS"? Who taught that to you? You have a "PREAKING" problem. You know that?"

我爸爸說：「你為什麼要把 PRIENDS 念成 PRIENDS？你有一個嚴重的問題。你知道嗎？」

I'm big for a Filipino, too.

作為菲律賓人，我也是個大塊頭。

My dad's not even 5 ft tall.

我爸爸還不到 5 英尺高。

He keeps looking at me like I'm a monster.

他一直看著我，好像我是個怪物。

"Look how big you are. Look at my creation. Like Prankenstein."

「看看你長這麼大。看看我的創造，就像科學怪人一樣。」

They love seafood.

他們喜歡海鮮。

They love fish.

他們喜歡魚。

Tilapia.

羅非魚ㄡ

Red Snapper.

紅鯛魚。

My dad's favorite fish is called milkfish.

我爸爸最喜歡吃的魚叫牛奶魚。

It's from the Philippines.

它來自菲律賓。

There's a million bones in the fish and he can't get enough of it.

魚裡有無數的骨頭，他怎麼也吃不夠。

Here's my dad every Sunday morning.

這是我爸爸每週日早上。

"Number one fish from the Philippines milkfish. Number one."

「菲律賓第一大魚，牛奶魚第一。」

"Call the doctor."

「給醫生打電話。」

The cats look at him like...

貓咪們看著他的眼神就像...

"Call two doctors."

「打給兩種醫生。」

We have delicacy-- any Filipinos here make some noise?

我們有美食。這裡有菲律賓人嗎，有的話製造一些噪音。

Ok.

好的。

You're not following me out here.

你不能跟著我出去

No, you, no just say you are.

不，你，不，就說你是。

Anyways, make me feel comfortable.

總之，讓我感覺舒服點。

We have delicacies in our community.

我們的社群有美食。

Every culture is a delicacy which means it's gross.

每一種文化都是一種美味，這意味著它很噁心。

That's why they call it a delicacy.

這就是為什麼人們稱它為美味佳餚。

You have to be delicate to the situation.

你必須審時度勢。

That's like having an ugly child.

這就像生了一個醜陋的孩子。

You can't call the child ugly.

你不能說孩子醜。

You have to call it smart.

你得說它聰明。

You know, he's a genius.

你知道，他是個天才。

He'll be fine.

他會沒事的。

Look away.

看別處。

Filipino is this one delicacy called balut.

菲律賓有一種美食叫鴨仔蛋。

Oh, you guys know this?

你們知道嗎？

Do you have Filipinos in your basement? What's going on here?

你的地下室裡有菲律賓人嗎？這是怎麼回事？

If you don't know, it's a duck embryo.

不知道的人，那就是鴨胚。

Relax.

放鬆。

I'm not selling them to you after the show.

我不會在演出結束後賣給你的。

I'll sign your ballot.

我會在你的選票上簽。

To explain the first week is the embryo, the yoke, the fourth week is the bird.

解釋一下，第一週是胚胎、軛，第四週是鳥。

It's right smack dab in the middle.

鴨仔蛋就在正中間。

I don't know why Filipinos eat this.

我不知道菲律賓人為什麼吃這個。

We couldn't wait for the process to end.

我們等不及生長的過程完成就要吃了。

"Can you pull the plug now, I'm hungry over here."

「你能把插頭拔掉嗎，我餓了。」

I saw this in that TV show Fear Factor.

我在電視節目《恐懼因素》中看到過。

Remember that Joe Rogan show?

還記得喬-羅根的節目嗎？

This guy wouldn't eat balut for $50,000.

這傢伙不願意為了 50,000 美元吃鴨仔蛋。

My dad was like, "That's full of crap. I have two in my pocket, right now. 50,000 very easy."

我爸爸就說：「那是胡說八道。我現在口袋裡就放兩個。 50,000 美元很好賺。」

My dad used to sell these baluts to the Filipino community in Toronto back in the eighties.

我父親曾把這些鴨仔蛋賣給多倫多的菲律賓社區。

When I was six years old, I was a prankster.

早在八十年代，我六歲的時候就喜歡惡作劇。

What I would do, take a cook balut come home, bring it to school, put it under a tree, take the balut halfway out to make it look like it fell from the nest.

我會從家裡拿一顆煮熟的鴨仔蛋，帶到學校，放在樹下，把鴨仔蛋取出一半，讓它看起來像是從鳥巢裡掉下來的。

I know I was a messed up kid.

我知道我是個糟糕的孩子。

I went to therapy for this.

為此，我接受了治療。

But anyways, and the kids would gather, "Oh my god."

但無論如何，孩子們幾乎都會聚在一起說：「天阿。」

"There's a baby bird that fell from the tree. That's so sad."

「有一隻小鳥從樹上掉下來了。」「好難過。」

I walk in, "How much did you pay me to eat it?"

我加入說：「你願意給我多少錢讓我吃這個？」

I made 100 dollars at 6 years old. I was a diabolical genius.

我6歲時就賺了100美元。 我是一個惡魔般的天才。

The principal called my dad, "Mr. Josol, your son's eating dead birds falling from trees."

校長打電話給我爸爸說：「喬索爾先生，你兒子正在吃從樹上掉下來的死鳥。」

"Are you stupid? - "No, Dad. That was a scam. I made $100 one balut."

「你是白痴嗎？」- 「不是老爸，這是個騙局。我一個鴨仔蛋就賺了 100美。」

"Okay, I take you, bring it to school, and you can do it again. You're a genius. Look at my creation."

「好，我帶你去學校，你可以再做一次，你真是個天才，看看我的創作。」

Thank you so much for watching.

感謝你的收看。請下載 Dry Bar APP。 使用促銷代碼，Ron Jossel。