And every new idea that comes out of there, they adopt it immediately and I'm a little more conservative.

每有一個新想法，他們都會立即採納，而我則比較保守。

Like the new one is any man that says they're a woman, immediately, you must address them as a woman.

比如新的想法是，任何男人只要說自己是女人，你必須立刻以女性的身份稱呼他們。

And I'm progressive.

我是個比較先進的人。

I'm like, all right, but they should have to pass a test first.

我想，可以，但她們應該先通過考試。

Because women have skills men don't have.

因為女性有男人不會的技能。

You can't just say I'm a woman.

是不是女人不是你自己說的算。

Do something a woman can do, then I'll believe you. Right?

做一些只有女人能做的事，那我就相信你。對不對？

Can you break into my iphone and the time I go to the bathroom and come back to the dinner table?

你能不能在我去上廁所到回來的這段時間內解鎖我的手機？

Just something basic.

這只是一些基礎的。

Can you be totally starving but have no idea what you want to eat?

你能不能餓得前胸貼後背，卻不知道自己想吃什麼？是

Some of you know what I'm talking about.

你們有些人很懂。

Can you turn a compliment into an argument?

你能把讚美變成爭論嗎？

That's what I want to know.

這是我想知道了。

It's like, "Babe, you look beautiful tonight."

像是「寶貝，你今晚看起來很漂亮。」

"So I didn't look beautiful last night."

「所以我昨晚看起來不漂亮嗎？」

You're good.

你真厲害。

You are good.

你很棒。

"You look so photogenic."

「你看起來很上鏡。」

"So I don't look beautiful in real life?"

「所以我在現實生活中並不漂亮？」

Actually, I believe there's so many things women can do better than guys.

事實上，我相信有很多事情女人比男人做得更好。

Women can do things like here's one example that I was at the mall with my nephew, babysitting him.

女人可以做一些事情，比如我和我的侄子一起在商場看孩子。

I'm just walking to the mall and a woman I didn't know pulled up a knee.

我剛走到商場，一個我不認識的女人走過來彎下身子。

She goes, "Is that your son?"

她說：「那是你兒子嗎？」

I go, "No, it's my nephew."

我說：「不是，他是我姪子。」

And she, she without any hesitation, she says, "He is adorable."

她毫不猶豫地說：「他很可愛。」

"What's your name? You are so cute."

「你叫什麼名字？你真可愛。」

"Marcus. When you turn 18, I'm coming back for you. You're a little heartbreaker."

「Marcus，等你滿18歲，我就回來找你。你是個小負心漢。」

"Save him for me. He's so cute."

「把他留給我。她很可愛。」

And she walked away, went back to shopping.

然後她就走了，回去逛街。

I challenge any man in this room.

我向在座的所有男人挑戰。

Any guy, go to the mall, just approach a woman you don't know.

你們任何一位去商場，接近一個你不認識的女人。

"Is that your niece? Can I have a word with her, please?"

「那是你的侄女嗎？我能和她說句話嗎？」

"Wow. When you turn 18, I'm coming back for you."

「哇等你滿18歲，我就回來找你。」

"Save her for me. That's a good one."

「把她留給我。這小女孩真不錯。」

You don't get to walk out of the mall.

你根本無法走出商場。

They escort you out of the mall.

他們戒護你離開。

"I was just talking to kids."

「我只是在和孩子們聊天。」

"That's right. R. Kelly. Tell it to the judge. Tell it to the judge."

「最好是。R. Kelly。去跟法官說吧。」

There's things women could do.

有些事情只有女性可以做。

How about it's Valentine's Day or maybe your girl misses you and she sends you a romantic picture.

今天是情人節，或者是你的女朋友想你了，給你發了一張浪漫的照片。

You're like, whoa, you're excited.

你會覺得，哇，好興奮。

Maybe it's been a long day at work.

也許是一天的工作太累了。

Oh, can't wait to get home. She misses me.

等不及回家了，她想我。

Women can send those romantic pictures.

女性可以發送那些浪漫的照片。

But men, if you send a picture of you laying in the beach, rolling around in the sand, bending over in a speedo.

但是男人們，如果你發一張你躺在沙灘上，在沙子裡打滾，穿著 speedo 彎著腰的照片。

"When are you coming home, babe?"

「你什麼時候回家？寶貝。」

You're not gonna get a positive reaction.

你不會得到正面的反應。

A lot of guys are getting busted for taking those romantic pictures.

很多人因為拍攝浪漫照片而被抓。

Here's what I do.

我是這麼做的。

I turn this show into a TED talk.

我把這個節目變成了一場 TED 演講。

I teach men how to take the best, most seductive picture for the women in this room.

我教男人們如何為在座的女人拍出最美、最誘人的照片。

Here's what you do, guys.

各位，你要做的是。

Go home, get in the closet and put all your clothes on. Your best clothes, don't take anything off.

回到家，鑽進衣櫃，把你們最好的衣服都穿上，什麼都別脫，

Put on your dress shoes, dress socks, dress pants, belt, shirt, tie, suit coat, briefcase.

穿上正裝鞋、正裝襪子、正裝褲、腰帶、襯衫、領帶、西裝外套，公文包。

Make it look like you're going to work.

裝出一副要去工作的樣子，

If you really want to turn her on, let your 401k dangle out of the front of the briefcase.

如果你真的想讓她對你動心，讓你的 401k 放在公文包前面晃。

Just a little tip, just a little tip.

只是一點小提示，只是一點小提示。