Name: 想要談一場「成功」的感情？這 17 個要點你一定要知道！(The 17 Secrets to a Successful Relationship)
Uploaded: 2023-10-15T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 3 min 39 s

It’s often said that no one can ever really say what a good relationship is, let alone draw up a checklist for a prospective one.

人們經常說，沒有人真正能夠說出什麼是一段好的關係，更不用說為未來的關係列一個檢查清單。

1. Pick someone you feel profoundly grateful ever decided to look your way.

1. 選擇一個你感到深感感激的人，曾經決定注視你。

Start from a sense that you are the lucky one, and that they are superior. (the truth is irrelevant)

從你是幸運的一方開始，以及他們是優越的一方。（事實是無關緊要的）

Check out that you have compatible areas of perversion, and little interest being normal in bed.

確認你在變態方面有共同的領域，並對正常的床上行為不太感興趣。

3. Allow yourselves both to admit, from an early stage, that you are mad,

3. 允許你們兩人都在早期承認，你們都有點瘋狂，

heavily distorted by your pasts, unable to understand yourselves, prone to irrational assumptions, and unsteady in your assessments of reality. 

受到過去的扭曲，無法理解自己，傾向於不理性的假設，以及對現實的評估不穩定。

4. Make apology the most regular of occurrences.

4. 讓道歉成為最常見的事情之一。

Say sorry about everything all the time, and reduce the price of an admission to almost zero. 

隨時為任何事情道歉，並將入場費降至幾乎為零。

5. Remove all pride from your character. You were an idiot then, you are an idiot now, you will be an idiot tomorrow.

5. 從你的性格中刪除所有的自尊心。你以前是傻瓜，現在還是傻瓜，明天還會是傻瓜。

There’s simply no other option for a human being. Make jokes. 

對於人類來說，別無其他選擇。開玩笑。

6. Regularly explore how you have disappointed one another.

6. 定期探索彼此如何讓對方失望。

Let them sometimes hate you and you them.

讓他們偶爾討厭你，你也討厭他們。

Don’t be frightened by anger moderately expressed. The enemy of love is stifled emotion, not maturely explored authenticity.

不要害怕適度表達的憤怒。愛情的敵人是被壓抑的情感，而不是成熟探索的真實性。

Listen very carefully when they tell you how they feel. 

當他們告訴你他們的感受時，要非常仔細地聆聽。

7. Never describe them categorically as this or that (insulting trait). Only ever say: I feel you are this or that…

7. 永遠不要將他們明確描述為這樣或那樣（侮辱性特質）。只能說：我覺得你是這樣或那樣...

8. Get good at sensing the fear beneath your angry moods, then express the fear gently rather than acting out the anger. 

8. 學會感知憤怒情緒下的恐懼，然後溫和地表達恐懼，而不是發洩憤怒。

9. Reduce expectations of perfection. It’s going to get horrible at times. 

9. 降低對完美的期望。有時會變得非常糟糕。

Allow for major frustrations. You will want to kill them and they you. Don’t. 

允許存在重大的挫折。你會想殺了他們，他們也會想殺你。不要這樣做。

10. Accept you will have crushes on others. Let them wash over you and, if the mood is right, share them with the partner.

10. 接受你會對其他人有好感。讓這種感覺湧上心頭，如果情境對，與伴侶分享它們。

11. If there are children, recognize that love will suffer hugely. Look forward to properly picking up the baton again in 15 years. 

11. 如果有孩子，認識到愛會受到巨大的影響。期待在15年後再次正確地接過接力棒。

12. Become the sort of person who has no embarrassment about being ‘needy.’

12. 成為那種對'需要'毫不尷尬的人。

Accept the child in you and look after their needs in the relationship. 

接受你內心的孩子，並在關係中照顧他們的需求。

13. Read up about attachment theory, and keep the concepts close at hand. 

13. 閱讀有關依附理論的內容，並將概念牢記心中。

14. Stop being defensive; stop needing to maintain a proud hold on your own dignity. Laugh continually at your foolishness,　and apologize for it. 

14. 停止防禦，停止需要堅守自己尊嚴的驕傲。不斷嘲笑自己的愚蠢，並為之道歉。

15. Accept that they can’t save you from your own disturbances.

15. 接受他們無法拯救你脫離自己的困擾。

Try to be happy in yourself and if you are not, don’t redirect the blame. Observe how often your rocky patches are projected versions of your own life crises. Get a therapist.

16. 嘗試讓自己感到快樂，如果你不快樂，不要把責任歸咎給對方。觀察你的情感困境多次是你自己生活危機的投射版本。去找一個心理治療師。

16. Don’t expect everything from love. 

17. 不要期望從愛情中得到一切。

17. Be very prepared (though reluctant) to leave. Remain always out of choice, never desperation.

18. 做好充分準備（盡管不情願）離開。留下是出於選擇，而不是絕望。