Name: 總是不遺餘力地溫暖別人，唯獨忘了自己嗎？也許你也有「討好型人格」！(How To Stop People Pleasing)
Uploaded: 2023-10-03T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 5 min 39 s

Before we begin, we would like to thank you for the love and support you've given to our channel.

在開始之前，我們要感謝你們對我們頻道的關愛和支持。

Psych2Go's mission is to make psychology and mental health knowledge more accessible to everyone, and you help us a lot along the way.

Psych2Go 的使命是讓每個人都更容易獲得心理學跟心理健康知識，大家一路上幫了我們很多忙。

Merriam-Webster's definition of a people-pleaser is "a person who has an emotional need to please others, often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires."

韋氏辭典對「討好者」的定義是「一個在情感上需要取悅他人的人。」

But if your desire of being liked costs you your needs and wellbeing, maybe it's time to ask yourself why.

但是，如果你渴望得到別人的喜歡，卻是以失去了自己的需求和福祉換來的，也許是時候問問自己為什麼要這樣做了。

Usually, people-pleasing behavior begins during childhood.

通常，討好他人的行為始於童年。

You might've grown up in a codependent parent-child relationship,

你可能在一種相互依賴的親子關係中成長，

where your wellbeing depended on whether or not your parent was happy, or you were the peacekeeper of the house.

你的幸福取決於是否你的父母很開心，或者你是家裡的和事佬。

Both are large responsibilities for a child, and often trigger significant mental and emotional strain.

對於一個孩子來說，這兩種責任都很重大，而且往往會引發巨大的精神和情緒壓力。

When you dedicate a significant portion of yourself to other people's happiness, you abandon your own needs and your authentic self.

當你為他人的幸福投入大量精力時，你就會放棄自己的需求和真實的自我。

However, you are just as important as any other person, and should dedicate the same amount of care and effort towards yourself.

然而，你和其他人一樣重要，並應對自己的關心和努力投入同樣的精力。

Here are a few steps you can take to stop people-pleasing and become more comfortable in putting yourself first.

以下是你可以採取的幾個步驟，以停止取悅他人並更加自如地把自己放在第一位。

Basing your self-worth off of someone else's opinions can harm your self-esteem.

把別人的意見作為自我價值的依據會傷害你的自尊。

This can lead to viewing yourself in a lesser light and can make you prone to bouts of anxiety and depression.

這可能會導致人們對自己的看法大打折扣，會讓你容易焦慮和抑鬱。

When your worth is determined by others, you can lose control of who you are.

當你的價值由他人決定時你會失去對自己的控制。

As a result, learning to validate yourself is a powerful tool to stop people-pleasing.

所以學會自我肯定是停止取悅他人的有力工具。

Take some time to reflect on yourself with interest, curiosity, and respect.

用興趣、好奇心和尊重的態度花一些時間反思自己。

When you learn how to separate what others say about you from what you think, you can have more confidence and draw validation from yourself.

當你學會將他人對你的評價與自己的想法分開時，你就能更有自信，並從自己身上獲得肯定。

Thus, when you have an idea of why you aim to please others, you can validate and meet your own needs.

因此，當你了解為何你追求討好他人時，你可以確認並滿足自己的需求。

In doing so, you're valuing yourself, your opinions, and your existence, and no longer wait for someone else to meet them for you.

這樣做，你就是在珍視自己、你的觀點，以及你的存在，不再等著別人來幫你實現。

Doling out a flat-out rejection can be intimidating.

Maybe you avoid it because you don't want them to feel bad.

也許你逃避是因為不想讓他們感到難過。

But saying no doesn't always mean you'll face a bad outcome.

但是，說 「不 」並不總是意味著你會面臨糟糕的結果。

Sometimes a little bit of authenticity goes a long way.

有時，一點點真實感會讓人受益匪淺。

And more often than not, you will find that the other person will be more than accommodating.

通常情況下，你會發現對方會更加通融。

If you're still afraid to say no, you can offer a compromise.

如果你還不敢說「不」，你可以提出一個折中方案。

If someone invites you to a dinner date but you don't wanna go, you can suggest dinner another time or a coffee date instead.

如果有人邀請你共進晚餐但你不想去，你可以建議下次再吃，或改成咖啡約會。

That way, you can also be in a better mood or state to meet up with that person.

這樣，你也能有更好的心情或狀態去見那個人。

There will be times where you unintentionally agree to something, whether it's because you're not used to saying no or you were put on the spot to decide something.

有時候，你可能會不經意地同意某事，無論是因為你不習慣說不，還是因為你被迫當場做出決定。

If someone asks something of you or wants to meet up, it's okay to tell them, "Let me get back to you."

如果有人向你提出請求或希望與你見面，告訴他們 「我再聯繫你。」是沒有關係的。

So, the next time someone asks you, remind yourself that it's okay to take some time to decide.

所以，下次有人問你，提醒自己，花點時間做決定是沒有問題的。

This phrase allows you to check in with yourself or check with your schedule to make the best choice.

這句話可以讓你自我檢查或查看你的日程安排，以做出最佳選擇。

Having a clear idea, goal, or intention in mind can help you understand what you're saying yes to in your life.

有明確的想法和目標，或心中的意圖可以幫助你理解你在生活中對什麼說「好」。

Take some time out of your week to evaluate or reevaluate your short-term and long-term goals.

抽出一些時間在你的一周中來評估或重新評估你的短期和長期目標。

Questions you could ask yourself could include where do I want to be in five years?

你可以問自己的問題包括：在五年後，我想要去哪裡？

為了達到這個目標，我現在正在做什麼？

Doing so will help you narrow down the scope of things you agree to do and help you say no to things that might not help you move closer to your goals.

這樣做有助於縮小你同意做的事情的範圍，並幫助你對那些可能不會幫助你更接近目標的事情說不。

Number five, remove toxic people from your life.

第五，把有毒的人從你的生活中清除。

But to summarize, a toxic person is someone who does not respect your values and boundaries.

但概括地說，有毒的人是指不尊重你的價值觀和底線的人。

They overlook or overstep their lines, whether it's by asking you for things you're uncomfortable with or that goes against your values, or simply by expecting that you'll make an exception for them.

他們可能忽視或越過界線，不論是向你要求讓你感到不適或違背你的價值觀，還是僅僅期望你為他們破例。

If you have the gall to reject them, they might gaslit you by making you feel bad.

如果你有勇氣拒絕他們，他們可能會試圖讓你感到內疚或迷惑，以使你放棄拒絕。

It's normal to apologize for something when you make a mistake or are in the wrong, but it's also good to stop apologizing for small things and things that you don't have any control over.

當你犯錯或做錯時為某事道歉很正常，但停止為小事以及你無法控制的事情道歉也是件好事 。

Not being ready for your order when the waiter comes or dropping a pencil on the floor doesn't require you to apologize to others.

當服務生來時還沒有準備好點餐，或者掉了一支鉛筆在地板上，這些都不需要向他人道歉。

When you apologize in these situations, you're invalidating your choice and decision to stand up for yourself.

在這些情況下道歉，等於是否定了你為自己所做的選擇和決定。

Instead, take some time and pause before apologizing.

相反，在道歉之前，請花點時間停頓一下。

Before you say sorry, stop and ask yourself, "Have I actually done anything wrong here?"

在說對不起之前，停下來問問自己「我真的做錯了什麼嗎？」

Taking this time to think critically can make sure that you're not undermining yourself too much.

花點時間進行批判性思考可以確保你不會過分貶低自己。

It's a gift to want to be of service and not an inconvenience to others.

想為他人服務是一種天賦而不是給他人帶來不便。

But remember, you're not beholden to other people's demands.

但請記住，你並不受制於他人的要求。

Instead of saying sorry, such as if you're late to a meetup with friends, thank them for being so patient and for waiting for you.

在某些情況下，例如你和朋友約會遲到了，與其道歉，不如感謝他們的耐心等待。

You could also say excuse me, pardon me, or go ahead instead of saying sorry.

在某些情境下，你可以使用 "excuse me"、"pardon me" 或 "go ahead" 來代替說抱歉。

Stop seeking your worth from others and learn to live free of other people's expectations.

停止從他人身上尋求自己的價值並學會擺脫他人的期望而生活。

What's your experience of people-pleasing and what methods do you use to reduce it?

你在取悅他人方面有什麼經驗？你使用什麼方法來減少自己這麼做？

We'd love for you to share your experiences and strategies with each other.

我們希望你能分享你的經驗和方法。

Thank you for watching this video, and if you liked it, please leave us a like and subscribe for more content like this.

感謝你觀看本影片，如果你喜歡，請給我們按讚，並訂閱以獲取更多類似內容。

Thank you so much and we'll see you in the next video.

非常感謝，我們下支影片再見。